Fading Scars

Chapter 25

Emmie

I open my eyes and I see Damon's beautiful face and he relaxes. He picks me up and he takes me to the sofa, he sits down with me on his lap. He places the duvet over me and Hero jumps on my legs and he grumbles. "Emmie, can you please tell the bloody dog to stop."
"No, he's here to protect me. He must see you're a threat," Stefan sits between us and Lucas. Hero looks at Stefan and continues to grumble.
"Emmie, I was worried about you so I decided to come see you. I'm glad I did, we need to talk things through to help you," I nod, I need to understand. "I think what we want to know is why are you trying so hard not to sleep because if you wanted to you would."
"I'm scared Stefan, so scared. Something is wrong but I don't know what it is." I lift my hand up, "I shake and I don't know if it's because I'm cold or terrified."
"We are telling you that sleep will help piece things together. It's going to help yet you don't want to. Close your eyes for me and what do you see." I do as I'm told and I shut my eyes.
"I see Damon." I picture his face in my head and then Ellie swirls in and I see them laughing and flirting.
"Okay, and what is Damon making you feel? Is it just Damon you see?" I hold my head and Hero whines.
"Can we not do this? You'll bring on an episode again. Last time she had one it took a while to bring her out."
"I need to find the root of this Damon. Can you answer me, Emmie? How is he making you feel?"
"I'm scared, so scared Stefan. I don't understand." Damon holds me tighter and it helps me slightly.
"He's scaring you because you haven't processed that he isn't Ben Dudley yet. You worry he will hurt you again."
"Hurt me yes because he does it all the time. He breaks me all the time." Damon places his hands either side of my head and I open my eyes and I see his beautiful face.
"Explain Emmie, how is he hurting you? You don't look like you are scared of him right now. You look caught up in his spell, like usual."
"When I close my eyes it's not just him I see. It's Ellie." I hear a noise and I look up and Sully walks out of his room. He walks over and he sits between us and Blake. He holds his hand out and I take it and he seems relieved. "I see her take him away from me and he lets it happen. He hurts me every time he's with her."
"Emmie, for fuck sake. How many times do I have to tell you? I'm not interested in her, she's just part of my team."
"Damon, it's not going to matter what you say to Emmie. It's your actions, whether it's there or it's not it's in Emmie's head. She's making her health deteriorate because of this now you can fight with her until your blue in the face, this isn't going away." Stefan looks at me, "So you won't sleep because of that?"
"I watch them, I watch them living without me and they are happy. I'm living life on the edge and they are in the middle. I'm being pushed out, I can't sleep in fear they will leave me behind."
"No one is leaving you behind, Emmie. You see, things would be clearer if you just sleep." I shake my head. "You have Damon and Sully supporting you."
"No, they are supporting Mousey, Sully's sleeping with her and it won't take long for Damon to follow suit. Maybe they want to have a threesome with her."
"Emmie, where the fuck are you getting this information from? You slept with her?" Damon growls.
"I didn't sleep with her," he looks at me, "Emmie I didn't." I don't know what to believe anymore.
"Emmie, why do you think Sully slept with her? How do you know these things?" I can't tell what's real anymore. I hold my head again.
"I saw, I saw her come out of his room last night. What other explanation is there? I've been watching from afar. I watch when I can't sleep. The first night Damon was with Ellie alone. He told her personal things that he never told me, Stefan. Which only means one of two things."
"Which is what Emmie?" I rock on Damon's lap trying to process. Damon pulls me closer to him so I can't rock.
"They are either together already and he is sharing these things or he doesn't trust or he doesn't want to share personal things with me."
"Emmie, it was a spare of the moment. I never planned on saying it, it just came out. Don't fucking make shit up that's not there."
"Emmie, Damon has been around other women before why is she bothering you so much?" I can see what others can't.
"You ask yourself Stefan, why is she here? She'd never be able to protect me which is why we have guards here to keep me safe right? I could have her on her ass in seconds and might I add I really do want to. She doesn't make me feel safe in fact she makes me feel the opposite. So who's benefit is this? Because I can tell you it's not mine. If someone so much as looked at Damon he'd kill them. When Mousey does it, well it's different. He's blinded by her, he can't see. On the plane journey, she touched his lip. He didn't push her away, why? First night here she was half-naked in our room, easy mistake right? We have sex, as soon as I'm asleep he's downstairs alone with her. She lets him hug her, sure coincidence. The constant touching, over the dinner table. Normal, all in my head. Skiing she accidentally bumps into him, she lays on top of him staring into his eyes. Sorry that was an accident, my bad. She knocks on the door whilst we are naked in the bath, right no that was work. They were playing twister and their lips were almost touching and she bit her lip whilst she was staring at his but sorry it's just a game. My husband walks around in his boxers and she literally drools at him but..." I put my hand on my chest, "I'm sorry, it's all in my head. He forgets I exist when she's around. It took him nearly an hour to notice I was missing whilst Skiing."
