You Just Think You Know Me

Does Everything Happen for A Reason?

I'm not sure I ever truly believed in the saying, Everything happens for a reason. I can't for the life of me figure out why I got sexually abused as many times as I did. Nor can I figure out why I got beaten, used over and over, and lost two babies. I mean why did those things have to happen to me? If everything does happen for a reason, what was the reason for me having all that done to me? So, I can't say I believe the 'everything' part of that saying.

My dad kept telling me, I deserved to be happy and that I should find someone who truly loves me. He told me NOT to go look for this man! He said, "Just wait! One day a man will sweep you off your feet. When that happens, you will know that he's the one." I wanted to believe him, because I started getting lonely. Yes, I had my babies but I missed the connection of having a partner. However, because I was still married, I never thought about even finding that man.

On March 3, 2010 I was at work in Simpsonville helping with the remodel, when all of the sudden I heard someone say,  "Did you clear the floor so we could dance?" I turned around and seen this man smiling at me. I just looked at him and said, "What did you say?" That's when he said, "I asked if you cleared the floor so we could dance?" I was surprised, why would he ask ME that question? Did he not see the other women around me? I had to be the ugliest woman in the whole remodel crew, but he was asking me. Why? Was it some sort of a joke? I couldn't figure it out. However, before I could think anymore into it - I looked at him and said, "Sure, why not?" Instead of dancing with me, he just smiled really big and walked off. I looked at my friend Kisha and said, "What just happened?" She said, "That man asked you to dance, and after you said sure - he walked away smiling. Come on girl, we gone fix this!" We finally found him on the other side of the store. I went up to him and said, "You know it's really rude to ask a woman to dance, and then just walk away!" So, he grabbed me and we danced, right there on the Walmart floor in Simpsonville. Granted we didn't dance for long because we were working, but it was amazing!  I looked at his name tag and it said Fred. I had several flashbacks that night from when my friends dad, Fred sexually abused me as a child. I had to remind myself that this wasn't that Fred. This was a nice guy, who liked me.

Fred finally asked me why was I wearing a ring on each hand, and that's when I told him the long story about my marriage to Jeff. I told him I wanted a divorce, but couldn't afford it yet. I just knew he would think bad of me, but he didn't. I told my dad about him, and all he said was "I told you it would happen." He also said he could see the spark coming back in my eyes.

Now, I had something to look forward to when I went into work. I couldn't wait for lunch time, because then we had a full hour to spend together. At work, was the only time we had together. I didn't let him meet the kids until over a month later. Then, I told them we were going to meet one of mama's friends for lunch. They were excited because we met at McDonalds. I was nervous, I didn't know what they would think when they seen my friend was a man. They didn't say anything right away, besides hey. Then they went and played. After eating, playing, and talking a little bit more; Aundrea got on Fred's lap. Then she looked him in the eyes with her hands around his neck and said, "Will you be my Daddy?" I was beyond shocked! I never thought she would ask him that. She didn't even know him, yet she was asking him to be her daddy. Pretty sure Fred was shocked to, considering we had only been talking for a little over a month and this was the first time they met one another. She didn't wait for an answer - Thank God. She got down and went to play again. All three of my babies hugged and kissed him goodbye when it was time to go. On the way home, they wouldn't stop talking about him. It was funny how excited they were.

A couple weeks went by, and everything was going great. We still didn't see each other out of work, besides maybe two times. Then one night, I received a message from Fred saying he wanted to tell me something, but he didn't want to upset me or lose me. I was scared to know what he was going to say. However, I told him he could tell me anything. He then proceeds to tell me that he has a girlfriend, and is living with her and her parents. I was so dumbfounded, like how could I not know this? He then tells me he doesn't care about her at all... He said he was still there because he had nowhere else to go. I told him he was basically, kind of in the same boat I was in. Except my husband was in jail, and I lived alone. I told him if he wanted to be with me, he had two days to move in my house. So, come May 9, 2010 he moved in with us. The kids and I were so very excited. I finally had him all to myself. We were also able to finally see one another out of work. It didn't take long for him to find out something was wrong with me. We were sleeping in the same bed. So, during the first few nights I would have nightmares, and flashbacks of my past. He would just pull me closer, and whisper that everything was alright. That made me feel safe and eventually the nightmares went away. I never had to worry about drugs, alcohol, or anything like that with Fred. Like myself, he didn't do any of those things.

Even though I don't believe the 'everything' in Everything Happens for a Reason. I do believe there was a reason we met one another. I wasn't sure what that reason was yet, but I was going to enjoy it for however long it was going to last.