Lost and Found

fourteen

Thankfully the flight to Nashville for our next game was a lot shorter than the flight we had taken from LA mainly because my normally quiet and content toddler and decided she suddenly hated flying on our way to the next match. 

From the moment we took off to the moment we landed, she screamed and cried. It reminded me of when I first took her home from the hospital and I had literally no idea what I was doing. Alex and I were taking turns bouncing her in the aisle but eventually Ashlyn came up to me and took her off me.

"Ali and I can cope with her until we land, go have some time to sit down. Her aunties have got this." 

I felt torn because on one hand I could desperately do with their help but on the other hand, its extremely hard to listen to your child cry and not respond to it. I stood in the aisle unsure what to when eventually someone guided me to an empty seat beside Christen who was waiting with open arms. I didn't hesitate and cuddled into her as she ran her fingers through my hair until I succumbed to sleep. 

Once we were at the hotel, I had hoped to just collapse in bed and cuddle up with Scarlett for sometime but our trainers had other ideas. They thought it was best to keep our bodies moving with a light gym session. My body had decided it definitely did not want to be awake and was fighting against every movement in my programme.

In the end I mainly focused on the bike and managed to get some weight work in to keep the trainers happy. Scarlett was definitely more comfortable around the girls and toddled around the gym keeping watch over everyone. All the girls occasionally were distracted by her, stopping their workouts to make her laugh or give her a cuddle but the trainers didn't mind too much.

At the end of the session, the trainers had arranged for the team to go to the hotel pool for team bonding. I was so thankful for Alex who clearly knew this would have been a possibility during camp and had bought, along with many other gifts, swimming stuff for Scarlett. I may or may not have cried when Alex told me she had already bought so much for Scarlett. I was used to make every dollar count and trying to stretch our money as far as I could so realistically I could only buy Scarlett the necessities she needed. Alex just hugged me and promised she'd always be there to spoil Scarlett and I no matter what.

Alex decided to steal my daughter which I allowed as their bonding was really building over this camp and Scarlett and really started to love on her Auntie Lex. It also gave me a few minutes to myself to breathe which was needed after that match against Japan. I was stood by myself, waiting for the elevator to go to the pool when two arms grabbed me around my waist. 

Immediately my body reacted before I could even begin to allow my brain to try and think logically and I began fighting to get away from their grip. They didn't fight back and just as quickly as they had grabbed me, they let go. I turned around to see my 'attacker' only to see the sad green eyes and confused face of one of my best friends. 

"Addie..."

"I'm sorry." I told her before I turned to run back to my room as tears began to stream down my face. 

I got back to my room but Lindsey was just as quick as me and got into my door before I could shut it. Accepting defeat, I just sat on the edge of my bed and covered my face with my hands. I took a moment to focus on my breathing and listen to Lindsey's movements in the room. Feeling the bed dip beside me, I looked over to see her right next to me as she passed me a bottle of water.

"I didn't mean to scare you and I know you didn't mean to react that way. It's okay. You're safe. here. I'm here." She said reassuringly as she rubbed my arm.