Fading Scars

Chapter 35

Emmie

I was discharged from hospital yesterday. Today is Lilly's birthday, I'm lying in bed feeling sorry for myself. Everything is all organised and paid for with my money. I don't care what Damon says, why should I use his money when he doesn't want me anymore? I've got plenty of money, I don't need it.
"I don't want to leave you, love." Sully kisses my forehead whilst I'm in bed. Mhm, freshly showered Sully is a heady mix.
"Lilly needs all her family there that can make it. I'll be fine, I promise." I pull him towards me and he climbs on top of me. "Although it's tempting to make you stay."
"Trust me, it wouldn't take much, love," he's so close I can feel his breath on my face. His breath smells minty and I bite my lip. Could it really be Sully? Would I want it to be Sully? I never thought I'd ever want anyone else not like this. His lips find mine and he tastes divine.
I pull his shirt over his head and he grins. I slide my hands over his abs and he grabs my face. I tug his bottom lip with my teeth. We lose ourselves together and it's a good feeling. Each time we do this I feel more normal and more loved.
We lay in each other's arms, "I need to go soon," Sully says grudgingly. I hug him tighter, I want him to go but I love having here like this with me alone. Is Stefan right? Would I be able to let go of this? This is pretty damn great.
"Yeah, you should go." I grin into his chest but he makes no move like me. My limbs move a lot better but Lucas doesn't want me walking unsupervised. He also wants me in the dreaded wheelchair if I go anywhere. I don't have any problems with my speech now which is brilliant.
"You are making me stay," I giggle and he chuckles with me. He kisses the top of my head and I smile. "Stay or go? Such a hard choice." I laugh and I push him out of bed playfully.
"Go, I'll see you later," I giggle. He gets up and starts dressing whilst I watch him. He's more muscley than Damon which has me mesmerised. The way each muscle flexes as he puts on each piece of clothing. Once he's finished he looks at me and blushes. I've always loved the way he blushes the shade of his hair. He crawls on the bed towards me and kisses my lips.
"Call me if you need me."
"I will, I'll be fine. I promise," he kisses me briefly before he makes his way out the bedroom. He shuts the door and I pick my phone up. I press call and bring the phone to my ear.
"Em?" Dyno says.
"Hey, I need your help..."
"Am I going to be in a lot of trouble again?"
"Mmm, most likely."
"Then no Em. Boss is still pissed from me accessing your bank account. He'd go bonkers if he knew about the CCTV."
"Please Dinosaur, I need you. Only you can help me."
"What is it?"
"It's Lilly's birthday. I need to be there."
"You aren't well enough Em, you know you asked me because no one else would risk it."
"If you don't take me I'll risk my life getting there myself. What would they be more annoyed about?"
"Fine, I'm on my way," Dyno mutters and hangs up. I pull my panties on but Dyno will have to help me get some clothes. All I have to do is wait and I'm getting frustrated. I look at the time ten minutes passed. Maybe I could get dressed and walk downstairs.
If he's not here in fifteen minutes then I will. I look through old footage on the CCTV. Nothing is really relevant just boring gang stuff. I hear the front door open and I sigh with relief. I cover my bare legs with the covers before he enters my room. "Em?"
"I need some clothes Dinosaur." I glance at the wardrobe.
"Hmm, what do you want? Dress? Skirt? Bikini?"
"Anything Dinosaur, jeans will do." I will probably end up getting cold anyway.
"I like this..." Dyno says and holds up my lingerie set. I roll my eyes.
"Can you stop being a perve and just get me some clothes please."
"You don't want to wear this?" I shake my head and giggle. I don't feel irritated because I know he's not that serious. He said he sees me somewhat like a sister. "This one?" it's a turquoise lace bra. I shrug, it's a nice bra I guess.
"Sure, I'm not fussy. Can you get out my underwear draw now please?"
"It's interesting," he eventually finds me some clothes and he brings them to my bed.
"Can you wait outside please?"
"Do you not need help getting dressed?"
"No thanks, I'll call you when I'm ready," he grins and leaves the room. I take off my PJ top that Sully didn't remove I guess he couldn't wait. I put on my bra and top. I awkwardly slide on my jeans and socks. I don't get as tired as before the surgery but it's still a mission. I lay back down on the bed to catch my breath. "Dinosaur!"
He opens the door and he looks at me, "Ready?"
"I need some shoes."
"What shoes? Knee-high boots? High heels?"
"Dinosaur, I really don't care what I wear. Boots or trainers. Something comfy I guess."
He heads to the wardrobe again, "Why don't you care?"
