Fading Scars

Chapter 17

Emmie

"I monitored Emmie carefully every day after that but she wouldn't talk, she wouldn't respond. The only thing she would do was take her meds, so that meant that she was there. I entered her room and I was worried, she was laying on her side not her back and she was staring at her wrists. Her unbandaged wrists and what's more she wasn't restrained. I asked her why she was free and why she took her bandages off. I was so angry, she really does infuriate me. She didn't say anything but she looked at me and she giggled. I knew she was back, she looked happy which was odd. She held her wrists out to me smiling saying that they were better and she left them to air. She really does know her medical stuff I keep telling her to become a doctor. She was right they did need to air but I didn't do it because I was worried she might hurt herself if they were open. And then she did the unexpected, she jumped into my arms. I was so mad at her but so relieved at the same time. This was the first time she had ever hugged me."
"I don't know what changed but she was happy, like really happy. I told her to promise me that she wouldn't do anything like this again because I couldn't handle it. She did, she promised and she released me. She also said thank you, I don't know what I would have done without you. That only made my pain worth it. She let me stroke her hair before I had to leave. It was like she was rewarding me. That same day I was still at the prison seeing another patient and a guard came to find me. When I walked into the room it was Emmie. Of all the patients it was her, what did she do this time? I watched her and she was inspecting the damaged herself. She knew exactly what she was looking for."
"She was still there though, she seemed a new brave kind of Emmie. She'd been attacked by some prisoners. She was pleased because Blake had been teaching her how to fight and she said she did very well in protecting herself but there was just too many. I've seen lots of injuries from prisoners and it seems the best way is just to let it happen and not fight back. But Emmie, she was so happy and bubbly that she fought back and she fought for her life. That girl fights at the wrong bloody times. I told her to lift her top up but she said she'd already inspected the damage she thought she had a couple of broken ribs. Who was the doctor? Who was in charge? I lifted her top up and the bruising was already horrendous. There could have been internal bleeding and I suspected fractured ribs too and I needed to know if she was at risk of puncturing a lung."
"I managed to get her emergency release with the escort of a guard. She looked at me, it was new for me anyway. She needed help to get off the bed. For Emmie to ask she must have been in absolute agony. The guard said I wasn't allowed to touch her in case she turned violent. Emmie wasn't a threat to me, not when she's sane. I lifted Emmie off the bed and she cried out in pain. How did she get on the bed if she couldn't get off, I asked her and she said she was pushed. Emmie was no flight risk, she would have willingly come with me but it was protocol and she had to be cuffed to the guard. She walked to the transportation bus, she struggled to get up the step and the guard pushed her in and she faceplanted on the floor and she screamed through her teeth. There was nothing I could do, only warn him not to hurt my patient. He grabbed her by the arm and dumped her in the chair. I couldn't tell if she was in more pain of him touching her or the actual pain."
"I had to sit in the front it was protocol to be safe from the prisoners. Emmie would not keep quiet. She asked him if he thought she was pretty. Why she was asking god only knows. I mean she is but what was the point? I didn't see but I suspected he hit her for not following the rules. She asked him again and she groaned. He answered in the end that he did. She kept probing him with questions, damn right stupid. She wasn't scared to confront him about his actions. She likes to nickname people, she called him Bulldog and she cried out again. I kept looking back but I never saw anything. She didn't look scared though. I took her straight to her room, yes her room. It's reserved just for her, just in case. I told her to get on the bed and she was thinking really hard. She tried facing her back to lift herself up and then she tried to lift her leg and roll if she wasn't in pain it would have been hilarious. I lifted her on the bed and she didn't reject me."
"She gasped at the pain, I knew she was in a lot of pain if she was crying out. I needed to order her the scans so I gave her the call button but urged her to only use it for medical emergencies. She couldn't go anywhere because she had to be cuffed to the bed. When I returned Emmie said Lucas, he thinks I'm untrustworthy, you love me, right? and I laughed. So many things she did would class as untrustworthy. Of course, I loved her, everyone that knows her does."
"I love her like a little sister."
"I need to protect her."
"I went to go and sort something out and when I returned she was listing all the trouble she'd got into so I listed many more and I still didn't cover them all. I had brought her a wheelchair and she looked at it horrified. I understand the bad memories of the cancer but she needed this. The guard uncuffed her and she had to argue, but I reasoned with her and I lifted her into the chair. She screwed her face up in pain. I wheeled her towards CT and then she held her hand up to me. She was scared and she trusted me to comfort her. I held her hand tight and then I told the guard he couldn't come in. I lifted her onto the bed, I tried to block out her pain. I told her I'd be close at all times."
