Existence

4. hope

"Hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have." Lana Del Rey 

Mandy still didn't know what Lucifer's deal was, but she wasn't really that determined to find out. Her thoughts were all too consumed with a decision that made her feel like she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. 

"Wait, so if I decide not to wake up again, will I be damned in hell for all of eternity?" She asked him, as she sat at on the opposite end of the dinner table. She was honestly surprised that she was still able to feel something as humane as hunger, but brushed it off at the sight of the feast in front of her. 

"Well, not necessarily," He took a long drag of his cigar, "Everyone here is suffering in there own way, but on judgement day, the wicked will be no more."

"What do you mean?"

"The way into the kingdom of heaven is through Christ, so those who choose not to follow him, will be punished. God is merciful though, but after that chance, we will be nothing but ashes under his feet. Just a faint memory, that no one will be able to find."

"So you're going to die too. You aren't immortal." She said softly. 

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Doesn't that bother you?"

"I've lived long enough, don't you think?" He said with a ghost of a smile.

"Do you question humanity's faith?"

"You ask a lot of questions," He smirked before sighing, "But yes, I do. It's my job to."

"Then why does no one pray for you? You are the first sinner, paving the way for the rest of us rebels and misfits. So why don't the pastor's pray for the one sinner who needs it the most. Why won't God forgive you?" Her question stroke a cord in him, strumming a song that he hasn't heard in ages. A song of sadness and regret. A faint tune that was underlying in every action he made. 

"I never repented." He said simply, the walls coming back up again. 

"Why won't you?"

"Enough Mandy! Just, stop it will you?" His hands slammed roughly on the table, startling her, "A human like you has no business questioning the devil."

"You say 'human' as if it is some degradation of something. You say it as if it is an insult."

"Because it is. You are made in his image, yet have a pea sized brain that can't even begin to comprehend him. Every mistake you make, is blamed on me. Every atrocity you ever commit, its because the devil made you do it. I did not make anyone do anything. I simply tempted you to, just as God calls you. In the end, the choice is yours."

"You're right," She got up and slowly walked over to him, "But I never blamed you."

"You blamed someone other than you, its the same thing."

"And that is something I should fix," She took his hand in both of hers. The action shocked them both, but she wasn't thinking and neither was he. It was a simple, platonic movement, that had enough power to calm him down. It was a futile human act, that somehow made his mind slow down and heart rate pick up, "I am owning up to my actions Lucifer, isn't that what you want?"

She was met with silence, so she kept going, "You may not want to accept it, but you and me aren't that different. We don't want to hope for anything, because we think that we deserve the worst. That is why we are scared to ask for forgiveness. But, its that one sliver of hope, that fucks everything up for us."

"I don't have hope. Like I said before, wrong angel." 

"Then why do you care for me? You've only known me for a day. I should be floating around with the other souls, yet I am here eating dinner with you. Why's that?"

Again, silence. 

"I think that it is because you see something in me. Not like that protege bullshit. But, you see a part of yourself in me. The part you choose to suppress and ignore. The part of you that you keep chained away in the farthest crevices of your mind. The subconscious part of you that isn't associated with your ego, but rather your emotions instead."

"You know, if you do decide to wake up, you should really try a psychologist major."

"Bold of you to assume that I am planning on pursuing a college education."

"What else of you plan on doing with all that intelligence?"

"Dying." She said without hesitation. 

"You're impossible." He said incredulously. 

"I know," She pulled the left corner of her lips into a small smirk, "But I think you can handle it."

"Damn right I can. I am the prince of darkness."

"Yes, that you are." 

The moments that followed were nothing short of silence. She maintained eye contact, determined to not be the one who breaks first. Without a doubt, she was the handsomest man she had ever laid eyes on. She knew that it was because he was a divine creature, and that is why he surpassed the looks of literally every man on Earth. But, it wasn't just that. She was always one who was attracted to chaos. She loved throwing herself in other people's problems just to avoid her own. It was the control freak in her. The one who believed that everything needed to be fixed. 

He took the time to admire the details. From her chocolate eyes, to the stray pieces of hair that framed her face. The way her hands held his, and how she didn't seem phased about hell or even dying. He was mesmerized by her ability to understand him, especially since that is all he ever wanted. 

To be understood.