"Oh Emmie, you've really built up an obsession with this girl. I mean Damon, if this is true she has a point."
"Emmie, I'm sorry okay. I haven't meant to make you feel this way. I really am sorry baby." I crawl towards Stefan and I lean my back against him.
I pull my phone out and I show him the photos, I flick through them one by one. Once I finish showing him I sit up and whisper in his ear, "I made evidence of all the things I found inappropriate but I haven't shown anyone because it's all in my head. No one sees it so I have to bottle it up and fend for myself. He hurts me, Stefan, he shouts at me to drop it but why is she here." I remove my self from Stefan's side and he nods.
"Emmie, can I see what you showed Stefan, I'd like to see." I look at Sully, I'm not sure I can trust him, "Emmie, I'm on your side. Trust me, please. Have I ever hurt you?" I shake my head and I walk over to him and I sit on his lap and I show him the pictures just like I showed Stefan. He holds me tighter.
"Emmie, what are you showing them?" I snatch my phone back I hold it to my chest. I won't show him.
"Nothing, because it's all in my head. Isn't that what you tell me?" Damon gets up and he heads upstairs. "Please Stefan, fix me. Something is wrong."
"Emmie, we've found the cause of why you are so terrified. We need you to be taking your meds and get some sleep. With Damon's full support we can move forward. He understands now and hopefully, he can be better."
"What if this is all a ploy? What if this is his plan? What if he wants people to think I'm crazy so he bags the pretty girl without the disapproval of everybody else."
"I'm sure that's not the case Emmie. I think that if you didn't have this trauma you wouldn't even see it and it wouldn't bother you."
I pull my knees to my chest and I close my eyes, "I feel like I'm going to lose everything and everyone. I'm broken."
"Hey, don't Emmie. She's really gotten to you. Your light is fading Emmie, don't let the shining star go out," Stefan says. I smell Damon around me and Hero starts growling. Damon grabs my wrist and he pulls me to my feet. I open my eyes and he pulls me towards the kitchen area. He lifts me onto the kitchen island and he slides between my legs.
"Take your meds, Emmie," he holds the tablets out to me and I hold them in my hand. He gets some water and I take my meds. I open my mouth to show I truly took them. I grip the edge of the island as tight as I can. "Emmie, why are you clingy to the edge so tightly?"
"I'm just preparing, you know? Last time I flew in the air like a ragdoll," he sighs at me and he puts his forehead on mine.
"Not real Emmie, it wasn't me." I look at his eyes and it looks like he's been crying. He wasn't gone long but it looks like I broke him. I place my hand on his cheek. "I'm so fucking sorry okay. I hate myself that I made you this way. I didn't do it intentionally, it really is all in your head but I am the cause of this."
Tears fall down my face, "Damon," I put my head on his shoulder and I cry. "I hurt you and I'm sorry. I don't ever want to hurt you. When you hurt I hurt." He rests his head in my neck too. He wraps his arms around me protectively.
"I can't see you like this and to know it was all because of me. If I lost you I'd be dead without you." He grabs my hand and he slides it up his body to his heart. "I got this tattoo because you're the only one I fucking see. You're right, I am blind Emmie. I see many girls but they are nothing to me because I can't see their faces. Yours is the only one I see Emmie, so in my head and my heart I don't know where this is coming from. How did I make you feel anything but fucking loved? You are perfect exactly the way you are, I don't want to change or control you. Our family is nothing without you, you are the heart of the family. We all miss your presence when you aren't there. Please, Emmie, I'm sorry. Please don't give up fighting for me because I would never give up fighting for you."
"Damon, I would give you my life. I'm still here because I'm fighting. I don't understand what's happening but I do know that this hurt me because I love you so damn much. I wish I never told you how I feel because it's hurt you and that's the last thing I wanted."
"I needed to know that my actions were hurting you. I'll try be more aware, okay but I feel nothing for Ellie apart from the bond of the team. The gang is a family Emmie, I honestly don't feel any different toward Ellie than I do Dyno or Gab or Larry. To me, it doesn't matter that she's a girl she's apart of the gang."
"I love you," he removes his head from my neck and I remove mine so I can see him. I look into his beautiful blue eyes.