"I always believed I looked awful in anything so I didn't care. I guess now it's still a depression thing. I don't care what I look like, I have no one to impress. I don't want any admirers," he finds me some ankle boots and he brings them to me. I slide them on and he lifts me up.
He carries me down the stairs and I see my chair. "I need my chair," I groan.
"Okay, I'll put you in the car and I'll come back for it." I nod and I keep an eye on where we are going. I'm not comfortable in his arms but I'm learning to accept it. He places me in his car and Hero jumps in the footwell and rests his top half on me. Always so tight in his car. I wait patiently whilst I await his return.
This is the first time properly out and about since I had surgery. I haven't had any more seizures but they also haven't argued in front of me either. I'm sure they have argued behind my back. The kids haven't moved back in yet. We still need to figure that all out.
Dyno slides in and pulls out of the drive. I watch the road ahead, it's only 5 minutes down the road so it doesn't take long. My head is still sensitive to loud noises. Dyno pulls up in the car park. Dyno gets out and pulls my chair out of the boot. I open my door and Hero jumps out.
Dyno comes to me and he lifts me into the chair. He slides a pillow behind me, "Do you want the blanket too?" I nod and he covers my legs. Man, he thought of everything.
"Thanks, can you take me behind the stage? I can't let them see me yet." Dyno wheels me towards the noise. When I catch sight of the party it looks amazing. Bumper cars, makeup stand, horse area, pool, bar, stage. It's amazing if I say so myself. Dyno takes me straight to where I asked to go.
"I'll ask one of the band members to help me lift you up. I'll be back." I nod and watch him walk up the steps to the stage. If I didn't need this stupid chair then he could carry me himself. He returns with another young guy.
"Emmie, nice to put a face to a name. I'm Caspian, lead singer. Thank you for making it worth our while," he extends his hand to me and I look at it. I grudgingly take it closing my eyes. I think I'm getting better at this.
"Thank you for coming on short notice. You know the plan right?" he nods and he helps lift me up on the stage. I stay in the shadows so I'm not seen.
"I'll see you out there." I smile and he leaves us to go on stage.
"What plan Em?"
"You'll see. I need to make this the best birthday ever." I shrug and look at Caspian on stage.
"Welcome everyone, we are really looking forward to playing for you all today. Now, I've been informed that it's a Lilly-May's birthday. Can you wave, birthday girl?" I can't see the crowd from here. "Excellent, I have a little treat for you. I'm sure you'll love it." Caspian looks at me and the band starts playing the song.
Another band member hands me a mic, I start singing softly, "The smell of Old Spice, A flat cap on the dash." I've changed the lyrics slightly so instead of referring to myself. I'm referring to Lilly using, you or yours. "Used to wrap your hands around his little finger, Turns out he was wrapped around yours." I wheel myself further onto the stage in view and the crowd screams for me. "He said 'you can be anything you want to in this great big world' But you're always gonna be daddy's little girl." This is so fitting for Lilly because she is Damon's little girl.
I catch sight of Damon and Sully making their way to the stage looking absolutely enraged. "When I count my blessings, I know where to start, He might not hold your hand no more But he'll always, always hold your heart." Damon and Sully jump on stage but I hold my hand up for them to wait. I find Lilly in the crowd and I sing to her my baby girl, "He said 'you can be anything you want to in this great big world' But you're always gonna be."
I look at Damon and Sully when I sing the last line, "Yes you're always gonna be daddy's little girl, daddy's little girl." This song is very fitting for me too because I will always be a Daddy's girl. The song comes to an end.
"Well, I think I can speak for everyone here Emmie, that was breathtaking. If you ever want a place in our band it's yours. Happy Birthday, Lilly, enjoy your birthday." I hand my mic back to the band and Sully and Damon come towards me.
"If you shout, I'm instructed to kick your ass," Dyno says, he makes me jump coming up behind me.
"I'll kick your fucking ass. Why would you bring her out here?" Damon growls.
"She was going to go with or without me. This way is safer."
"Dinosaur, can you take me over there?" I point to the furthest point away from the stage. I need to be away from all this noise. The chair starts moving towards the stairs and Damon and Sully lift me down the stairs and Dyno continues to push me to my destination. When we are at the furthest point of the stage Dyno puts my brakes on.
Sully kneels down in front of me and places his arms on my lap, "Why love? You know you shouldn't be out of bed. I'd have never of left if I'd have known." I smile, why do they always believe I will do as I'm told? Do they not know me by now?
"I'd never miss my daughter's birthday. Everyone says they like my singing so I thought I'd do it for Lilly. Was it okay?"
