You Just Think You Know Me

First Time I Said, I Do

It was about six months later, when my friend invited me over to her house for dinner. The kids and I showed up, and there was a guy there that my friend introduced me to; his name was Jeff. We started talking and got along pretty good, although I wasn't looking for anyone. He asked me would I go out on a date with him, I said no at first. But then he just kept insisting! It didn't help my friend and her husband were also trying to get us together. So, I agreed to go out on ONE date with him. Jokes on me I guess, because one date turned into several. Before I knew it, I was letting him move in with the kids and me. We never argued about anything, it was almost too perfect. That should have been red flags, but it wasn't. He came up with the idea to get married, and I agreed. I even went out and bought my own ring. Yes, I did that - stupid, I know! We ended up saying I do on October 12, 2007 at Rabun Lake in Laurens, SC surrounded by family and friends. Everything was going great, and he wanted a baby, so we tried to get pregnant. After a couple months, I got pregnant in January. At the time, I was the only one working - and I was working third shift. I got a call at work from the police saying I needed to come home asap, so I could get my kids. Come to find out, Jeff and my brother Nick had been hanging out when I wasn't at home. Nick and Jeff had started doing drugs together every night, and they needed their next fix - but they didn't have any more money. So, Jeff decided to leave the kids at the house ALONE and proceeds to go and rob a game store in town. Nick had apparently already left the house before Jeff did. Meaning my babies were left at home alone sleeping. I wanted to kick his ass when I got there, but I was pregnant with his baby. I told him he better never come back to my house. How could I let this happen? How could I not see what was going on? Where did I go wrong this time?

When I was around six months pregnant, Jeff got out and swore he had changed and his mom said she thought I could straighten him out. I believed them! I thought I could change him. I loved his mom so much! She was slowly dying from cancer but she wanted to see her grandson be born. I went in to have our son on September 18, 2008. I gave birth to a healthy baby boy named Ethan Parker. He was so cute, and it seemed like things were finally looking up for us.

I went back to work eight weeks later. Things were going well. One night I burned my finger before work, but still went into work. They sent me home when they seen my hand, because they didn't want me hurting it even more. I was happy to go home to see my babies, and be with my husband. When I got home, I walked inside and Jeff was coming out of our bedroom, zipping his pants, saying he was changing clothes. He must have thought I was stupid, because he had on the same exact clothes! I walked to our bedroom, and there was a naked woman in our bedroom. I was more shocked than anything. I told her to get the hell out of my house. I went after Jeff and ended up physically fighting him. I don't even remember everything that happened, it was like I was so mad I blacked out. But he said, I kicked his ass then turned around and kicked her ass too. That whole night was a blur. He kept saying he should just leave, and I wouldn't let him go. He also swore up and down nothing had happened yet, because I pulled up. This woman lived right behind us! I was beyond pissed. But I still managed to let him talk me into having sex with him that same night. What the hell was I doing? Why didn't I let him just leave? Why did I still want him there?

His mom was getting weaker and sicker day by day. She found out what happened and still was able to jump all over him. She then told me that she wanted her sons to straighten up so bad, but she wasn't sure that would ever happen. I wasn't sure either, but for her I was going to keep trying. She ended up dying on January 28, 2009 in Hospice Care. The world lost a wonderful woman that day. I was so heart broken. I promised her I would try anything to make it work with her son. We moved across town to start over. Everything was once again going well, or so I thought. Then once again, I got a call from the police saying that I needed to come to the station. They had arrested Jeff for burglary. He kept saying he didn't do it. However, the police found MY book bag at the scene and they knew I didn't do it. When they asked him why my book bag was there, he told them we had thrown it away the day before. So, the police needed my statement and wanted to know if what he was saying was true. I didn't cover for him at all, I was pissed and officially done with his ass this time. This was the final straw! I told the cops the truth, and he was sent to jail for a year. He was set to get out in June of 2010. I wanted so bad to just divorce him and get on with what life I had. Only problem was I didn't have the money for a divorce. So, I just kept wearing my wedding band on my left hand, and his wedding band on my right hand. That way everyone knew I was still married. I couldn't wait to just be free of him, my kids deserved better than what all he done to us. I was done with men, as far as I was concerned - I didn't want anyone else! I just wanted my kids and I to have a good, healthy, and happy life together. I finally realized that I didn't need a man to make that happen.