Catarina
Next morning Hero only greets me with a short and quiet "Morning" and I already know he remembers the last night more than I do. I'm not into alcohol, I never drink so I can get easily drunk and when I drink I get totally fucked up. I sigh trying to break the awkward silence in this huge house where even being surrounded by these walls feels like they listen. "Can we please talk? About last night" I bite my lip nervously as I'm watching him making his special Turkish coffee like every morning. "What is there left to say? You were just honest with me and told me what you felt. Once again I proved I was naive" he says and sadness and guilt feels my whole body, but mostly my eyes in the shape of tears. I always hated lying, I am a horrible liar and I don't like the eternal feeling of repentance I constantly feel. My last intension was to hurt Hero or make him insecure, but I guess I did both of that. "Hero, just please let me tell you something" I look at him and he turns to me taking sip of his extremely bitter coffee from the mug that says: F*** em' all, and I honestly can relate to it. "You are not naive Hero, I'm the guilty one in all of this, I was too scared about my past and myself that I didn't notice the consequences of everything I said, but the thing is that I wanted to make love to you, you don't know how bad, but I'm scared that every time you touch me I'd feel his dirty hands all over me without my permission" I shiver on the thought of Chad's hands and Hero puts his mug down. His little accurate movements are honestly driving me insane. Why does he have to be so freaking annoying yet so attractive at the same time?
"You know you could have told me that? We could have talked and we would take our time doing everything when you are ready" I look down at my feet ashamed of all my actions. "You know I never meant to hurt you? I think you are an amazing person and if facing my fears means being with you then I'm ready to risk it all" before he can say or do anything I turn around fastly and walk out of the room. I don't want to know his answer, not yet. In the moment I feel the tears in my eyes I know exactly which time of the month is so I walk to the store immediately. I'm wearing one of my old shabby shirts and some leggings which I'm pretty sure have the whole in the back, but what I care about now the least is the way I look. I get to the small store at the end of the street and look for some tampons and pads.
"Catarina?" I hear a voice calling my name so I turn around only to see a familiar woman smiling to me. Chad's mom. His mom is a nice woman and it's not her fault at all for what happened to him. That's completely his and his friends fault. "Hi Maggie" I call her by her name even tho I don't know if that's still polite since me and Chad are not together. "How have you been?" She asks giving me a quick hug. She smells so good compared to me and I immediately blush. "I was okay" I play with the stuff in my hands not knowing if I should tell her what happened. I think I need to tell her, one more lie can mess up my already messed up life even more. "And how is Chad? I actually didn't hear from him for a long time" she asks and I look up to her crystal gray eyes. They are just like his, but without any redness, without huge pupils, her eyes are completely natural. "Can I be honest with you?" I ask even tho I know I can because I always found them my second family, along with Kristina's. "Of course you can, what's going on?" A bit of worry fills her eyes and I sigh. "Me and Chad are not together anymore, he turned to the drugs really bad and he was hurting me every night so I left" I talk with a bit of guilt in my voice. I left her son, just like that, totally high without any help, she always knew he is not so innocent, but she also always believed I can change him. I was trying to change him the whole time I was with him, but I just got enough of everything, I need to live freely and I need to be happy, I can't spend my whole life trying to fix a broken glass with a piece of tape.
"Oh my gosh, hun, I'm so sorry that you had to go through that, but I still can't believe it he did that, how did that even happen?" She asks and I bite my lip like always when I'm thinking. "Well he has new friends who definitely gave him drugs and stuff, but there are a lot of side people, like one girl I found him rapping the other day, I don't think she would end up at his house just like that, she probably wanted sex" I say and Maggie nods her head slowly preceding the face that his son rapped two women, maybe even more. "Do you know her name?" She asks and now I am the one to nod. "Melanie, her name is Melanie, she has long brown hair, brown eyes I think and she wears pretty expensive clothes" Maggie bites her lip and looks at me. "Okay, we'll try to find her to get more informations from her, maybe she knows who gave Chad the drugs, we can meet one of these days somewhere, this isn't really something we should talk about in the middle of a store." She says and I nod my head. "It was nice to see you, bye" we share a quick hug, I pay my stuff and walk out of the store.
I don't know how we'll find out who is that Melanie and I don't think I want to know, she can be whoever and she can also mess up this situation even more. Maybe Chad was cheating on me with her this all time, or maybe she sells drugs so that's why she has all the expensive stuff. But, however, I'm glad I have Maggie on my side who will help me, even tho I'm 20, I still like to be leaned against an adult.
I try to snap my negative thoughts away as I'm walking back to the house while the bright midday sun is hitting my skin. The only question that is playing in my head is: Will I ever be able to get a normal life?
