You Just Think You Know Me

My Babies and Work

At this time, I was still working at Wal-Mart but had managed to work myself into a management position. Meaning, I could more than provide for my babies. They had food in their mouths, a roof over their heads, and anything they needed. Even though it was just them and me, life was going well. We were all four happy, and there was no more worrying about where my babies were when I was working. They loved the daycare I put them in and on the plus side, their nanny and papa were spending a lot more time with them.

I love working, and I love my babies. The only downfall of working was not getting to spend 24/7 with my babies. But I had a responsibility as their mother, to take care of them and that's exactly what I was doing! I spent all my free time with my babies. I didn't care about partying, or anything like that. I spent my off days at the park, movies, or somewhere else. No matter where I was, my babies were with me.

I met this woman at my babies school whose name was Amy. We connected right away. Our boys were close in age, and our daughters were in the same grade. We started doing all sorts of things together. The kids formed a tight bond to one another, and so did Amy and I. When I wasn't working, we were all together, and that helped keep my mind busy.

Weeks turned into months, and before I knew it, 2009 was gone. Jeff was still in jail, and because I couldn't afford a divorce, we were still married. I got my tax check, and had planned on paying for my divorce; but I needed a new car without car payments. So, I went and bought a PT Cruiser with my tax check. The kids loved it, they were so excited, and I was glad I finally had a reliable way to go.

My job was going really well. I was told that another store needed help with their remodel, and they wanted me and a few other associates to go help them. I really didn't want to go; I loved my store and management team. After talking to my manager and finding out it was just for a few weeks, I finally agreed to go. The store they needed help at was in Simpsonville, SC. I couldn't stand the drive there, it was a lot further than my store in Laurens, SC. However, we got reimbursed for mileage, as well as, our regular pay. Which made it ok for the most part. I still didn't like the drive though.

I continued wearing my wedding band, and Jeff's. I wasn't looking for anyone at all, I was just focused on work and my babies. It had been nine months since Jeff got locked up, but I didn't care. In my eyes, dating someone before I got divorced was wrong. Honestly, after the hell Jeff put me through, the last thing I wanted was another man in my life!

*** I act like everything is fine. I laugh at peoples jokes; I do silly things with my friends; and I act like I have a carefree life. It's funny though; when I come back home, I just turn off that mental switch. Then suddenly I break down. I feel alone, empty, tired, I cant describe how I feel into words. It's like I'm two different people. One for the public, and one for myself. Only if they knew - only if. ***