𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐀 𝐁𝐢𝐠 𝐁𝐚𝐝 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 (𝑾𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒀𝒐𝒖)

Chapter Five: Panic At The Disco

"Yes Raven. Yes I'm ok about it. I'm ok. Seriously. Rae just stop, I'll see you tonight!" I hand up my phone as I look in my closet for what to wear tonight, Raven had been calling me ever since school ended 5 hours ago and I ignored her. I was mad, I had the right to be, she had fucking known Lexa was there and never fucking told me,she was fucking Lexa behind my back, she never told me who it was and now she's dating the fucking girl who I've missed since childhood, it broke my trust with her and I didn't know how to feel about it so when I had enough I finally answered the phone only to be bombarded by Raven with apologies upon apologies upon bla bla bla, god, I love the girl, I do, she's my sister, but fuck could she give someone a headache.

I throw my phone behind me onto the bed (Or somewhere moderately near it since I heard a thump on the floor), right now I really couldn't care, it's 8:42 and the party starts in less then an hour, I've already had drinks from the last party I held and bought some more as well as child proofing (More like horny, drunk teenager/young adult proofing) my entire house, all the bedroom doors locked and the the stairway to the wine cellar that I used as a chill space locked up and the ladder to the attic safely tucked away so hopefully no one will be jumping off my roof into the back pool again only to realise their still on their period, no offence to the girl, periods are a part of life, but come on girl, get you ass into gear and not put blood in my fucking pool!

Rummaging through my cupboard I find a low cut peach lace dress with off shoulder flare sleeves, lace up open toe black strap stilettos with a black lace up chocker with my hair down in its natural waves, I apply minimum make up just as the doorbell rings announcing the first partygoers.

An hour later and my house and back yard is packed, so far there's no blood in my pool and I'm determined to keep it that way. Out of my actual friend group Monty and Jasper arrived with their home brewed moonshine that will keep you spinning for days, Bellamy brought a girl called Echo, Octavia was glued to my side looking for any cute boys, Murphy was off drinking somewhere with some guy called Roan and Raven was no where to be seen, she'd said she'll be late so we didn't worry.

"So, what do you think about this Lexa chic?" Octavia asks as we get another drink, the whole time a drink had been in my hand as well as Octavia's, I shrug as I lean against the kitchen counter, music blaring from the living room.

"I donno, never met her, she's your captain, shouldn't you know?" I ask her a little too rudely but my friends are used to my attitude and Octavia brushes it off.

"She's hot, I mean in not bi or anything but I can admire a woman's body and, damn does that girl have one good body. She's also super fucking noice to us, yea at first she was stand-offish but she came around and really helps us" Octavia informs me absently as she scours the crows, something catches her eye because she stands straight and before I can ask what's up Raven comes striding into the kitchen pulling a girl by the arm, 2 others follow in behind.

"Guys, this is Lexa Woods, Anya Woods and Lincoln Woods" she introduces us, Octavia starts to chatter away with them and introduce herself but her words fall deaf to my ears, my body tense and timid as I sink into myself like some kind of caged animal, they where here, it's what I've wanted for 12 years....But it's not the same, doubts spiral through my mind as tears spring to my eyes.

"And this is Clarke!" Octavia says enthusiastically as she moves aside from infront of me so they could see me, Lexa, Anya and Lincoln's eyes bulge and water when they spot me, looking me up and down as if to make sure I'm real and they eye my showing scars, I feel my heart thundering in my chest and it's about the only thing I can hear, my stomach twisting itself into knots as my palms sweat, tears sparking my eyes as my throat tightens, suffocating itself.

"Clarke...."Lexa whispers, her tongue rolling off the 'K', it sends an unexpected shudder through my spine, my eyes wide and blurry as I try to look for an escape route, I can feel a panic attack coming on and I couldn't have one here, not infront of them....not infront of her, I know it's stupid, she was my best friend but I didn't want her to see me like this the first time we meet again, the thought of having a panic attack caused by her seems so irrational it infuriates me.

Raven seems to realise this and she quickly comes towards me, "Octavia, she's going to have a panic attack get me water, now!" Raven ordered as she caught me just as I fell, the glass shattering into a hundred pieces on the floor spilling its contents, the world disfigured around me as if I where looking through a blurry fish-eye lens as my lunges struggle to take in oxygen, my moth dries up as my stomach twists into itself, all noise falling deaf to my ears as I squeeze my eyes shut and my body quakes, I wanted to get out of here, I needed to.

My lunges start to burn as I try to get up, my body moving on its own accord as I stand and stumble away, Raven is there straight away as I lean against the kitchen counter, sobs rack my already drained body making my chest hurt when the sobs become too much that I can't take in any oxygen, I can feel rather then hear when Raven starts to panic about my breathing, its never usually this bad, I feel her pour water on me which usually helps calm me down but I clam up and flinch as I let out a pained cry when I feel it sting my arm, the glass must have cut me when I fell down and the water just ran through it, my legs feel like jelly as they give out, I can hear others cry around me as I fall to the ground, the world starts to fade away around me as I gape for oxygen to fill my lunges before my eyes drift close and I'm descended into darkness.

So much for a good night....