Midnight Thoughts

There's This Bottle

There's this bottle
It's filled to the brim.
It's where my tears and memories
Go whenever I think of him.
The pain
The ache
The cuts so deep
Inside of my heart-
I'm bleeding.
I'm bleeding out
But that's okay.
I'll fake a smile
And fake my happiness anyway.
I thought I had shut it off.
I thought I had flipped the switch.
I thought that I told myself
I wouldn't let him affect me
Anymore and yet it
Happened again.
There's this bottle
Sitting in a box
In a closed off section
Labeled with "thoughts".
Inside is whatever pops into
My head.
My words from the shower
And the words from my bed.
These thoughts seem bipolar
Ranging in different ways.
One day I will be happy
And the other I'll feel pain.
I might seem psychotic
Quite frankly I feel insane.
But I won't bother you with it
I'll save it for another day.
This whole fiasco
Is ruining my mind.
My mental health is declining
But you know what?
I'm fine.
There's this bottle
Sitting in a locked chest.
It's got cautionary tape around it
And in front of that
An iron fence.
It's blocked with so much
So no one can get through.
But there's a special key
And it seems it might
Be made for you.
You hold access to that bottle.
Hell, the recent stuff is
Swimming with you.
But that's the thing.
It's constantly playing you.
I mean I've tried
To shut it off
To break it down
To throw it off a cliff
Just so I can think for once
On my own.
But I can't.
It's you.
You have captured my mind
By making it your home
A place where you sit
And constantly let me know.
That you're out there
And not with me.
But when you were
You seemed out of arm's reach.
You got so much power over me
That it literally drives me mad.
You told me that you loved me.
You told me I was beautiful.
You treated me with so
Much care it seems
As if you thought I would break.
But I won't
Not today.
There's a bottle
Sitting in a field
Out in the open
But with nothing to be revealed.
It lets people use it.
It lets people shatter it
Because it knows
It'll help them in the end.
It takes the pain
The torture
And the emptiness
Only to be there for someone.
And so
There's a bottle
Sitting in a field
Out in the open
But with nothing to be revealed
Because that's just it.
It's empty
And filled with nothing at all
Yet it feels everything.
It feels the pain
And gladly takes it.
It feels numb.
There's a bottle
But this time it's different.
It's not filled with
Emotions or memories.
It's a person instead of glass.
It will not let people see it break
Because it was made to last.
It carries all the issues
All the pain
Of missing people
And the torment
Of never being enough.
It knows pain and heartache
As if it was their twin.
It's repeatedly been
Thrown away.
And the person just nods
And says "that's okay".
They go on.
Until
They can't go on anymore.
Because there is a bottle
Sitting in a field.
It's no longer empty
And no longer whole.
There's visible cracks along the sides
From being thrown and tossed
And played with time
After time.
It starts planning on pain
When someone looks angry
Or when someone has a problem.
It has a worn look to it
From all of the hands and
Memories that have touched it.
It tries to feel helpful
To be there for someone new
But with all of the baggage already
What more can they do?
The baggage is weighing down on them.
The tiny cracks have turned to holes
And it seems as if there's nothing more it can hold.
There's this bottle
And it's now lost its strength.
It's now carried too much
And finally collapsed.
Don't be like this glass bottle.
Don't do what I did and let
Everything get to you.
Don't let the pressure of society taint
Who you are
And your vision.
You are beautiful.
Extraordinary.
Magnificent.
Incredible.
You.
Nothing you can do
Will change the fact that you
Are you.
But don't let
Everything drag you down.
If something is hurting you
Or you feel like you're sinking.
Reach out.
Grab that line and let us
Pull you back to safety.
Stay strong lovely.

There's This Bottle 4/10/20 01:03