"Baby, it was amazing. The song was perfect, you're perfect. I bet you've made Lilly's birthday. I'll go find her," he's calmed down quicker than I expected. I look at Sully and I slide my hand across his cheek.
"I was in awe, love. When you sing, it's like you are shining over all of us. You capture us all under your spell." I smile and he reaches up and kisses me. "You feeling okay?" I nod. "Okay, do you want a drink?"
"Umm, vodka please?"
"Sure, love. I'll be back soon," he kisses my forehead and leaves. I see Lilly making her way to me.
"Mom, that was amazing. I'm so glad you came, it's the best birthday ever!" I cringe at her loudness. She hugs me and I return the hug. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine baby, go have fun. I'll see you later."
"Mom, can I stay with you tonight? It will make a perfect day."
"Sure baby."
"Please let Daddy stay too. I want to spend time with you how it was before." I close my eyes and try keep the dark thoughts at bay. The pain is swallowing me up.
"It's your birthday, whatever you want baby." She squeals and I try blocking out the noise. She runs off into the crowd and I relax a bit more. Why the hell did I agree to have Damon stay over? Damon isn't going to let Sully share my bed when he's there. Would Damon expect to share my bed? Would I want him to? This is so complicated.
"That's going to be awkward." Dyno snickers.
"What am I going to do?"
"Threesome?"
"Eww, gross Dinosaur."
"You've shared a bed with them both before."
"Yes but that was before Sully and I was a thing, it was just sleeping. Anyway, I'd like to see my horse." Dyno pushes me towards the riding pen.
"Have you had a threesome before? It's a good life experience."
"No Dinosaur, I'm not having a threesome with my best friend and my husband. It would be too weird," we edge closer and Willow starts calling. He must have heard me. I see him and he's next to Lilly's horse Cash.
"Boss, nice to see you, it's been too long." Noah leaps over the temporary fence to greet me. "Looks like Willow is keen to see you. Shall I bring him to you?"
"Sure, Dinosaur can you push me into the pen. You'll need to leave Hero with you outside the pen."
"Em, he could hurt you. Not like you can move out the way quickly."
"Willow won't hurt me, he looked after me last time I had cancer. Please," Dyno mutters and pushes me in the pen and shuts the gate so Hero can't follow. I push myself towards the straw bales in the middle. I look at Willow and he rears up and sends Noah flying. Still got his fiery spirit then. Willow runs to me and he puts his nose in my lap. I stroke his head and I rest my cheek on the front of his head.
I've missed my loyal companion. Willow sneezes and I close my eyes, ew. He removes his head away from me and I open my eyes. Willow goes down on his front legs and then he's fully on the floor. "I can't boy." He looks at me and I cave. They are going to freak, I pull myself from my chair and I walk over to Willow. I slide my leg over his back and I hold onto his mane.
Willow stands up and I hold on tight. "Em, Boss is going to murder you!" Yeah, I know. What's new? I tell Willow to walk towards Noah.
"If I'm going to do this, I'll need a neck strap." Meeka nods and runs to the horsebox to grab one. When she returns she passes it to Noah who's dusting himself off. He comes towards us and he wraps the strap around Willow's neck and he fastens it.
"Be careful, he hasn't been ridden since you last rode him. You know he won't let anyone else ride him." I nod and I turn Willow around to look at the arena. They've set a jump up in the circular arena.
I lean closer to Willow's ear and stroke his neck, "We can do this together boy, you need to look after me. I'm not as able as I once was." Willow snorts and he picks up canter. I hold the neck strap as well as the lead rope. Willow doesn't seem to be slowing. Oh dear lord, he wants to do this. Can I make this jump? I trust him but can I safely make it over in my condition?
I fix my eyes on the jump, "Don't you fucking dare Emmie." Damon growls. I don't have a lot of choice, I've tried pulling up but I haven't got the tack on. In two more strides Willow takes off over the jump and I do my best to go with him. Not so much the going up it's the coming down which is tricky. I hold tighter and Willow lands and I sigh with relief when we are on the ground.
Willow comes back to the walk and Noah walks over to me. "Impressive."
"That was all him, I think I need to get off though. I feel a bit sick," I slide my right leg over Willow's neck and Noah reaches up and grabs my hips to get me down. He helps me to the straw and I sit down.
"Emmie, what the fuck was that?" Damon shouts when he reaches me.
I hold my head in frustration and the slight pain. "Damon, calm down. Nothing bad happened."
"No, but it could have. You shouldn't be out of bed but here you are thinking it's okay to ride. Why is he always topless though?" I didn't even notice. I feel Sully sit behind me and I rest my body and head against me.
"I thought you'd stopped being so reckless," Sully says.
