Fading Scars

Chapter 29

Emmie

When we arrive Damon gets out the car, okay he really his marking his territory then. I roll my eyes and I meet him at the front of the car. He takes my hand and leads me into the bar. He heads to the bar and talks to the barman. I watch him although I can't hear what he's saying. Damon hands over a wad of cash and then he points at me and then to the table behind me.
   What the hell is he doing? He hands over a business card and the barman takes it. The barman nods and then Damon heads towards me. "What the hell was that?"
"All your drinks from your table are paid for. I asked him to call me if you get too drunk or anything dodgy happens."
"You really are over the top but thank you," he kisses me and I head towards Lexi's table. I hug her and Jessie but I don't know the other girl on the table.
"Bro, you need to leave. No guys allowed."
    Damon holds his hands up and chuckles, "Yeah, yeah, I'm going. Make sure you look after her Sis and call me if you or Emmie needs me. Call me and I'll pick you up."
"We will be fine bro. Bye," she waves and Damon rolls his eyes. He kisses my head and leaves. "Let's get some drinks in and you'll need to put your name down for karaoke."
"Umm no, I can't sing."
"Liar, I saw the video. We will do a duet together and then you can sing on your own." I groan. No point in arguing with her.
"What do you guys want to drink? Damon's already settled the tab." They all give me their drink order and I head to the bar.
"Can we put our name down for the karaoke?" Lexi asks the barman. She orders our drinks and he gives her the sheet. "That one." Lexi points at the song Hate that I love you by Rihanna feat Ne-yo is she trying to tell me something? "You can sing Rihanna." She writes our names down. "What song are you singing on your own?"
I scan the piece of paper and one song stands out. I point to it and Lexi jumps up and down, "Yes, perfect for your voice." She writes my name next to Lose you to love me by Selena Gomez.
"You'll need to carry it Lex, I drop things these days," I say looking at the tray of drinks. She smiles and grabs the tray and returns to our table. When we return Sarah and my Mom has arrived. I hug them in turn. I tell them to order drinks on my tab and they head for the bar.
   I down my vodka. The karaoke starts and we all giggle like girls chatting about our life. Lexi returns with many shots. She lines us five shots each of Vodka. I look at Lexi, "Babe, don't bail on me now. Ready, set, go."
I grab the first shot and down it. I slide the glasses forward upside down before downing the next. I screw my face up and demolish the remaining glasses. I look up and I've finished them first and I jump from my seat and cheer. They all laugh around me, "Wooo, Emmie!" They shout.
"Next up is Lexi and Emmie Rider." The guy on the mic announces. "Sisters or married?" Lexi laughs and holds her hand out to me. I stagger to her side and grab her hand. I've drunk a bit too much. She leads me to the stage and I stand awkwardly trying not to look at anyone for too long.
"She's my sister in law although I'd love her to be my wife. I mean look at her." I gently nudge Lexi in embarrassment and the crowds whoops. "Emmie here is an amazing singer she's just shy. We are going to sing Hate that I love you." The crowd claps and I take a mic and turn around. I can't do this. The music starts and my palms are sweaty and I start shaking. Damon's not here to give me the confidence.
I start singing, "Hey, That's how much I love you, That's how much I need you, And I can't stand you, Must everything you do make me wanna smile? Can I not like you for awhile? No."
   I turn my head to the crowd and they are all watching in awe. It reminds me of the time on vacation, "Turn around." Someone calls in the crowd, "We love you."
It's Lexi's turn to sing, "But you won't let me, You upset me, girl, And then you kiss my lips, All of a sudden I forget, That I was upset, Can't remember what you did."
I turn around just as I start singing my next line, "But I hate it, You know exactly what to do." I smile and I start to enjoy myself.
We get to the part where we sing together and Lexi comes to me to sing in my mic, "That's how much I love you, How much I need you." We finish the rest of the song and Lexi grabs my hand and kisses me. I thought she got out of doing this. I place my mic back on the stand and the crowd erupts and start chanting my name like last time. A guy gets on the stage pushes me towards the crowd and the crowd's arms extend and then I realise their intentions. They want us to crowd surf. I try to object but I'm already crowd surfing. Hero follows underneath me, I close my eyes blocking out the hands touching me.
They finally let me down and I clumsily return to my seat. I feel so tired, I get my phone out and two hours have past. Not really long but I still tire easily. I text Damon, 'Can you pick me up, please? I'm so tired and Lexi's made me drink too much.'
   'Something came up at work baby. I'll send Sully.' I chuck my phone on the table. Something came up at this time of night? Whatever, I get up and head for the bar. I order another drink and down it. "Another," I grab the glass and hold onto Hero. I can't walk straight and I keep knocking into Hero.
"What's up Emmie?" Mom leans over to me when I sit down.
"I asked Damon to pick me up but apparently something came up at work."
"Is that normal?" I shake my head. "Oh," He's worked late sure but mostly when we've had an argument but he's never gone back into work once he's left. "I've enjoyed tonight Emmie. I don't see you enough."
