Fading Scars

Chapter 11

Lilly-May

I think about the day I returned to school after Vacation. A lot has happened since then but I still recall it so well. Mom took us to school that day as she had a meeting with the principal. I went straight to my first class, maths. Dreaded maths, I hadn't missed this subject at all. Joey has messaged me every day and we send each other stupid Snapchats.
I reach the classroom and look into the open door. Everyone is at their seats and a substitute teacher is taking our class. Probably because Mr Dudley is meeting with Mom. I turn around and quickly use a filter and snap a picture of myself and the class in the background. I label it 'Late for class on my first day back.' I grin and send it to Joey.
I look at Jay and he is staring at me, he pats the chair next to him and I go and sit next to him. Caleb follows in shortly after. "You two are late. Not even an apology," Mrs Molina scolds. I bow my head and look at the table.
Jay puts his arm around my shoulder and I brush him off, "Get your paws off me, Jay." I say under my breath. He looks like he's just been rejected.
"What's wrong with you, Boo?" he looks only at me imploring me to answer. I can't believe that he doesn't suspect anything.
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe something to do with the fact that things were getting heated with Kelly when you were on the phone to me. You never really contacted me," I suspect that he only contacted me at all because of those photos.
"Oh come on boo. You know me, anything to get the girl." I roll my eyes and look at the teacher trying to concentrate. She writes lots of numbers on the board but I don't understand anything. Maybe I need to be moved down a year. All the numbers are scrambled in my head and I wouldn't know where to start.
My phone vibrates and I take it out of my pocket and hold it underneath my desk. It's a snap from Joey. I open it and it's a picture of him by the pool. It's 9.45 am and he's by the pool. He looks so hot, I grin and bite my lip. His caption reads, 'Bright Eyes gone rogue.' This is out of character for me to sneak away from my parents to see Joey, to being late to class and now on my phone in class.
"I'm sorry okay. It won't happen again," I look up at Jay. I forgot what we were even talking about. I stop biting my lip and stop grinning from ear to ear. Jay is frowning at my phone. I lock my phone and put it away.
"You bet your ass it won't." I try concentrating on the whiteboard again. Elijah who sits in front of me turns round to look at me.
"Hey, Lilly," he says looking intently at me. Elijah is pretty handsome but he's a friend. I don't have any romantic thoughts about him. I mean I'm his friend no one is interested in me like that. Except for Joey but he didn't know the real me. It was fun whilst it lasted.
"Hey, Elijah," I put my fingers on my temples trying to understand this equation on the board.
"I've missed you, where have you been?" I tell him I've been on vacation. "Did you have fun?" I nod, I really did.
"Face forward idiot," Jay says frustrated. I shove him with my elbow and Elijah faces forward. The past week has been difficult. My Mom was missing to find Uncle Sully. I still don't understand them, Mom was prepared to leave Daddy to save him. Prepared to leave us. She didn't even contact us, she didn't contact me. That hurt, I didn't know if she was alive or dead. Daddy was away from home a lot trying to find her. Sully wasn't missing for long but I hear it was down to Mom. She did a swap to save him.
She chose to leave us. I'm happy she saved uncle Sully but she left us so easy. I needed her and she wasn't here. She always has her own problems. Daddy says she was fine but he was ready to kill someone. The twins wanted to help but Daddy wouldn't let them. They put all their energy into their training.
Today starts with more maths. It's even worse Mr Dudley teaching me. I understand even less. "Right, work on your own to get these equations finished. I don't want to hear anything from you." Ah crap, I'm never going to be able to do this. I look at Caleb and he passes me a bit of paper. He never cheats for me, he always writes it in a way that I can understand.
I study the piece of paper, I smile at Caleb. This is really helpful, When I look back down the piece of paper is gone and Mr Dudley is holding it. "Cheating Miss Salvatore." Salvatore? That's Mom's maiden name isn't it?
"Um, sir. My name is Lilly Rider," I say nervously. My cheeks redden and my hands start sweating. He keeps the piece of paper and storms off to his desk at the front of the class.
"Don't answer me back. Detention for you. I'm going to have to call in your Mother," I put my hands on my forehead in a panic. What did I do?
