If I Were Allowed To Love You

Thirty-Three

The kiss was beautiful. Theo had such soft lips. Soft lips he wanted to kiss again. Soft lips he couldn't stop thinking about. Yet as Lucas stared at his sleeping fiancée, he knew it would be better to forget the kiss ever happened.

But he didn't want to forget it. As much as he loved Melissa, and as much as he wanted to be with her for the rest of his life, he knew he was dealing with temptations. There were lustful feelings for someone other than the woman he promised to be devoted to forever, the person he promised to only ever love. He felt guilty. There only should have been feelings for Melissa, yet there were some for Theo. If he could feel something for Theo, he could feel things for other people as well. It wasn't fair to her.

It was going to kill him, but he knew he needed to take a step back.

Exiting the bedroom, he walked downstairs to the living room. He spotted Theo exit the kitchen to the backyard, and he quickly followed after him. Sliding the door open behind Theo, Theo jumped and spun around to face Lucas.

"Hey."

"Hi. Is Melissa alright?"

"She seems fine. I didn't want to wake her up. She probably just didn't drink enough water. She gets hot flashes otherwise. I should pick her up something with electrolytes."

"We have Gatorade in the fridge."

Lucas nodded curtly.

Theo sat down on a couch beside the fireplace and flipped open a baking magazine. His eyes glanced over to Lucas, who still stood by the couch. He knew what he wanted to talk about, but he wasn't ready to answer his question. He needed to figure out a feasible reason as to why he decided to kiss him. He knew the why, he just needed the lie.

Lucas sat down next to Theo. Though he didn't want to, Theo subtly shifted away from him on the couch. If he were too close, he'd feel the urge to kiss him again, and with Melissa upstairs, able to see the two from the guestroom window, he knew it wasn't the safest option. He wanted to be with his mate, but it wasn't as if he could ask Lucas to be in a secret relationship with him until Melissa was in love with Ryan. It wasn't fair to Lucas or himself. Most importantly, it wasn't fair to Melissa.

"Funny. You wanted to be really close to me in the truck earlier, and now you want to stay away."

Gasping, Theo slapped Lucas's arm with his magazine. "You better be joking right now. Your fiancée is upstairs."

"I know."

"She will be devastated once she knows what I did."

"I was asking for it."

"Do not blame yourself. You are the victim here."

"No. I was thinking about kissing you, too."

Theo stared at him, wide eyed with his heart pounding feverishly in his chest.

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about you for a while," he added. "I've been feeling jealous of Ross and how he has the chance to be your companion. I've been wanting to touch you and feel some sort of contact with you...and I don't know why."

Because we're mates. Theo almost said it. His mouth opened gently, ready to tell the truth, but he didn't. He knew better than to.

"But none of that matters." Lucas sat up straight and made sure he made direct eye contact with Lucas. "I'm having feelings for someone other than my beautiful fiancée, and I wanted you to touch me. I want you to kiss me again. And that's not right. I know your mate rejected you, but you still have someone you are destined to be with. I do, too, and she's sleeping upstairs right now, because she almost passed out. I should be taking care of her, but instead I'm talking to you, because I want to be with someone other than my fiancée."