Winter's World.

Chapter 20. Hopeless

"They say that it was a gang of boys from the school," Nora sighs and takes a drink of her soda, "Something about getting revenge?"

I sit criss crossed on the hospital next to Tae, Nora and Liam sit in the visitors chairs beside the bed. Each of us has a meal from Burger King in front of us.

"Revenge on what?" I furrow my brows. "Princess eat." Tae holds up a burger to my face. I sigh and push it away, "I'm not hungry."

"You have to eat," Liam chimes in, "I know you're hurt right now but-" "I lost my best friend today," I look at them, "I literally wore his blood-"

"Im so sorry," Tae wraps his arms around me, "But you need to eat. Stay healthy. For us." "He's right," Nora sighs, "As much as we want to, we can't changes what happened to James- or any of the other kids. But we can protect you."

"Not eating one burger won't kill me-" "Princess," Tae lets out weakly, "Please eat." The look in his eyes persuades me to pick up my burger and start eating.

~

Thankfully I'm aloud to go home tonight- or early morning if you want to be technical. "Do you want to stop anywhere?" They ask as we drive through the night.

"I just want to go home." I shake my head before placing it on the window. "Okay, hun." Liam sighs and keeps driving straight.

Without a word Tae intertwines our fingers and with his free hand, shifts my head to lay on his shoulder. I don't fight against it, relaxing into him.

~

Before i know it, im waking up at home in bed. I groan when i don't see Tae next to me. Getting up i go down the hall to find his room empty

Anxiety takes over me and wild thoughts play through my mind. I question many things, asking myself if it was all a dream-

But the bandages on my arm suggest it was real-

What if Tae didn't actually make it out-

"Princess," i turn to see Tae through my blurry eyes, "What are you doing up?" I can't help more tears from falling as i run into his arms.

"Did you have a nightmare?" He caresses my back gently, "Was it about James?" Shaking my head i look up at him, "I thought i lost you."

~

"PTSD?" Nora asks the doctor in front of us, "Don't only war veterans get that?"

After several instances where i think i lost Tae or i forget James is dead and have a break down- my mom decided to take me to see a professional.

"Actually no," The doctor sits by the bed, "When someone is in a traumatic experience they can become very sensitive to anything that reminds them of the incident."

I look at Tae who stands on the other side of the bed, holding my hand, "Im sorry." "Princess for what," He sighs, "You didn't do anything wrong, okay?"

I nod and look back at the doctor as he converses with Nora. "How long will it last?" She asks sympathetically. "Sometimes things like this never go away. It just depends on the individual."

"Is there anything we can do to help her?" She looks around the room hopefully. "I'll prescribe some antidepressants and something for hallucinations. Other than that i thing therapy would be a good idea."

I cringe and look at Tae, "I don't want to do therapy-" "You also didn't want to live with Nora and Liam," He cups my face smiling, "It's for the best okay?"

Taking a deep breath i nod, keeping my focus on him.

~

After the shooting everyone in the neighborhood went silent. Hundreds of kids were pulled from school- including me and Tae.

Even if the guys were caught- you can never be to careful. Especially after i was diagnosed with depression, anxiety and PTSD, Nora and Liam rarely let me leave the house-

Or

I should say they rarely make me leave the house. Usually it's only to go to therapy or if Tae leaves im usually on his arm.

I feel bad for being so attached, but i can't help it. One night i woke up and he wasn't in bed and i had a panic attack so bad i almost hyperventilated.

Turns out he just had to take a piss and we giggled it off later, but it was still scary as fuck.

He says he doesn't mind though, he says he "Likes the attention." And i know it doesn't affect him, but i still feel bad-

He can't even take a shit without me sitting in the restroom with him.

He thinks its cute i guess, saying it's "wifey material" for me to be comfortable with him is such weird situations.

I think after a while my anxiety rubbed off on him because he is more on top of where i am then i am about where he is.

If that makes sense?

After a month of this i get worried that he'll get tired of me being attached to his hip and i try to stay away more-

But he's as clingy as i am <3

Therapy was supposed to make me more independent, but i think after the first few visits the poor woman gave up on me.

I don't blame her.

I'm hopeless.