"I used the remote to slide her into the CT machine and I walked to the next room where I could speak to her on the mic system. I started the scan but she was moving too much, I asked her to keep still but she said she couldn't. Her voice was shaky, I told her the story of me thinking she has postpartum anxiety and how much she loved her daughter. It did the trick and she calmed down. I told her on the mic system that she'd fractured three ribs and there was no internal bleeding and I returned and got her out of the machine. I got her back into bed and I needed to keep her in overnight to monitor her. The guard cuffed her to the bed and I sent the guard to call his boss to say she'd be here overnight. I said I wasn't allowed to call anyone and she smiled. Of course, she didn't want her family to know she was hurt. I left the room to grab her what she needed. When I returned Emmie seemed worried, I didn't know what it was that made her feel that way. Jenny one of the nurses helped me bring in some pillows and an ice pack for Emmie. She propped her up and placed a pillow on her chest. She went to place an ice pack on Emmie's side but Emmie pushed her away."
"Would she let me do it? I hooked up an IV and then I removed the pillow to lift her top up. She let me place the ice pack on her and she grabbed my hand and cried out. Was she trusting me because there was no one else or because she truly trusted me? I pulled her top down and placed the pillow back on her side. I told her that I was going to bring her some soup knowing she would cause a fuss. She told me not to bother but I did. I left the room to get her some food and to get her some pain meds. When I returned she seemed scared this time not worried. She seemed to relax when she saw me though. Jenny brought her in the soup and she tried passing Emmie the spoon but she was too stubborn to take it. I told Jenny to just leave it on the table. I told Emmie that I wasn't leaving until she'd eaten it. She rolled her eyes at me and grabbed the spoon and she said maybe that was my plan. What was going on that she wanted me to stay with her?"
"She started to eat and she gagged. I've never seen someone so aversed to food before. She kept eating though and I smiled at her. She asked me what time it was and the guard says she doesn't get privileges. I told her it was 9 pm. I needed to do some last minute checks on some patients and I'd be back. I didn't want to leave her for too long. Five minutes later her call light was on and I ran to her room. She was now laying on her side facing the door her back to the guard. It looked uncomfortable because her left arm was cuffed to the bed. Something had happened and she called me. I looked at the guard and he seemed to be in the same position as before just watching. She held her hand out to me and I sat on the chair and I held her hand. She mouthed to me the words, Don't leave me. What was she trying to tell me?"
"She then said Lucas, I needed the loo. I would normally put a catheter in but she wouldn't have wanted that. I told the guard to uncuff her and he said she could piss herself for all he cared. I told him to kindly remove his feet from the bed and uncuff her or I'd tell his supervisor how he is obstructing the care of my patient. He released her and I helped her to the toilet, I told her to keep the door unlocked just in case. She was taking a while so I called to make sure she was okay. She seemed to delay things like she didn't want to come out but she did eventually. Once at the bed she put her arms around my neck and whispered please don't leave me alone with him. He must have done something to make her feel that way. I lifted her on the bed and whispered back has he done something but she didn't reply. I took her silence as a yes because she's stubborn. I sat on the chair and she held her hand to me again, she was cuffed again but she faced me. She was still being stubborn, she was tired but she wanted to stay awake looking at me. I told her to sleep but when I thought she'd drifted her eyes opened. When she finally slept though it was awful."
"I kept hold of her hand through her shaking and her nightmares. She would call out for Damon or Sully. I held her hand until I slept myself. I tried not to sleep but I did. I was in a deep sleep when I heard my name softly. I was so tired and my neck hurt from sleeping on the chair and I heard my name again. I opened my eyes and Emmie was looking at me with tears falling down her face. It looked like a nightmare had woke her up. She said she was hurting and scared. I got up and got her some pain meds. I was happy that she woke me up because she hasn't done that before. I returned and switched on the sidelight to administer her the pain meds. I went to sit down again but she moved over and screwed her face up in pain. She begged me, she didn't say the words as such but I knew what she meant. I asked her is she was sure and she said yes. I got onto the bed and led on my side. I didn't want to move, I was pushing it. I'd never held her hand before all of this let alone hold her. She begged me to let her try even though it hurt. She must have been really scared if she wanted to try this. She put her hand under my face, I thought that was an odd move but Emmie isn't normal. I stayed still letting her find what she needed. I'm sure she would have liked her left arm free but it was pulling her shoulder out of her arm but she didn't care."
