Fading Scars

Chapter 33

Emmie

I put my head in my hands and try pull myself together. I hear keys enter the lock of the door and I look up. The door opens and I see Sully, he looks pissed as hell when he sees me. He shuts the door and hangs up his keys. "Emmie? What's wrong?"
He kneels in front of me and puts his arms on my legs. I hold his face in my hands and tears continue to fall. "Why is life so hard, Sully?"
"Emmie, what's happened? You were fine when I left. Why are you down here, you are supposed to be in bed."
"I have to feed my dog. Even that task is exhausting." Sully wipes away my tears and gets up and makes his way into the kitchen presumably to feed Hero. Sully whistles and Hero stands and looks at me then to Sully. "Go on," I reassure him and he goes to eat his food. Sully returns to me.
"Emmie, you will get better. It won't always be this hard. Did you eat dinner?" I shrug. "That's a no. Come on." I wrap my arms around his neck and he lifts me so I wrap my legs around his waist. I look into his eyes and I kiss him, he groans. "You're stalling."
"And?" I giggle. He playfully kisses my face and neck and I squeal because it tickles.
"Mom, you okay? We are waiting to finish the movie." Sully stops and proceeds up the stairs.
"Coming CJ," I call as loud as I can. I rest my head in Sully's neck. Sully closes the bedroom door behind us and he sits on the bed and I move my legs so I'm between his.
"You're back then? I've forgotten how hard work she is. Well, she's harder because she won't let me touch her. Can you get her to eat?"
Tommy plays the film again, "Emmie, sit up," Sully whispers in my ear. I shift my weight again and lean my weight on his body again. Sully leans forward and grabs the box. Sully goes to open it and I put my hand over his to shut it again. "Emmie, you need to eat."
I lean my head back on his shoulder. "See what I mean?" Damon mutters. Why do they make such a big deal over this?
"I'm tired," I whisper to Sully so only he can hear me.
"Eat first Emmie." I groan, "Look, I'm sorry I left you okay? I didn't mean to upset you," he says and I mutter to myself and grab a slice of pizza.
"You didn't upset me. It's hard for me to have him here so close and well, I felt exposed when you left. I feel better with you here," I didn't explain myself very well. I take a bite of pizza and Sully raises his eyebrow. He slides his left hand up my top and I squirm.
"Hmm, I hope to expose your body later in a different way should you so wish." I blush and stop mid-bite of my pizza and glance at Damon who is watching us suspiciously. I carry on eating the pizza and Sully continues to tease me with his fingers. I look at the TV and eat my pizza.
I finish my slice and Sully removes his hand and picks up two pieces. He passes one to me and he starts eating his piece. I start eating again even though I only wanted one piece. I eat it like a good little girl. I feel like a sleepy baby after a feed. Once I'm finished I push the box away from me so they can't make me eat anymore. I pull the covers over me and I turn my back on Damon. I feel his eyes on me and it's annoying.
Sully finishes his pizza and I take his hand. I pull his hand to my mouth and slide his finger into my mouth and he jumps. "You alright Bro?"
Sully coughs and I carry on, "Yeah, it's intense don't you think?" Sully says flustered. I remove his index finger from my mouth and move onto his third finger. I suck and swirl my tongue around his finger and Sully puts his hand on my hair and grips tightly. I remove his finger and I slide my hand up his top and I tease his nipple. "Fuck," he says quietly.
Sully slides his hand down under the covers and he feels under my top and rests his hand on my breast. He kisses the top of my head and I close my eyes. I let my hand fall to his side and I drift to sleep.
The lights flash on and I flinch and open my eyes. "Daddy, I don't want to go yet. Can we play cards?" Lilly says. I look around the room and the film has finished.
"Lilly, Mom is tired."
"Cards sound good baby. I'll just need to play with Sully," Lilly claps her hands and I smile. I shift my weight so I face forward.
"I need the bathroom, Emmie," Sully whispers in my ear and I clasp his legs. He puts his hands over mine, "I promise I'll come straight back." I take a second to process and I loosen my grip and I slide forward. I feel rather than see him get off the bed. Damon slides closer to me again.
"We can go if you're too tired." I shake my head. He's too close again. He reaches up and goes to touch my face but I grab his wrist to stop him. "Emmie, please."
"I can't Damon." I continue to hold his wrist inches from my face. "You know how your touch makes me feel. It hurts too much."
"I'm sorry I hurt you again. It hurts that you won't let me touch you. I still gravitate towards you, Emmie. You used to want to be close to me too."
I groan in frustration, "The only thing that's changed Damon is you want Alex. My feeling has not and will not change. It breaks me that I'm not enough for you. So if you touch me it will hurt me more."
