The online journal of a messy human

my journey with sexuality

Okay, so as you know, I am demipansexual/romantic. It took me a couple years to realize this, however, as it does for most.

So let's start with things that should have keyed me in, but didn't because I'm a lil' bit of a doofus:
· my first kiss was with my female best friend at age 9...and uh, kissing led to touching and stuff *clears throat*
· I've always had somewhat romantic attraction to people I'm close to, it just happened that way. While I never knew they were crushes, they were. Trust me.
· I know this is usually how females display love to their close friends, but I've always been a bit clingy and cuddly with my friends. Not in a romantic way, but just in a "hey, you're my best friend and I don't know what I'd do without you" kind of way.

So my journey with figuring out my sexuality has been just as long and winding. At first I thought I was bi(because I had a major crush on a girl, not because I definitely made out with my female best friend a few too many times), and I rolled with that for a while. Even came out as bi on Insta(don't do that if you're not sure, btw. I got outed as bi a few weeks later because my cousin is a bitch.) and that led to a lot. Later I discovered what pan was, and I realized it fit me better. (Sidenote, this was about when I started identifying as enby) So I told a couple friends, went on with my life. Up until a couple months ago, pan worked well. Then I explored romantic vs sexual attraction. I knew I was pan, but I thought I might have been ace for a bit. I'm not, but I am under the umbrella. I explored for a bit, then thanks to my favorite lgbt youtuber, I discovered what demisexual was. I realized I was demipansexual and demipanromantic. What really clued me into this was my massive crush on a person I had known for a while. I had only known her closely for this one school year, but when we joined bowling team together, the crush developed. It was bound to happen sooner or later, with lunch, one class, and bowling after school every day together.

Anyway, that's beside the point. Anyone reading this, feel free to comment your journey with your sexuality so far. Everyone is welcome and accepted here. If you just want to rant, feel free.

C'ya lovelies! ;)
- E