If I Were Allowed To Love You

Forty-Four

I've updated twice today, so be sure to read Chapter Forty-Three before this one!

Today had to be the day. Melissa was able to see Lucas without crying and ending up depressed and heartbroken. Ryan spent a lovely night with Melissa reading outside. He could tell she was distracted, her mind a million miles away, but he expected it after seeing Lucas again for the first time since the breakup.

That gave him all the more reason to need to tell Melissa the truth. He'd been hiding it from her, lying about what they were. He needed to come clean, allow her subconscious some peace. Who knew what was going on in her head when it came to him, and any craziness she may have secretly been enduring, he needed to put it to rest. He was ready to stop wasting his time not being her partner.

There was going to be a lot to talk about what life would be like if she decided to go back to the circus (especially with the pup he planned to adopt), and what was going to happen with Theo and Lucas returning in a week. He needed to tell her while he still had the chance to be alone with her. Once the two came back, who knew how much alone time they would have to figure out how to begin their relationship.

Knocking on Melissa's bedroom door, he waited for an answer. He knew she could have been in a heavy slumber, so he called out her name as he knocked again. There was still no answer. Knocking as he opened the door, he peeked his head inside and flicked on the lights when he noticed her bed was empty and made. Glancing around the room, he didn't see any of her belongings on the floor or in the open closet. Walking further in, he peeked in the open bathroom and found that to be empty of everything besides the trash can.

Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he dialed Melissa's number as he walked downstairs and into the foyer to look at the driveway. Her car wasn't parked out front. His heart sped up, only halting for a brief moment when Melissa picked up and said, "Hello."

"Hey, Melissa. Where are you?"

"At my father's trailer."

He paused, confused. "Why?"

"I think it's best if I wait here for right now."

"Okay, normally I would support that decision, but it's in such terrible condition. It's moldy and run down. Even you and Lucas couldn't sleep in it for the night and that's why you came to stay with me- Us." He sighed. "Why would you want to stay there now?"

She didn't say anything on the other line. The only indication that proved she was there was her sharp, shallow breathing. She was crying. He knew she was. He panicked. "Melissa?"

"I'm going back to the circus," she stated. "Mike will be picking me up in a few hours, and it really is in my best interest that I go back."

His heart sank. Ryan forgot how soon she would be heading back. He forgot about how fast time was slipping away. It had been almost three months. She was going back, but Lucas would be staying. She must have been grateful for that, no longer seeing him at work to remind her of the man she lost to her best friend. Even if she was moving on, it would be harder if she continued to see him every day at work. Especially when their act revolved around one another.

"Why? What happened?"

"I realized that I'm beginning to fall in love with you, and it's not healthy."

"What?" he whispered, stunned.

"Yeah," she chuckled. "I guess all the time we spent together caused my feelings to evolve for you. It explains why I was moving on from Lucas so fast. I really did have a rebound." She sighed. "Ryan, I grow really attached to the people I make my bonds with. I was upset when I found out Theo was gay, because I wanted to be with him. Sure, we were able to remain really good friends, but it took a long time to move on with how much time we were spending together. But then I wound up heartbroken over Lucas when he wound up being Theo's mate. If I stick around you for a second longer, my feelings will only grow stronger, and it will be harder to move on from you while I'm away. I don't want to go through all this pain again."