"I'm fine okay, jeez. I rode when I had cancer last time. I didn't do it to this extreme but I ride better than I can walk."
"Mom, that was awesome," Lilly says from outside the pen.
"Your turn baby girl."
"I couldn't do that. Are you crazy?"
"We've done this before. You've got this, I'm right here to help you." She smiles and nods. Lilly makes her way to her horse and she mounts Cash.
"Lilly, hat," Damon says sternly. Meeka hands Lilly her helmet and she slides it on. Damon has always insisted Lilly wears a hat which is very important and sensible. I should wear a hat but my head hurts too much for that at the moment.
"Are you ready baby?" Lilly nods and she trots around the arena. I always taught her to warm up her horse correctly. I watch her as she does a good job. I look at Cash who is a piebald, black and white horse. He's an Irish sports horse x draught horse. I wanted a horse with a bit of bone but something that could compete well.
He's very flashy but not too fizzy, that could cause Lilly to lose her confidence. He's the perfect temperament and everything Lilly needs. Lilly comes to us when she's warmed up. "Mom, it's so scary. How do you do it? Are you not scared?"
"Baby, you have to trust your horse. You have to have trust in a relationship. He has to trust you too. He's never let you down, so you have no reason not to trust him. I wasn't scared of the jump Lilly because I trust Willow. I was worried I would let him down."
"Okay, I can do this if you help me."
"I'm not going anywhere, baby." She walks out to the edge of the pen.
"Emmie, was that supposed to be aimed at me?" Damon says and grabs my hand and I gasp. Well no but I guess it's the same. "Do you think you let me down?"
"Look this is Lilly's day, I don't want to argue but as I keep saying. I must have let you down at some point. You must have got sick of the sickness and in health crap. I'm always going through something." I nod to Lilly and she picks up canter.
"Don't ever think that. You did nothing wrong this was all me. I love that you are here and we are a family."
"We will always be family Damon. But we may never be together." Sully wraps his right hand around my waist and his hand settles on my stomach. I shout loud which hurts my head, "That's it baby, keep him straight, keep your leg and breathe Lilly."
I watch as Lilly and Cash fly effortlessly over the jump and her friends clap. I look at Noah and I signal him to higher the jump. He jogs to the jump and puts it up a couple of notches. I can see Lilly panic as she approaches the jump and she pulls up at the last minute in front of the jump and she falls on Cash's neck. "Lils, you okay?" Damon jumps up and goes to Lilly. "Come on, that's enough."
"No, she has to do this Damon. You can't mollycoddle her. Lilly, look at me." She looks up at me terrified. "You pulled up if you stop now Cash won't trust you." Damon grabs Lilly's hips but Lilly stops him.
"Mom's right, I've got this." I sag with relief. Damon moves out the way and sits next to me again.
"If I came back to you straight away you'd trust me?"
"This is a bit different Damon but yes, if it was a moment of madness I could understand. That isn't the case Damon, you went back for more and you wouldn't settle for me." I glance at Damon and he's thinking it over. "Come on baby, trust him. Breathe Lilly!" Cash and Lilly fly over the jump again with ease and I curl up in Sully's chest. He strokes my hair and Damon is watching me.
"What can I do to make this right?" Damon says. I continue to look at his beautiful face, I don't understand.
"End it with Alex it's that simple."
"If I leave her right now, it would fix us? I could move back in?" Sully tenses underneath me.
"No, it wouldn't fix us, Damon. You hurt me but I'd try." Damon grabs my hand and he kisses it. I gasp and bury my face in Sully's chest. I smell him whilst I feel the connection stronger than ever. "But I think we both know you aren't leaving Alex." Sully puts his hand on my head and strokes my hair. Sully seems to have relaxed slightly. "You can take me to the bar now Sully."
"Emmie, I haven't finished talking. Bro, you're always in the way." I put my arms around Sully's neck and he picks me up. He places me in the awful chair and he places the blanket back over me.
"No, Damon. Stop blaming other people and own up to what you've done. Sully is keeping me from breaking. Is that what you want? For me to break?"
"Of course not Emmie. I hate watching you with him, it seems so easy for you to be with him. When I shut my eyes all I see is you two together." Sully pushes me towards the gate.
"It is easy Damon. So easy, it's nice. I'm normal, he makes me happy when inside I'm falling apart."
"Could you be with him? You always said it was me or no one, is that still true?" Sully pushes me out of the gate and Hero stops whining.