"And then she placed her head in my chest. It didn't take her long for her to fall asleep and it didn't take long for me either but I was woken frequently with her body shaking or her calling out. I felt her stir and she moved her head underneath my chin and her hand found my shirt and she pulled me towards her. I realised my arm was around her waist, she must have known but she just pulled me closer to her. I woke like I normally do at the same time for my rounds. I needed to get up so I tried to get away but she pulled me tighter. Not yet, please she begged. She sounded vulnerable and I needed her to rest. I got my phone out and texted my colleague to do my rounds. I stroked her hair because this was the one thing I knew worked to soothe her. She fell instantly asleep. I couldn't sleep after that I just held her after a while I needed to get up. I had to prize her hand from my shirt. She stirred but she didn't wake. I managed to do some work before I noticed her call light. What was wrong now? I got in there and she couldn't breathe. She tried coughing but it hurt her too much."
"That's what she needed was to cough but she was too stubborn to do it. I placed an oxygen mask on her and insisted she coughed, I was worried because she's not easy. I didn't think she would cough. And then she did and she cried out again. It hurts but it's good to cough to get any fluid of the lungs. I listened to her lungs and although there was some fluid on the lungs they were healthy. Once I was satisfied she could breathe okay I left the room to sort out her drugs. I had already sent Jenny to get some food for Emmie. She passed them to me and I returned to Emmie. She took her meds and I'd put some painkillers on her prisoner file. I put the food bag on the table. She wasn't sure but once she saw them she tucked right in. I knew from previous experience she liked pancakes. The guard wasn't happy about it and I wasn't following protocol but I said I'd go to Timbuktu to get her something to eat because she's so bloody difficult with food. I had to know she'd eaten before I discharged her. I escorted her back to the hospital to make sure she was safe."
"I saw her before the hearing. She's in excruciating pain because the prison wouldn't let her have any pain meds. She said she felt like she'd been run over by a bus mulitple times but her noggin was still good. She never fails to surprise me that girl."
"Thank you, Doctor Grey. That's been a real insight. That's all from me your honour." Diego nods at the Judge.
"Okay have you anything to add?" The judge says to the prosecutor. Damon looks at me and his eyes are dark. He looks like he's going to kill someone. I hold my hand up to the glass and he nods to me. It must be nearly over right?
The prosecutor steps up towards Lucas, "You've really put yourself on the line Doctor Grey. Did you know she killed those people?"
"No, I did not," Lucas says. He did know but I don't want to get him in trouble. I look at Lucas instead of Damon.
"I find that hard to believe. You've really put your job on the line for this girl. Certain evidence you've given could end you in jail yourself. Is she worth it?"
"Leave him alone," I beg. I put my hands on the glass to reach out to Lucas. They can't do this to Lucas. He's only trying to help me.
"Silence or I'll close your case." Lucas gives me a look to tell me it will all be okay. No, I can't put him on the line.
"Objection your honour, how is this relevant to the case?" Diego says, he looks at me and glares at me. I retreat into my chair.
"Objection sustained. Stick to the case," the judge says. I put my hands in my hair to try and process everything. This is too much.
"That's all from me your honour." The prosecutor resides back to his chair. I kick my shoes off and I bring my knees up to my chest this is too much. I need to protect myself, I put my face on knees and hold my head with my hands. I can't watch anymore.
"In that case, we are calling Doctor Romero to the stand." I continue to hide in my little bubble.
"Emmie, you need to concentrate. You're doing really well, come on, carry on being brave." Diego says he seems closer to me again like he was at the start.
"Get her to look at me," Damon growls. I don't want to hear any more just lock me up and throw away the key.
"Emmie, the judge will throw your case out if you aren't cooperating. Look at Damon, he will help you." I look up and tears drip from my face. Stefan is watching me as he is walking in. I watch him get to where Lucas was. He carries on watching me probably accessing my mental health. I look at Damon and he's watching me too. He smiles at me and I melt all my family join arms together and they all use their hands to make a heart for me. They are all with me they are giving me strength, I smile letting out a sob. I remove my feet from the chair and sit up properly. My family never fail to surprise me. I slide my feet back into my shoes. Diego leaves me and heads to Stefan.
