Tbh I don't think my family/people I used to be friends with realize how much their words affect me. I stopped going outside, even in the summer, without a jacket on because my ex-best friend commented on how fat my arms are. You know I've cried myself to sleep from harsh words about sexuality from my mom, whether she meant it towards me or not. I get it, times were different when my family members were kids. I can't expect change from them. But at this point...its all very toxic and mentally abusive.
"Maybe the orange smell will keep you from eating as much as you do." I...didn't eat more than a normal breakfast and lunch...?
"You don't want to end up like your dad, do you? Fat and rude?" Maybe he was fat, but he was my dad.
"Its okay to like girls, but its a sin to act on these feelings. I expect you to act straight..." This is just who I am.
"Jeez, do you need a second helping?" I was hungry.
"No, short hair is for boys, and for old ladies." It's just hair.
"Why do you need a shirt from there? Why not this pretty pink one?" It's just a shirt.
"Fine, we're getting pizza. If you don't want some, you can just not eat tonight." I'm lactose intolerant.
This isn't to say that my relationship with my dad when I was younger was any better...we both had tempers. We fought a lot. It didn't matter to me. That was better than this.
My family wonders why I'm so depressed and angry...its because of them. But I can't say that. So I just shrug and walk away.
It's all too much for me.
YOU ARE READING
The online journal of a messy human
Aléatoireyyyup I'm writin another one... (There's no specific update schedule by the way)
