Random thoughts

44

I want to tell you a story today. A story of a girl that many people can probably relate to.
She wakes up in the morning late because she couldn't find the motivation to get up. She doesn't see a point in living at all.
Whether it's because of people or something that happened, she's stuck in this thing she wants to call depression, but doesn't because she's 'self-diagnosed'. She's like that because she's too scared to bring up this sadness to anyone so she keeps living this lie.
This lie full of fake smiles and laughs. And she goes through her day barely eating and she tries to slowly distance herself. She knows that if people get too attached too her, she'll hurt them when she's gone.
But then when she gets home, each night she breaks. She falls just like Humpty Dumpty did on his wall but this time no knights came to piece her back together.
Her facade gone, she resorts to thinking about cutting and killing herself, but just can't bring herself to do it. Because though she hopes that one day she'll go to sleep and not wake up in the morning, she's still just a little girl.
She's, and I quote, "Too young to feel sad" and so she can't just do it.
Can someone tell me why the hell we've put an age restriction on sadness? Because now, instead of making this girl feel better, we've made her hide how she feels because adults won't understand that she's not "just joking" or "over exaggerating".
And so she goes to sleep huddled under the blanket because she craves warmth. She's only ever felt so cold and even under the hottest blanket or in the hottest weather, she feels so cold. She huddled up not to warm her skin, but her heart. Because they've built icy walls around it overtime and she wants them to melt.
She feels numb everyday and it's hard to smile. Or laugh. Or cry. Or do anything that requires emotion.
Everyone has made her feel so alone, but she still blames it on herself. She's been through hell and back, and still blames it on herself.