I move my tongue around in my mouth as I regain consciousness, my dry throat bobbing as my tussles twitch.
"Clarke?" I hear a cracking voice close to me, I try but fail to open my eyes, too exhausted to do anything, it felt like all of my limbs where dead, so instead I groan, "Clarke!" I hear the voice say happily, I recognise it as Raven's, "Clarkey, Lincs gonna pick you up and take you to bed ok? The party's over, we made everyone go home, you've been out for 12 minutes" Raven informs me of what's happening, feeding me the information my senses could not.
I feel strong arms enclose around me and I find it hard to believe this is Little Boo, the nickname I had for Lincoln when we where kids, he's grown up to be a strong and gentle man just like I'd expected him to be.
"Hey Hummingbird" Lincoln whispers into my hair as I feel him go up the stairs, all I could do was hum back, by energy was completely drained, I could hear people crying somewhere and I guessed it to be my friends, obviously scared from seeing me have such an awful attack.
The next time I wake I'm wrapped up in my blankets on my queen sized bed, the sun shining through a gap in the curtains shines on my face, I groan annoyed and roll away, I feel a body next to me and me being my usual sleepy self, cuddled against them, I was a really cuddly person when I woke up, I was like a kid.
I hear the person let out a throaty chuckle, it vibrates through their chest where my head lay, fingers start to fiddle with my hair as I snuggle closer, liking the smell of them, they smelled like wildflowers, pine and fresh mowed grass, a strange combination but somehow it worked.
After half an hour I finally come to my senses that I'm hugging someone I don't know, I groggily lean up on my elbow as I used a balled up fist to wipe away the sleep from my eyes, I straight away knew it wasn't Raven or Octavia when I heard no 'awe' like they usually did when they saw me do it, I really was such a baby when I woke up.
I blink repeatedly at the person, piercing green eyes meet my own, my blue eyes widen as my body freezes.
"L-Lexa...?" I croak shakily, Lexa smiles softly at me with a nod, my hand slowly comes to her cheek as my lip trembles, tears glistening my eyes, "Your really here...." I whisper as I wipe my thumb softly over her cheek, she looks so different then when we where younger, her lips where a peachy colour and where more full, her eyes a brighter green with golden flecks and her hair long and wavy but somewhat tamed unlike when we where kids.
"Hello my little Hummingbird" Lexa whispers back, my heart swells when I hear her voice as I let out a disbelieving laugh as I bring her into a bone crushing hug, she holds she just as tight with her head buried in the crook of my neck, happy tears escape my eyes and for the first time in 12 years I feel complete, like maybe I can be ok, maybe I can get through this.
"Lex" I cry happily, holding her impossibly closer, I feel Lexa's big smile against my neck, matching my own huge grin plastered on my face.
We finally seperate and just look at each other until I realise I'm in bed with my best friends girlfriend who happens to be my childhood best friend, my smile fades as my chest burns, I jump out if bed and walk away from her, head down and go to the window, sadness taking over my heart.
Lexa leans on her elbow in the bed looking at me curiously.
"A year..." I whisper, "I could have been with you for a year......" I sob, Lexa gets out of bed and approaches me slowly, I shake my head and back away, "Don't Lex..." I wasn't in the right mental state to be touched, to be shown care or to be shown live because I deserved none of it.
Lexa freezes, a sad look on her face, "Clarke? What's happened?" She asks worriedly, I shake my head and set my jaw, building my walls up, I won't let myself get hurt again, I won't survive it this time.
"Nothing, don't worry about it" I reply coldly as I walk to the door, Lexa behind me as we walk down the stairs, voices come from the kitchen and the smell of pancakes floats to my nose, I sigh knowing it's Raven's cooking, the girl was a horrible cook but make a mean stack of pancakes.
"Hey Clarkey" Raven greeted my like it's any normal day, she knew I wasn't a feelings person but I could see the worry evident in her eyes from where she was at the stove.
"Hey Rae, hey Anya, hey Linc" I greet them as I go and get juice out if the fridge, I feel their stares on my back.
"Uhhh, hey?" Anya says confused I didn't hug her like I used to each time when we where kids, Lincoln has the same expression on his face when I turn.
"Don't worry Clarke, I changed you into that yesterday" Raven points at me, bringing me out of my thoughts, I look down at my clothing and realise I'm in a baggy shirt that used to be Murphy's and baggy pants.
I shrug not actually caring as I sit at the kitchen island as Raven places some pancakes infront of me as well as my antidepressant pills that I have to take everyday, the others watching our interactions carefully.
"Oh hey, by the way, Niylah said to call her, shes worried, everyone is" Raven told me a few minutes later when we're all eating in silence, I nod and stand up, puting my dishes in the sink, "Where are ya goin Princess?" She asks me as I walk out.
"Niylah's. I won't be home for dinner so don't wait up!" I call as I walk up the stairs, I hear Raven give out a loud sigh, this was definitely not the reaction she thought I would have had with Lexa's return.
An hour later I'm in Niylah's bed forgetting all about a certain green eyed girl I had no claim over and why seeing her with Raven makes me so jealous even though I didn't even know her anymore.
YOU ARE READING
𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐀 𝐁𝐢𝐠 𝐁𝐚𝐝 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 (𝑾𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒀𝒐𝒖)
FanfictionClarke Arklynn Praimheda was thrust into a world of pain and loneliness since the second she was cut from her dead mothers womb 2 months early, her first breaths of air where provided from a plastic mask and her small body was only cradled in an inc...