"Doctor Romero can you talk about Emmie in your professional opinion." I hate this, this is worse than prison. Everyone staring at me through the glass like I'm an animal.
"I first met Emmie when she was suffering a breakdown. I'd been given a briefing from my friend Doctor Grey but I soon discovered that it was much more complex than I first thought. My first impressions were, wow this lady is strong and brave. She's very direct and she's not afraid to tell you what she thinks. On that first day, I knew why she was confused, at that time she was divorced and had four potential partners. She said she didn't know what she wanted but she did, she didn't need me to tell her. Her head had the answers but they were all jumbled in her mind and she couldn't put the pieces together. She trusted me enough that first day to tell me everything. Although we couldn't cover all the bases it gave me a good picture of her life."
"She feels unworthy, fat and ugly and she can't see why people love her. She's spent her whole life feeling like this. She always thought all the boys at her school were taking the piss out of her but that was never it. I could see what others saw, she was was selfless. She loves too hard and she feels emotions so much more. There are still things now that we haven't managed to fix but that's okay we aren't perfect. My real worry was her anorexia, it was out of control. You can't just tell someone to eat you need to find the cause. Hers was due to her pain and suffering, this was her control of her life. She'd got it in her head that people don't need to eat for three weeks. Which is technically true but it shouldn't be done regularly, it can cause major problems with your health. When she did eat she'd feel repulsed and fat. Sometimes that sick feeling would cause her to force herself to vomit. It was her control of life when she couldn't control anything else."
"When she was alone and suffering from the abuse of her father she had no way out. No control of anything. She didn't have a life, she couldn't be herself. For a little girl to be trapped in her head for all that time keeping those secrets and no one there to save her it made her mind adapt and change. All that trauma for a child it was brave for her to finally tell someone. Then everything changed. Her constant the father she loved had left her. To some people that may have been a blessing but to Emmie it was just another rejection and reason to feel unloved. Her father had so much control over Emmie without her even realising it until he had disappeared. He made all the decisions, chose what she wore, told her how she should behave and if it wasn't what he wanted she would be punished. So when Emmie was free she didn't know how to do anything on her own. She had to learn who she was without her father. Her smart mouth and attitude was just a front to protect herself. Emmie had all this pressure of just living and people didn't understand and they made Emmie isolate even more."
"She may have made some bad choices but she made them. She made them herself without her father and that was a huge step. She's not stupid she always learned from her mistakes. She's allowed that, she has the right to make her own choice no matter what they are. I only wish I knew her sooner and maybe she wouldn't be wired thus way. She's my most challenging and difficult case. When I think I've found the root of a problem it trails off into another direction. When she was free she knew right and wrong it was beaten into her by her father. She knew how much she loved her family and when she tried finding herself they didn't like who she was becoming so she withdrew again. She would do anything to make her loved ones happy. When she met Damon everything changed. She found someone that made her feel happy and safe for the first time ever in her life. Her mind clung to the only hope that it had, she loved him instantly. She loves too deeply but she found someone that loved her for who she was."
"He could see who she was and who she was trying to be. He encouraged her to blossom and that's what she needed. He protected her from herself and she loved who she was with him. In the back of her head, there was always this doubt that she didn't deserve him. Her father had always told her that no one wanted her only that he did. He said that because she is breathtaking and she brightens up any room. It was his way of keeping control over her. So when she was kidnapped by Rex she felt that it was inevitable. Her life was too good to be true, and it would come crashing down on her. Instead of seeing the positives out of a horrific situation she saw the negatives. Why did they all rape her? Why could they never get enough? Why did Rex form a fixation on her when he intended on killing her?"
"I see it as they all thought she was beautiful and a real prize, they all wanted her. She saw it as punishment. Punishment for being out of control, punishment for being the reason her father killed himself. She started to withdraw from the pain. She thought she wanted to die, she told herself that all the time. If only her father succeeded that day she would be with her father that always wanted her. She wanted to live which is why she fought all those times. When Damon proposed she already felt disconnected. She wanted nothing more than to jump into his arms and say yes. Most people would have if that's how they felt but not Emmie. She thought it was a pity proposal. She didn't know how someone could marry someone who is so broken and damaged. She thought that when Damon knew how broken she really was and how reliant she was on him that he wouldn't want her."
