If I Were Allowed To Love You

Twenty-Two

Boxes laid out on the floor around Melissa's feet. The sheets were covered in dust, but it was clean underneath. If the linens were washed, she knew it would be a safe place to sleep, but she didn't want to sleep in the trailer.

It was filthy. Did it only become nasty after her father left, or did he let the trailer go after both his girls left him? She hated to think about her father swimming in his own filth. She hated to think about sleeping in his filth while in town. But if she cleaned it out, it would be back to normal. And if the trailer was back to normal, it would be her home again.

After years of being on the road and having her only home be Lucas and everyone else in the circus, she needed something familiar, but the trailer was just as different as everything else in her hometown had been. Nothing was the way it used to be. She didn't even know who her best friend was anymore. And she may have known just who Ryan was, but he was just as foreign to her as he was when she first met him.

She didn't want to go back to the way the world used to be. She was happy, content with how her life turned out, but she needed something familiar to hold onto. She needed something that reminded her of her mom and her father and her friend. The way he used to be. He was a new person. She was a new person. She missed the old and wanted something old to hold onto for the sake of a memory. Something to look back on fondly.

The bedroom door opened, and it wasn't a complete surprise to see Theo walking in. He grimaced at the room before smiling at her and sitting beside her. At least that was one thing she knew was still the same; he would always follow her when she needed someone to keep her from the loneliness.

"What do I have to tell Lucas to get him to stay here in the trailer?"

She chuckled as she pulled a box close to her. "I don't want to stay here. Not if it's going to be like this."

"A mess?"

"No. Well, yes. It's not how home used to be." She pulled out a small book with photos of her mom, father, and herself all in the trailer. "When you come back home after a long time, you expect it to still have the same feel as it did before. I knew it was going to be a little dirty after four years of no one living here, but this is so bad. It's disgusting, and it doesn't feel like home. I thought if we could clean it up...it'd be home again."

Pulling her into his side, Theo leaned his head on top of hers as she rested her head on his shoulder. He understood the feeling she meant. With his brother now the Alpha, the two had to go on trips for a long time to visit other werewolf communities and see how everyone was doing in the guild. Each time he came home, he felt a sense of normalcy. Melissa no longer had the chance to feel that comfort. It was gone, and she thought it was hiding beneath the grime.

"This place isn't home anymore."

Sighing, she agreed. "I was just hoping to get some sense of old comfort while I was here."

"I know one place where you can get it."

^^^

Ryan held the fridge door in place as Lucas screwed the bolts back into the frame, but with how badly it rusted, he didn't think the door would ever repair. "You should put that down before you hurt yourself."

"It's not a bother," Ryan stated as he laid the door flat on the ground.

Lucas quirked an eyebrow. "How? You're a twig."

"So are you," he smirked. "Yet look at what you can do."

Lucas smirked back and leaned against the counter. "That's because I have my ways."

"I'm sure you do." He stood up. "After being in the circus your whole life, you should be talented in your field. What made you decide on being a trapeze artist anyway? Were your parents trapeze artists? Did you want to rebel?"