I let out a sigh as Niylah's hand runs up and down my arm, my back pressed against her front, we hung out all day just chatting and eating and we even went shopping before we fell into bed together, I usually didn't do this with my one night stands, I'd never take them anywhere and I'd never stay after sex but I couldn't go home in fear that Lexa and the others would be there.
I mean yes of course I want to spend time with them but that's what scares me, I had built my walls so high I was too scared of what could happen if I brought them down. I had changed in these years, we all had, and I know they won't like the person I've become, I'm no longer they're little hummingbird, I'm no longer the girl who would cry when things go bump in the night, I no longer run to anyone for a hug, I'm independent now and that how it has to be so I won't be hurt again.
"What are you thinking about?" Niylah asks as she wraps her arm around my waist, I huff silently.
"You know this is only a one time thing" I tell her, Niylah let's me go and sits up, I sit up beside her as I cover my chest with the blanket.
"I know Clarke" she rolls her eyes, "But I was hoping we could hangout more, as friends I mean" she asks me, I think quietly, I'd never really been friends with my one night stands, I fucked em then fucked em off.
I sigh with a Shug, what's the worst that could happen, "Sure, whatever" I say not actually caring what she wanted, Niylah smiled and noded, I stayed with her the rest of the night.
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"RAVEN, IM HOME!" I yelled as I walked through the door of my house, Raven has lived with me since we came to uni, when I left for Australia she had the house to herself but now we both own it.
"IN THE LOUNGE!" a yell echos through the house as I pull off my shoes, I go to the kitchen and grab a can of beer before I walk into the lounge and see Raven on the couch infront if the tv, she sighs and pats the spot beside her, cautiously I take it.
"Where have you been?" She asks me as I sit down beside her, I open my can with a hiss and take a sip.
"You know where I've been Raven. Not stop playing dumb, what is it?" I ask wanting her to cut to the chase, she sighs and nods knowing I'm not a dumbass and didn't need to be treated like glass.
"Your panic attack" she started, I groan and stand up but she catches my wrist, "No Clarkey, I've never seen you have a fucking panic attack like that and ever since they've been back you've been even more closed off and it's only been a few hours" she pulls me back down and wraps her arm around my shoulder, "Talk to me Clarkey, you can trust me" and just like that anger replaces me.
I stand up and look towards her, "I CAN FUCKING TRUST YOU!?! LIKE HELL I CAN, YOU'VE KNOWN MY BEST FRIENDS, MY FAMILY, WHERE HERE FOR A FUCKING YEAR AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME!!" I loose it at her, I know I shouldn't, I know I'm a bitch, but as this moment I couldn't care less
"ALL THIS TIME YOU KNEW, YOU FUCKING KNEW AND YOU DIDNT TELL ME. NOT TO MENTION YOUR SLEEPING WITH LEXA, SO NOT ONLY DID YOU KNOW THEY WHERE AND AND NEVER TOLD ME, YOU BEFRENDED THEM AND IS FUCKING ONE OF THEM!!" I yell a her, before I could say anymore Raven stands.
"IM NOT WITH LEXA!" she tells at me desperately, I pause confused and she takes that to explain," Clarkey I'm not with Lexa, I'm dating Anya, she thought it would be funny if she thought I was dating your best friend, clearly that backfired" Raven rubs her temples.
I frown as I take a deep breath and run a hand through my knotted blond hair, Raven wasn't with Lexa and for some reason that made it easier for me to breathe, although she was with Anya and she knew they where here for an entire year and never told me, I shake my head.
"You still didn't tell me they where here, you didn't even give me a hint, you just went and fucked Anya and never bothered to tell me they where fucking here" I say in a surprisingly calm tone, Raven's shoulders drop as she looks to the floor.
"I know...I know but I was scared. I was scared it would set you back and you would relapse again. I didn't want you to feel pressured in into coming back, the trip to Australia was to feel closer to your moms and know the nurses that took care of you, we didn't want to ruin that. Lexa and the others agreed and said they'd sort it out once you got back" Raven tries to explain, I huff and sit down on the couch again with my head in my hands.
It made sense, of course it did, Raven would never do anything to hurt me, she was only letting me take my time in Australia in hopes it would bring me some peace, and the whole dating Lexa thing was a lie, yes, but I knew how Anya could be and she only meant it as a joke, besides that part was none of my business anyway.
I sigh, I was a real bitch, I was and I could hold grudges with a passion, but when it came to Raven it was impossible for me to stay mad at her, the longest time I'd stayed mad at her was for 8 hours and by the end of it I fell asleep in her arms anyway.
"Ok...Ok...." I sigh, Raven flops onto the couch beside me and pulls me in for a side hug, she knew I wasn't one to say sorry but she also knew that when I let her hug me after being mad that's any way of apologizing and accepted it.
We seperate after a few minutes, "How about we watch a movie and get take out?" Raven asks.
"Chinese?" I ask, Raven nods with a smile, "I'll order, you set up the movie" we both agree and get to it.
3 hours later we're both asleep on the couch at 1 in the afternoon.
YOU ARE READING
𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐀 𝐁𝐢𝐠 𝐁𝐚𝐝 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 (𝑾𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒀𝒐𝒖)
FanfictionClarke Arklynn Praimheda was thrust into a world of pain and loneliness since the second she was cut from her dead mothers womb 2 months early, her first breaths of air where provided from a plastic mask and her small body was only cradled in an inc...
