zero • njh

• eighteen •

   The next day, it's as if nothing happened yesterday. I wake up, get ready for school and try and get through the day. JJ is nowhere to be seen in the hallways, but that might just be a coincidence. Still, I find myself looking for him. At least I tell myself that, but I'm aware of the fact that I'm only looking for him because I know that Niall will be around him.
   I can't wrap my mind around the fact that I can't stop thinking about that stupid prick. He's not interested in me, he never was and he will never be. That's what I always knew, but I just can't help but hope for him to let his defenses down. 
   Those thoughts are enough to make me feel bad and even Zayn isn't around to keep me sane. I understand that he's madly in love and wants to spend as much time with Liam as possible, but I slowly start to feel as if he starts to forget about me. Sure, we text sometimes in the evening, but all he ever talks about is how great Liam is and how happy he is to have him. I'm glad that he's so happy, but I miss my best friend. 

   At lunch break I start to feel kinda anxious. Zayn and Liam are spending their time with the prom committee, which recently started to plan the night even though that's not happening until June, so I'll have to face the scary fact to sit alone. I first think about just finding an empty class room and hide in there, but I also don't want to get in trouble. The one time handing out water at soccer practise was enough humiliation. 

  So I just take a deep breath and enter the cafeteria, instantly walking over to the tablets to get my food. Thankfully that goes well, but then I realize that I'll have to pick where to sit. The cafeteria is always quite crowded, so my eyes just dart around the tables nervously. My gaze stops at someone waving at me with a wide grin. 
  JJ, who is sitting in between all the other soccer jocks and their obnoxious girlfriends, is signaling me to sit with him. My heart feels heavy in my chest when I also spot Niall sitting right next to him with Kayla and I'm really not trying to talk to them. I've had enough of their shenanigans yesterday. So, my first impulse is to just smile at him, acting like I don't understand and quickly walk over to an empty table. That seems to work for the first half of the way, but when JJ calls out my name loudly, I'm instantly stuck in motion. 
   "Maia!" 

  I can't ignore him now, can I? It feels like everyone is looking at me, waiting for me to react to him. God fucking damn.
  Forcing a smile, I walk over to JJ. Niall is looking at me now too and I want the earth to swallow me whole. My fingers grip the tablet in my hands tightly as I watch JJ scoot over away from Niall, leaving a gap between them. This is just great. 
  "Come sit with us." JJ says and pats the empty space between them. I just not smiling, awkwardly sitting down on the bench and trying not to touch Niall. My body tenses up when he starts laughing at something Kayla just said.  
   "I know I asked like a hundred times already, but you're definitely not coming to the party tonight?" JJ asks me and I look over to him. Everyone around us talks loudly and there are so many different conversations that it's hard for me to focus. I feel like I'm Gabriella, sitting right in the middle of high school musical, while Sharpay gets mad at me for messing with the natural flow. Guess this is my life now.

   "No, sorry."  I say shrugging and picking up my water to take a sip from it. "I'm really not in the mood to be around people." The only reason I'm not going is because Niall is gonna be there and I'd rather not be at the same party as him. Everything that happened at the last parties is enough reason not to go. 
   "Too bad, I would've loved to spend time with you." 
   I smile at JJ, appreciating this small but really nice gesture. It's nice to know that we are on the same page. I'm really happy we are friends now, even though we had a weird start into the friendship. 
   "Yeah, me too. We could go out after school if you want?" 
   "Sorry, can't. We have soccer practise." 
   "Oh, right I forgot." 
  JJ giggles. "I mean, you could still come and watch if you're bored." 
   "I'll think about it." 
  He nudges my arm and I laugh at him pouting. Then, Julia and Harry sit down on the other side of the table, completely recessed into their conversation. It looks like they're talking about something serious, but I don't really wanna interrupt them.
   "I won't, Harry. Seriously. It's not going to happen." Julia huffs and then looks at her lunch with flushed cheeks. Harry on the other hand looks worriedly over to her and sighs before he looks up at me and JJ, forcing a smile. 
   "Hey Harry, hello Julia." JJ chirps, probably not having noticed that they're in a bad mood. Still, Harry gives JJ his brightest smile. 
   "What's up JJ, you ready for practise later?" Harry asks, grabbing the pizza slice on his plate and taking a huge bite. 
   "I'm stoked, but I heard someone pissed off coach earlier?" 
   "Oh yeah." Harry puts down the pizza slice again "Some freshman refused to participate because she's on her period and now he gets triggered at the sight of women." JJ starts laughing and almost chokes on his water. I just roll my eyes and shake my head. It's not hard to imagine how Mr. Garrison got all heated up because of it. Seriously, what's the deal with men trying to understand what women are going through? The cramps aren't fun.
   "Hopefully he doesn't let out his anger on us." JJ sighs when he's done laughing.
   "He won't." Harry says confidently, "We're not women so I think we'll be fine. Maia, did you loose your voice? You're so quiet." Now he looks at me intently, his mossy eyes drilling into mine. 
   "Uh, no I didn't." I reply chuckling awkwardly. "I didn't want to interrupt your little chit chat." Harry frowns and laughs. 
   "Interrupt? It's called making conversation." 
   "Well, there is nothing for me to say about Mr. Garrison being a dick. It's well known he's not empathetic." JJ, Harry and even Julia start laughing.
   "That's sadly the truth." JJ says, wiping away tears of laughter.
   "He's a dickbag." Julia sighs, "I once told him I wasn't feeling good because my grandma died the night before and asked him if it was okay if I didn't run all the fifty laps and he just told me 'Well old people die it's nothing to bitch about.' Something is seriously wrong with him."
   "That's fucked up." Kayla's thick Irish accent now joins the conversation and I wish she didn't. I already forgot about her sitting right next to Niall. 
   "He once made me get changed because 'red makes him aggressive and he can't deal with that.'" I add, earning chuckles from everyone.  

   We go on like that, telling each other fucked up things Mr. Garrison has done in the past and I honestly never had that much fun while eating lunch in school. Even Niall doesn't seem to be pissed anymore and acts completely normal like himself or I don't notice him behaving differently. Either way, I'm glad he's not being a dick towards me, which is nice for a change. It's like I'm back in middle school and me and the others are good friends again, just having fun. Though, the rest of the group doesn't show up. Louis seems to have vanished to somewhere else - probably with Jeanette.