"It was nice to have a girls night especially after everything."
"We need to catch up properly Emmie. So we can really talk, I haven't seen you since the trial and that was horrendous." I shut my eyes recalling those memories.
"Yeah, we do." I agree. I down my drink and watch the person singing on stage. I'm not particularly paying attention and I zone out.
"Emmie, can you come back up, please. I know a lot of us are dying to hear you sing again." I snap out of my daydream and I stand. I look around to see if Sully has arrived so I can leave but he hasn't. I hold the table because I'm tired. Lexi grabs my arm and escorts me on stage. I'm glad because I'm having trouble holding myself up.
I grab the mic, "Hey, everyone. I'm going to sing lose you to love me by Selina Gomez." Lexi leaves the stage and I hold onto the mic stand. The music starts and I shut my eyes, "You promised the world and I fell for it, I put you first and you adored it." I open my eyes and a couple of guys head to the stage and it makes me uncomfortable.
I continue singing but I keep my eyes on them. They stand either side of me and they lift me up and they perch me on each of there shoulders. I er, this is weird. They stand side by side so their shoulders are touching. I cross my legs as my dress is really short. "We'd always go into it blindly, I needed to lose you to find me, This dance, it was killing me softly." I feel like this is killing me softly. They start walking and I clutch the guys head on my left.
I see Sully arrive and his eyes fix on me on the stage, "To love, yeah I needed to lose you to love me." I beg Sully with my eyes to save me, "Sully." I say into the mic between lines. I watch him make his way to the stage whilst I keep singing. Lexi tries to stop him coming on stage but he moves around her. Once he's on the stage he grabs my hips and lifts me off their shoulders and I wobble. He holds my hips still facing each other. "And now the chapter is closed and done, To love, love, yeah, To love, love, yeah, To love, yeah, And now it's goodbye, it's goodbye for us."
The crowd applauds us and I return the mic to the stand and I stumble. Sully catches me before I fall headfirst into the crowd. He scoops me up and I put my hand on his face, "You're pretty."
Sully laughs, "How much did you drink?" he walks off the stage. I hold my other hand up and use my finger and thumb to show how much I've drunk.
"A little bit."
"Let's get you home before you cause more trouble." I slide my hand into his hair and pull. "Ow, what was that for?" I giggle and shrug. "Does anyone need a lift?"
Lexi and Mom stand and nods. I put my finger on Sully's lip, "So soft." Sully's cheeks go red and I giggle. Once we are outside the air gives me a chill. I bite Sully's neck and he groans.
"I didn't think you could be any more difficult." Sully places me in the front seat. Sully walks around to the driver's side and he presses call on his phone. It connects to the car once he starts the engine.
"Sully, what's up?" Damon says and Sully drives out the car park.
"Your wife is really drunk. You probably would have been better picking her up. I'm dropping off her Mom and Lexi."
"Sully, I'm cold." I grab the bottom of his hoodie and I pull it over his head and I end up taking his top with it.
"Emmie, you'll get me arrested. Jesus," he glances at me and looks a little annoyed but I bite my lip.
"What's she doing?"
"She just took my hoodie and my top off, Bro whilst I'm driving." I clumsily try to put his hoodie on. Lexi laughs at us.
I look at Sully and I stare at his abs, "Hmm, pretty." I reach over and place fingers on his abs and Sully clutches the steering wheel tighter.
"Take it off, take it off." Lexi chaunts and I giggle.
"Take what off?" Damon says through the system.
"Bro, seriously. She's out of control man." Lexi nudges me and points at Sully. I grab Sully's jean button and Sully grabs my hand. "Emmie, stop trying to get me naked. Lexi, stop encouraging her." I giggle.
"She's that drunk huh? Maybe I should have picked her up. I'll meet you at home." Sully pulls up and Mom gets out the car. The line goes dead.
"Bye Mommy."
"Bye Emmie. Remember, catch up soon." She shuts the door and Sully drives off again. I turn the music up and Lexi and I start singing and dancing. Sully turns it down slightly but it's still loud. It's not long before Sully pulls up at Lexi's. She moves so she is between Sully and me. She pecks Sully on the cheek and then she kisses me on the lips for a couple of seconds.
She stumbles out the car and shuts the door. I turn the music down and look at Sully. "I love youuu." I slur my word.
"I love you too Emmie." he sighs. I grab his hand and I kiss it. "Emmie, don't." I continue to place soft kisses on his hand. "When you wake up sober you'll regret this."
"How would you knowww?" I snap, I stop kissing his hand but I keep it in my hand.
"Because you love Damon, Emmie. You may love me in your own way but it's nothing like how you feel about Damon." I frown at his words. "As much as I want this, I know it won't happen and I wouldn't let it happen whilst you're drunk."
"What a good best friend you are," he pulls up in the drive and I climb onto his lap so I'm facing him and my legs are either side of him.