"Damon is Emmie's reason for breathing, her lifeline. She felt better knowing he was at arm's length for when he did leave. When she was shot by Rex she knew she'd still be the same broken girl so she gave up fighting. All that pain and suffering on her own. She made a choice that she wanted Damon, she always knew that from the first day she met him but she decided it was worth the risk. She needed Damon more than she needed to breathe. Damon broke down her wall that she used to protect herself and that only made her shine brighter. All she wanted was to make a life with Damon but she still had her family to consider. They were all so excited about moving in with Desmond. She didn't feel anything except anxiety and pain. She didn't know Desmond and she certainly didn't know her mother. There was never that mother and daughter bond and she thought it was her. She thought she was broken, so she tried extra hard to please them. Emmie lives life differently, we are all here in this room and Emmie is up there looking down on life. She sees things others don't because she is disconnected, she knows what people are feeling because she is emotional. She knows things before other people know them."
     "Emmie had always been afraid of Desmond but she was too stubborn to tell anyone. She knew what he was capable of because she can read people. She wished Damon would insist that she moves in with him rather than Desmond's. She would have never have told him though, so she moved in with Desmond. She went on her school camping trip, her tension rising. She was with Brody one of the potential partners. She told him first about her father, she felt something for Brody but she still couldn't handle him touching her. He kissed her on that trip and that's when she finally knew she'd never be able to let him touch her. Not like Damon and she needed to do it to put her feelings aside and be free with Damon. She'd got into an accident, she wasn't scared because she was alone. No one expecting anything from her no one touching her."
"All she wanted was Damon. She didn't think to put pressure on her head until it was too late. Brody found her and took her to hospital where Damon was waiting. Damon was always there at every moment so why did she doubt his love? When Damon found out about the kiss he left, he had a right to. He needed to cool down, Emmie was always pushing him away despite his constant reassurances. It's only natural that he needed time to think but it was certainly the wrong move for Emmie. She knew she wasn't good enough, she was spiralling and her reason for breathing wasn't there. Any doubt she had was now confirmed in her head. Think about how you'd feel if your loved one broke up with you and then times that by 100 and then you have Emmie. She had nightmares of Damon, her scariest was where she was in a room and money flew from the ceiling saying congratulations."
"Emmie doesn't care for money so she walked to the next room. Her family were there, she loves her family but that wasn't what she most desired. She walked to the next room and there was her father. Her father was something close to her heart but that wasn't it either and then she went to the next room. There stood Damon, the room said congratulations this is your biggest desire but you can never have him. Damon had her heart in his hand, she gave it to him the day she met him without releasing it. It was his and she would never give it to another and then he crushed it in his hands and said I will never want you. Emmie knew that but her heart still belonged to him. She woke and she never wanted to sleep again, it was all too real and those words lingered in her mind. I will never want you. She heard it over and over along with her father's voice no one will want you, Emmie, only I. Danny tried to look after her but that's not who she needed. Once Danny had gone she went into a self-induced coma. It was better for her no pain and no rejections. In her world Damon wanted her and so did Brody. In that world touch didn't matter, it was knowing they were there. She knew she didn't want Brody but she also knew it wasn't real. She stayed in that world with those two because she felt wanted."
    "When she woke in labour she was terrified her first thought was that Damon really didn't want her if he wasn't there, after all that time. She had to save her baby, she didn't care for herself. She thought Damon would never forgive her if his baby died. Survival instincts kicked in, she never wanted to hurt Desmond. He told her that they have all moved on without her. She would have stayed away but she needed to protect her baby. When Desmond strangled her flashbacks of her father entered her mind. He'd hurt her like that before but she knew her father would never kill her but she didn't know anything with Desmond so she fought. She could have run anywhere after she was free but she went to the only place that made her feel safe. She went to Damon whether he wanted her on not she needed that feeling of comfort again."
"Once she delivered his baby for him she'd done the job she set out. Then she thought she was in a dream. Why else was Damon still there? She didn't believe it could be real, so she told him to leave and he said he wasn't leaving. She only believed more that she was in a dream. Her head was all over the place with the trauma she'd lived. She kept Damon at arm's length just to be safe. She found out that Danny was in a rehab clinic because she was missing and he couldn't find her. She blamed herself, she had to see Danny to make him get better. After all, she was the reason he was there. She had to make it right because she couldn't live with herself. She withdrew from him to save herself from the pain and he nearly died, she was selfish in her eyes."