"Of course you're enough baby." I push Damon's hand away from me and the bed drops behind me and I relax. Sully pulls me closer to him and I'm glad. Lilly returns with a pack playing cards and she starts dealing. Damon moves away grudgingly to the other corner of the bed. Lilly sits opposite me and Tommy sits opposite Damon. Caleb drags the sofa so it faces the bed and Hailey and CJ sit on it together.
Sully grabs our set of card and opens the in front of us. I arrange them in low to high order. Tommy puts his first card down which is two of spades. Caleb picks up the card and puts down queen of hearts. Hailey picks up a card from the deck and puts it straight down on the burn pile. Ten of clubs. Damon picks up a card from the deck and puts it in his hand and then gets rid of two of hearts. That seems fitting two of hearts, he wants two peoples hearts.
"What do you want to do love?" Huh? I look up at Sully and he's looking at me then at the cards. I look at Damon and he looks pissed as hell for some reason, why? I grab a card from the deck and show it to Sully it's four of diamonds. He points at the three of diamonds and I slide it next to the three. I get rid of the Eight of clubs.
We play a few games until it's late and my kids should be in bed. My kids hug me goodnight even Hailey does. "Guys, can you meet me in the car?" Damon throws the keys to Lilly and they leave the bedroom. "What the fuck?" Damon says when we are alone.
"What have I done now Damon, spit it out."
"You two, you don't hide it very well." I groan and stand up and Sully puts his arm on me because I'm uneasy on my feet.
"I'm tired, Damon!" I shout. "I'm tired of you making me the bad guy here. You did this to us, I'm not being unreasonable. I'm giving you a way back in, it's you that won't take it." I walk towards the wall and I rest my hands on the wall facing it. "Most people would divorce you for having an affair but I'm here waiting like an idiot. You're with Alex, Damon. We are separated, you think that you are the only one allowed to be with someone else?"
"You aren't an idiot baby. I thought you can't handle anyone else touching you. Is that past tense? Sully, how could you do this to me?"
"How can you do this to her? I see her breaking every single day and I wish that I could be her 'one' and you are taking it for granted. I try so hard to make her happy but I'm just not you. I've accepted that. It's a no strings attached and once you return it's over. Part of me wishes you stay with Alex but then I'll just see her hurting for longer. Most people would delude themselves thinking time would be in their favour but I know Emmie."
My legs give out and I slide to the floor, "You're my best friend, like a brother. Isn't our wives supposed to be off-limits to each other?" he's still shouting.
"Enough, please!" They both look at me horrified. What did I say? I start feeling strange again and my body goes stiff. I feel my arm shaking.
What's happening, I can't speak. I can't control my body. When I start regaining control, I'm confused. "It's okay, love. You're safe." I reach for Sully's hand and his face relaxes.
Sully picks me up and places me on the bed. "Doc, can you come over and check on Emmie, she's had another seizure." Sully pulls the covers over me.
"Has she been resting?" Lucas says, Damon put it on loudspeaker.
"Yeah, she sleeps most of the day," Sully says.
"Was she stressed then?"
"I guess, we were arguing," Damon says.
"Guys, what did I say about keeping her calm? I'll be over soon, you better hope this doesn't delay the op," the phone beeps indicating he's been disconnected.
I hear the door open, "Dad are you coming. Mom?" I feel the bed dip in front of me. "What happened?"
"She had another seizure, she will be fine. She's just tired." Damon says. "Get back in the car, I'll be there in a minute."
"Mom..." I'm so tired. "Mommy." I haven't heard him say that since he was a small child. I use all my strength to grab his hand.
"I'm... fine...baby." I look at him a muster a smile for him. "Damon...take...him...home." So much energy talking. "Please." I don't want him seeing me like this.
"Caleb, come on. Mom needs rest." Caleb disappears from my view. "Baby, I'm sorry I didn't mean to stress you out." Damon comes into my view and bends down and kisses my head. I close my eyes blocking out his lips on me. "Will you ring me later when the Doc has been?"
"Sure, I'll see you out. I'll be back in a minute, love."
"Do you have to call her that?"
"I'm going to hit you in a minute." The light is switched off and I hear the door close, I know Sully won't hold back when I'm out of earshot. I'm so tired and it doesn't take me long to fall asleep.
"Emmie?" I groan. I keep getting woken today. "Emmie, it's Lucas." The light is switched on again and I cover my face. "How are you feeling?"
"Tired," it's all I can manage.
"You had a seizure, can I check you over?" I mutter in agreement. He takes my blood pressure and listens to my heart. "Her blood pressure is lower than I'd like but it's not uncommon with this condition," he uses his thumbs to open each eye. "Are you in any pain Emmie?"
"My...head," I mumble.
"Is that the usual headache or is it new?"
"Usual," I respond. I reach around with my hand. The bed dips and Sully's hand is in mine.
"She needs to sleep. What exactly stressed her out? You need to minimise any risk of her being stressed. I'll keep the op scheduled but if she doesn't recover quickly I won't risk it. I'm already worried."