"Yes because you mean everything to me." he opens the door and lifts me out the car. He sets me on my feet.
"I'm hot," Sully raises his eyebrow and I lift the hoodie over my head and I pass it to him. I lift my dress over my head and chuck it at Sully.
"Emmie," Damon calls to me. I turn around and I stumble towards him.
"Hey, Damon."
"Why are you and Sully half-naked?"
"I got hot and Sully's pretty." I hold my hand out to Sully and he takes it. I touch his abs, "See, pwetty." Damon laughs and scoops me up so I have to let go of Sully's hand.
"Enough of that, let me get you into bed," he makes his way into the house.
"Best thing you've said all daayy." I giggle and Damon laughs at me. He takes me up the stairs and into the bedroom. He lowers me on the bed and I start clumsily removing my bra. He makes his way to the wardrobe and pulls some clothes out. When he returns I pull him on top of me.
"Baby, as much as you are fucking adorable right now, you're drunk."
"Yes, I am and I want you." I pull him closer to me and I kiss his neck.
He groans, "You are making this so hard baby. I won't touch you when you are this drunk."
"Do you not love me anymore?"
"Of course, I do, I think I love you a little bit more after tonight. I didn't think it was possible. You are so cute like this." I pull his top over his head.
"I love your abs more," I say whilst touching them with my whole hand. He grins and sits up. He grabs my top.
"Lift your arms up, baby." I do as I'm told. He slides the top over my head and he slides it down so it covers my tummy. He crawls down the bed and slides some shorts up, "lift up." I push my hips in the air and he slides them into place.
Damon undoes his jeans and slides them off. He pulls us under the covers and he wraps his arms around me and I shut my eyes. "I love you."
"I love you more baby. Sleep." I drift quickly into sleep. When I wake my head hurts more than ever. Man, what the hell happened last night to warrant this? My stomach is churning and I groan. I turn over and I'm alone in bed as usual.
I get out of bed and I grab some casual clothes. I'm not even bothered about what I wear. I find my sunglasses I used when I was sensitive to light. I slide them onto my head for now and head to the bathroom. I smell really bad so I shower quickly. I try to replay what happened last night. The shots, the singing. Crap, the singing on strangers shoulders, double crap the topless Sully. I bite my lip, oh I did so much that I shouldn't have. The trying to strip Sully and kissing his hand. Oh fuck, this is bad.
I'm so glad he pushed me away, I groan remembering me taking my dress off in the driveway. I don't think I've ever been so reckless like that. Would I have gone further with Sully? Did I want to or was he just there? Then there was the awol husband to think about. I finish in the shower and dry myself. I dress and slide my glasses back on my head.
I head out my bedroom and walk down the stairs. When I reach the bottom step I blackout. When I come around I'm lying on my back looking up at Sully. "What the hell happened there?" I blink trying to focus on his face.
"Hmm, I don't know. Maybe it was drinking last night." Sully gets me to my feet and I wobble. He holds my hips to support me. "I really am sorry about last night big guy. I don't know what came over me."
He laughs loudly and I blush, "You're hilarious drunk but you are harder to handle." Sully walks me to the sofa and I sit down and Hero sits on my lap. "You feeling okay though?"
"My head is killing and I feel like shit but yeah I'm good."
"I'll feed Hero. Do you want anything to eat?" I shake my head. I couldn't stomach food right now. Sully calls Hero to the kitchen and I tell Hero to go.
"Where is Damon?"
"Umm, at work. He said he will be back for the appointment. He doesn't want you going anywhere until then."
"Why, what's going on?" Sully comes to sit with me and puts orange juice and a shake on the table.
"Dyno told us about you passing out at the wheel."
"I didn't pass out I just overdone it. The travelling and the driving, I did a lot yesterday. At least I pulled over and called someone."
"It's not normal Emmie." I frown. What is he trying to say? "We are worried about you."
"It's normal for me. Look I'm fine, I'm better than I've ever been." I drink the orange juice he's put on the table. I move so my head is on his lap and he strokes my hair.
"See, you're tired already and you've just woken up."
"I had a heavy night. You're worrying about nothing." I shut my eyes and I drift asleep. I'm in hospital and I'm in my room in bed. I'm just so tired.
"Emmie, I'm sorry," Lucas says. What? Why does this feel like Deja Vu? "All those signs and I didn't see it. Again?"
"What are you talking about Lucas? It's Damon that's come to see you." I frown but I don't see Damon in sight.
"Emmie, your cancer is back." I sit up in a panic and Sully wraps his arms around me. I look around the room and I'm on the sofa.
"Hey, calm down." I try to get my breathing under control. Why am I dreaming all of this? First Alex now this. "What was your dream about?"
"You all think it's cancer don't you?" Sully hugs me tighter and I know I guessed correctly.
"Emmie, we don't know anything. Your symptoms are strangely familiar." The front door opens and I'm still trying to contain my breathing.