"That's not fair. Not her fault you don't know her name." Jay growls, I look at Caleb and he is confused too. I have never had detention before, my hands are all sweaty. I wipe them on my jeans. Jay grabs my hand and I look at him.
"Enough of you Mr Rivers. Your Dad was just as bad," Mr Dudley knew my Mom and Brody. I wish I knew my Mom back then.
"He obviously knew you were a jackass too," My mouth drops and I stare at Jay. I can't believe he just said that to a teacher. All on my behalf I imagine.
"That's enough. Carry on with you equations in silence." I should tell Mom that he picks on me. Jay didn't get detention. She'd kick his ass into next week. He doesn't teach me anything and he makes me feel stupid.
My phone vibrates and I get excited thinking about what Joey would have messaged me. I look at Mr Dudley and he's intently looking at his desk. I pull my phone out and it's a text from an unknown number.
UNKNOWN: Hey, Lilly. I know how you feel about Jason.
I look around me in a panic, who is messaging me? They know who I am if they said my name. I look at Jay and he is looking at his work.
ME: Who is this? He's my friend.
I continue to watch Mr Dudley in case he catches me with my phone too.
UKNOWN: You keep telling yourself that. I can help.
I don't need nor want anyone's help. He's never going to want me anyway.
ME: Help how?
UNKNOWN: I know Jason better than anyone. Meet me at the trailer park in Cabo Roig. Alone.
That's about a twenty-minute walk from here. Knows Jay better than anyone? That hurts, I thought I knew him better than anyone. Once the bell rings I get up and leave class. I here Jay call my name but I march out and head out of the school. I shouldn't be going but I need to know if I have a chance here. Chance to be with Jay and to know who this person is that thinks they know him better than me. We've known each other since I was about two years old. We've grown up together, we used to tell each other our secrets and we had our own little handshake that we swore on.
I walk down the street checking that no ones following. I was instructed to go alone and I know my brothers are protective. I pass many streets before I reach the caravan site. I don't even know if I'm looking for a male or female let alone what they look like. Once I pass the first caravan my heartbeat is racing. I search for all the faces of people that I pass but no one jumps out.
SEB: Where are you? I went to walk you to class but I never saw you.
I don't respond to him, I'll do it when I'm on my way back. I see a black-haired woman sat perching on the step of her caravan and she smiles at me. I bow my head but I look at her again. She stands up and makes her way towards me. She looks like she hasn't aged well. Her hair is greasy and her eyes look weird. "Your face is priceless," she laughs at me. I turn around I shouldn't have come. "Leaving so soon, Lilly." Oh crap, she knows who I am. I turn around to look at her again.
"Who are you?" I say nervously. Daddy will kill me when he finds out I've come here alone. But then so will my brothers. She comes closer to me and I smell alcohol on her. I turn my nose up at her, Daddy can sometimes smell this bad but it didn't bother me, she scares me.
"Oh, dear Lilly. I'm going to help you," Who is she and why does she think she can help me? I've never seen her before so how can she know Jay? "I've seen you, Lilly. The way you pine over Jason. The way you live your life in sadness." I shake my head, has she been watching me? I really am scared, I need my Daddy.
"My life isn't sad." I always feel sad, I feel like I'm living my life in somebody else's eyes. I feel detached and I feel disconnected. I'm an outsider, but not even my best friend knows that. So how does she?
"You have the perfect family and yet you hate yourself. You hate your life. I was there the day my son saved you," I cringe at the thought of that day. The day I couldn't take it anymore. The day I tried to end it all. The day I tried to drown myself in Jay's pool. My family never found and out and they still don't to this day.
"What do you mean? You are Jay's Mom?" He's never even told me that Jessie wasn't his real Mom let alone talk about this woman. I really don't understand why Brody chose this woman over my beautiful Mom.
"I am indeed. I can tell my son cares for you but he will never love you back. He didn't tell you about me?" I shake my head. I didn't know any of this until Mom told me.
"Have you been stalking me?" It's all too creepy for my liking. She's seen lots of parts of my life, I don't like it.
"Oh, little girl. I've been watching my son. You just happen to be with him most of the time." I guess that makes more sense. Why has she been stalking Jay?
"Why didn't he tell me about you? My Mom told me recently that Jay had a different Mom." Her face is angry, she pushes me towards her caravan and shoves me against the side of the van. I scream and she holds my mouth.
