Kelsey
"Kelsey." My mom said as she peeps her head inside my room
"Yes?" I looked up at her as she enters
"I just wanna say I'm so proud that you're going out now." She said smiling. "You know, aftet everything that has happened for the last couple of years. You had me worried about everything but thank God you're getting better."
"Mom, can we please stop thinking about what happened? It makes me uncomfortable." I swear she saw me winced as if my fresh wound was pinched.
"When will you be ready? Your aunt said you need to see a doctor." She said and I shook my head.
"The doctor will just make me remember things that should have been forgotten Mom! Do you know how hard it is to forget that? Do you know how many sleepless nights I've gone through? Those horrible nightmares I had? Mom, I'm tired of being reminded of how I killed my own sister. I could never forgive myself. Never." Tears were dropping nonstop from my own eyes.
"That's why you need to do that, hon. You need to learn to forgive yourself." She said while hugging me as I sob nonstop and soaking her shirt with my tears. I was mumbling a lot of sorry's and I didn't meant to do that to her.
...
A few days later, I went out with Bigi. We had patched things up. We were back to normal although we still feel awkward with each other.
"Here we are." He said and I got off of his car. We go out without any malice, we just go out as friends. No more no less.
We reached his dad's tombstone. I remember reading and watching about Michael Jackson's conspiracy theories about how he's still alive and he's just acting dead to stop all those rumors about him and all that shit going on around him.
We sat down on the mat we've prepared and felt the quietness of the surrounding.
"Do you believe?" He asked me
"With what?"
"Faith, trust, and pixie dust." I snorted a laughter when he said that but eventually nodded.
"Though I wish it was true." If that was true, I could've flown by now. Or if those pixie dusts were true, I could've wished my sister was still alive.
"You're pretty brave." I muttered while looking at the tombstone
"How did you say that?" He asked
"You lived a long time without your dad. If I was in your place, I would've been dead inside for a long time. I would've been lost in the dark."
"I am. Would you believe that even after a decade, I'd still be mourning about my dad?" I looked at him with disbelief written on my face.
"Oh please." I even rolled my eyes at him playfully and we both laughed a little
"No, honestly."
"I get you." I said and there was a long silnce before he talked again
"Everyone would be expecting you to be so okay after just a couple of weeks after the burial, smile like nothing has happened and even tells you you're weak when you cry in front of em." His words made me look at him. He was staring at the field in front of us.
"Talking about him was my only way so that I would never forget him. I never had the most memories with him that's why it hurts more for me. They all had memories they can bring with them forever. But does a 7-year old kid remember everything that happens around him? I envied the fans because they know my dad better that I do. I envied my family coz they had longer times to spend with them than I did. And I hate myself because the only thing that could remind me of the things we used to do back then were the tapes that he, himself, had shot when we were kids. I can't even remember how his voice went every time we make something wrong. I never was a talker so I just kept it all in and cried whenever I go to his tombstone in secret. I go here when no one else does. Because even if I want to, I can't let a tear slip in front of them." He was already sobbing and that actually made me felt scared and panicky all over.
I tapped his shoulder as I wait for him to calm down. I felt sorry for him and I wanted to hug him but I don't want to at the same time.
"I ain't gonna tell you that everythings 's gonna be fine because that might be not what you needed right now but that doesn't mean that you won't be having a friend right now." I said and continued to pat his shoulder. He rested his head on his arms which are resting on his knees as he continues to cry silently.
I honestly feel his pain right now. Empty wishes. We both had empty wishes. But what's worse is, no matter what I do, I can't bring myself to question God to what's happening right now though I blame myself to what had happened in our family.
"Michael's proud of you. To every one of you." I said after another dead silence.
He looked at me with eyes that are questionning. Maybe he's thinking about the crzy things that are going on inside my head.
"He's gonna be so proud of you because you managed to stay fine at the very least for the past 10 years. Crying is fine if you're sad. Mourning when someone died is fine. Never think that feeling sad makes you weak. Not because you're a guy doesn't mean you can never breakdown at some point in your life. You feel empty inside? It's alright. You feel burnt out? You feel tired about everything? You're missing someone that will never gonna come back anymore? That is normal. Guys are built to be persons not robots who can't let out their feelings. Stop being such a stone." I said while I stared at the tombstone of my favorite singer.
I wasn't really much of a fan of Michael Jackson. I even knew his existence when the news of him thay he died already has reached the Philippines. I am the same age as Bigi, older than a couple of months actually, so I'm pretty much clueless as to who he is really. But I grew to love his music coz I've got an uncle, who then took care of us alongside with my grandma, he plays Michael Jackson's music in our home in the Philippines. Even the music channel of Philippines played his music videos for the whole week or so as a tribute to the death of the King of Pop. That's why I fell in love with his music. But it's just lately when I got more interested about his life and found out about his children.
"He's the best father a person can ever have."
"I beg to disagree." I said and he laughed at my childishness.
"People have been wondering how I make you smile like that. Do I have some effect on you?" I asked him and he sighed and looked at the tombstone.
"Other than my family? And well, of course my dad, you were the first person who ever treated me as if I was not the son of the 'Great King of Pop'." He said
"How about Chloe and Gareth? I'm sure they act like I do around you. And the Miracles. We barely point out about your ancestry." I said and he chuckles with my use of words
"I don't know. We are all on the same ground with this issue." He answered and this time I agreed with him.
If he does not know why, how can I know what I do?
"By the way, do you get weirded out because of the teasing?" I asked
"Uh... Why should I?" I dropped the topic once I got his answer.
Honestly, I never liked this kind of topic. I'm more of like a secretive kind of girl. I hate talking bout my feelings and I easily get weirded out. I would often brush this off of me but it kinda lingers in my mind all day until I would think that I would give it a try.
But how?
The last time I had myself fall in love with somebody, I killed the only person who believed in me.
...............
A/N:
okay guys! I promise you that I will be updating once my schedule clears out! And here we go!
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Just thought of this... So guys, wanna be part of the story? I'm kind of running out of names ✌🏻.. I'm just wondering if I can borrow your names just for this story? Thank you in advance❤