"Emmie, what's wrong, baby?" he sits in front of me and I crawl onto his lap.
"She had a bad dream." he rocks me gently and it soothes me.
"I'm here baby." I begin to relax. "Let's get to this appointment shall we?" I nod and I slide my glasses on my face. I stand and I wobble Damon wraps his arm around me keeping me steady. I start walking and Sully says my name. I turn around and he holds the shake up. I roll my eyes knowing he can't see. I take it from him and we walk to the car. Damon gets my door and I slide in. Hero gets in but puts his front legs on me.
I end up drifting asleep again! "Is she okay?" Lucas says too loudly.
"Shh!" I say half-heartedly.
"Sore head baby?" he whispers softly in my ear and I groan. "She's fine, just tired. She had a heavy night of drinking last night."
"Okay, in you come." Damon walks into my room and lowers me on the bed. "Am I right in thinking it's you who's the patient?"
"Well yes and no. I fainted the other day, it was just shock, but you know Emmie. She's convinced herself that I'm dying. So here I am proving to her that I'm fine."
"Okay, I'll take some blood. And the no part?"
"They think my cancer is back Lucas," I say but I don't open my eyes.
"Why do you think that?" He asks shocked.
"She blacks out, she falls over all the time and she's exhausted. She fell asleep at the wheel yesterday."
"I did a lot yesterday, I overdid it. I felt tired so I pulled over and called Dyno."
"Emmie? When you were in Canada you said you felt like something was seriously wrong. You had a headache and I gave you painkillers. Did the headache come back?"
"Yeah but like I said once I slept I didn't know why I felt that way and it never went away Lucas."
"Fuck sake Emmie, I told you to tell me if it was persistent. I'll do some tests."
"Not before you do Damon's. That's why we are here."
"Emmie, there's nothing wrong with me."
"I'll run a blood test for you both at the same time. I'll do other tests if I find something. Okay?" I nod. I pull the covers over me and I drift back to sleep.
When I wake I hear voices. "I don't want to wake her."
"The results are in. She will want to know."
I feel a hand on my forehead and I open my eyes to see Sully. Why is he here? I glance in the direction of the voices and Lucas and Damon are looking at me. "Is he okay? I'll donate any organs he might need. Please, Lucas, make him better."
"Emmie, calm down. Damon is fine, tests were normal. He just needs to keep his stress levels down. He's not getting any younger."
"Do you hear that Damon? You're not getting any younger." Damon rolls his eyes at me.
"And what about her Doc?"
I look at Lucas and it's the same look he gave me last time. I hold my hand up, I don't want to hear it. "Don't say it, Lucas."
"I need to run more tests just to be sure but from what I can see it's back." I look at Sully and he strokes my cheek.
"I can't go through that, not again." Damon is by my side in an instant. He holds my hand and I look into his eyes. He's hurting which makes me hurt.
"You can baby, you have us. We will be there with you all the way through." I shake my head but Sully keeps his hand on my cheek. "You've got this baby, just do the tests and then we will know." I nod, I blink and a tear falls down my face.
"I'm so sorry to put you through this again." Damon gets on the bed next to me and pulls me to him. I hold my hand out to Sully and he takes it.
"In sickness and in health." Those vows are stupid. No one ever expects to get this sick when saying their vows. To get it a second time is some serious misfortune. Lucas brings in a wheelchair and I shake my head. No, if I start now it will be just a matter of time.
"Emmie, just get in. I know it's bad memories but you used it last time."
"Last time I didn't have cancer or at least didn't know," Damon gets out of bed and places me in the chair.
"Hero, come here boy," Sully says, Hero whines and looks at me. I pat his head and tell him it's fine. Lucas wheels me out the room and heads towards the scanning room. Lucas lifts me on the bed and pushes me into the machine.
"Emmie, calm down. I can't get the readings when you are moving so much. I know this is scary but we need to know." I can't go through this again. It was the hardest thing I had to overcome. I nearly died, well Lucas said my heart did stop. So technically I did die. All my loved ones delaying their lives to camp out in my room. How can I see their faces in pain again?
It's not right, if I could hide it from my family again then I would. "Baby?" Damon? "I love you," I didn't even notice Lucas leaving to get Damon. "I'm here, baby. Remember when we took the kids to the ice cream place when the kids were little?" Of course, I do. When Damon let them have Ice cream before dinner. Liam was hitting on me as usual. Lilly wanted what Damon was having. "It was a lovely day, they grow up too fast."
"Well done Emmie, scans are up."
"What does it say, Lucas?"
"I need to consult with my team. I'll take you back to your room." Moments later Lucas takes me out the machine. Damon lifts me back into the chair. I'd rather he carried me than have the humiliation of this chair. Damon pushes me this time, in sickness and in health swarms my head. No this isn't right.
When we return Damon lifts me back into bed and Hero jumps on the bed with me. I stroke his head and he lays on me. "Sully, I can't do it. To watch you all in pain because of me." Sully slides in next to me and strokes my hair.