What is she going to do to me? I'm really freaking out, I want Daddy. Tears fall from my face, I'm not strong like Mom. "Brody pushed me out. He doesn't want me around Jason. I hate your Mom, she took Brody from me all those years ago." She growls, she's really close to my face. Please let me go. She releases me but doesn't step away. The stench on the alcohol is making me dizzy.
"Why doesn't he want you near your son?" I whisper that's what stands out to me. Why wouldn't he let her see Jay?
"Because of the things I do," she shrugs. What things? "Don't be so naive little miss innocent. I have a shit life." I am, I'm Daddy's little girl. He protects me from this stuff. She would most likely be dead if he saw her touch me like that. She shows me her arm, I shake my head. She's an addict. Her arms are covered in bruises and holes. No wonder Brody doesn't let him see Jay.
"I need to get back to school," I whisper. This was a really bad idea, she is acting crazy and I want my Daddy.
"Not so fast. I honestly called you here because I want to help you." She grabs my hair and I grab her hand to try to get her to let go. She drags me inside the caravan and pins me to the floor. She tells me to keep still but I try to fight her off.
She's on top of me pinning me down. Her knees are crushing my hands keeping me still. She grabs a syringe from the side and I scream. She puts her free hand over my mouth and injects me in the arm with her other hand. "I'm helping you. I gave you something to help you relax and be happy. You'll soon feel better." She releases me and I scramble to my feet and run out of the van. "You'll be back." She shouts at me.
I look back and she's not following me, I run back to the school. I start to feel really strange. I reach the school grounds and head inside. I see Jay in the hallway talking to some friends.
I feel braver, happier for some strange reason. I lean against the lockers and Leo's eyes focus on me. I smile and he winks at me. Jay hasn't noticed me yet but I continue to watch Leo from a distance until I decide to walk towards him.
Once I reach him he looks at me up and down not once taking his eyes off me. I grab his face and I push against the wall and I claim his lips with mine. He responds immediately with a growl errupting his throat. "What the fuck, Bro?" Jay grabs me from behind and pulls me away from Leo.
"If he wants to kiss me then maybe he wants to find an empty classroom." Leo looks rather flustered as he keeps his eyes on me.
"Guys, get lost. Now!" Jay stands in front of me after they leave. Leo carries on looking at me until Jay gives him a glare."What the hell you doing, Boo?"
"Well, I'd kiss you but you aren't interested. I wanted to have a bit of fun and you are standing in my way." He doesn't seem happy at all.
"What has gotten into you? Have you been drinking? You went awol for a while." Where would I get alcohol from? "Give me your phone." I get my phone out.
"Maybe I should call Joey. The way he kissed me I forgot everything. I forgot how miserable my life was for a while. He's so handsome."
"No, give me your phone. Now." I pass it to him and I put my hands around his neck whilst he holds my phone to his ear.
"Hello, no it's Jason." I reach up and kiss his cheek. "Lilly, stop." I giggle and carry on. I like being this close to Jay. He smells so good, I rub my nose on his slight facial hair. "Something is wrong with Lilly, sir. I think she's drunk." He looks at me and hangs up the phone. "Stop messing around Lilly, are you drunk?" I don't know? Do you call being high drunk?
I'm happy what else is there? "You're so pretty Jay," he holds my waist and leads me out to the front of the school and stops in the street. "I love you," He sits me down on the bench outside the school.
He sighs at me as he sits next to me, "I love you too Boo." I climb on top of him so I'm sat astride him. His eyes show concern but also... love? I reach up and touch his face and I smile, he's watching me intently. I put my fingers over his lips and I bite mine.
"You don't love me enough but that's okay." I smile, I've lived for a few years knowing he doesn't love me like that. I'm happy for the first time in forever. We sit like this for ages, he doesn't move or say anything but he just continues to watch me with his hands on my thighs probably to stop me falling.
"Get your fucking hands off my daughter." I don't get off Jay but Jay removes his hands from my leg and holds them up. He looks at Daddy and so do I.
"Oh, hey Daddy. He's so pretty," I remove my finger from Jay's lip and he looks really awkward.