"I don't know Damon. Stefan and I are still talking about it. He believes I can be with Sully but I don't know myself. Thinking most of your life you'll only ever want one person because they are the only one that can touch you. Now there's another person who makes me happy. Stefan doesn't think I can give up Sully to be with you who I can't trust anymore. But again, I don't know Damon. All I know is I'm hurting so bad and I love you but I also love being with Sully." I close my eyes.
I hear no more from Damon so either I've stunned him into silence or his gone off in anger. I'm guessing the latter if I know Damon. Sully stops and puts on my brakes. I open my eyes and he's left me at a table while he orders drinks. I guess he probably abandoned my last drink when he saw me on a horse.
When Sully returns he looks serious. He hands me my drink before he sits down. "Emmie?" I look at him, "Is what you said true? You know... that it could be me?"
"I don't know Sully. You know I wish it could be. Stefan seems to think so."
"What makes him think that?"
"Well, you can touch me and how I feel about you. I'd probably want you for years like this if Damon wouldn't leave Alex. So if I could do years like this then why not? Stefan thinks we've crossed a line of no return. He doesn't think I'd be able to stop this."
"What do you think?"
"I'm still confused, Sully. I see what Stefan is saying for sure, I think I'd always want you like this but could I give up Damon for it?" I take a swig of my drink, "I don't like treating you like this. I hate it, you deserve someone that has no doubt that it's you."
"Treating me like what? I knew what this was."
"I always compare you with Damon at every turn. I'm using you to stop myself from breaking. I hate that I'm doing that because I love you. At the same time, I love what we are. You make me feel normal and alive. You've never hurt me and I don't know how I'm going to give you up."
"Emmie, I know and it's okay. I told you I knew what I was getting myself into. Don't you think that if you don't think you can give me up it means something more?"
"Everything is more with me Sully. I fall in too deep every time. Damon is the only one that can fix this pain inside of me. When he touches me there's a current I can't explain. Years of love but you make me feel too. Stefan helped me with something. Before my surgery you restrained me, it may have brief but it scared me."
"Emmie, why didn't you say? I don't want to hurt you."
"No, you don't understand. I was scared that I let you do it. I've never let Damon do that and I don't want him to. I mean I'm not jumping at the chance to do it for real but Stefan thinks it's because I trust you undoubtedly and I knew you'd let me go the second I asked. I've always felt out of control with sex due to my Dad and Rex and all his men. I can't handle being trapped but with you, I feel pleasure when once it scared me. It's one thing to let you touch me but for you to make me enjoy it in the process, it's different. I let Liam and it hurt, it was agony and I didn't come. With you...You've given me another option I never had before. You've given me a lot to think about. It was always Damon because he always could make me feel so much more but you make me feel something different."
"I don't know what to say..." he puts his hand in mine and he squeezes hard. "What do you want me to do?"
"I want you to continue what you're doing. I need to figure out want I want. What decision I can live with. At the same time, I want you to be happy. I want you to meet someone that doesn't see you as a choice. I want you to be someones everything."
"So, you don't want me to beg you to choose me?"
"No, I think Damon's doing that enough. I like that you aren't arguing over me. You are letting me breathe, you aren't messing with my head."
"I wish he would stop causing you more pain, I love him but why does he think it's acceptable to be with Alex and pressure you like this? I really want to knock him out."
"You're changing me Sully and I'm not sure what that means. I want you to promise me though, if you meet someone, you'll give it your all."
"Shhh," he leans forward and he kisses me.
"Sis," Danny says making me jump. Sully's lips stop but keeps his lips on mine for a brief second and then he pulls away. "Can we come over tomorrow? I'll bring a takeaway."
I turn my head to look at Danny, "Sure, I guess." That's odd.
"Why are you so surprised I want to spend time with my sister?"
"I don't know. Is it because you think I'm dying?"
"No, I don't see you enough for my liking."
"Emmie, stop talking about dying all the time," Sully says. I look at Sully and put my hand on his to reassure him. "You're going to survive this."
"Yeah," I say just to get him off my back. No one knows what's going to happen. He slides his hand across my cheek and I close my eyes.
"You are because you're strong," he kisses my forehead and I open my eyes again.
"Won't Damon kill you?"
"Bro, if he won't choose me it's none of his business. I've spent too long worrying that I'm not enough. Sully makes me feel like I'm the only one in this world. He makes me feel worthy and loved. I'm not saying Damon didn't but he's hurt me and Damon didn't reassure me enough whereas Sully always puts me first. He doesn't explode at my wrongdoings."
"Sis, are you hearing yourself?" I frown at Danny. "Your relationship with Sully is healthier. He's good for you, why can't it be him again?"
"Bro, it's complicated." I look back at Sully, "I need time, I've always been with Damon. I always knew it was him. Now, it could be Sully..."