"You can Emmie, you can do anything you want to do." Later Lucas comes in with the results. I bury my head in Sully's chest. I don't want to know this.
"Emmie?" I hear the pain in his voice, "You have another brain tumour, it's not as big so that's good. I want to book a scan in a week or so time. I want to perform a hysterectomy and then start chemo."
"No," I mutter.
"What the hell do you mean no, Emmie?" Damon growls.
"If I wait, I may be able to see my Daddy again."
"Fuck sake, Emmie. It wasn't even him."
"She's going to feel vulnerable Damon. It's terrifying, you didn't see her the last time. Go easy on her," I hate that I'm already causing him pain.
"Emmie, you don't take your health and safety into consideration. You say you want to see your Dad but it's not him. How would you feel if Lilly had cancer and she didn't have her op because she wanted to see you? Your kids are older now Emmie, they understand. Are you going to risk your life just to see your dad that isn't real?" Sully has a good point.
"Fine, I'll have the surgery but not the hysterectomy."
"What the fuck, why? Did you want more kids? I think we've got enough."
"Yes, we do but Brody doesn't. I can still give Brody and Jessie this baby. I'll beat the cancer and then I will do it."
"They can have any surrogate Emmie. It's not on you."
"They want me to do it, this will help Damon. Something to fight for."
"And I'm not enough for you to fight for? Your kids?"
"Damon, that's not what I meant."
Days passed and I've been told to rest as much as I can leading towards the op. Damon has been working late and he's been turning me down for sex. He's never done that, ever except when I was drunk the other night which is to be expected. I wake and I get dressed and head downstairs.
I feed Hero and I go to grab my car keys but they are missing. Really? I pull my phone out and I call Dyno, "Em?"
"Can you pick me up? Seems I'm banned from driving."
"Sure, I'll be there soon." I can't believe Damon hid my keys. Well, I can but he could have discussed this with me. I would have agreed but this is somewhat controlling. I put my phone in my pocket and I grab a banana. I eat it, grudgingly.
I decide to call Stefan, "Dr Romero speaking."
"Stefan, I need to see you."
"Emmie? I was expecting you to call sooner. I need to see your food diary anyway. Come in when you can."
"Sure, thanks, see you later." I have a few errands to run first. I grab my diary before I head outside to wait for Dyno. I lean on my car that I'm not allowed to drive anymore. Dyno pulls up on the drive and I climb in.
"Em, boss is really pissed that you even have to go out." I fold my arms in annoyance. He can't keep me locked in especially unsupervised.
"Well, he should take it up with me if he's that annoyed. I don't see the harm if I being driven. I need to go to the mall."
"Yeah, cus' that's essential." I glare at him, "Look, Em, I wasn't really around you last time when you had cancer. We're closer now, I'm with the boss and Sully on this one. You really don't care for your safety."
"How do you know what I need to buy to warrant if it's essential? I'm not a girly girl that wants clothes. I need to be here for my family Dinosaur, I can't just stop living. I've spent too long doing that."
"Resting isn't classed as stopping living Em. You need to rest to be strong enough for your surgery. Em, can I ask you something?" I shrug, "What happened in Canada? Boss is very vague about what happened and well Ellie never came home with you." I screw my face up in pain at the memory of her, "That bad huh?"
"I uh, it was hard for me. I couldn't eat so and when Damon made me eat I was sick. I couldn't sleep so I couldn't process things. It felt like they were all against me. Ellie was trying to steal Damon away from me."
"Huh, so that's why you wanted to send her back. Was she trying to steal him? Where is she?"
"No one believed me that she was. I could see, Stefan and Lucas came to help me. I was out of control. I felt really poorly and in hindsight, I knew I had something wrong with me like cancer. Anyway, I was sedated and slept for days. When I woke I was better, I overheard Sully telling Damon that Ellie got him drunk and she was kissing him half-naked."
"She did what?"
"I was myself again so I wasn't that bothered. I just wanted to confront her to tell her to back off you know. Claim what was mine, tell her she wouldn't ever have him. I took her away from the house when everyone was out and Damon was sleeping. She told me her name wasn't Ellie, she only pretended to be weak to get closer to him. She was crazy, Dinosaur."
"The fuck? What the hell happened then?"
"She attacked me, I told her I wouldn't fight back. She hit me and it triggered a blackout. I was back in the house of horrors with fake Blake. When I came around..."
"What, Em? What?"
"I must have pushed her away with my arm as she bit my arm. She must have hit her head on the tree. There was blood everywhere, she was dead before I woke up. I killed her Dinosaur, I didn't mean to. I took her punches to the face because I didn't want to hurt her. I was still suffering badly from my PTSD."
"Em, calm down. I'm sorry I asked you to relive that. Thanks for telling me though. You know it's not your fault."
"I was messed up for weeks when I was there. I begged Damon to let you come instead but he wanted Ellie. I still don't know why he wanted her there but hey ho."
