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by _passiveagressive_

by _passiveagressive_

Alrighty first of all, sorry again for the delay in updates. I promise, I'm back at it now that the school year is finally over. Plus, I kind of have to keep myself occupied with updating my several fanfics I have yet to finish, or else I'm left with just my own thoughts. Which easily cause a mental breakdowns, apparently.

Anyway, I guess I've had a lot on my mind the past couple days. And, this is for the most part a rant book, so rant I shall.

First, and the one that really threw me for a loop, is the fact that-- well, first, y'all know my family is religious, right? Everyone's LDS, which I guess is a specific branch of christian or something?--I don't think I'm LDS like my family. I still believe in God and that he lived at one point, but I don't think abortions, being gay, cursing, drinking, or other stuff like that are sins. I mean, I'm definitely not straight, I curse all the time, I think abortions should be available for everyone(thats a whole topic that I don't want to get into right now) and a lot of my friends have parents that drink, smoke, curse, etc. I can't exactly go against what I think just to not spend time with one of my best friends. So yeah, that's a whole thing.

The other thing is less of a shocker to you guys, probably--omg I said "you guys" rather than "y'all" 😵😂--and that is that iM QUESTIONING MY SEXUALITY IDENTITY AGAINNNN

haha, yeah, no surprise there. But anyway, I was thinking about it for a while on Saturday after I had spent almost all day with my friend/crush. And like, the more I think about it, the more I realize "am I gay?" Like, it makes sense, right? I haven't liked a boy seriously since 6th grade, and that was before puberty flicked the "haha ur gay" switch in my head. And I know I always just say irl "I'm so gay" and other stuff like that, but I might actually be. Gay afab people can still like enby people(I learned this from One Day At A Time) (Great show btw I'm obsessed thank you Netflix) and even if I did like a guy seriously, I'm genderfluid so everything is gay. Long story short, I think I might just identify as gay now? Like, it makes sense to me. And, its easier than daying "I'm demi-bisexual or maybe demi-pansexual and genderfluid so really I'm a ball of chaos" to everyone who asks. And everyone who doesn't ask. Also, no offense to people who do use the label lesbian, but I basically refuse to use that label. One, I'm not a female. I may have been at birth, but I'm not now. Second, I just really don't like the lesbian/wlw flag, so...again, no offense. I just hate the color pink, aside from the specific shade range of Salmon. That shade of pink, I don't hate.

Related to what I said above, I've had the urge all weekend to spontaneously text my cousins Kisney and Kirsten, along with my half sister Breanna, coming out as gay to Breanna and probably bi to be safe with Kinsey. As for Kirsten, she already knows I'm not straight--she happens to be the one who outed me--and I just think its time I talk to her and explain why I haven't texted her in a year and a half(specifically, since December 26th, 2018...).

Anyways, I think that's all...I shall soon get back into the pride project I had going earlier, I promise!

- El ✌