"I love you so much, baby," he slides his hand in my hair and he kisses me. I pull him closer to me and I feel him smirking. He could never be close enough to me.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I just came to get a drink. Don't mind me." Ellie says and I groan and go to pull away but Damon doesn't release me. He continues to kiss me and I smile, he is ignoring her and I'm happy. He kisses me for a long time before he releases me. I look around and Ellie has gone. Damon smiles at me and I can't help but smile back at him.
Damon pulls me off the counter and sets me on my feet. I walk towards the sofa and I fall over. Damn it, I thought I got out of doing this. I pull myself up and I walk to the sofa and I sit down. "Lucas, did you bring any pain killers," I hold my head. It's hurting so bad, my whole body hurts. He looks at me.
"Do you have a headache? How long have you had this headache? Do you hurt anywhere else?"
"Yeah, I think it's the stress and the exhaustion. My body hurts but I fell on the slopes. The bright lights still hurt my eyes."
"Okay, I'll give you some painkillers but if it carries on I want you to tell me okay?" I nod and he goes in his briefcase.
"You hurt yourself yesterday when you fell? Why didn't you say something?" Damon says, he lifts me up and sits down with me on his lap.
"Damon it was fine. You know me, pain is good." he holds me and he puts his face on my head. Lucas hands me some painkillers and I take them.
"You're too stubborn for your own good. I'm ordering breakfast in, you all okay with waffles and crepes."
"Best thing you've said all morning, Bro. Order me an extra portion would you, I'm starving. Extra bacon on the side. Oh and a coffee bro, thanks, babe."
"Maybe I should get you to settle the bill then, babe." Damon rolls his eyes and he picks up the phone to order the food. We call the kids down when the food arrives I move out the way so the kids can grab what they want. I sit by the stairs with Hero out the way.
Stefan comes to me with two plates, he sits down in front of me and places a plate in front of me. "Baby steps Emmie. You got this," he starts eating his food and I pick up a strawberry. I look at my family and they are so happy in the middle whilst I'm on the outside again.
"I'm on the outside looking in again, Stefan," he frowns at me and looks at my family. I pick up the waffle and break it in half and start nibbling.
"Emmie, you put yourself over here. You are excluding yourself when you don't need to." I continue to eat the food.
"But they don't notice I'm gone Stefan if I got up now they wouldn't know. I'm just a second thought to them."
"Emmie, that isn't true. Your family are here with you, you needed to come here so they followed you. Wherever you go they go, you're their first thought," I nod. "I'll see you in a bit I'd like to talk to Lucas." I nod again and I continue to eat my food. Once I finish I feel really sick, I look at my family and they all seem happy and distracted. I get up and I hold Hero's harness whilst we go up the stairs.
I check my family and no ones noticed, I head into the bedroom and into the bathroom. I lift the lid to the toilet and I kneel in front of it. "Emmie, no," Damon says panicked.
"Don't do this, Damon." I go to be sick but Damon grabs me away. He sits on the floor and he holds me, I start to cry. "Damon, I need this."
"No, baby. I'm here, you don't need to do this anymore. I'm here," he wraps his body around me as much as possible tightly. I sag against his chest, "Shh, I'm here baby. You're safe, you don't need to do this." I continue to cry and I curl up into his chest. "I'm here baby. I'm here," he rocks me whilst he holds me and it soothes me. I feel safe and once I'm all cried out I fall asleep in his arms.
When I wake I'm alone in bed, I get up and I make my way to my secret spot and watch them. I look at my phone and not much time has passed. Damon, Sully, Lucas and Stefan seem in deep discussion. They're talking about me, I hate that they are doing that. "She's asleep for now but how long is this going to go on for?"
"Where Emmie is concerned, I have no idea? She's stubborn if she sleeps regularly I think we will be on track in a few days to a week but if she doesn't sleep then I have no idea."
"We need to sort the root of the problem out, can you not swap her for someone else. Dyno, she's warming to him."
"Why do I need to swap my staff over something so petty? Isn't that just masking the problem? Ellie will still be in my gang, she's not going anywhere."
"Maybe but she would feel safe now enough to sleep. At the moment she feels like you are all against her. She feels pushed out and vulnerable and the more you keep Ellie close to you Damon she's going to carry on feeling like that."
"What about her intermittent third person?" Sully says. "What does she do that for?" This is too much to hear.
"I don't think she knows she's doing it. I think when she hurts so much she talks in third person to protect herself and to push others away." Stefan looks up in my direction and I gasp. I try to hide in the shadows. "I'll be back in a minute."
Stefan gets up and walks up the stairs, I groan when I've been caught out. "Emmie," he sighs. He comes towards me and I pull him into the shadows.
"How did you know I was here?" he sits down next to me and I continue to watch my family. Hero starts to growl with him so close.