"You should have said Em, I would have come anyway."
"No, you had to run the gang."
"Who cares Em? Sounded like you needed the protection." I shrug, I always seem to be in danger. Dyno pulls up at the mall and I climb out the car. I hold onto Hero and start walking towards the shops.
"You're coming?" I look up at Dyno and he frowns at me.
"You don't think I'm going to let you go alone, do you? If you pass out somewhere Boss will actually kill me. He's already pissed that I'm picking you up." I roll my eyes. "So where are we going?" I turn my head away from him to hide my blush.
"I want some CCTV." I mumble.
"What Em? I didn't hear what you said. Why are you being secretive?"
"I said I want some CCTV." I quickly glance at him and he looks confused.
"Why?"
"Does it matter?"
"Of course, please tell me."
"You're on the wrong side Dinosaur. You're too involved."
"Just tell me, I won't tell anyone. Do you feel threatened? Afraid? Is someone after you?"
"Promise you won't tell Damon," he nods and promises. "Damon doesn't want to have sex with me. So..."
"Why are we talking about this?" he cringes. "So...what?"
"So he's getting it elsewhere."
"Don't be so stupid Em. How can you think he would do that?"
"Well, there will be no harm in checking then will there? He's never turned me down Dinosaur. Even when I was sick last time. I can feel it my gut." I head into the shop that sells what I need. Dyno is quiet for a long time. "Dinosaur, what do I need?"
"Umm, do you want sound?"
"Most definitely."
"Okay, give me a sec to look at the specs." I go and sit down on a chair and wait for Dyno. I'm sure he knows what I want. Moments later he comes back to me with a box. "This one will do, you'll get live stream to your phone or laptop. I'll help you set it up."
I smile at him sleepily, "Can you pay for it? Damon will get suspicious. You can take the money from my personal account."
"Sure, I won't be long." Hero puts his head on my lap and I stroke him. When Dyno returns, I stand up. I don't want to be carried but I am tired. I close the distance between us and I rest my weight on Dyno whilst we are walking. He lifts his arm and holds me up with his arm.
It feels odd being this close to Dyno. I know he isn't interested in me like that. Not anymore at least. He said he saw me as a sister but his touch is still uncomfortable. Dyno gets my door and helps me in. Hero rests his legs on me again. Dyno needs a bigger car to make room for my dog. Dyno drives off, "Safehouse, Dinosaur."
"Not home? You're tired."
"No, I need to set this camera up in Damon's office and then I have a meeting with Stefan."
"Fuck sake Em, you're doing too much." I poke my tongue out at him and he laughs. He's not as uptight as Damon he can still have a laugh when I annoy him.
I rest my eyes until we get to the safehouse. "Em, we're here. Do you want me to carry you?" I shake my head. I open my eyes and open the door. My leg gives way when I get out the car, "Ouchy."
"Em," Dyno says in pain. He pulls me to my feet. Lucas said it wasn't as bad this time but I'm already feeling tired and falling over a lot. Dyno keeps his hand on my back as we walk inside. He pushes the code in and the door clicks open.
I walk straight into Damon's office and he isn't here. Where the hell is he? Dyno starts setting up the camera. "Where is he?"
"Dunno, why don't you ask someone? I'll set it up, if he comes back you'll need to stall him. Where do you want it?" I look around the room and point to the filing cabinet with books on the top of it by the door.
"There, looking at the desk. Will you be able to hear from over there?"
"Sure, it says it can on the box." I nod and walk out of Damon's office and I find a guy that looks familiar.
"Emmie, what are you doing here?"
"Who are you? Where's my husband?"
"It's me Emmie, Billy. We met years ago."
I laugh, I met him the same time as Dyno. I called him Billy no mates. "Sure, I remember. Where is my husband?"
"He's on a job with Sully and Larry. He won't be back for a while."
"Okay, Dyno is doing important work for me in Damon's office. When he comes out can you tell him I've gone to lie down."
"Sure," I walk past Billy no mates and I grab Hero's harness. I make my way upstairs and I flop on the bed. Hero lays in front of me and I cuddle him and I fall asleep.
"Em?" I mumble in reply to Dyno. "When is your appointment with Stefan?"
"Whenever I get there."
"Okay, let me know when you want to go. Can I have your phone to finish setting it up?" I pull my phone out of my pocket and I pass it to him. I drift back to sleep.
I feel a hand on my forehead and I turn over to look at them. Sully smiles down at me, "Hey, you should be at home."
"I had things to do big guy. What time is it?"
"1 pm." I groan. Lost half the day again. I sit up and he frowns. "Where are you going now?"
"I have to see Stefan today."
"Can you not do that tomorrow?"
"No, today is fine." I push Hero off the bed and Sully stands and holds his hand out to me. I take it and he pulls me up. He picks me up, I would have walked but hey ho. He carries me down the stairs. He knocks on Damon's office door and we hear Damon say to come in.
Sully opens the door, "Do you need me? Or shall I get Dyno to take her?"