"So, what are you waiting for?"
"Take it, easy bro. I need to know I can live without Damon or vice versa. I've been with Damon for 17 odd years. I couldn't have imagined not being with him. Our relationship was good until he hurt me. Stefan also thinks that Sully is just a clutch, a rebound. I think he's wrong but I probably shouldn't have let this happen but I wanted it to. I needed to and I'm happier for it. Although I couldn't have back then."
"Emmie, he always hurts you. Think about every time he's ever hurt you. Every time he didn't act in your favour. I don't doubt that he loves you but he's given you more scars."
"Yeah, I know bro. No one is perfect, I'm certainly not."
"You are to me," Sully says and I smile awkwardly. I down the rest of my drink and I shift my weight. This chair is uncomfortable. "Except that you do reckless things that might take you away from me." That's who I am. Damon sits down next to Sully and I roll my eyes.
"Bro, we have a new mission. We go tomorrow," Damon says. I squeeze Sully's hand.
"What mission?" Sully says.
"Gang leader Zane Moore runs Spanish Dragons and owns a hotel and casino. I need you, Sully, to go undercover with Lara to get close to him. He knows who I am so I can't do this. I need to know his safehouse. You'll do whatever it takes going in as husband and wife." I've heard enough. I pull myself up from my chair and I storm off away from them.
I'm sick of being in that dreaded chair and I'm sick of this gang. It hurts me at every turn although it has saved me more often than not. "Emmie!" Sully calls after me. So Lara has come between Damon and me before and now she's to play Sully's wife in a mission? No doubt she will take it all the way to make this mission a success. "Emmie, come back."
I remove my top as I'm walking. I proceed with my jeans and socks. I've stopped falling over so much since the op. I leave my clothes by the side of the pool and I dive in. I look up once I've surfaced above water and Sully is stripping into his boxers. He dives in after me and I put my hands on his chest to keep him away. "Don't."
"Emmie, nothing would ever happen with her. Whether I was with you or not." I keep my hand on his chest to keep him away from me. "I'm not doing the mission, Emmie. Dyno can do it, don't push me away."
"Is this some sort of sick joke? She hurt me before, why her?"
"It doesn't matter because I'm not doing it."
"Damon won't let you sit out Sully, we both know it."
"He always hurts you," my arms drop and he pulls me towards him. Would Damon really have done it if he wasn't known to the leader? Has he done it during our relationship? "What do you want me to do, love?"
"I don't know, I mean we haven't got a label so I guess you are free to do what you want," his arms are around me so I can't move.
"What do you want? Make it more official? I'm not hurting you for a mission. If you want security it's yours." Is this what I want? Can I accept him as more when I'm not sure who I want?
I rest my forehead on his wet chest, " Yes, I need more."
"Then it's yours, love."
"The hell are you doing Emmie? Can you put your clothes back on? Sully, we need to discuss this mission."
"If you want him to do this then it has to be someone else." I take my forehead off Sully's chest and I look at Damon.
"Emmie, you can't make demands with me. It's Sully and Lara end of discussion."
"No..." I challenge him. He kneels down the side of the pool and I swim closer to him.
"What are you going to do about it?"
"There are lots of things I could do to make you annoyed."
"Yes, there is. Lara is my best gang member, she's good at what she does. I need my two best members on this. There's no room for mistakes."
"Lara isn't that good Damon. Psycho would be better than her."
"Emmie, you aren't doing this."
"Why, because I'm dying? That hasn't bothered you before."
"Are you kidding me? Of course, it fucking bothers me. You hurt me every fucking time you push me away. You hurt me when you are fucking my best friend. I won't put you in danger."
"The Gab mission I had cancer. Yes, you didn't want me to do it but I did it for you."
"Well, I didn't know that did I at the time? Everything I do is to try keep you and our family safe."
Sully puts his arm around me, "I always give you two choices and you always make me the bad guy. Either you choose someone else for this mission or it's Psycho."
"Fine, have it your way. We will go after breakfast tomorrow. I'm going to check on the kids." Damon stands up and walks away.
"After breakfast?" Sully says and I turn towards him.
"I err, well...Lilly wants Damon to stay tonight. She wants us all under the same roof for her birthday."
"Maybe it's good that we made this official then huh?" I bite my lip and he grabs my hips and lifts me up so I'm sat on the edge of the pool. He stands between my legs and I wrap my legs around him and I pull him towards me. I put my fingers through his hair and I tug his head back so I can kiss his soft wet lips. "I get insecure around you too you know."
"I hadn't noticed." I giggle.
"Nice bra, love."
"You can thank Dyno for that one," I shrug.
