Better Than I Know Myself

Chapter Twenty-Five

(Jesse's POV)

The car ride to the hospital is hell; I have so many thoughts going through my head. I don't know what to feel. Am I sad that she is dying? Am I happy that this is happening to her, that she finally got what was coming to her? I just don't know. I really don't feel anything, but how can I feel sad when for the past year this woman had turned into a monster and ruined my life?

"Are you okay?" Adrian grabs my hand.

God what would I do without him here with me right now. He is my rock. I might be strong right now but I think that will all change when I see my mom. "I'm not sure. I don't know what I should be feeling right now."

He leans in and kisses my forehead. "I don't blame you, this woman basically tormented you for the past year. I get she is your mom and might have been different, but if the bad outweighs the good, it just makes you realize maybe it wasn't all that great to begin with." He leans on me and rests his head on my shoulder.

I think about everything and the more I think about it, my life really wasn't all that great when my mom was around. Holly and my dad were the ones that had made it great. Now I know why my mom had just snapped like she did, she was never happy with her life. We were nothing but burdens to her I guess. If she was so unhappy, why didn't she just take off on us?

"You're right, now that I think about it, she really wasn't a happy person. Well unless it was with my dad, she would get happy. I guess when he told her he wanted a divorce, she realized she was losing the one she loves. It turned her into a bitter cold hearted person and she took it out on me because I look like him. I was just a reminder to her of what she was losing."

"That's horrible. It wasn't your fault that your dad just didn't love her anymore. Some people just fall out of love or maybe they just weren't ever in love." Adrian says.

I wondered that a lot, maybe my dad never loved my mom and stuck around just for us. Then, when Holly went missing and there was no sign she was coming back, he didn't see the need to stay with my mom when I would be heading off to college soon as well.

"I guess that's just something I'm going to have to ask my dad."

Do I want to know the truth? Am I ready to find out my dad never loved my mom but stuck around because of Holly and me? The cab finally pulls up to the hospital. I had told them I wanted to see my mom by myself, but Adrian wouldn't let me and I'm glad he is stubborn, because I can use the support right now.

"Well here we go," I get out and pay the driver, Adrian grabs my hand and we walk inside.

"Excuse me, I'm Jesse Logan and I'm here to see my mother, Cindy Logan." I wait while the nurse looks up in what room she is in.

"Okay she is in ICU, but only family is allow to go in there." She looks at Adrian while she says that.

"Well he is family, or will be family when we get married one day." I smile back at her and she smiles back.

"Go down the hall and turn left, you will see another nurse's station and they will tell you where your mother is. By the way, you two really do make an adorable couple."

I turn to Adrian to see he is blushing. I lean in and kiss him on the cheek. His face grows even redder as he looks at the floor. "Don't you think he is so adorable when he blushes?"

The nurse chuckles as she nods her head.

"Well thank you for letting him go in with me. You have no idea how much he means to me and how much I can really use his support right now."