Damon stands up and walks over to us. He strokes my cheek and I close my eyes, "You go, don't let her leave again."
"Apparently she has a meeting with Stefan."
"Why? Could he not come to the house?"
"I'm not putting my life on hold Damon. When I can't get out of bed anymore maybe then."
"You're hard work. Fine take her to the appointment and then watch her when she's home."
"Damon, where am I going to go? You took my car keys."
"I'm glad I did. You would have driven this morning, wouldn't you?" I shrug. Well, I needed to run some errands. I open my eyes and pout for him to kiss me and he does. Well at least he will still kiss me I suppose. "I'll see you later. I need to work late." I look around to the filing cabinet and I can't see anything. That's good.
"Fine," I mutter and Sully walks out the room, "Where is Dyno? I need my phone."
"Why has he got your phone?"
"He was helping me with something." Sully walks into the main area where Billy was earlier. I catch sight of Dyno. "Dinosaur, I need my phone. Did you do it?"
"Yeah, it's all done. I transferred that money you asked me to them and myself as well. I charged interest though." I giggle. Man, he could take the lot for all I care. He passes me my phone, "Just open this app and you'll see." I nod and clutch the phone to my chest.
"I need my diary dinosaur. I left it in your car."
"'kay. I'll follow you out." Sully walks out the building with Dyno following. Sully slides me into his car and Hero jumps in after me.
Sully meets Dyno at his car, "What the hell have you been up to? You need to look after her not...well I don't know what you've been doing." Sully tries to keep his voice low so I can't hear him but he sounds pissed.
"Calm down. I have been looking after her. You know what she's like when she has something in her head."
"What money Dyno? What's going on?"
"Look, I've been helping her with some stuff. She wanted me to transfer money to her brother and Lexi from her personal account. I'm just doing as she asks."
"How much money?"
"Why don't you ask her yourself?"
"Fine, just check with us before you do something else. She needs to be resting." Sully grabs my diary from Dyno and walks briskly to the car and gets in. He passes me my diary before he drives off. He seems preoccupied whilst he drives towards Stefan's office.
I grab his hand and he glances at me. "Please calm down, big guy."
He sighs, "Emmie, look you may be okay to push yourself to the limit and risk your life but we aren't."
"I'm sorry, it's hard for me. I don't want to be at home on my own thinking about what I did or didn't do. It gets old Sully, I haven't done half the things I want to do."
"I can understand that and you can do that when you're better." I don't reply, who says I will get better? When we reach the building Sully lifts me out the car and takes me into the building. The receptionist tells us to wait until the patient comes out. Sully sits me on a chair and I take his hand when he sits down next to me.
I rest my head on Sully's arm and close my eyes. "Emmie?" Stefan says a while later. "Come in." I stand up and I trip but Sully catches me. Stefan frowns at me. I look at Sully and he stands up. I love it how he knows what I'm thinking. "You want Sully in here?" I nod and I walk to the sofa and I get Sully to sit behind me and he sits with his back on the armrest. I lean against him and Stefan sits in front of me.
I give Stefan my food diary and he scans through it. "What the hell is this?"
"My food diary like you asked."
"Yes, I asked you to write down what you eat not the calories involved. I don't want you thinking about the calories in anything. I will work that out all you need to do is write down what you eat and when."
"Calm down Stefan. I wanted to know."
"You don't need to know. Some days are good Emmie and others you have blank days."
"Yeah, it was hard in the beginning. I'd feel awful the next day and I couldn't handle much. Then I'd get my head around it again. It was easier in Canada when they eat, I eat."
"What happened on this day?" Stefan holds up the diary. Orange juice it says. I put a huge cross through the page.
I look up at Sully and he looks sad, "You know I said I thought something was really wrong with me when I was in Canada?" he nods, "That day in the book was when I found out my cancer is back." Stefan's mouth drops open and then closes.
"What?"
"Headaches, exhaustion, falling over then occasional fainting."
"Christ, this is hard for me to process. Let alone you, how are you doing?"
"Eh, it was hard at first. I didn't want the op and then Sully persuaded me. You know, I miss my Daddy. Now it's just pissing annoying, they won't let me do anything. They stole my car keys."
"Emmie, you fell asleep at the wheel. We've been through this."
"I pulled over before that happened."
"So, you feel controlled? You have to realise Emmie they only want you safe. How would your family feel if you did fall asleep at the wheel and you had an accident? Remember they are suffering too. They don't want to lose you yet you are taking risks."
"I haven't done half the things I want to do Stefan. I'm not dead yet, I will deteriorate quicker if I'm stuck in bed all day on my own."
"It's not forever Emmie. Invite friends and family over so you aren't alone. Occupy yourself, colouring or crosswords. Anything but you must rest. Your kids need you now more than ever. I have a lot of teenagers come here to see me for losing a parent. You don't want any of your kids sat here do you?" Lay it on thick why don't you. He's not usually this firm with me. "I need to weigh you, Emmie. I need to keep track of your progress. I have your start weight from last time. 5 stone 12." I cringe at the weight.