"What the hell did you do to her?" Daddy walks towards me and holds his hand out to me. I take it and climb off Jay's lap.
"I didn't do anything to her. She disappeared for a while and then she showed up and started acting weird. I rang you straight away."
"I've got her you can go now. I don't need another Rivers ruining my life."
"I've missed you, Daddy. Can you carry me? I've been walking and walking and I'm tired. I want to feel like your princess again." I wrap my arms around his neck and he smells like home. He makes me feel so safe.
He doesn't hesitate and swoops me off my feet, "You will always be my princess baby. Where have you been walking? Who with?"
"I don't remember Daddy. I'm hungry." He starts walking but he's always watching me. "Can you buy me some food. Pleeease Daddy." He places me in the front seat of the car and belts me in.
"Sure, I'll grab you your favourite burger," he says when he's in the car. I clap and dance in the car. I turn the radio on and turn it really loud and I start singing. Daddy turns the music down. Daddy stops at a drive-thru and orders me my burger. As soon as he passes it to me I unwrap it and take a huge bite.
Daddy continues to drive, "Thanks Daddy, it's the best burger ever." I say with my mouthful. He's watching me. "I think, I think... I think that."
"You think what princess?" I don't remember now.
"I love you Daddy. Do you love Mom more than me?"
"I love you more than anything princess. Don't ever doubt that."
We pull up outside our house, I open the door and I fall out. I scuff my hands on the drive way. "Oh, dear Daddy. I fell out, can you kiss my Boo Boo better." I hold my grazed hand up and he kisses my hand and then picks me up into his arms. He unlocks the door and Mom comes running downstairs.
"What's going on?" Mom asks. She's by my side looking me up and down. Daddy ignores her, why?
"Oh, Hi, Mommy! You are beautiful. Isn't she Daddy? The most beautiful person in the whole wide world."
"Mommy? What?" Moms says confused. I look at Daddy waiting for a reply. "Damon? What is going on?" Daddy walks upstairs and Mom follows.
"She is princess but not as beautiful as you." He puts me down on my bed and I keep hold of his neck and I giggle. "I think she's drunk."
"No, that's not true. I'm not pretty. People don't want to have sex with me." Daddy pulls my hands off him. "No don't leave me, Daddy."
"I'm not going anywhere," Mom leaves the room. "Why do you think you aren't pretty? I get mad with you around boys because I know. I know they think you are a goddess." I shake my head and smile. If only that were true.
Mom returns with water and a flannel. "Oh, Mommy. You came back, at least it didn't take a week this time." I giggle and Mom looks sad. She looks at Daddy but he doesn't look at her. Mom makes me drink the whole glass of water. Then she puts a cold flannel on my head. "Where's Jay?"
"He's at school princess," Daddy says. I try to get up but he puts his hand on my shoulder. I giggle and try to move his hand.
"Mommy, can I call Joey? Pleease...I want to kiss him again," I smile to myself. I was happy then and I'm happy now and I want to share it with him.
"Who the fuck is Joey?" I put my hand on my mouth and giggle. Daddy's mad again. "Does he go to your school?"
"No, Silly Daddy. I met him on vacation, he kissed me. More than once, he calls me Bright Eyes. We snuck out of the pool area and hung out. He kissed me how you kiss Mom. It was..."
"Don't fucking finish that sentence. How could you Lilly?" Daddy gets up and storms out of the room. Mom lays next to me.
She gets her phone out and starts calling someone. "Lucas, I need your advice," she says worriedly. "Lilly is acting strange. I think she's drunk, what do I do?" She carries on watching me.
"Doctor Lucas? Do you think Elijah would have sex with me?" I say as I lean towards the phone.
"No, it's not like her. Okay, I'll keep an eye on her. Yes, thank you, Lucas. I will, I'll call if I need you," Mom hangs up and looks at me.
"Is Daddy coming back?" I start to feel sleepy. I close my eyes, I wish Daddy was here. Maybe I shouldn't have said those things.
"I don't know baby. Let's get you into some PJ's." Mom helps me out of bed and helps me into some PJ's. I just want to sleep now. Mom lifts the covers so I can get in. She tucks me in and she lays next to me and pulls me tight to her. She makes me feel safe, she's protecting me. I always feel safe with her. She says I always used to fall asleep on her when I was a baby. I fall asleep.
