Existence

5. worthy

"What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way. What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you." - Chris Isaak

Lucifer was never one to care about another soul. It has pretty much been that way since the beginning of time. He didn't know what he was thinking when he came up to Mandy. Welcoming new souls was nothing new to him. He loved stirring a little mischief and relished in their reactions when they realize where they ended up. How their actions were somehow justified. 

Mandy did that too. But, her reasons were different. It was troubling to figure her out in the beginning, but like always, he was able to. He found himself similar to humans in many ways, and was always rooting for the underdog. Unable to be all knowing and all seeing, it was harder for him to one up God himself. It was a preposterous goal to have, but the insatiable desire for revenge was one of the first things he created. One of the only things he stood for. Watching humanity unfold before his very eyes, he was able to observe their thought process. Their actions were pretty much predictable to him now. 

He had expected it to be easy. To scare her into waking up. Her case was just supposed to fall into the many numbers of suicide attempts. A statistic in the latest caucus. The questions were inevitable, but he didn't think that he would answer them. Let alone have dinner with her later that evening. The most surprising moment of the whole thing, was probably the fact that she looked him right in the eyes that night. Insisting that they were similar. Now, humans have always had the audacity to compare themselves with the devil. Lucifer was their only reference of depravity. Of true evil. 

"Do you know what your name means?" He asked her as she was looking out the balcony of his home. 

"What a weird question for you to have." She mused softly, looking out at the souls drifting through the realm. She wasn't sure if that was the correct term, but she didn't know what else to use. Another thing that perplexed her, was the devil's piqued interest in her.

"Answer it."

"I will," She turned to look at him, "If you answer one of mine."

"Deal."

"Would you look at that," His response earned a chuckle from her, "I just made a deal with the devil."

"Oh Mandy, how you humor me." He teased back.

"So he has a sense of humor?" 

"Of course I do, I practically invented it," He scoffed, "You don't even know how boring it is up there."

"If things go the right way, I won't have to find out."

"Mandy-"

"And no," She interrupted, "I don't know what my name means."

"It means lovable. In other words, you're worthy of love." 

"Why does that matter?" She asked. 

"Is that your question?" He answered with a question.

"Aren't you going to tell me anyways?" 

"Maybe."

"So then tell me."

"I don't think I will." 

"Why not?" 

"Is that your question?"

"You're so," She struggled to find the right adjective for what she was feeling, but was able to settle on one, "Impossible."

"Yeah, I've heard that before." He scoffed. 

"Fine." She huffed.

"Ah, so predictable." He poked her nose teasingly.

"Why is me knowing the what my name means so important?"

"Well, I've been around long enough to know that our names are intertwined with our destiny."

"You better not be going somewhere cheesy with this." Her arms crossed, pressing against her cleavage. His eyes instantly were pulled down and she punched his arm, "Dude, you're like a thousand years older than me!"

"Actually a million but that's not the point," He caged her in, her back pressing against the railing. Her face was so close to his that they were a millimeter away from making a big mistake. His breathe fanned her face lightly while her breath hitched in the back of her throat. His lips skimmed her cheek, and she shivered as his mouth hovered over her ear, "The point is that you're worthy of love."

With that, he took a step back, allowing the air back into her lungs. The air hit her like a hit from a euphoric drug. She suddenly took deep breathes, trying to slow the beating of her heart. The lack of close proximity made her feel cold, with a desire to just be closer to him. She understood why love and lust were so closely associated with the devil, the trembling sensation between her thighs clarified it. 

"I still don't see the point." She breathed, surprising herself at her ability to form coherent words. 

"The point is, your name itself means that you're lovable. You are basically your name no? Your name is a part of you. Just like God is. The fact that you exist is enough reason. He loved you enough to create you. No matter how far you stray, he will forgive you. He just wants you to come back to him."

"Then why can't I find it? Love I mean," She had to ask, "I already know that for God, those who seek shall find and what not."

"Because you're looking for love in all the wrong places."

"I stopped looking for it."

"Good. Love will find you. But, that doesn't mean you should stop giving it. Did you think about the love ones you'll be leaving behind?" The question he asked struck something in her, and she felt nothing but fury. 

"You're one to talk. You know what? You think that you are helping me, but all you are is a fucking hypocrite. All this talk of redemption and how God loves me. What about you? What about love? What about redemption? Don't you dare speak about things you've never even experienced." 

"You do not get to tell me what I have and have not experienced girl!" His voice roared and his eyes blazed with a passionate shade of red, "I have lived millennia after millennia. Of course I have fallen in love at some point. Does the name Eve ring a bell in that head of yours? Yeah, they say I seduced her. But no, I loved her."

"You," She said softly, "You fell in love with a mortal."

"You would think more people would know about us. We were the original Romeo and Juliet." He tried to joke, but the mood was already set. There was no escaping the fact that he blew up. He revealed something so deeply personal in a fit of rage, and to be honest, he didn't regret it. 

"Look Lucifer, I am really sorry about how things went down between you and her-"

"Yeah I know. You can't choose who you fall for, but you do choose to stay." He interrupted her with words that held a double meaning, only for them to come to light later on. 

"Fair point," She remarked, "But, making me feel alive again just won't work. It won't give you what you seek."

"Are you underestimating the devil?"

"I guess I am."

"Well then," He paced for a couple seconds before finally stopping in front of her, a mischievous glint in his eyes, "This calls for an adventure."