"Damon happened. The kids wanted to see her so we put a movie on so she didn't have to get out of bed. She slept through most of it and then Damon found out."
"He was always going to flip out. You should have been more careful. She doesn't need that added stress."
"Yeah, I know. Emmie really screamed at him actually and she's the one that was bloody teasing me in front of him."
"Why am I not surprised? Make sure she sleeps, keep her hydrated and keep me updated." Sully removes his hand from mine and the bed moves and I know he's letting Lucas out. The light switches off again and I drift to sleep.
It's dark where I am, I take a look around and we are at the safe house. My family is in Damon's office and I'm in the standing in the doorway. Alex is sat on Damon's lap where I should be. Sully is standing next to Damon's side and Sully has his hand on Alex's head stroking her hair. She looks poorly. "Mommy, I don't like to see you like this," Lilly says looking at Alex. I shake my head, no this isn't right.
Lexi walks past me like I'm not even here. She walks to the other side of Damon and she holds Alex's hand. "Why did you choose my brother? Why couldn't you have chosen me?"
"Sully," I whisper. This isn't right at all. The room seems to get smaller and smaller, further and further away. "No," I say louder.
"Emmie, wake up," I jolt awake and Sully is peering down at me. I blink and tears fall from my face. Thank god that wasn't real. "You said my name, what happened this time?" Sully always asks me about my dreams in the hope to process them and I won't keep repeating them.
I put my arm over my face, "I'm replaceable." I still feel that pain and emptiness I felt in my dream.
"Pft, I don't think so. What happened exactly Emmie?"
"You were all in Damon's office, my kids. Damon was sat on his chair and Alex was sat on his lap. I should have been there not her. You were next to them with your hand on her hair comforting her. She looked poorly like she was sick like me. Lexi walked straight past me like I wasn't there. She was hurt that Alex chose Damon over her. It was all wrong and Lilly called her Mommy."
"Like that would ever happen, love. You know why you dreamt that. What Damon is doing to you, the pain he's causing you. He's making you feel that pain so it happens in your nightmare."
"I know I'm not enough Sully," he strokes my cheek and he kisses my lips. He grabs my face in his hands whilst he kisses me.
"You are enough, and you are more than enough for me." I try to pull him back to me but he pulls away. "Emmie, you always overpower me. You need to be resting, me giving in to you isn't helping that. The Doc won't do your op tomorrow if you aren't back to full strength."
I open my mouth to say something and then I close it again. I turn on my side away from him, I shouldn't be so sensitive but it feels like he's rejecting me. Tears escape my eyes and I hate myself for being so emotional. He's doing this for me and yet all I want is him whilst I still want him like this. Who knows how long it will be before Damon comes back to me? It could be tomorrow for all I know or never...
He puts his arms around me and he rests his head on my cheek. "Emmie, it's not because I don't want to. I want to so fucking bad, I can never get enough of you. I don't want to be the one to jeopardize your op."
I know, I know. I grab his hand and I bring it to my heart. I don't answer him because I think I will cry harder. I'm scared, I don't want to risk my life having this op. "Emmie, please," he begs me.
"What do you want me to say, Sully? I know you don't want to risk it except you used to take my feelings into account. Even if my safety was on the line you followed my wishes. You said you wanted this until I pushed you away. So again what is it you want me to say? That I've proved my point that I'm not enough?" Sully mutters to himself and he gets up and leaves the room.
Did I push him too far this time? Oh christ, I should have just kept my mouth shut. I turn on my back and look at the door. The blinds are closed and no light is peaking through so I guess it's still night. I'm an idiot, my eyes stream and I begin to cry harder until it turns into sobbing.
I was never like this with Damon, not really. He always gave in to my demands so I never got to this point. I guess everything is building up at the moment. The surgery, cancer, Damon having affair, my kids and I are apart, I can't do normal tasks, I have to stay in bed the list is endless. Maybe Ellie should have killed me, she could have been happy. My family could be happy because she wouldn't be dying.
This is my punishment but I would have traded my life for theirs. I believe I've done a lot of good in the world to somewhat counteract that haven't I? I slide out of bed and I fall over. Ow, jeez. I crawl over to the sofa which is back in its normal place. I open the blinds so I can see into the darkness. I pull myself on the sofa and I sit with my knees to my chest and I continue to cry. I'm so pathetic, why can't I stop crying?
I look out into the dark night, with the stars glistening in the sky. It's silent and peaceful out there. It makes me feel even more empty and alone. The door clicks open and I look at the door. Sully looks at the bed and then he follows my loud sobs and he crosses the room in seconds. He kneels in front of me. I move my legs down and he puts his head on my lap. "I'm so sorry I hurt you."
"I pushed it too far Sully, I'm the one who should be sorry. I know you are protecting me because I'm crap at looking after myself."