"Emmie, I've seen the photos. This is where you hide in the shadows, I had a hunch. Why aren't you asleep?"
"I don't sleep for long, so I come here and watch. People confess a lot when they think I'm not here."
"You need to stop seeing danger where ever you go." I look at him and he's watching me, "They aren't against you, they're with you."
"Do you see it, Stefan? If you tell me it's all in my head I'll try to let it go but if you tell me you see it then I know I can trust you."
Stefan sighs, "Emmie, I don't know what I see. All those pictures Emmie, it's hard to ignore. If Damon says nothing is going on then you should believe him but I agree something doesn't add up." I beam at him that I have someone on my side for a change. "Now get up, I don't know how you can sit on the floor for so long." I giggle and I get up and hold onto Hero. "Why do you hold onto him so much is it a security thing?"
"Yes and no." I shrug, "When I hold on to him I feel like I can do anything, he has my back but I seem to fall over a lot and he helps me stay upright." I head down the stairs and Stefan follows.
I walk towards the sofa, "Look who I found awake causing trouble."
"Fuck sake, Emmie. Come here," I curl up on Damon's chest, "We are going out soon to have lunch with my parents. If the Doc sticks around I might have to get him to sedate you."
"No, two awful things to put in a sentence Damon. Your parents hate me, can I stay here with Stefan and Lucas."
"They don't like anyone Emmie. They are expecting you, so you need to make an appearance."
"I've already eaten today Damon. Don't make me eat again. I will turn into a whale, then you would break your back carrying me even more."
"Emmie you could never be a whale, even when you were pregnant there was nothing of you. You need to eat, you're wasting away."
"Fine, I'll go get ready shall I?" I get up and I walk upstairs with the support of Hero. Well, this is going to be a shit day. I can't think of anything worse than lunch with his parents. I rummage through my suitcase and I'm glad I packed a cute black dress. I find the lingerie set and my knee-length boots. I don't necessarily want the lingerie but the stockings will keep my legs warm in the freezing cold.
I get dressed and I decide to put makeup on, my face is still bruised but mostly a yellow colour now. My eyes still look red though, I brush my hair when I'm done. I take my coat from the suitcase and I take my phone and coat downstairs. When I return they are all staring and it puts me off. When I reach the sofa I fall on my stomach, ouch. Why do I keep falling? I sit on Damon's lap and he pulls me tight. "You look amazing," he whispers in my ear and I smile. "I think we are all ready to go in a sec."
I look at Stefan and Lucas, "I don't want to go because when I get back they will be gone." I need them around me right now.
"Emmie, don't worry. They've decided to stay a couple of days whilst you get better. You need the support right now. They will be here when you get back."
"You will?" They both nod at me and I feel so much happier, they help me. They are on my side they aren't plotting against me like my own family.
"I hated being in a different country whilst you were scared and alone. I couldn't help you there but you already seem better." Stefan says and I smile, he made Damon realise what he was doing to me. He made him listen when I couldn't. Whether Stefan believed me or not he understands how my mind works.
"Lot's of people under the same roof Damon." There aren't enough bedrooms for everyone. Where are they going to sleep?
"I've sorted it, Emmie, don't worry about that." Sorted it out how? Do I really want to know? "Let's put it this way, there are enough people to stop you going out the house at night." It's never planned I just can't breathe in this house. I hate it in Canada, the sun comforts me. "Shall we go?" I get up and I hold Hero's harness. I do not need to fall over again it's embarrassing. I slide my coat on before I go out. I tell Hero to explore whilst I sort myself out getting in the car.
I wonder who I will get today, Sully or Damon. How much did he actually listen to Stefan because he doesn't listen to me? Damon puts his arms around me and kisses my head. "Baby, you're okay with Sully and the twins, right? Hailey and Lilly want me to drive them." Yeah and somehow Ellie gets her wish too.
He kisses me and I pull him closer to me even though he can't get much closer. I don't bother arguing anymore. I've argued enough I'm not wasting my breath anymore. Why does Ellie get to ride with Damon and not me? Whatever, when Damon pulls away I get in the car and I call Hero to me. The dog is bloody wet again, I don't let him get on me this time. His parents are already going to moan about my dog, I don't want them moaning about the state of me.
Sully and the twins get in the car and Sully drives away. My tension is escalating, why? Why do I have to endure this? I know it's not often we have family meals with them but it always results in them bullying me. Sully grabs my hand and it brings me out of my troubled thoughts, "Emmie, just breathe I know you hate these meals. Just don't give yourself a heart attack just thinking about it."
