Better Than I Know Myself

Chapter Thirteen

(Adrian's POV)

We pull up to the parking lot of Dr. Marshall's office. Jane was a little annoyed when I told her she didn't have to come with me today. I left out the part about Jesse joining me instead. As it is, she already suspects I like Jesse and I just don't want her to rub it in my face right now.

"So you ready for the fun of waiting for me?" I ask Jesse as we walk inside.

"Um not really, but as long as we have fun afterwards I guess I don't mind," he smiles at me.

I am starting to see that smile of his is making me weak in the knees. We sit down and wait for my name to be called.

"So how long have you been coming to see my aunt?"

"Three years ever since I came out to my family. I came out to them when I was fourteen. I still remember that day like it was yesterday." I close my eyes as I let that day replay in my head. "I thought my family loved me and wouldn't care if I was gay, but I was wrong. As soon as the words left my mouth I regretted it. They just looked at me with such disgust and hate. I was sure I was going to get kicked out, but instead they made me come here. They just thought I was confused and if I had someone to just talk about what was going on in my head I would come to realize I'm not gay and all this was just a mistake."

Jesse reaches out for my hand. "So they still make you come here, even though you still say you are gay?"

I nod my head. He gives my hand a squeeze.

"Well they are fools to think they can change you, you are who you are and don't worry about having to please them because you have people that love you for you." He smiles at me, god he is making it extremely hard to not fall for him.

"Thanks Jesse," I reach over and hug him.

He hugs me back without hesitation.

"Adrian Ryder, Dr. Marshall will see you now." Rick says.

I let go of Jesse and smile at him as I get up and head to the double doors.

I walk into Dr. Marshall's office and lay down on the sofa. Today, I can really use someone to talk to; I have so many things going through my head lately. I wait there as she finishes up on the phone; she sits down on the chair next to the sofa with her pen and notepad.

"So Adrian what do you want to talk about today?" She asks me as she gets comfortable.

"I like to talk about Hector." I say; she nods her head. "I guess I can start from the beginning. I was fourteen when I first met Hector. It was just a regular day at school; I had just been dumped into the dumpster by Carter. He is one of the boys that enjoys tormenting me even to this day. Anyway after he had dumped me into the dumpster, Hector had walked over and helped me out. I really didn't trust him since he is friends with Carter, but over time he proved to me that I could trust him. When he told me he is gay that is when I saw he wasn't like his friends. He told me how he had liked me for a while, but could never tell me because he couldn't come out."

"So you have been with Hector ever since you came out to your family."

I nod my head.

"Do you love him, is that why you're willing to put up with him not wanting to come out to his family?"

"Yes and no." I reply.

"Okay, why do you say that?" I take a deep breath. "I love him, but lately I have been feeling like our love isn't the same. I met this boy and he has me rethinking my relationship with Hector. I guess you could say I stayed with Hector because I didn't want to be alone and I never thought I would be able to find anyone to love me the way he does. I was okay with him never wanting to come out to anyone, but then a few days ago he tells me that as soon as he turns eighteen he is coming out to his family. I just don't know what to do now."