"You were right though. I guess because I wanted it so much I denied myself because I shouldn't risk your health for my pleasure but I forget that you want this too." What is he saying? He moves his head off my lap and slides his hands up my thighs to my ass and lifts me up and I quickly wrap my arms around his neck.
He carries me to the bed and lowers me gently on the bed. He hovers over me and I grab his shirt and try pull it over his head but he grabs my hands and stops me. Did I read this all wrong? I drop my hands and frown. "Can you stop crying now, love?" I sniff and wipe my eyes. I hadn't released I was still crying. "Look, we do this my way or not at all."
I frown not realising what he means exactly. "You need to rest so you'll leave me to do most of the work okay?"
"But, I want to show you how much I love you," he smirks at me and places a soft kiss on my lips.
"I already know, love. So do we have ourselves a deal?" I guess, am I going to be able to do that? Do I trust him enough to do that? What a stupid question, of course, I trust him. In a way I trust him more than Damon, he's never hurt me. Not in the way Damon has. If I asked Sully would never leave me. I hesitate but I nod and Sully removes his top whilst I lay waiting.
Sully grabs the bottom of my top and I sit up so he can remove it. He grabs my face and pushes me back down he kisses me exploring my mouth with his skilful tongue. He's urgent and at this moment I like that, it makes me feel wanted, needed even. I reach up to pull him closer to me but he grabs my wrists and holds them in one hand above my head. "Remember our deal," he whispers in my ear. I don't know how I feel about him restraining me.
I feel trapped but I trust him so he's not going to hurt me. All I can think about is all the times I was out of control and couldn't stop those people hurting me. Daddy, Rex, all his men, Desmond although thankfully I don't know what happened. Sully releases my wrists and places kisses and nip along my jaw, down my neck. I gasp and he carries on the trail to my breasts and he teases them until I cry out. I try so hard not to touch him but I fail and grab his hips. "Hmm, you aren't doing very well at this. I'm going to need to restrain you if you carry on and I know you wouldn't like that."
"Please, I just want to touch you," he doesn't remove my hands but he continues his trail once more until he reaches the top of my shorts. He slides his fingers underneath the waistband of my shorts and slides them off with my panties. He removes his jeans and boxers whilst I wait for him. He relentlessly kisses the inside of my leg travelling higher. I grip the covers with my hands and they ball into fists. "Sully, please," I beg and he chuckles to himself.
"Too slow for you, love?" I nod and he crawls back over me so he kisses my lips again. He pulls away too soon and I reach up and slide my hands through his hair tugging him towards me. He groans, "You don't follow rules very well, do you?" I giggle and we get lost in each other again.
I'm curled around him whilst he lays on his back. I stroke his abs with my fingertips. "Thank you."
"For?" he raises his eyebrows when I look up at him. What if he never came back? I'd still probably be crying watching the lonely night.
"Coming back, I'm not sure why I was so upset. It's just everything seems to be crumbling around me."
"No, love. I'm sorry I even left in the first place. I never want you to feel like you aren't enough, not for me. I can't speak for Damon but anyone would be lucky to have you. I just don't want to hurt you, if you couldn't have your op because I wore you out having sex I'd never forgive myself."
"I don't want to live with any regrets Sully. I've always gone by I did that not I wish I did that. There's worse ways to go, death by sex." I giggle and rest my eyes and I focus on Sully's breathing in and out. It's late or early whichever and I grow tired but I'm always tired. Sully kisses the top of my head and I fall asleep.
I hear a noise and I open my eyes. The sun is piercing through the window where I didn't close the blind last night. I'm under the covers and Sully is wrapped around me with his hand resting on my breast. Sully still seems to be fast asleep so I try to get back to sleep. "Really?" Damon shouts. I jump out my skin and sit up holding the covers up hiding my naked body.
Sully groans and sits up too. My eyes are still sleepy so I rub them with my free hand. Why the hell is he here? I look at him and his eyes are in pain but he looks pissed as hell. "Bro, what are you doing here?"
"I came to check on my wife before her op today."
"For fuck sake man, say the words and this ends. Stop making her feel bad for your mistakes."
"I can't just stop, you know that. Emmie..." he looks at me and it's like he's calling to me with his sad eyes. "I hate you won't let me touch you. I hate that you let someone else touch you. And it had to be my best friend. I can't kill him."
"Please Damon, don't do this. I'm sorry I can't be what you want me to be. Maybe back then I would have shared you because I needed you differently then. But now, I know I'm worth more than that. If I could give you this then I would but I can't. Just like you can't share me."
"Emmie, don't be sorry. What he's asking is barbaric, he can't be selfish and greedy. He can't have you both and expect it to be normal." Nothing with me is normal anyway.
"Just tell me one thing." I look at Damon and he comes closer to me. He sits on the bed in front and he strokes my cheek with his fingers and I close my eyes. "Do you see her face?" I open my eyes to see his reaction. His touch is a comfort but it also sends daggers in my heart.
