zero • njh

• fifteen •

   When Niall didn't reply to my text all Sunday, I didn't think anything of it. I thought that he just had issues to deal with. Two, three texts. Then I stopped and waited. So I spend my Sunday with my dad on the couch, watching Kim Kardashian and her weird family on TV. I can't stress enough how much I dislike watching that stupid show, but there was nothing else for me to do. If I stayed in my room all by myself, I would've gone crazy real fast. It was a good enough distraction sitting around with my dad, laughing at how mad he'd get when I said something bad about Kim. 

     Still, I kept looking at my phone every five minutes to see if he replied. He never did, but I didn't really mind. Okay, I did, a tiny bit. Sure, after the night we spent it'd been nice to hear from him, though I understood that he didn't. Zayn sometimes does that too when he's working his jobs and taking care of his sisters. Maybe he too had something to deal with? I was in no place to annoy him because I suddenly thought we were a thing. Were we, though?
   I really didn't know. I liked to believe we were. I'm probably just reading too much into it, but he didn't act like I was just one of those girls you'd take home and toss away the day after. At least he didn't act like it when we were together.
   Now, it's different. God, just respond! A simple hello or Hi I'm good, don't worry. It's all I wanted to hear from him, nothing more. Just thinking about all the things he said in less than twenty-four hours made me feel like I've gone crazy. I spent all my childhood with him, being secretly in love with him and now that he actually seemed to like me back. It's weird, it really is.
I thought I was over him for so long. Thought, I'd never feel anything close to love for him. Maybe I'd be better off hating him, but how am I supposed to do that? 

   There are plenty of reasons, sure. His lack of empathy, he's really narcissistic and sometimes he's really mean to others. But he's also creative, passionate and - if he wants - really romantic. Maybe the real question here is if all the bad things can be weighed down by the good things. That's what I thought.
   I thought, maybe there's more to Niall Horan than you'd think.

   Sunday evening Zayn called me, saying that he slept through Saturday and half of Sunday because of the molly. He and Liam took another pill shortly after I left and it fucked him up really bad, especially since he didn't drink enough. Liam was fine, he said, but also really exhausted.
    Now, Zayns sisters were mad because he didn't go to the grocery store and there was barely food at home. So they had to go to the Nips to eat. Of course all the soccer jocks were there and I almost freaked out that he didn't take me with them, but forgot that I was grounded.
    "It was really awkward. Louis and Mindy kept saying stupid stuff and I almost got up and broke his nose, but can't do that with the girls around. Niall wasn't there." he said, which calmed me down. There was no reason for me to go if he wasn't there.
   Seeing Zayn and Liam struggle with the aftermath of the molly on Monday would be fun, I thought. It wasn't.

    They looked really bad, but something else worried me. Niall didn't show up to school on Monday. It was weird seeing his seat empty, he never missed a class even though he didn't seem to care about it. Mr. Garrison reminds us about the excursion to the Chicago History Museum next week, which some didn't pay for yet. I didn't listen, the emptiness behind me made me nervous. No one was looking at me. Never would I have thought it would bother me not to be seen. It felt awfully quiet and hallow.
   After history class, I asked everyone if they knew where he was.
     "Nope, the lad just disappeared after the party." Louis said, looking at me as if I've gone mad.     "Why do you care?"
   "I don't." I quickly replied and pressed my books against my chest. "I wanted to talk to him about something."
   "So you two are talking now or what?"
   "You know what, forget that I asked." With thumping heart I left to make my way through the hallway to Julias locker. She was fairly close to Jeanette, who was - and yes I want to make clear was - Nialls on and off relationship. If you could even call it that, they probably only hooked up once or twice a week and that's it.
     "Actually, no, I didn't." Julia said, her face lost in thought. When she snapped out of it, she added: "I didn't even notice him missing in class."
I sighed. "Okay, thank you anyway."
    Harry didn't know either. He was all over Julia when he joined us shortly after and didn't even look at me. I couldn't blame him, though. We still had to talk about the night of the party. With a simple: "He's probably just sick." he tried to shove me out of the conversation and turned his back to me.
    After the next two people I asked didn't hear anything from him, I gave up and carried on. Before going into class I texted him a fourth time, hoping he'd have a good explanation. Slowly I started to worry. What if something happened to him? Teenagers disappear all the time without any trace. Even though it probably wasn't the case, I couldn't get rid of that thought the rest of the day. I even asked dad if someone went missing in the last few weeks. No one did. It made me worry less, but I still couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.