kathleen

sidewinder

kathleen's pov:
i feel numb. we're in the car. the painful silence is back. it's raining. it feels as if this scene should be in a movie or something. but it's not, unfortunately. i don't want to speak because i know i'll break. we eventually pull up outside of my flat after what seems like the longest drive ever. i get ready to get out of the car when van goes "kathleen, wait."
"van i'm sorry i have no words for you right now." i reply. i physically don't think my heart could handle talking about it right now.
"i know you hate me. you probably want to smash my face in. but i love you kathleen. only you. i don't even know why i did it."
"van you can't say that you love me after doing that. that's just not how it works. you can't love me." i say, walking away.
"but i do kath. i love you. i love you kathleen evans. god, i love you." he says, with an unmistakable passion, grabbing my wrist to stop me from walking away. our eyes lock again, for what felt like years, just as they did in the hotel. he pulls me closer and our lips meet. i go with it for a second, but i can't bring myself to carry on, and i pull myself off him. "van, i can't, not yet." i say turning my head and heading into the flat. out of the corner of my eye i see him run his hair through his hands in despair and lets out a sigh.

van's pov:
i hate myself. why did i do this? i knew how much she hurt me and then for me to go and do the same to her? i hate it. i see her unlock the door to her flat and i feel my heart freeze over.
"kathleen.." i start. "i'm sorry. i'm so so sorry my love." i feel my eyes watering. "i don't ever want to let you go. i need you. i can't stay away from you kath, you're my drug."
she looks back at me in despair and confusion.
"van. i love you too. but i just need to step away for a bit. i can't just wipe my memory and forget that it ever happened. because it did van." she looks pained, tears escaping her eyes as she spoke.
without thinking, i respond "and you think i could? you think i could just forget that you cheated on me?" i hated bringing that topic up. but i couldn't stop myself.
"is that what this is about?" she snaps back, pain and anger overtaking her. "did you do this so we could be even? for revenge? van, i know what i did was so so wrong, and i know how much it hurt you, so if you really cared about me, why did you do it? why?!" she shouts.
it threw me off guard, and i didn't know what to say. i didn't say anything. i just felt numb. a sharp numbness. she unlocks her flat door and slams it behind her.