"She finally realised she wasn't dreaming, Damon wasn't going anywhere and they were getting married. When she went wedding dress shopping she couldn't see herself finding a dress that she was happy with and then the shop assistant asked her what size she was and she said UK 16/44. She believes that but she's nowhere near that size. She found the dress that she dreamed of, she at that moment saw what we see. She described herself as an angel, she cried, all those years of thinking she was nothing. She was becoming something, she was becoming the new and improved Emmie and what's more Damon's wife. She received a threat message on her wedding day. She wouldn't let someone scare her away from her wedding day. It was just one more way of securing Damon in her life. She didn't care if her pain ended and she made Sully promise that he would protect Lilly and Damon if something were to happen."
"She felt a million dollars on her wedding day, she got all anxious because she was away from Damon too long she thought he might have changed his mind and not show. She still didn't feel enough for him and maybe the time apart made him realise that too. She saw him at the alter it was a sirens calling. She had no doubt she was doing the right thing. Once her hand was in Damon's she thought that was it. She was happy."
"Rex appeared at the wedding, she was married. She was the happiest she'd ever been so to her, her life could have ended. She wasn't fixed, the pain was still there but whilst with Damon he healed the pain. It was only until Emmie realised Rex's true intentions, he didn't want to kill her. No, he still wanted Emmie for himself. He wanted to kill Damon and she felt sick that she put him in that situation. She never would have put him at risk if that was what he was planning. She pushed Damon to the floor so she would take the bullet for Damon, she couldn't live in a world without him. They would be okay without her, they wouldn't care if she died. At least that's what she told herself. For her no one died it was a good day, she could handle the pain of the bullet wound. She needed to finish the happiest day of her life, she didn't want it to end and she wanted to tell her herself that she fought for her wedding day."
"When she woke Damon was crying into her neck. Why? She asked herself but she couldn't handle Damon hurting because of her so she was strong for him. They went on their honeymoon, Emmie continued to grow and flourish. She truly believed she was happy, didn't she deserve to be? I think she did but her world came crashing down when Damon's plane went missing. She had to find him, she had to do something. How could she sit around whilst he needed her? Everyone thought he was dead but Emmie couldn't believe that. If she did then what would happen to her? She wondered if she should go and live on her own in her father's house with her daughter for the rest of her days. Would she be able to keep living? Her emotional support was ripped away. She clutched to Damon's hoodie, she wouldn't take it off. She could smell him around her and just for a second when she closed her eyes, she was safe."
      "Without proof, without seeing his body she couldn't stop fighting for him. She had to do the fighting for everyone that had given up on him. In her sheer panic, there was no one to trust, she loved her brother but deep down she couldn't trust him after he didn't save her from her father. She was angry at the world for giving her shit after shit, she needed to find some control so she punched Dyno to find him. Depression makes you numb but her pain was always still there. She didn't care about her daily needs, she didn't shower, she didn't eat, she didn't care what she was wearing. Danny made her shower, helped her to get dressed and then she put on his hoodie again. As long as she was wearing her protection blanket that's all she wanted. Brody came to tell her he wasn't coming back. She'd already felt the pain of him not returning because she kissed Brody. Maybe that was the reason?"
"She punched the wall to find some control of her emotions. Her father gave her physical pain maybe that's where it all stemmed from. She used to slit her wrists back then because she liked to feel something other than the mental pain and just for a short time he was her father like she wanted him to be. She always felt tired then and maybe she was showing signs of cancer or maybe the depression was taking a real toll on her health. That's were Sully came into it although Sully couldn't touch her like Damon could he proved his loyalty to her. He would protect her at all costs. He made her feel safe and although Sully helped her through she didn't want to rely on him too much in fear that he would push her away. He would stay with her until she'd fall asleep but where was he when she woke? She'd go find him when she woke, she would watch her family around Lilly and feel pushed out. She should be caring for Lilly but she knew she couldn't look after herself. If her family wasn't there then she would have tried harder to care for Lilly. She knew Lilly was safest with them, not that she would ever do anything to hurt her."