"Emmie, I..." I know by his reaction that he does but that doesn't really surprise me she was first. She was before me so I can't really be upset about that.
"What exactly did you want Damon? You could have just called."
"I wanted to see my wife and I need you for a job." I grab Sully's hand before he can move anywhere.
"Emmie, calm down I'm not leaving you the morning of your op. Damon, you need to leave, if you cause a seizure again, I swear to god."
"I need you on this job. You are the only one I trust to have my back." Damon looks me in the eyes and he slides his hand down my jaw to my neck and then he hovers his knuckles over the top of my collarbone where the covers are resting. My breathing accelerates and I get lost in his eyes. He's enchanting me and I am powerless. He hesitates for a brief second and then prizes the covers from my hand and he lets them fall to my lap.
What is he doing? He smirks and looks at my body and I frown. "You've put on weight, baby." Sully grabs the covers and lifts it so it shields my body.
"Damon, what the hell are you playing at?" I glance at Sully at he's pissed. I don't know what that was and I just let him with Sully right next to me.
"I don't need your permission to see my wife naked. Can you get up, we need to do this job this morning."
"No, but you need your Emmie's permission." I didn't stop him but he's right I always said I didn't want to share him. He mesmerizes me when he does that. "I'm not leaving her alone Damon."
"I'll get Dyno to come over. You've hardly made any input in the gang since she kicked me out. Do you know how it feels to me? It feels like you are taking my life. You're replacing me." Sully looks at me in pain. He strokes my cheek and wipes a tear away. Does my face look as horrified as I feel by Damon's confession?
"Look, we've told you already. Call Dyno, I won't leave her until he's here. He will have to take her to the hospital later. I don't want to argue if she's stressed it could cause a seizure."
Damon nods and gets his phone out. "Dyno, get to Emmie's house now," he hangs up without hearing his response.
"Don't leave me," I whisper to Sully. He kisses my forehead and puts the covers in my hand so I cover my body and not him. He slides out of bed and I keep my eyes on him. He finds his clothes around the room and starts dressing.
"Emmie, you need to get dressed before he gets here," Damon demands. I prize my eyes off Sully and look at Damon. "You know I don't like other people seeing you naked and well you wouldn't want Dyno to see you naked either." I turn my head slightly to the side thinking about what he's said. Of course, I don't want that but why does he still care so much?
I pull the covers from my chest and I look at my naked body and then I glance at them both. I'd be comfortable getting dressed in front of them separately but when they are both here it's awkward. "Emmie, I've seen you naked millions of times," Damon says. It's not the point, everything has changed.
Sully walks to the wardrobe and rummages in my side and brings me back some clothes. He places them on the bed. "I'll meet you at the hospital okay? If you need me call me. Stay here until Dyno comes okay?"
"I'm scared." he sighs. He bends down and places his forehead on mine.
"I know, love. I promise it will be okay," he removes his forehead from mine and kisses my lips. I feel Damon get off the bed and I hear the bedroom door slam and I jump. "Calm down," I can't believe he's leaving me on one of the scariest days of my life. I don't know if I will be here tomorrow and he's wasting it. "Remember, call me." he stands up straight and I watch him walk out the door.
I start dressing now as it will take me ages on my own. I have to rest when I've put on a bra and top. Once I've got my breath back I slide on my 3/4 length jeans and panties. I slide on the socks and I sit up with my legs over the side. I don't want Dyno to see me in bed and I need to feed Hero and Sully's gone. I call Hero to my side and I grab his harness and I stand. I feel really weak and wobbly.
"Downstairs, Hero." I have no idea if he knows what that is but I'm not sure I'll make it without assistance. Hero starts walking and I slowly put one foot in front of the other. How will Hero be during my op? Sully will need to look after him. What if I don't make it, Hero will wonder where I've gone. I make it into the hallway and I rest my head and back on the wall.
I should have got a house pony or something. I could ride them instead of this. I laugh to myself and then start walking again. I stand at the top of the stairs and look down. It feels like it's grown higher and longer. The front door opens and I look in horror at who's entering my house. I relax when Dyno walks through the door.
He looks around and then he catches sight of me. "Em, don't be stupid," he walks towards the stairs and walks up the stairs to me, "Last time I saw you, you said you fell down the stairs," he picks me up and I feel uncomfortable in his arms but I don't stop him.
"This might be the last time I'm in my house. I need to make the most of it." I smile up at him and he glares at me.
"Don't be so morbid Em. You're going to be fine. I may not be if I tell the Boss you came down here without me. Or maybe even Sully, he's been a right fucking grouch where you're concerned." I frown thinking about Sully being how Dyno described. He reaches the bottom step. "Sofa?"
I shake my head, "I need to go to the kitchen. I need to feed my dog." He heads to the kitchen and he sets me down on the counter.