I feel hot and sweaty when I wake up. Mom is sleeping next to me. My head is foggy, what happened? I touch my forehead and Mom turns to face me. "How are you feeling, baby?"
"I don't know. What happened?" Mom tells me what happened. She thinks I'd been drinking and I think it's best that it stays that way. I can't tell them what really happened.
Mom touches my forehead to check my temperature. "Do you feel well enough to go to school?" I nod, "Okay, baby. Get dressed." Mom kisses my forehead and she leaves the room. I look at my phone and there is a snap from Joey. I open it and he is laying in bed 'Good Morning Bright Eyes.'
I smile, I take a quick picture 'Rough Night.' I type and press send. I instantly get a pingback, 'Still beautiful.' I smile, why can't he be here? I get out of bed and change into school clothes. I brush my hair and then I go to the bathroom. I look and feel rough. I brush my teeth and look at myself in the mirror. I scratch my arms, they are itchy.
I can't stop itching them. I look at my arms and I see things moving under my skin. I try to scratch them out but it doesn't do anything. My heart rate spikes. "Lilly, come on. We will be late," Mom shouts. I look at my arm and nothing's there anymore and I try to calm down.
ME: Daddy, I'm sorry.
I head downstairs and they are waiting for me, Caleb, Thomas and Mom. I walk to Caleb and I hold his hand. "You okay, sis?" I nod but I feel anxious. I'm used to this sadness but I'm not used to this feeling. This constant fear that everything is wrong.
Caleb leads me to the car and instead of sitting in the front like he normally does he sits with me in that back and gets Thomas to sit in the front. "Mom said you were drunk yesterday. What happened?" I put my seat belt on and put my knees to my chest and put my forehead on my knees.
"I don't remember." I lie, "This light is too bright." He grabs my hand and it somewhat keeps me grounded in the car. I feel Mom drive off. My arms start to itch again so I scratch them. Caleb releases my hand and puts his hand on my arm to stop me scratching. I look at him and he mouths the word stop.
He holds one of his headphones out to me and I take it and put it in my ear. I lean on his shoulder and try to steady my heartbeat. He knows me so well, he knows how to calm me. Mom pulls up at the school and I get out and squint my eyes. Caleb is by my side and holds his hand out and I take it.
We walk into school and he leads me straight into class. He sits on the table next to me where he always sits. Nobody dares to sit in Jay's seat. I put my knees to my chest again and put my head on my knees to try to block some light out.
DADDY: I'm disappointed in you Lilly. How are you feeling?
ME: Fine.
DADDY: Are you sure princess?
ME: I want to see you.
DADDY: Later Lils, promise.
The chair next to me moves and I shoot to the right to move out the way. Jay looks at me, "You okay?" I slide my chair underneath the table and put my head into my hands.
"I'm fine," I mutter. I look up and it feels like they are all looking at me. People are still arriving and chattering but it feels like they are talking about me.
"Do you remember what happened?" I think about what happened last night. It's hazy but I do remember all the things I said. The burger Daddy bought me after he picked me up from school. Me telling Jay that he was pretty. Oh shit, the things I did. I kissed Leo. I groan.
"Yes," I mutter again. I put my head in my hands again. This is embarrassing. I can't believe I have maths again.
I skipped all my other classes yesterday and here we are in my weakest subject. "Okay, class settle down." She says sternly. I recognise that voice. I look up and I stare.
"Mom!" I gasp. What is she doing here? She looks sad like she doesn't want to be here. Like something is troubling her.
"Wait, what?" Jay says. He looks at me but I don't know anything. This is the first I've heard of it. Why wouldn't she tell me?
"Yes, Lilly. I'm your teacher. Now please settle down." I look to Caleb and he doesn't seem surprised. "Okay, my name is Mrs Rider. We will be doing algebra today," I groan. I hate it, hate it.
I try to listen to Mom but I can't concentrate. I want more, no I need more. I need to feel that same feeling. I start itching my arms again. I look down and I can see them again crawling under my skin. "Lilly, no," Caleb whispers. I cover my arms with my sleeves.
I get my phone out and I've got a message.
UNKNOWN: Do you miss me yet?
I hate drugs but I can't stop thinking about it.
