kathleen

rango

10 months later
kathleen's pov:
"tonight's the night ey," he says with a twinkle in his eye. "i know, it's crazy! i'm so proud of you," i respond. god, i'm so full of pride i think my heart could burst.
"02 arena n all, never would've dreamt that we'd be playing here! we're just scruffs from t'middle a nowhere," he says, but i disagree. he's got charm, a beautiful voice and a beautiful face. everything you'd want in a rockstar. he's hardly a scruff. we run about the hotel room, both of us struggling to get ready as we come down to the last 10 minutes before we head down to the venue. eventually, we finish and pick up all our stuff. i pick up the keycard for the room, to swipe us out, but before i do van takes my other hand. i turn around and our eyes lock. "i love you kathleen. i'm doing this all for you." i start to smile, despite my eyes welling up. "i love you too." i start, and he kisses my head. i wipe my tears, being careful not to smudge my makeup, "now, let's get this show on the road."

****
i sit backstage with larry, while he does all his guitar techy stuff. i listen to the music so intently. i capture every lyric that van sings, right down to every drum beat that bob plays. i get lost in it all. in fact so much so, that when larry asked if i wanted some water i completely ignored him, without even realising. they sounded perfect. he sounded perfect. i hear the introduction to kathleen and my heart melts. i had never heard them live, never heard this song live, but i had listened to it constantly. i fell in love with that song. it seems surreal to think that he's singing to 20,000 people about me. listening to it live made me break down completely. i had never loved someone more than him, right now.
the rest of the set was a blur of bass lines and artistic lyrics, and i got engulfed by it all. it felt euphoric, even to me, listening from backstage, i can't imagine how van feels.
the boys come back in, sweating heavily: bob, benji and bondy. but no van.
"you did amazing guys!" i start, hoping that van was just behind them.
"thanks love," bondy replies as i hug them all.
"where's van?"
"oh he's probably gone for a fag. weird though, usually he comes back here first. i wouldn't think too much of it love." benji says.
i wait for 10 minutes, which bleeds into another 10 and then another 10 after that. at this point i'm starting to worry.
"i'm just gonna go and look for van, he's been a while." i start.
"dya want me to come with you, it's a pretty big place?" benji asks
"no thanks benj, i'll be alright." i respond. i head out of the backstage exit door and i try to look everywhere. i look round the back, as that's where i'd assume he'd go for a cigarette. i don't find him and i start to panic, but then i think to myself 'the bar! he's bound to be there, having a drink, probably with larry.' i race around the building until i reach the bar door. i turn the corner looking in every direction and i finally see his hair peeking over the top of someone's head. the person moves and my heart sinks. everything stops. he was there. kissing a girl. i felt something die inside of me. a chunk of me- just crumbles away. how? why? a million thoughts begin to run around my head. i stand there, in complete and utter shock.

van's pov:
my eyes dart up. kathleen. i feel my heart rip. "kath," i start. i don't even know what to say. i don't know how i got here. i can't remember. probably a mix of alcohol and adrenaline. she can't even look at me. she just looks confused. she runs off. i get up, completely disregarding the girl i was sat at the bar with. i run after her, but she shows no signs of slowing down. i follow her all the way around the place, right back up to the backstage room. she goes in and i hear everyone ask her what was wrong.
"just, some stuff with van," i hear her say. my heart breaks even more. i'm so stupid. i catch her on her way out of the backstage room. "kath," i start.
"i don't wanna hear it right now van. i need to go home." she says, her face stained by tears.
"let me drive you. i'm not letting you go home by yourself. it's midnight." i beg and plead with her, because i genuinely want to keep her safe.
"if you cared you wouldn't have gone down to the bar and kissed another girl." she looks broken and there's a numbness in her tone.
"please."