"He annoys me how he doesn't value your safety."
"Go easy on him big guy. He does care, he just doesn't see me as fragile. He does take care for me in his own way."
I rest my forehead on his and my eyes grow tired. "You're tired. Come," doesn't take much.
"I'm not leaving yet," he sighs.
"I know, love," he moves to my left and he pulls himself out the pool. He helps me to my feet and he gathers up my clothes. I shove my top over my head. Man, maybe jeans weren't a good idea. It's going to be hard to slide my jeans on my wet legs. I make a start anyway and I'm still pulling them up by the time Sully has put his clothes on. I do the button-up of my jeans and Sully sweeps me off my feet and I rest my head in his neck.
"I love you, big guy."
"I love you too, Emmie," he kisses my head and I fall asleep.
"Mom, Mommy. That was the best birthday ever!" I open my eyes in a flash. My heart is beating rapidly and I am being carried to the car.
"I'm glad you had fun, baby."
"Emmie, care to explain why not a single euro has been used from the joint account?" I groan into Sully's neck. I'm too tired for this.
"My daughter, my money."
"Our daughter Emmie, why do you always do this? I specifically told you to use our money." I don't say anything I'm still sleepy. "Dyno, find out how much money she spent and transfer it back into her account."
"Yes, boss," Dyno says.
"It's just money for god sake Damon. Happiness is worth a lot more."
"I'll meet you guys at home," Damon says ignoring me.
"Sure, bro," Sully says. Dyno puts my chair in the boot. Sully puts me in the front seat of his car. He walks to his side and slides in. Sully looks at me and slides his hand across my cheek. "You ready for this?"
"No, not really but I'll do whatever it takes to make my kids happy."
"I know, that's one of the many things I love about you." I close my eyes again and I hear the car roar to life. Hero puts his head in my lap. I try stay awake but I'm too tired.
I wake to Sully lifting my out the car. He takes me inside, "It's bedtime kids," Damon says.
"Can we stay up a little longer? Please, Daddy, I'd like to watch TV as a family."
"Emmie?"
"Whatever she wants. It's her birthday." Sully places me on the sofa. "My dog."
"I'm on it," Sully says and calls Hero with him to feed him. Damon sits down next to me and puts his arm around my shoulders. I know he gravitates towards me but I can't handle the connection. The pulsing, I gasp but he doesn't remove his arm. The kids sit around us on the large corner sofa.
I cringe at the last time I sat on this sofa. A lot has happened since then, the pain, the wine. Lilly puts on Tv series Lucifer. We all enjoy this series. Sully sits next to me and he holds his arm up to invite me and I move out of Damon's hold to get comfy on Sully. I am absolutely shattered but I've done something more today so I have good reason to.
We all stay quiet watching the programme and I grow more tired. I shift my weight so I'm laying across Sully's lap. He supports my neck and head with his right arm. I keep my knees up so I'm not too close to Damon. I feel a blanket place over me and I prize my eyes from the screen and I look at Damon who's covering me with the blanket. He grabs my ankles and rests my legs on his lap. He keeps his hands on my legs and I look at Sully.
Sully is preoccupied watching TV to notice. I reach for Sully's hand and I bring it to my chest. He looks down at me and smiles. I shut my eyes and I drift asleep.
"Bro, what did you expect to happen? You hurt her, she's feeling vulnerable right now. I can give her stability. You know I will look after her."
"Did it have to be her though? I guess I know how you felt for all those years except the difference is she's my wife."
"She will always be your wife. That will never change, if you are that hurt why don't you end it with Alex? I know you love Emmie more. You saw her dead on the table for christ sake."
"What if Charmaine had cancer, bro? You love Emmie much more but I know you would still look out for her."
"I would look out for her but I never loved her. She was a long-standing relationship and I cared for her but it wasn't love. I wouldn't hurt Emmie to protect Charmaine." I tense in Sully's arms and he strokes my hair. Who is Charmaine and why haven't I heard of her before? "Why won't you believe Emmie over this?"
"If I believe this then everything would be a lie. If Emmie is right about Alex then our whole relationship was a lie. Alex wouldn't be the person I know she is."
"So you are willing to jeopardize your relationship with your wife to hold on to that? When have you ever known her to lie? You know she didn't want to tell you? She wasn't going to tell you, she wanted you to return because you love her. She was so scared she was going to die that she had to tell you and you still didn't choose her. Are you in your right mind bro? Are we looking at the same girl?"
"Enough Sully, she's my wife okay. I really want to kill you right now. You would be six feet under if you weren't you. My best friend, even my actually brother would be dead. I was always jealous around Emmie, she's my own personal goddess. I always knew deep down that she didn't want anyone else. I had security but now, she wants you and that kills me."