"Where is the food?" I point in the cupboard and he opens it and takes out a bag and empties it into Hero's bowl. Hero looks at me and I tell him to get his breakfast. I open the cupboard and I grab a pack of biscuits. I open the packet and take a biscuit and I place it in my mouth. "Em, no." Dyno hurries to me and grabs the biscuit and pulls it out of my mouth. "Are you trying to delay this surgery. You know you can't eat." I glare at him.
Eat food don't eat food, whatever. My phone rings at I take it out my pocket, "Hello?"
"Emmie, how are you this morning?" Lucas asks.
"I'm tired and I feel really sick. I don't think I'm up to it."
"I'm sure Sully would have said if you were too bad to do it."
"He's not here. I'm scared, I can't do it. This is different from last time."
"Where is he? Are you alone? How are you getting here?"
"Damon took him earlier. Dyno's here but I... I can't do it."
"Don't be silly Emmie, we've been waiting for this day. It's going to make you better."
"But what if I don't make it this time? What if you can't revive me? I'll have what 6 months to a year with my family if I don't do it."
"Emmie, I've got this you need to trust me. Just come here and I'll talk you through it. You need to be here in an hour."
"Thank you Lucas but I... I can't." I hang up and I put my phone away. I look at Dyno and he's watching me intently.
"What was that about, Em? Was that the Doc?" I shrug, I slide off the counter and I fall on my front. I groan this is getting old. Dyno puts his hand under my arm and lifts me to my feet.
I start walking towards the stairs, "Yeah it was." I hold the handrail and start walking upstairs. Man, it's harder going upstairs than it is going down. I can sense Dyno right behind me in case I fall no doubt.
"What did he want?" Surely he heard most of the conversation. I stop on the stairs and I feel his hand on my back and he gently pushes me forward and I continue up the stairs. "You shouldn't be walking around Em."
I reach the top of the stairs and I rest on the wall and Dyno continues to watch me. He's waiting for an answer from me. I push myself away from the wall and head to the bedroom. "He wanted to check if I was well enough to do the op."
"Okay, and?"
"I told him I couldn't do the op." When I'm in the bedroom he grabs my arm to spin me around.
"You did what?"
"You heard me Dinosaur. It's too much, I can't do it." I pull my arm away from his grip and I walk to the bathroom and I lock the door. I slide down the door and Hero sits on my lap.
Dyno knocks on the door and tries to open it, "Em, don't do this. Open the door!" I rest my head back on the door. I can't do it, I want to stay on this earth with my kids.
"Go away Dinosaur. I've made my mind up." Dyno curses outside the door. It goes quiet for a while.
"Boss, look it's not my fault." I listen through the door. "Calm down okay? She's locked herself in the bathroom. She said she won't do the surgery," he's going to be mad and so will Sully. "I can't kick the door down. She's sat in front of the door, I'll hurt her." I don't hear him talking anymore. My whole body is shaking and I can't make it stop. I don't remember being this scared last time and I was doing it alone.
I rest my eyes for a bit, all this is making me sleepy. I stroke Hero's head and I drift asleep. I wake to muffled noises, "How could you let her get this far?" I groan when I hear Damon shouting.
"How is this my fault? She was acting sketchy when I arrived. I found her at the top of the stairs and then she tried eating."
"Bloody typical, when we want her to eat she won't and then she eats when she can't," he's closer now. "Baby? Can you open the door?"
"I can't do it, Damon."
"You can, we are here to help you."
"No! This way you can have me around for a year. I may not make it, I don't want to die. Not yet."
"Emmie, love. Please open the door. I shouldn't have left you, not when you said you were scared."
"It wouldn't have mattered. I was already having doubts. Please, I can't," Tears fall from my eyes and I notice my body shaking like a leaf again. Hero starts whining and I try to soothe him.
"Damon, do something. She's too far gone for me to reach her now. She needs this surgery and your the only person that can get through to her. I swear to god..."
"How am I supposed to do that? She won't let me near her let alone touch her. I need to be able to touch her to reach her."
"Don't let her push you away bro. She needs you like she's always done but she's put her wall up. Break it down Bro, it's time. She told me she feels exposed when you are near. I will never forgive you if don't do this."
"You know, I'm secretly glad it was you bro. Thank you for looking after her." What is this? "Emmie, open the door, now." I can't let him in if I do I know I'll cave. I don't want this, how are they so willing to gamble with my life? They can't even blame this on my mental health because I am better than I've ever been. "Emmie, baby. Let me in, please."
"No, I don't want to die Damon. I know I'll die on that table. I want to have more, this is the only way."
"Lucas won't let that happen, baby. He's saved you all those times. I know you've lost trust in me baby and I don't blame you. I'm here, I want you and I love you. Open the door baby," he's giving me false hope.
"You're just telling me what I want to hear. I'm no fool anymore Damon."
"Open the door and I'll prove it." Nope, "God, damn it. She won't bloody listen. What am I supposed to do?"