"She woke one-day needing something to break the vicious cycle she needed to do something. She left the house drawing out Rex, she needed to know what he did. Too much of a coincidence that he wanted to kill him and then his plane is missing. Emmie wasn't stupid, Rex was always closeby watching. She looked at Rex and all she saw was Damon laying dead around a plane. He admitted that he had taken down the plane so he could have her to himself. He said that he was working with Desmond and he would protect her. They had a common goal but he wanted her to himself. All Emmie wanted was her husband and Rex took him away. She pulled the trigger and she was so scared she couldn't let go of the gun. Suddenly the gun became the weight of a truck and she didn't know how to drop it. She managed to put the gun away and get to Sully. The only shred of comfort she had at that time."
"She slept awhile again, she couldn't function for a whole day. Then it was funeral day, she refused to go because she hadn't seen proof. She still felt him so that gave her hope. Her nightmares grew worse, Rex killing Damon. Endless nightmares, flashbacks of her pulling the trigger. Dyno came to get her for the funeral, he wasn't the best person because she didn't particularly like him back then and he felt the same. He said she had to go to the funeral, she pushed him away and started lashing out. She was more volatile then because she couldn't live with what she'd done. To Rex, to Dyno all that pain she was causing people. She didn't think anything could save her and then she heard is voice. Everything inside of her stopped and was following every cue from Damon like he had full control."
"She ran into his arms and she felt like she was home. She felt safe and maybe just maybe everything she did would be okay. She held him for the longest time because if she let go it might not be real. Even though he was back she still needed his hoodie. She needed the comfort of him all the time like the hoodie would protect her from any more pain. They started living their life Damon had bought her a house with a stable yard out in the garden. She felt like she didn't deserve it after Rex but Damon said he wanted to give her the world and he was going to give it to her. All she wanted was him. It wasn't long before Damon's parents interfered. The moment she saw Izzy she knew it would be the end. She always knew these things."
"Sully could see her spiralling again as he had spent a lot of time with her. He tried to comfort her but no words from him could make it better. Everyone was against her, Damon was back but her scars were gaping open for all to see. She saw a beautiful, slim unbroken woman. How could she compete against someone like that? She always knew someone better would come along and what's more, she was almost like Emmie. Her features were the nearly the same so she knew Damon would like her. She was being replaced with an upgraded model. Little did she know that she was worth so much more than Izzy. Emmie didn't like to show her anxiety and insecurities so she tried bottling it up. She tried to be strong so she wasn't hated by Damon's parents, she already felt unwanted. She clung to Sully for the meal, he always protected her." "When they got to the restaurant she needed a drink. I think that's a pretty healthy response. She could see Izzy digging her claws into Damon and her parent's lapping it up. She wanted to drown herself in the vodka because why would he choose Emmie? Izzy asked to hold Lilly and at that time the list was very short of could hold Lilly. Emmie flat out refused despite his parent's dismay. She was a threat and Emmie had to protect her daughter if she couldn't protect herself. Emmie couldn't possibly eat her food whilst feeling so out of control and they scolded her for it. Emmie needed support, not discouragement so she left them at the table. She met the same guy from the day before, he bought her drinks. To a normal person that would make alarms ring in their head but Emmie doesn't see danger like we do. Where she doesn't care for her life and she was vulnerable she was susceptible to coercion. She left with him because she wanted to be anywhere but there with all that pressure of being someone she didn't want to be."
"She woke in bed, she didn't know anything. She would always wake up in her underwear she thought that was odd. She found a guy in the next room who told her who she was, her whole life. She was scared but only because she couldn't remember. She clung to Liam because he was the only thing she knew at the time. The perfect little life with the perfect boyfriend. She found herself shying away from men, scanning the streets, not looking into the mirrors. She started to remember odd thing that didn't match Liam's story but she never told him. She always worried about her scars on her body. She has a D carved into her hip from Desmond. The many bullet wound scars, the scars on her wrists from self-harming. She ignored all of these because she was clutching onto this perfect life. She had sex with Liam in this vulnerable state because she believed the lie. Why would she still be with him if she wasn't happy? Like I say, Emmie feels too much and gets attached. She wanted to make him happy and she didn't have any reasons not to. She still felt the pain of the touch even though she didn't know what it meant."
"She was then returned to her family. The drugs she was on was blocking the memories it would soon wear off. To find out Damon had married someone else it wasn't exactly a shock to her more of a devastation. She always knew something would happen. Everything she was feeling had been confirmed in her eyes. For her father to be the root of her memories isn't surprising. He was the cause of her pain, he made her into the way she is. Emmie needs security and he gave it to her. All these wrong moves she'd been making he would never have allowed it. Although what he did to her was indescribable he made all her choices it was easier for her to just be instructed like a puppet. She knew she was out of control and she was screaming on the inside but no one was helping. Again she went to Sully for comfort, he's never hurt her. To find out she was pregnant with two different fathers was probably the thing that tipped her over the edge."
