WILD (✓)

~ nineteen ~

I sleep through all of my classes Monday morning. I wake up to several worried texts and a missed call from Lucas. I never replied to him last night, I recall, guilt settling in my stomach. Selfish, my mind reminds me harshly. I call him back and tell him that I'm sick, and in a way I feel like I am. The sadness and guilt bubble in my stomach like poison.

I dial Mom's number next and wait for her to pick up, needing to hear her voice, even if I can't tell her everything. "Kat, how was your visit with Lucas?" She asks as soon as we're connected.

Great, just what I needed. I feel myself frown. "How did you know about that?"

"His mom told me. Why didn't you?" I rub my hand over my eyes and wonder the same thing - wasn't I excited enough to tell her? I can't remember. "Kat? Are you there?" I'm jolted back to our conversation and away from my thoughts.

"Sorry. I'm not feeling well, I think I have the stomach flu," I lie to her, in case Lucas mentions that to his mother, too.

"Do you need anything? I can bring things up for you," I roll my eyes, knowing she's practically one step away from getting in her car this second. Still, I'm grateful. All I want right now is a hug from her.

"No, Mom, I'm good."

Without missing a breath, she asks, "Did you miss class today?"

"Yeah." My appreciation dissipates,"I already emailed my professors to let them know I'd be out for a few days, they sent me work." I can't say I'm surprised our conversation turned to school so quickly. All junior year, she's been on me more than ever.

Mom pauses on the other end. "Well. Get better but don't miss too much, this is a really big time for you right now." She reminds me for the millionth time as if the detail isn't burned into my mind already.

We hang up and I curl into a ball in the center of my bed, pulling my coziest blanket around me tightly. As the sun goes down outside my window, I text Hannah and tell her I won't be at dinner and keep up with my stomach flu fib. Then I pull up CJ's contact and stare at it, for I'm not sure how long.

With shaky fingers, I text him "I'm sorry" and turn my phone off for the night. I grab my things for a shower and head down the hall. It's never busy around dinner time since everyone is at the dining hall, which is precisely why I chose this time to shower. No one will hear me cry.

***

By Thursday, I decide to go back to class. Partly, because I know that if I miss much more, I'll fall way too far behind to catch up by midterms, but mostly because I know I can't miss many more classes without a note from Health Services. And seeing as I'm not sick... Just a liar, my mind sneers.

However, I really wish I wasn't going back on a Stats day. I sigh as I settle into my seat and take out all of my make up work to pass into my Professor once he arrives.

Before class begins, I feel my phone vibrate in my bag, interrupting my pre-class review of the chapter.

Lucas: Hope you're feeling better, KitKat, love you

My stomach flip flops but I can't tell if it's butterflies or nerves. I know what I have to do, the problem is actually getting myself to follow through. I type back a generic, "I love you, too" and decide to push the inevitable off until the weekend, too cowardly to handle the consequences just yet.