UNKNOWN: You can't fight it.
I'm trying really hard but I can't.
ME: So what do I do?
I can't carry on feeling like this.
UNKNOWN: Meet me in the same place.
I put my phone away. I will have to finish this class first. Mom looks at me, "Lilly, what is X?" I look at the board. I don't know, I wouldn't know where to start.
"I don't know." I look at Caleb and he starts writing. He hands me the bit of paper again and I try to work it out in my head.
Mom is by my side and takes the paper off me, "What is this? Lilly, you should know this question."
"I don't know the answer, okay? Maths is hard, Caleb tries to make it easier for me. But the truth is I'm fucking shit at maths and Mr Dudley doesn't help me. He just calls me Miss Salvatore and I get detention," I shout. I didn't even make it to detention.
"Language Lilly-May. What's got into you? I want to speak with you in private about this later." I cross my arms and she gives me my paper back and heads to the front again.
"Lilly, you sure you're okay?" Jay asks. I nod, "Are we grabbing lunch today?" We always have lunch together but not today. I'm not hungry anyway.
"No, can't. Having lunch with my Dad today." I lie, all these lies are piling up. What am I doing? I feel people staring at me and I put my head in my hands again. I zone out the rest of the class. The bell rings and I jump up from my chair and march out of class. Seb waits for me outside my classroom leaning against the wall like he normally does.
I shake my head, "I'm in a hurry Seb,"
"In a hurry to go where?"
"I have meeting."
"What meeting?"
"It's private Seb." he tries to stop me from walking. I shove his chest and he stands stunned. I run whilst he takes a minute to recover from my outburst. I scan the hallway and head out of school trying not to be seen. I head towards the caravan park always looking behind me feeling I'm being watched.
SEB: What the fuck happened? I should never have let you go like that.
ME: Leave me alone Seb, I love you but I need to do this.
SEB: Do what?
ME: It doesn't concern you.
I scratch my arms again, why am I feeling like this? I don't like it. I reach the park and I know where I'm heading this time. She's waiting on her step again. She smiles at me again just like she did yesterday. "I've been expecting you, I'm surprised you didn't come sooner. It's great right?" It was good for an hour or so but after that, it's been hell.
"How could you do this to your son? Give his best friend drugs." I keep looking behind me. She stands up.
"I'm not forcing you. You can walk away." She holds her hands up. She's got me right where she wants me.
"Please," I beg. I can't bring myself to say the words but I have resorted to begging. I need them.
"Not so fast. I need payment." I haven't got anything to give. My family is rich but I have no access to that money.
"You never said anything about payment." I start scratching my arms again she looks at my arms. I look too and they're bleeding, I stop immediately.
"First lot was free. Now I need something. Question is how much do you need these drugs?" I beg her that I'll do anything. "I want a relationship with my son. And you are going to make it happen."
"He doesn't know that I know about you," I shake my head. This seems impossible, I wouldn't want to force him into this either.
"Who cares? You are his best friend. If anyone can do it, it's you." I take a deep breath, I guess she's got a point. I agree by nodding, "Inside, now," she says looking around. I do as I'm told and take a seat. She hands me the package.
"What do I do with it?" I say awkwardly. I hold it in my hand like it's a ticking time bomb. My heart is racing.
"Figure it out, Lilly. I'm not your mother." I plead with her, I really don't know what to do. She sighs and takes it off me. She prepares it but she talks me through it. She grabs my arm and ties a band around it. Then she syringes my arm.
Someone enters the caravan and we both lookup. I remove the band and I pull my sleeves down. Shit, it's Jay and he looks furious. "What the hell is going on?" Did he see?
"Son?" she says and puts her hands on his face. Jay grabs her hands and pushes her away. What is this?
"Funny lunch with your Dad Lilly." It's not even lunchtime yet. Did he follow me here? "Come here, Lilly," he holds his hand out and I take it. He pulls me out of the caravan quickly.
"Jason, please." She says I don't even know her name. Jay turns to face her but he's in front of me protecting me.
"Don't, you've crossed the line. I'm not allowed to see you or did you forget that?" She never told me that.
"I miss you, I hate Brody for stopping me from seeing you." He starts to back away pushing me with his body.