"She was more disconnected than ever before, she was going to make one murder into three. She didn't count herself as a murder because she found it a blessing. No one would care if she died because she was easily replaceable. She knew Lilly would be safe with Damon. She was discharged from hospital and taken to her new home. Life wasn't worth living not feeling the way she did. No one wanted her because they were all Damon's friends. Without Damon she had no one. Damon found her and took her to hospital and Damon wanted her in a mental hospital. She remembered her time in one before, it didn't work for her. Besides she can make people see things that she wanted them to see. They agreed to support her from home, Sully was her constant through it all but he still couldn't touch her. Not like he can now at least. The only one she truly wanted to stay was Damon but he wanted to be with his wife so she wouldn't make him stay. Liam returned to stay the night and Emmie was only too grateful for company. She'd formed an attachment with Liam which wasn't healthy. She loved him so she thought that she could have sex with him whilst having her memories. She believed Damon was at home doing the same with his wife so she thought it was a good enough reason."
"She wanted to make Liam happy despite the pain. She was caught sleepwalking by Sully. Her nightmares resorted to sleepwalking. All the trauma and the murder was making her restless. Sully kissed her and she didn't push him away. Yet another choice she had to make. Things were getting a lot more complicated. She went outside to think and there was Damon making her melt inside for just looking at her. It was her birthday he'd organised a party. He kissed her and she wanted more. She pushed him away because she couldn't be the other woman. She couldn't share the love of her life even if it killed her. She went to get dressed and Liam was playing around with Emmie trying to keep her in bed. It distracted Emmie from her life it brought out her playful side and then Damon walked in."
"Her heart stopped and she felt like she was cheating on him because deep down she was. He had her heart whether he wanted it or not. She knew no one was ever going to compare to Damon. She followed Damon downstairs and everyone was there. She clung to Damon automatically because that's what she would normally do and then she pulled away remembering the pain of him not wanting her. She wanted to see Lilly but Izzy was holding her and refusing to hand her over. It was just another stab in the gut that she could be replaced. They were all turning against her thinking she wasn't to be trusted. She heard Damon arguing in the kitchen later on and Damon was really shouting at Izzy. She was horrified that Damon was speaking to a woman like that because he showed Emmie nothing but kindness. She overheard them talking that he was blackmailed into marrying her. She didn't care that it hurt Emmie, in fact, she seemed to revel in that. She got what she wanted. She had to save her husband. She went and hugged Damon in the hope that he would return the hug. If he didn't she knew he really didn't want her. If he did then that was her hope and he did without hesitating and she knew she had to do whatever it took even if she lost herself. She'd asked for his phone to lure out Izzy, she fled the party without anyone noticing."
"Emmie was out of control in her head she had to save Damon. If she was caught then who cared? Damon would be free. Spiralling was only getting worse, she felt nothing but her own pain. No grief for the people she hurt, her only focus was keeping Damon safe. She shot her despite knowing she was Liam's sister. Deep down she'd hoped that Liam would kill her and save her suffering. She wanted to tell the whole world what she did and just maybe they would hear her screaming on the inside. Screaming out for help, so she carved her initial on the body. That D on her body is significant to her, she feels like it was a symbol of love. She was connected to Desmond with this scar. That only made her want to find him, when she saw him again he was on death's door. He seemed pleased to see her, she was numb she wasn't scared of him anymore."
"She was suffering so deeply he comforted her somewhat. He begged her to take his life and she was only happy to oblige. He was taking advantage of her vulnerable state. She let him kiss her one last time and she pulled the trigger. She marked him so they were more connected than ever before. Like blood brothers so to speak. That's how her troubled little brain works. She was too far gone to really know the extent of what she had done. She returned to Damon and she felt different like a weight had been lifted. I met her the next day, I could see the pain she was in. I could hear her screaming out. I heard her and I helped her move forward."
He's telling my story in a whole new meaning. I did feel that way but I didn't always know why and he has all the answers. Where was he was I was younger, I could really have done with him then. I look at Damon and a tear falls from his face whilst he watches and listens to Stefan. I look around the room and all faces seemed to look like Damon's, why?