Existence

15. life

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly." - The Beatles 

When Mandy awoke the next morning, her head was consumed with a migraine that prevented her from leaving the bed. It was one of those headaches that felt like someone was squeezing her brain, debilitating it from it's God-given function. She had no choice but to stare at the ceiling with her eyes shut as she let her thoughts roam free. 

The physical area of her brain was what hurt, but that does not mean that the cognitive portion wasn't affected. Even though there was a lack of communication in her nerves, she was still very aware of her surroundings. 

They say that boredom is never good for the mind, because your thoughts can wander in unforgiving places. It gives your mind even more time to overthink certain things, and just exacerbate any depression or anxiety you might have. The scientists like to associate boredom with an experience of wanting, yet being unable to engage in such things which lead to a lack of satisfaction. 

This was something Mandy knew to well. 

Yet, she couldn't help but push her mind to the brink of insanity when she was left with nothing else to do. It was self destructive behavior, that she knew. But, she loved and hated it all the same. There were times were she would just sit there, unraveling every single thought and intent. Every single motive and memory. 

Then, there were other times. The times where she would literally talk to herself, asking for her mind to just shut down. To have some sort of peace for at least 5 minutes. She would sit in the corner of her room, impassive and frozen. Just silently wishing for it all to stop. 

"Hey," Lucifer came into the room, "I thought you'd be out of bed by now."

"I wish I was." She groaned, clutching her head. 

"What's wrong?"

"Well isn't it obvious?" She somehow found the energy to roll her eyes, "I have a fucking headache."

"Oh no." He muttered. 

"What the fuck do you mean 'oh no'?" She peaked at him from the corner of her eye. 

"Mandy, I need you to listen to me very carefully." His eyes darted back and forth, potentially letting the fear show. 

"Okay?"

"You remember how this all started right?"

"Yeah, duh."

"Okay, well I need you to will yourself back to life." He said. There was no room for argument, there was no room for anything. This is what she had to do. 

"Why?" She knew she shouldn't of asked that, but she did anyway. 

"Because," He threw his hands up in exacerbation, "You're slipping. Your body is beginning to fail you and time is running out. If you don't show consciousness back on Earth, you're screwed."

"Why are you so upset?" She opened her eyes fully, "I am pretty sure my soul is damned for hell. In just a couple moments, we can be permanent."

"You don't get it!" He roared, "Once I fully claim your soul for hell, that's it. You're done. You will no longer get special treatment because you have already been judged. I will have no choice but to sentence you to an eternity of pain and suffering. Then, after all that you have endured, you'll just vanish like the rest of us down here."

"What?" She breathed, the shock not yet catching up to her. She didn't know why it took her so long to realize it. 

hell was real.