The online journal of a messy human

my journey with gender identity

Aaalrighty then, we're diving into this pit of despair now, huh? Mmmkay...

For a while(like 13 years of my 14 years of existance) I was just a cisgender female. That's how it usually goes, yeah? But maybe...a week or so after my birthday party in August, I started having the gender questioning stuff 'n shit. My first thought was nonbinary, seeing as they/them pronouns felt comfortable to me. I told a single person, who I already knew was nonbinary(or something similar more recently). I was comfortable with nonbinary for a while, you know, which is good I guess. But then it wasn't. When I joined the girl's bowling team at my school, I got really dysphoric. I don't know exactly what dysphoria feels like, seeing as I also have depression and can't tell the difference. But some days, just looking at myself in the mirror made me feel sick. So once again I was confused. Then, on the bus ride home one day, my mind switched like a light switch, and I realized I was okay with being referred to as a male. Male pronouns, masculine features, lower singing voice, flat chest, all of it. So once again, I started questioning my gender. (Funnnnn...) This was a couple months ago, and since then I tampered with Agender, genderqueer, demiguy, etc. It always switched around, however. Then earlier this week I was talking to the same nonbinary friend I've talked to since the beginning, and they said "hey maybe you're just genderfluid/nonbinary?" and I instantly felt that they were correct. Aaaand the next day I came out to my other best friend, who is honestly taking this all so well and is so supportive.

Well, that's all. I'm honestly so tired right now, its like 11 at night, so I should get some sleep.

C'ya, lovelies! ;)
-E