The Ghost Boy Who Bends Me Over

(12) "A Little Trip"

Sarah

So Darlah was gone. I hadn't known that'd be the terms on which I was released but I couldn't say I was pleased about it. Sure I wanted Darlah gone, and sure in a way, the universe made her gone when I couldn't. But I couldn't help but feel terrible for her. I felt to blame and the thought of what they might be doing to her killed me.

When I was inside with Dean, I felt safe. He held me close to him, but for some reason he seemed to be heartbroken over what happened. I thought I should ask. But I also knew that Dean was going to have to punish me, so I ought to stay quiet. Technically this all happened because of me. And I couldn't be bothered to be mad that Dean was sad over Darlah. Hell I was sad over Darlah.

"I heard what you said about those men. What they do to girls. We should make a police report for Darlah." I mumble quietly from on top of his chest. I thought I'd be satisfied once Darlah was gone but I wasn't. I had a feeling that I'd feel the same even if she were gone on my own terms.

  "These men are the perfect criminals. They've always been." He says defeatedly and I wonder what really could be the matter. Criminals? If I didn't know any better I'd say they were his murderers.

"How do you know them again?" I inquire with a goal in mind. I wondered if I'd be told the truth, but I also knew that if I didn't get it I'd keep on asking.

"Used to be my friends. They killed me." Oh. So it was that easy. My heart ached for him knowing that because of two careless people he was stuck here. Twenty-two. He was too young to have died. They seemed younger than he was, if they were his friends, what could his motive have been.

"Why were they shocked that you recognized them? Why'd they kill you?" I was being insensitive now, but I could only compensate my guilt I felt for Darlah with questions about Dean. I could tell that I wasn't going to get an answer by the way he got up from the bed,leaving my head that was once on his chest to fall onto the bed. I could see the anger on his face. I knew that I didn't want to be in here with him like this.

"Do you know that this all couldn't have happened if you'd just stayed inside? If you didn't try to run from me?" He mumbles placing his hand on the glass window as he looked beyond it to the outside as if he'd thought the men were around. What if they were? What if they came back for me?

"I-I" I didn't know how to explain myself. Because he was right. I was selfish, and so I caused all of this, "Dean, I was going to come back. I just wanted Darlah gone." I try to explain but even out loud this wasn't a viable excuse. It wasn't worth it and it was selfish of me to even try to justify myself.

"Well guess what? You got your wish. Now she'll be sex trafficked, râped, and murdered. You must be so fùcking proud of yourself." He throws his hands up doing a hearty laugh but it was dangerous. He seemed awfully dangerous right now.

"Do you know what that's like? To be ráped? murdered?" I can see a grimace on his face. When did he get so empathetic? He didn't seem to have all of these feelings when he was abusing us. Sort of willingly, but at first it was more séxual harassment that I didn't say no to. Still, he enjoyed inflicting pain on women. He didn't care about these things .

"I'm sure you do." I snort sarcastically, but  I'm guessing by the way his head snaps toward me, now wasn't the time to make that joke. Something about Dean in this very moment terrified me. The mix of sadness, the burst of anger, the sudden water in his eyes. Either this is a dream, or Dean's gone mad. Not that the possibility of a ghost going crazy makes much sense, but something was wrong with Dean. He's cried for the first time before me yesterday, and now for the second time in a row he was going to do it again. I couldn't bare to watch.