"I don't know but you have to realise you've hurt her more than ever before. It's going to take more than words. She's terrified Bro, if I could do this then I would."
"Listen, baby, I'm sorry for hurting you. You're right, I do see Alex's face but that doesn't mean anything. She doesn't make me gravitate towards her. Her voice doesn't make me feel things in the pit of my stomach. I don't want to marry her or have kids with her. You are the first person I think of when I wake up and last person I think of at night. I've missed our connection, the sparks I feel when you touch me."
"Yes, I know all of that Damon but you were willing to hurt me and give me up for her. I don't understand."
"Neither do I baby. If Sully was before me and he died and then you met me. How would you feel when he was still alive but he had cancer. You don't feel the same way about Sully but you love him so much you can't let him go through it alone. He's all alone and he's dying. You'd risk our relationship to comfort him." I push Hero off me and I move away from the door. I pull myself up off the floor. I unlock the door and they are sitting next to each other in the doorway.
They look up at me, "You're wrong, I wouldn't risk our relationship but I do understand better now. Sully would never do that to me, I made this move because I feel like I'm going to die. He let it happen because we are separated and I was all in. If it wasn't for Sully I probably would have spiralled."
I hold my hand out to Damon and he takes it. I lower myself onto his lap and he helps me. I curl up and bury my head into his neck. "I love you so much, baby." I smell him all around me and I feel like I'm home for the first time since I kicked him out.
I don't say it back but he should know. I hold my hand out to Sully and he takes it. Damon takes my face in his hands and he looks into my eyes the way he looks into my soul. "Christ, I did a lot of damage." I close my eyes so that he can't see the hurt he's caused. I feel his lips on mine and I groan. I respond immediately but then I feel Sully's hand in mine again and I pull away from Damon. "One day, you'll trust me again."
"It will be the day when you let Alex go. I need proof that it's over between you." I crawl over to Sully's lap and Damon mutters to himself. Will I ever trust him again? Will I always be reminded of this?
"Emmie, we need to get you to the hospital now," Sully says and he picks me up. "You're shaking so much, calm down." he heads out the bedroom and I can feel Damon closeby. I didn't catch sight of Dyno though.
"You're both happy risking my life." Sully glares at me and I shut my eyes and rest my head in his neck.
"That is not true love, never! This is the only way that you live." I shake my head.
"This is the way I die." I correct him.
"Emmie, you aren't going to fucking die. Stop speaking like that." Damon growls.
"I know these things, Damon. We all know if I feel it, it will come true," they both fall silent. "If this is what you want then I'll grant you your wish." I feel the sun on my skin so I know we are outside. I take in the sun on my skin and I fall asleep in Sully's arms.
"Thank god for that. I really thought she wasn't coming. You're cutting it close." I hear Lucas but I keep my eyes closed.
"Well, it took a long time to get her to reconsider. She thinks she's going to die, you've got this Doc, haven't you? Because her spidey senses are generally always right."
"I won't let her die, Damon. Sully put her on the bed, is she sleeping?"
"Nope, you must have woke her up. She's shaking again." I feel the bed against my back and I cling onto his top.
"She will need to change into this. Remember no stress, who's staying, only one." Why do I have to choose? "Emmie?"
"Sully," I whisper.
"Really, fuck sake...I thought we got somewhere. Fine, I'll see you when you wake up, baby." he kisses my forehead and I open my eyes to watch him leave. Bottom line is I'm an idiot for letting him through my wall every time. He just makes it crumble and then it hurts more.
"I'll give you a few minutes to change," Lucas says and he follows Damon out. I don't attempt to move.
"Why did you choose me today? I know you've mostly accepted what Damon's done. I couldn't have convinced you out of that room, so what gives love?"
"You only want me. He's still connected to her. If he promised me it was over I'd let him stay. You've never hurt me and I need that at the moment." he shrugs. He didn't need an explanation he still would have been here for me. "I just wish I didn't hurt you."
"Emmie, you aren't hurting me. You've already given me more than I could have wished for." I feel like I am because we both know he doesn't compare to Damon. He sits me up and removes my top and bra. He slides the ugly gown over my head and covers my body.
He lays me back down and he undoes my jeans and I giggle. He raises his eyebrow at my outbreak, "I'd rather be at home for you to get me naked." He chuckles.
"You're insatiable. I'd like that too," he slides them down my legs and removes my socks. He lays next to me and I curl up onto his chest. This might be the last time I see him and I'm not ready to say goodbye. "Emmie, calm down. I promise you'll be fine, love."
"I'm not ready to say goodbye. I'm not done yet if I don't make it know that I love you so much. Tell my kids I love them so much."
"Stop thinking you're going to die love. I won't let you leave." I need to make things right with Damon.
"Sully, can you get Damon? I need to say goodbye properly," he groans most likely because I don't believe I'll live. He gets off the bed and he leaves the room. Lucas comes in with a shaver and I widen my eyes.
