Random thoughts

53 (short story)

Title: Lara Reed Was Happy.
Characters: Lara Reed, Kris Neslet.

She jumps. Her last jump. He runs to catch her but it's too late.
She's gone.
Lara is gone.
Lara Reed is gone forever.
And she's never coming back.

Lara Reed was a nice girl. A nice and happy girl. A nice, happy, friendly girl. A nice and broken girl. And this is how she broke.

Lara Reed was happy.
Lara Reed was happy until she looked in the mirror one day and decided that she wasn't pretty enough.
She wasn't skinny enough. Her hair wasn't shiny enough. Her eyes weren't nice enough. Her lips weren't big enough. 

Lara Reed was happy.
Lara was happy until she looked at her test and decided she wasn't smart enough.
Her grades weren't enough even if they were A's. Her homework wasn't good enough with one question wrong. Her tests weren't good enough if people were getting better.

Lara Reed was happy.
Lara Reed was happy until she decided she was talentless.
She could sing, but not good enough. She could write, but not good enough. She could run, but not fast enough.
She could play sports, but people would beat her. She could draw, but not good enough. She could dance, but not good enough.

Lara Reed was happy.
Lara Reed was happy until she wasn't.
Lara Reed was happy until she broke herself.

Lara Reed liked to talk.
Lara Reed liked to talk to people.
Lara Reed liked to talk to people until she lost her words.
Lara Reed liked to joke.
Lara Reed liked to joke with her friends.
Lara Reed liked to joke with her friends until they stopped laughing.
Lara Reed liked to love.
Lara Reed liked to love Kris Neslet.
Lara Reed liked to love Kris Neslet until she couldn't loved herself.
Lara Reed liked to do a lot of things.
Lara Reed liked to do a lot of things until she lost her love for them.

Lara Reed loved to help.
But then she stopped helping herself.
But she never let anyone know that and kept helping everyone else. Even when she needed to be helped.
Lara Reed loved to smile.
But then her smile stopped being real.
But she never let anyone know that and kept smiling forever. Even when she was sad.
Lara Reed loved to comfort.
But then she was never comforted by others.
But she never let anyone know that and kept comforting them. Even when she needed the comforting herself.

Lara Reed doubted herself.
But that's a secret.
Lara Reed cried a lot to herself.
But that's a secret.
Lara Reed hated herself.
But that's a secret.
Lara Reed didn't love herself.
But that's a secret.
Lara Reed bullied herself.
But that's a secret.
Lara Reed was a fake.
But that's a secret.

Lara Reed cut herself.
Lara Reed cried herself to sleep.
Lara Reed starved herself.
Lara Reed felt guilty.
Lara Reed felt depressed.
Lara Reed hated it all.

So Lara Reed ended it.

Kris Neslet was happy.
Kris Neslet was happy until he saw the love of his life throw herself off a bridge.

Kris Neslet used to love the way she laughed.
Kris Neslet used to love how they laughed at everything.
And then Kris Neslet stopped laughing.

Kris Neslet used to love her smile.
Kris Neslet used to love how her smile made him smile.
And then Kris Neslet stopped smiling.

Kris Neslet used to love waking up to her 'good morning' texts.
Kris Neslet used to love how she'd put a heart at the end of that text.
And then Kris Neslet stopped wanting to wake up.

Kris Neslet used to love her.
Kris Neslet used to love everything about her.
And then Kris Neslet stopped loving everything.

Crying sounded like a good answer.
A good answer to all of Lara Reed's problems.
So, she cried.
But then crying stopped working.

Therapy sounded like a good answer.
A good answer to all of Lara Reed's problems.
So, she went to therapy.
But then talking to a therapist stopped working.

Drugs sounded like a good answer.
A good answer to all of Lara Reed's problems
So, she took drugs.
But then getting high and drunk stopped working.

Cutting sounded like a good answer.
A good answer to all of Lara Reed's problems.
So, she cut herself.
But then cutting stopped working.

Suicide sounded like a good answer.
A good answer to all of Lara Reed's problems.
So, she killed herself.
But then she couldn't go back.

And then Lara Reed's mom was depressed.
And then all of Lara Reed's friends were depressed.
And then everyone who knew her was depressed.

Kris Neslet was the most depressed.
Kris Neslet started to go out less.
But that didn't work.
Kris Neslet started to cry all day.
But that didn't work.
Kris Neslet started to do online therapy.
But that didn't work.
Kris Neslet started to take drugs.
But that didn't work.
Kris Neslet started to cut.
But that didn't work.
And then Kris Neslet killed himself.
But then that didn't work either.

Lara Reed thought that people would be happier if she killed herself.
But that just made everyone feel guilty.
But that just made everyone feel so sad.
But that just made everyone feel like they could've stopped it.
And that just passed on the feeling of dread and hopelessness to everyone who knew Lara Reed.

That's how Lara Reed broke herself and then everyone else.

Lara Reed was happy until she wasn't.
Suicide works until it doesn't.