If I Were Allowed To Love You

Thirty-Nine

Waking up was never an easy task. Before they began to date, Lucas would yank Melissa out of the bed and onto the floor of the RV while singing "Wake up, wake up, sleepy head." It was annoying and tiresome, but it was a routine. Once they began to date, he would pet her hair and cup her cheeks while whispering for her to wake up. After they finally kissed, each morning was met with a good morning kiss that would instantly wake her up and leave her wanting more.

It took a few years, but she was soon able to wake up on her own, happy to feel Lucas's arms around her and his breath tickling the back of her necks. Even on the days when he wasn't holding onto her, she could still wake up just by knowing he was sleeping right next to her or hearing him nearby in the RV's kitchen or shower. When the bed was empty and she couldn't hear him, she always sought him out, excited to spend another day with him. It was difficult to get out of bed during fights and arguments, but the desire to make things better between them always urged her out of bed to talk everything through.

Though there was no fight, merely a graceful breakup, it was hard to get out of bed. Melissa opened her eyes, finding her facing the wall and Lucas's empty side of the bed. He was gone. He was not going to come back. She wouldn't let him come back. Theo was his soulmate, not her. She couldn't be his anymore, and that thought alone made her not want to leave the bed.

Ryan knocked on the bedroom door, creeping it open slightly. All night long he worried about her, worrying over how she would deal with the breakup the next day. He knew she wasn't going to be any better. She was in love with him, and after her talk the prior day, it seemed as though the truth finally sunk in and made her more depressed. He hated to see her that way.

What was he supposed to do to make her feel better? He couldn't tell her that they were mates just yet, but everything he could think of to make her feel better involved a lot of holding and sweet kisses. He couldn't do that her yet. Soon, but not yet.

When she glanced over her shoulder to look at him, his heart sank the moment she rolled back over to continue staring at the empty bed spot. "How'd you sleep?"

"Not great," she mumbled. "But not bad, either."

"It's hard to sleep for the first couple days. But it gets better."

She officially rolled over in the bed and stared up at him in a sleepy daze. "You went through this, too." She cuddled into herself. "How did you make it through it?"

"I spent a lot of time with Theo. My friends from work really helped me out." He felt bad for bringing up Theo right away, but he knew she would know the truth anyway. He didn't want her to think of him as someone who would walk on eggshells around her, because that wasn't what he needed then, and it wasn't what she needed now. He would be careful around her, but not oblivious.

"Theo was my best friend. So was Lucas when I first joined the circus. All of my friends are away for the break, and I won't see them for a while," she sighed.

"You have me," he said, smiling shyly. "I don't know if I'm going to help remind you of Theo and Lucas or anything, but I'm still going to be here for you."

"I know."

Just two simple words, but they meant a lot to Ryan. She knew he was there for her. She considered him a friend. "Whatever you need from me, I'm here for you, okay?"

"I'll be fine. I just need a minute."

"Do you want me to get started on some breakfast?"

"Don't you need to head into work today?"

"I took the day off. You need me here more. They can handle me not being there for one day."

He really was going to be there for her. He'd gone through the heartache, and he wanted to help her heart mend. She knew she was going to be able to make it through the rough patches because of him, so she had no issue with flipping the duvet cover over on Lucas's side and nodding her towards the bed. "Come hold me."