"Why is that? Oh right I remember because you tried to sell me for drugs," he growls. I hug Jay around his waist. She did that? That's cruel. "Come on Lilly."
"She will be back you know. She will want more." He grabs my hand and starts to walk away. I just want to hug him and take the pain away.
"If you so much as touch a hair on her head ever again I'll kill you," he growls and then we are off walking really fast. I start giggling, enjoying this pace.
I look at him and he looks at me, I pull him with me. Running into freedom with my best friend. "I don't want to go back to school. I want to have some fun," I say still running. I wish he was happy like me. Why won't he enjoy this with me?
"Trust me, we aren't going back to school," he says breathless. He makes me walk, he looks tired. I could go all day. He doesn't let go of my hand though and I'm glad, it makes me feel giddy. Where are we going then? We walk for another ten minutes or so until we reach a creepy looking building.
"Where are we Jay? Did you take me here to have sex with me?" I say and put my back on the door and pull him closer to me. His lips are inches from mine but he has no look on his face that he's going to kiss me. I feel his breath on me and I melt.
"You are very odd when you're high," Jay says. He types in the code and I fall backwards and I start laughing. "Lilly, get up," Jay says trying to get me up. I'm not making any effort to move. I'm quite comfy here.
"Where are we? It smells funny in here. Why don't you join me down here?" I say to Jay but he manages to pull me to my feet.
"Your Dad's safe house," Oh really? I've never been to this part of his safe house it's normally just a hangar where we do our training. How does Jay know about Daddy's safehouse?
"Daddy, where are you?" I giggle, Jay tries to shush me but I continue laughing. He puts his hand on my mouth and I lick him.
"Lilly, stop. Keep quiet okay? Our little game?" I like games, I nod and follow him down the hallway. He stops and knocks on a door.
I hear my Daddy yelling to come in. Jay opens to the door and stands in the doorway, "What are you doing here?" Daddy growl. He's so serious all the time.
"Please don't kill me," Jay begs. Why would he think someone would kill him? I touch his back and he moves and pushes my hand away.
"Depends if you deserve it," Daddy says, tormenting him. I giggle, naughty Daddy. Jay turns to shush me again.
"You are safe here. What's going on?" Sully says. Ooo Sully's here too. Mommy stealer. I see Jay breathe in deep, he grabs my hand and pulls me in.
"Jay, you're so strong. Oh hey Daddy." I wave at him, "Uncle Sully, your hair is sooo pretty." I walk to Sully and reach up and touch his hair.
"Lilly? What the fuck is she doing here? I don't want her in this part of the safe house," Daddy shouts to Jay.
"Again please don't kill me. Look I'm sorry," Jay cowers. Sully grabs my wrists and puts them by my side.
"You steal my Mom away from me. Away from Daddy," I say. He shakes his head confused. I start giggling.
"Start talking, fast," Daddy says. I walk to Daddy and sit on his lap astride him facing him. I grab his face and pull his face so he is grumpy and the happy face. I giggle.
"She met my Mom," Jay says. Daddy grabs my wrists but he keeps hold of them. He's watching me intently again.
"What?" Daddy shouts. He removes one of his hands to look at his phone that's vibrating. "It's Caleb, I'll call him back." He's probably worried that I'm not there. " What the fuck is going on?" I start poking his nose with my finger. He puts his phone down and holds both my wrists again.
"Well, you remember when we thought Lilly was drunk?" I try to wriggle out of Daddy's hold but he won't let me go.
"He's too boring Daddy. I'm having fun," he looks at me and glares at me. Daddy doesn't get angry with me like this and I love it.
"Lilly, be quiet," Daddy says softly. I poke my tongue out at him. He doesn't react, why is everyone so boring?
"I followed her to the caravan park because she was acting weird. I walked in on my Mom giving her drugs. She's an addict," Jay says worriedly.
"Ow, Daddy. You are hurting me," Daddy is gripping my wrists too tight but he instantly lets them go.
"Leave now, kid," Sully says. Daddy picks me up and puts me in his chair after he's got up. Jay's already left the office and Sully is blocking Daddy's path.
"I'm going to kill him," Sully continues to hold him to stop him moving. I walk over to Daddy's radio in the corner and I turn it on. I turn it up and start dancing. Daddy makes his way to the radio and turns it off, he grabs my hips and puts me on the desk while he sits on his chair. "Take a chill pill, Daddy."