"I'll do what I did last time Emmie. Calm down." I relax a little bit, and he moves my hair so he can get the insition line. He turns the clippers on and shaves the area. The door opens and I look at Damon. He still looks angry, "Don't stress her out." Lucas snaps.
"What is it, Emmie?"
"I want to say goodbye I don't want to die knowing I didn't make it right."
"Enough, Emmie. I don't want to hear any goodbye's you aren't going to die."
"I wanted to confess before that happens. I need to be honest with you," he looks at me and frowns, "I didn't want to be the one to tell you but I feel like you'll never know the truth otherwise."
"Just say it, Emmie."
"I wanted you to return to me on your own accord but I know now that isn't going to happen. Alex...she doesn't have cancer."
"Yes, she does. I wish she didn't Emmie but she does. She's been tired and she has difficulty breathing. I've seen it."
"Can you send Sully back in now please." Lucas finishes shaving my head and I turn my back on them.
"No, Emmie I want to talk about this," he growls.
"Oh no, you don't. Out, you can discuss this another time." I hear the door slam and I know he's gone. "He will come round, Emmie." I don't answer him and before I know it Sully is in my eyesight laying in front of me.
"You need to take care of Hero." he nods.
"Are you ready Emmie?" I shake my head. "It's time." Sully gets off the bed but holds my hand, the bed starts rolling and tears fall from my face.
"I'm not ready... I'm not ready," I panic.
"Be brave Emmie," Lucas says. I watch the bright lights on the ceiling as I'm wheeled towards the surgery room. "This is as far as you go, Sully." Sully leans down and kisses my forehead and he pulls away. The bed starts moving and I cling tighter to his hand but eventually, we have to break contact. I block out the rest of the journey to the theatre. I'm staring at the ceiling of the operation room. Lucas comes into my eye line and he smiles. He places the mask over my mouth and I lose consciousness.
I wake feeling much better. I feel like a weight has lifted. I turn around and I see my body on the table. Lucas is trying to revive me but the machine is flatlining. I prize my eyes off my body and I follow the light. I follow the anchoring feeling down the hallway. It's making me head back towards my room.
I don't feel tired anymore and I don't have a headache. Passing each room going down each hallway I catch sight of Damon and Sully. I walk towards them but they don't lookup. Hero starts whining and Damon gasps. "What bro?"
"I don't know... It's odd, I can feel her around me right now." I kneel in front of Hero and he stops crying. I stroke him and he pants and wags his tail.
"It's okay boy. I'm here," maybe it is true that dogs can see dead people. I stand up and I touch Damon's face and he gasps again. He looks right at me or through me, whichever. I guess Damon is connected with my soul rather than my body. I take my hand off his face and I walk over to Sully. I stroke his face but he doesn't seem to notice.
"Fuck this. I need to know what is going on. Why can I feel her?" he gets up from his chair and he heads towards the OR. I turn my back on Sully and I step away and Hero cries and barks at me.
"Calm down boy. She will be back soon," Sully says stroking his head. Hero tries to follow me but Sully holds him back. I head back into my room trying to find out what this pulling feeling is. I open the door and I find Daddy in his hospital clothes in my room.
"Daddy?" he turns around and smiles at me. I run and jump into his arms and he spins me around.
"Princess, what are you doing here? You don't belong here," he sets me on my feet and holds me at arm's length.
"What do you mean Daddy?"
"This isn't your time. You need to return to your body before it's too late." I shake my head it's easier here.
"I want to stay with you, Daddy."
"Princess, I am so happy to see you but you can't. Look, when I died everything changed when I lost you. I was sick princess, it was wrong what I did to you. I watched you your whole life and I am the cause of your misery. I'm so glad that I didn't succeed when I shot you."
"Daddy, it's okay. I love you, I want to stay."
"It's not okay, the way you live your life princess it's not normal. You need to go back to your body, now." I hug him around his waist.
"It's too hard Daddy."
"Leaving your family is harder, trust me. I was there with you Emmie. You said you didn't want to die earlier. I had to be with you, here in case this happened," he pushes me away again and holds his hand out to me. I take his hand instantly, "It's time to go back to your body," he leads me out my room. I look at Sully and he's trying to calm Hero down. Hero looks at me and barks again. I follow Daddy down the hallway back to my body.
When we reenter the OR Lucas is desperately trying to revive me. "You need to call it Doctor." my body looks lifeless.
"Don't fucking call it. Not yet, you better fucking save her. You promised." Damon shouts, I look up into the gallery area and he is leaning on the glass.
"Your family love you very much, princess. They look after you better than I ever did. Go, before it's too late," I hug him. How am I supposed to say goodbye to my Daddy? Again? But this time he is the Dad he was always supposed to be. I look at Damon in the gallery whilst hugging Daddy. What do I do?