I go to stand up but Sully's already taken me into his arms and stood up. He walks to the scales in the corner of the room and he lowers me onto the scales. Sully makes sure I'm steady on my feet before he lets me go. "Good progress, in what two weeks or so?"
"Am I allowed to know?" he looks at me and thinks it over.
"I don't normally tell the patient because it can make their progress go backwards but you'll find a way to know if I don't. You're 6 stone 5," half a stone that's good I suppose.
Sully lifts me off the scales as my legs are wobbly. "Is there anything else you want to speak to me about today?"
I look up at Sully, "No, not today."
"Are you sure? Sully could wait outside."
"I need proof first and I'm tired."
"Okay, I want to see you in a week."
"Can you come to the house? We don't want her out and about."
"You need to let her breathe a bit more, make her own decision but yes I agree." I rest my head in Sully's neck and I drift to sleep.
When I wake I'm lying in bed and I sit up and Sully is sat facing out the window on the sofa. It seems to be late evening. I get up and walk to Sully luckily not falling over. I sit on his lap facing out the window. He put's his arms around me, "I don't know what I'd do if I lost you, you know?"
"You aren't going to lose me, I promise."
"Just promise me you will rest, no overdoing it. Please, seeing you today...I can't."
I turn around so I'm astride him looking into his eyes, "I promise," I can't see him hurt like this. He rests his forehead on mine.
"The kids are on a school trip for a few days. What were you saying about proof earlier?"
"Oh right okay, are they okay? It doesn't matter."
"They're fine, why wouldn't they be?" I shrug. I don't know, "I'll make you some dinner. You haven't eaten a lot today. I nod and he lifts me up and carries me back to the bed. I watch him leave and I grab my phone. I open the app that Dyno showed me and I can see Damon at his desk working.
I flick through the earlier films and there is nothing suspicious. I guess time will tell, I hope I have this all wrong. Would they bring this person back to the safehouse if he was? I continue to watch the camera until Sully walks back in and I close the app.
I eat the food Sully gave me and I end up falling asleep after. When I wake I'm alone, I grab my phone and I look at the time it's 10 pm and Damon isn't in bed. I check the app and his office is empty and dark but I can still see with night vision.
I check the previous footage and I catch a glimpse of someone else. I play it at normal speed and Damon and a girl walks into his office. Damon sits at his desk and the girl sits in front of him on the desk. Exactly where I would sit. What the hell is this? I didn't expect to catch anything so soon and I was hoping not to find anything at all.
The girl leans forward and grabs his shirt and pulls him closer to her and then they kiss. No... I can't stop watching although it's making me feel really sick. "You need to tell her, Damon."
"Not yet, Alex. I need to tell her at the right time." Tears fall down my face. How could he do this to me? I have flashbacks of my dream. I thought it was pretty ridiculous at the time. I look for any signs of her blackmailing him or any signs he doesn't want her but I don't see any.
They start removing their clothes and I can't watch anymore. I close the app and I cry into my pillow. This hurts in the pit of my stomach. The feeling is worse than when I had cancer I feel a huge gaping hole in my chest. He has my heart and he wants another. He promised me countless times he didn't want anyone else. I guess he's had enough of the sickness and health thing. How long has this been going on?
I'm so glad my kids are away so they don't see me like this. If I didn't have enough to deal with. What do I do now? For me, it will only ever be him. I guess I'm going through this alone, I will die alone. When was he going to tell me? Was he sparing my feelings because of my mental health or the cancer?
I hear the front door open and I try to dry my tears. I can't deal with this right now. I take even breaths to get the crying under control. When he comes upstairs I feel the bed dip behind me. He puts his arms around me and I resent it. I turn over and he puts his hands on my cheeks. "You okay, baby?"
"Hmm, bad dream." he kisses my lips. I deepen the kiss to see how far he will really go. I get on top of him and he groans.
"Baby, you need to rest."
"Please," I beg, I don't know why I'm doing this. I guess it will be the last time. He sighs and moves me so I'm underneath him. Tears fall from my face when we make love. Well, whatever you call this. I thought he would push me away but now he's made me more confused. If he's with Alex why is he still having sex with me?
"Baby, don't cry. I don't know what this dream was but it's okay. You're safe, it's not real." It was real and I wish I was wrong. He kisses my neck whilst picking up the rhythm. I can't stop the tears, I'm building and climbing for Damon and I don't want to but I also don't want him to stop. "Give it up for me, baby." How can I say goodbye to him? My reason for my heart beating, my one and only. My body responds to him and he finds his release. "Why are you crying?"
"I love you."
"I love you too baby, so much." Damon shifts his weight so he's holding me to his chest. "I've got you, I'm not going anywhere," he hushes me and that only makes me cry harder. How can he say that? I cry myself to sleep whilst Damon holds me.