Random thoughts

54

If you killed yourself today...

Your mom would lay awake at night and wonder what she could have done to stop her baby from doing it. She would hope that she would've seen the signs that you wanted to die. She would blame herself.

Your dad would stop coming home from work as much as he used to because he wouldn't be met with the whispering coming from your room. He would ask himself over and over again why he didn't protect you from the bad people as much as he should have. He would blame himself.

Your sibling would stop playing video games because you wouldn't be there to play with them anymore. They'd cry every night and wish that they'd gotten into less arguments with you. They'd wonder why they blamed you for so many things. They'd wonder why they didn't bond with you more. They'd cry whenever they see their friends with their happy families. They'd blame themselves.

Your best friend would stare at your lunch spot and try her hardest not to cry. They'd wonder why they didn't come over more. Why they didn't spend as much time as they could with you. They'd come over to your house everyday after school and just sit in your room, doing nothing. They'd blame them self.

Your partner would stop going to the places you loved because it reminded them of you too much. They'd call and message you every day, hoping that you would pick up or message back. They'd go into your room and read your favourite book over and over again. They'd watch your favourite movie over and over again. They'd wonder why you didn't tell them. They'd wish they'd said "I love you" more. They'd blame them self.

Your friends would cry when they'd heard the news. They'd look through the yearbooks and cry when they saw your name and pictures. They'd miss you so much and wish they'd hugged you more and hung out with you. They'd blame themselves.

Your classmates would miss having you in their groups for group projects. They'd miss hearing your name in the attendance and hearing you say "here". They'd miss when you'd walk into class late and awkwardly go to your seat. They'd wish they could've become your friend when you were here. They'd wonder if maybe you felt lonely and that's why you did it. They'd blame themselves.

Your teachers would almost start to cry when they see your name on the attendance. They'd stare at your empty seat and wish they had made you feel more welcome in the classroom. They'd miss correcting the mistakes on your tests and calling on you in class. They'd miss the way you'd be so polite. They'd blame themselves.

Your enemy would wonder why you and them didn't get along. They'd wonder where they went wrong to be hated by you or to hate you. They'd think that they hurt you too much. They'd wonder what it would be like if you two were friends. They'd wonder if you'd still be here if that happened. They'd blame themselves.

People would miss you.

No matter how much you think they wouldn't, they would.

Stop blinding yourself.

The button to let yourself see and be free is in your hands.

But will you push it?

You tell me.