"Lilly for fuck sake. Drugs really?" I go to stand up but he doesn't let me move again. He's being gentle with me like he is with Mom.
"That crazy scary woman drugged me and now I need more. It makes me feel happy, confident. I feel like I can fly." I say and hold my arms out and pretend to fly.
"You can't fucking fly Lilly, what are you saying? That you aren't happy?" I shake my head. I'm happy in this moment.
"I'm never happy Daddy, except when I'm high. I live under Mom's shadow, she lights up the room whenever she's in it because she's an angel. She's my superhero, and I'm like the little girl hiding in the corner and she saves me from the monsters under the bed because my Daddy is never home."
"I'm sorry, Lilly. Why didn't you tell me?" He's never home, I shrug and lay back on his desk. I look at Sully upside down and I giggle.
"You are never home Daddy and Mom needs you, I don't want to get in the way of that and I'm not brave enough," I giggle at Sully he looks like an alien.
"I'm so sorry Lilly. Never feel like you can't tell me anything. Okay? I'm always here if you need me, baby." Daddy's phone rings again and I turn over onto my stomach and pull myself up.
"Is that Caleb again?" Sully asks. I stand on my feet on Daddy's desk and I hold my arms out and I close my eyes like I'm flying.
"No, it's Thomas. Lilly, get down." I open my eyes and turn to Daddy. He stands up and I jump into his arms like I did when I was a child.
"I'm really hungry, Daddy." He sits me back onto the desk again. I'm starving, it gives me the munchies.
"I'll grab something from the kitchen. Don't you think you should answer the phone?" Sully says.
"No, Lilly needs me." Daddy puts his forehead on mine and he sighs. Why is he so sad when I'm so happy and carefree? "Lilly, why?" he whispers. I put my arms around his neck and he puts his arms around my waist.
"Don't be sad Daddy. I'm happy, be happy with me." He doesn't move or say anything. He just hugs me tighter.
"Here's some crisps, Lilly," Sully says. Daddy lets me go and I walk to Sully and I take the crisps from Sully and kiss him on the cheek. I open the packet and I eat my crisps whilst silently dancing around the room.
"Why the fuck aren't you answering the phone?" I turn my head and Liam is in the office shouting at Daddy.
I continue to dance on my own with my crisps, "I will kill you if you barge in here like that again. Now get out."
"Try me, I bet you couldn't bloody shot straight. You've been drinking way too much." Has he? He hasn't been home much so I wouldn't know.
"Who the hell do you think you are?" I start giggling but I keep dancing. Why is everyone so serious?
"Thomas's Dad." That wasn't very nice. I walk up to Uncle Liam and I knee him in the balls and he cries out. I start giggling, Liam holds his balls and his face goes red. His knees buckle but he doesn't fall. Daddy picks me up from behind and puts me back on the desk.
"Good girl Princess, we all know who you take after. Mom will kill you when she finds out." I start giggling.
"The fuck?" Liam growls. He's still holding his balls trying to recover. I lay back down on the desk and look at Liam.
"Hey, Uncle Liam," I say sweetly. He was being mean to Daddy so I had to protect him. Daddy seemed happy anyway.
"You look," he looks at me and then to Daddy. "Why does she look high?" I start giggling again. He looks weirder than Sully does upside down.
"It's because she is high. Hopefully, she comes down from her high soon because she's hard to manage. I don't fucking care what is going on in your life. I only care about my daughter. She needs me." I've always needed you but I'm happy now.
"What about your wife huh? Did you forget about her? There are plenty of other people who can take your place, you only have to say."
"What's wrong with Emmie?" Sully says. He gets to his feet like he's ready to kill someone. I sit up and get up from the desk. I walk towards Sully and Liam backs away slowly. I start dancing and he walks forward and I dance behind him. I start to play with his ponytail, using my hand to swing it.
I giggle then start tugging it. "Lilly," Liam warns. Sully grabs me and puts me back on the desk. "Thomas said that Emmie was arrested." Mom was arrested? Why? My heart is beating fast. I grab Daddy and he pulls me onto his lap and I curl up taking comfort from him. She was arrested? She's left me again.