"No, you don't get it, bro. I may have her now but she will always be thinking about you. If you really tried I know you could easily take her from me. She's my first love, she has been since the day I laid eyes on her. She disarms me in every way. I would always put her first whether that hurt me. You have the upper hand bro and you are sat here whining. You can't have Alex and Emmie. Do you know how cheap that makes her feel," he knows I'm awake yet he's happy to talk about his feelings like I'm not here?
"If Charmaine walked through that door right now, you're saying you wouldn't comfort her if she needed you. If she was in pain you wouldn't try to help her? Maybe I should call her and put you to the test." I tense again, I know Damon would and it worries me.
Sully continues to stroke my hair, "Do whatever test you wish Damon. You're only doing this because of Emmie. You are so willing to hurt her in the process just to get her back."
"She's my whole life, I will fight dirty to get her back. Are you afraid of a little competition?" I nuzzle my nose into Sully's chest.
"The difference is bro, I will do what I must for her happiness. If she wants you I wouldn't make her feel bad. I'm here if she wants me, I'm not playing games. I should take her to bed, she needs to rest."
"Fine, you better not do anything because I swear to god if I hear you..."
"She's had an overwhelming day. She will be out like a light."
"After breakfast? I'll have Danny look after the kids. You had better look after her."
"It's insulting you have to say that. When have I ever not looked after her." I feel Sully stand and he carries me up the stairs. He places me on the bed and he starts stripping me. It must be hard work as I must be dead weight I'm so tired.
I don't feel him so I open my heavy eyes and he's grabbing me clothes from the wardrobe. "Cha..." Too tired.
"Do we have to do this now? You're tired, I know you heard but you need sleep. Lucas said it was unlikely you'll have a seizure but I don't want to risk it." I'm naked on my bed but I don't feel it. Sully hovers over me and he tries to dress me.
"Why have I never..." I curl up in a ball because I don't want him dressing me.
"It was years ago Emmie before we met. I ended it because I didn't feel the same. I'm not sure why Damon would bring it up, End of."
"Not end of. How long were you with her? Is she pretty?"
"About 5 years, sure she was but she has nothing on you." I don't reply if she is that pretty then maybe she will steal him away from me. "Emmie, I liked her for sure but you made me feel something. I've been with as many women as Damon but no one makes me feel the way you do. Even if she came back into my life it wouldn't matter. Even if we weren't together she wouldn't spark my interest. He's trying to get in our heads, don't let him win."
I turn over to see his face. "I've been let down before. You may mean it now but maybe if you saw her..."
"What can I do to reassure you? I feel the luckiest guy alive that you want me. You agreed to be my girlfriend, you wanted this. I know you don't trust easily but I've never let you down before. The only thing that could stop this...stop us is you. If you wanted this to end then I would accept it to make you happy. No one else could compare." I pull him towards me and his lips mould mine.
He has a way with words and he's right he's never let me down. Boyfriend seems so alien now. It's been a long time referring to Damon as my husband. I don't think Damon was ever my boyfriend. We skipped that phase altogether. I pull Sully's top off and he kisses my neck and I groan. He puts his hand on my mouth, "You heard Damon, he will kill us both."
I lick his hand and he moves his hand to my cheek, "You are something else." I smile at him and he gets up onto his knees. I watch him and I'm suddenly wide awake. Sully undoes his jean button keeping his eyes on me. I bite my lip whilst he removes his jeans.
He pushes my legs apart and I giggle. "Shh..." he whispers and he kisses the inside of my thighs and trails up the apex of my thighs. I tense knowing where he is going and I feel his tongue there...I call out but he continues his merciless assault. I grasp his hair in my hands and he groans.
"Sully..." I say breathlessly. I push my head back into the pillow in the sweet sensation. How can he make me feel so much? Every fibre of my being is standing to his attention.
"What do you want, love?" In this moment it's an easy question.
"You..." I beg. He grazes me with his teeth down there and I call out again. I can't help it, he has some tricks that Damon didn't. He crawls over me so we are nose to nose.
"How much do you want me?" he kisses my neck and I groan and hold the sheets in my balled hands.
"In this moment, more than anything. Please," I beg again breathless. He slides into me and he covers my mouth whilst he muffles my pleasurable screams. He removes his hand, "Please..." I rest my head in his neck. "Don't leave me."
"Never." We get caught up in this moment together. All I feel is Sully and all I smell is him. He's intoxicating me. With every touch, he is showing me how he loves me and it's a heady mix. Why can't it be my Sully?