Warnings: Mentions of death and suicide, swears, general angst, and some fluff. So basically the usual.
She doesn't remember how she ended up here. One minute her world came crashing down in front of her, and the next she suddenly found herself kneeling down in front of the violent waves of the ocean. And if that wasn't enough, rain pelted down on her, mixing with the salty tears rolling down her face and making the thin material of her t-shirt cling to her small, shaking body.
She didn't know how long it had been, but she was just so mesmerized by the waves crashing into each other, fighting each other for dominance, that she just couldn't get herself to look away. The usually calm water was frigid and icy, drowning anything that dared to enter its embrace. It called out to her, asked her to step into its arms with the promise of helping her forget, help to take the pain away. It was so tempting, to just let the waves take her and soothe her for a little, just until the pain subsides. But even in this state she knew that if she let the waves take her, they would never return her back, and as much as she was hurting and desperately wanted the pain to go away, she was by no means suicidal.
She didn't really realize she made her way home, until she found herself standing on her doormat dripping wet. Because she had run out so suddenly, she didn't have any of her things on her, so she had to knock on her door and hope to god that her roommate was home to let her in. Her head hung low as she knocked, and suddenly when she couldn't feel the door there anymore, she looked up to see the confused face of her best friend. "Hey Y/N/N, are you ok? What happened?" Forcing the best smile she could muster up, Y/N looked up at Lily. "I'm fine, I was just caught in the rain and I forgot my keys so..." She said trying to keep a smile on her face, even though it probably ended up looking like a grimace. "Oh ok, do you want me to make you something warm? You're shivering sweetie." Lily asked her friend with concern. Deep down, Lily knew that something else happened, besides just the rain, but she didn't want to push her to talk. She knew when her best friend was ready, she would come and talk to Lily herself. "No, I'm ok, I think I'm just going to take a warm shower to warm myself up."
Locking her bedroom door behind her, Y/N did enter her bathroom with the intention of taking a hot shower, but somehow she found herself curled up on the bathroom floor. She was truly and utterly exhausted, and as she was rocking herself back and fourth, her world slowly turned to black.
The sound of a harsh banging woke her up quickly, but she was still too physically and emotionally tired to get up and see what the commotion was about. She had almost fallen back asleep, when she heard a loud crash, followed by someone shouting her name. She peaked her head up a little bit and reached out at the sound of Tom's voice, but she still couldn't get herself off of the bathroom floor. "I thought something was wrong when she came in, but I-I just didn't want to pry. I assumed you two got into a fight or something, but Tom when her mom called and told me..." Without even being able to see her, Y/N knew Lily was beating herself up for not immediately knowing what was wrong with her, even if no one could have possibly predicted what had happened. She certainly hadn't. "Where is she?" She heard Tom ask sounding extremely panicked. She desperately wanted to get up and unlock the bathroom door or at least let them know where she was, but she just couldn't get her body to move for the life of her. She tried calling out to them, but all she could manage to get out was a little, almost inhuman noise. Luckily they had heard her, and quickly started banging on the bathroom door. "Y/N, baby, just let me in please." She heard Tom cry out. They kept banging, but she couldn't do much except shiver and try to control the tears that were rapidly rolling down her face again.
"She wouldn't...would she?" She almost didn't hear Lily ask it, but as soon as it came out of her mouth, Y/N just wanted to scream. Scream and tell them that she isn't suicidal, never was, she just wanted him back. "Don't even say it. She would never." Tom growled. "You know what, fuck this, if I broke down one door, I can break down another." And after a couple of more bangs, Tom and Lily barged in and simultaneously swore when they found her on the floor with just a bath robe on, curled up and shivering uncontrollably. Tom immediately got down to Y/N's level, and gently pushed her hair out of her eyes so that she could look up at him. The look in her eyes when his eyes met hers, was almost enough to break him, but he knew he had to pull himself together for Y/N's sake.
"Darling you're freezing, let's get you in some clothes ok?" Tom asked her, as he carefully picked her up and walked her to her bed. Lily quickly rushed out to grab her some sweats and hoodie. After being dressed by the two in more layers than she could have counted, Tom situated her under a couple of blankets to really make sure she was warm. She immediately curled up into her side, and started quietly sobbing again. When Tom made an effort to get off of the bed and walk away, Y/N immediately held on to his arm and tugged on him as best as she could. "I'll be right back love, I promise." He said, leaving a feather like kiss on her forehead, before walking out and meeting Lilly in the hallway outside of her room. Y/N tried her best to hear what they were talking about, but all she could hear were harsh whispers and her name being said in between them.
Tom came back in shortly after, and made sure to close the door behind him. He slowly made his way to his girlfriend, just in case she was asleep, but unfortunately, there was no way sleep was going to come to her right now. After he got in beside her, she took a deep breath in before turning around to face him. One look at his face and she started crying again, before she crawled over to him and stuck herself onto him like a koala.
After what seemed like hours of Y/N crying and Tom trying to soothe her the best he could, she finally calmed down enough to stare out into space numbly. "I'm sorry, I know you had a meeting today." She whispered quietly, sounding almost embarrassed. She knew that she was hurting right now, but that didn't mean Tom had to drop everything just so she could drag him into her mess. "Y/N/N, you know I don't care about that. Don't even think for a second that work or anything else can keep me away from you. Especially when you need me." Tom said firmly, making sure she understood his words so that the thoughts he knew were swimming around in her head would stop. Y/N just slowly nodded her head, before scooting closer to Tom, if that were even possible. Putting her head into the crook of his neck, she slowly started playing with his curls, an action that calmed her more than it did him.
"D-Do you want to talk about it?" Tom asked unsurely, not wanting to make her feel like he was pressuring her to. She shook her head to indicate no, she did not want to talk about it, before realizing that if anyone were to help her soothe the pain that was drowning her, it was the man next to her. She slowly got up off of him, and sat next to him with her legs crossed. Fiddling with her hands in her lap, she tried to think of a way to word the thoughts swarming her head. Tom immediately got up and wrapped a comforting arm around her. Talking a deep breath in, she was about to start talking when she turned around to look into Tom's eyes and the immense amount of concern they held, and that was enough to make her start crying all over again. Tom immediately pulled her into his lap, and she clung on to his shirt, soaking them with her tears. "He-he's gone." She said, letting out another broken sob as she fully realized that her brother was never coming back to her. The boy that practically raised her in ways her parents never could have, the one who protected from anything or anyone that even so much as looked at her the wrong way, the one that was by her side, holding her hand through thick and thin, was just snatched away from her in the blink of an eye by some asshole who didn't have the common sense to know not to get behind the wheel under the influence of alcohol. One second he was there, and the next, he was just...gone. Just like that, without saying goodbye to anyone. Her brother was her best friend before she even knew the concept of friends, and now, a part of her will just be left empty forever. But she will just have to learn to live with that hole he left in her heart.
A/N: Wow did I really just write yet another angsty fic? What a surprise right? This is based on something I read a long time ago, and being basically stuck at home with no escape, I thought it would be a perfect time to write it. It's kinda obvious I got stuck on what to write towards the end, but I just wanted to get this out. Anyway, hope you guys liked it, and if you have any ideas for any future fics please let me know.