"It's hard enough to handle this without feeling like this Sully. They know what I did, they know I killed their precious Izzy and the other two. They aren't going to let that go. I'm still so confused Sully. I'm not ready."
"I'll be here just no running off anywhere this time. Give me a safeword and when it gets too much say the word and I'll get you out of there." Sully laughs, why? "Damon and I used to have a safe word when we went over for dinner at his parents."
"Damon used to need a safeword? Why did I never know this? Why would he ever need a safe word for his own family?"
"He hated their company too, Emmie, he used to drag me along so he wasn't on his own. His Mom always used to ask when he was going to get a girlfriend he used to hate it. One day Lexi and his Mom were like vultures trying to prize information out of him. To my surprise, he said that he had found the most beautiful person he'd ever seen. That only made them want to know more. Damon never shared this information."
"Is this when he met Alex?" Sully glares at me, what did I say? I mean Alex is beautiful, she was his first love.
"What? No, Emmie, it was you. His Dad was a right grumpy sod and he didn't want to hear about what the future holds as his mom was talking about grandkids and then Damon told them you were pregnant. Lexi and his mom were so delighted. I didn't know how we would ever get out of there and for the first time I think Damon was happy to be around his family, he was only too happy to tell them about you."
"So, what sort of safewords did you used to use with Damon?" he glances at me and his cheeks turn red.
"There were lots Emmie, the fun of the game was to try and get something so random or dirty into the conversation."
"Fine, I'll choose thong." Sully chuckles, he squeezes my hand he's really managed to get my mind off everything.
"Good choice Emmie. His Dad will love that dropped into conversation." I grin at him, I can't believe Damon used to have code words to abort. Sully pulls up in the car park of a posh hotel again. Why must they always do extravagant? I would never choose this to go out for a meal. I get out the car and Damon has just pulled up. I get out the car and I see Blake, I didn't even think he'd be coming. I walk over to him and I hug him.
"Ow, Fatty that hurt. You saw me twenty minutes ago. Did you miss my handsome face in that time?"
I pull away and I punch him on the arm, "I just didn't realise you were coming, I guess I'm happy to see another friendly face." I sigh this is going to be hell. He lifts my chin for me to look at him.
"Fatty they are my parents I think I have earned the right to join. I'm glad you find my face friendly, anything else you like about my face?"
"I like that it's here with me," I smile, "Your parents hate me Blake and it's going to be hell this time."
"Hey, my parents don't like anyone. I've got your back okay? Only this face gets to bully you." I laugh and that takes skill when I'm this low. Damon comes to me and he grabs my hand, I hold onto Hero and we walk into the Hotel. We enter the lobby area and we see his parents waiting for us. Damon takes me to see his parents despite my trying to let go of his hand. When we reach them Damon releases my hand he hugs his Mom.
"Nice to see you Son," she says when she releases him she looks at me, "Emmie." Not even a hello just Emmie. "Why is my other son here?"
"He invited himself as usual," Damon says and his Mom continues to look over my shoulder at me family.
"But why is he in Canada dear? You didn't say he was joining you on vacation." I roll my eyes, here we go.
"Emmie called him and he thought my wife needed him. He's been enjoying spending my money, that's for sure."
"Why would you do that, Emmie? Uproot my son to what?" I groan "What is that?" she looks horrified at my dog.
"I needed help okay, it's only human. I need a dog to help protect me. He looks after me," I don't need to explain myself to you.
"I think people need protecting from you. Look at poor Izzy," his Dad says. I take a step back but Damon puts his arm around me.
"Enough Dad don't start already." Damon puts his hand on the back of my head and looks at me.
"I see we have some new faces in here today." I hate it already Damon looks behind us and he calls them over.
"This is Ellie, she's one of my bodyguards." His parents beam at her. I roll my eyes, I knew they'd bloody like her.
"She's pretty Damon, call me Maggie sweetheart." Damon doesn't say anything and that only pisses me off. I move out Damon's hold and I walk to the back out the way.
"This is Hailey, she's staying with us for a while." Damon puts his arm around her back and his Mom hugs her briefly.
"You doing your bit for charity again son," his Dad says and looks at me and that's it I've had enough. I walk off to the bar and I get a drink.
"Vodka please." I'm too angry but I guess that's a healthy reaction. The barman hands me my drink. "Can you put it on Mr and Mrs Rider's tab, please?" he nods and I sit down at a table in a soft booth type area. I hope it's his parent's tab but well if it's not it doesn't matter.
Sully comes to sit next to me and I can feel his disapproval coming on, "Emmie, don't get yourself into the situation like you did last time."
"Sully, I can't think clearly. Do you know how terrified I am? I just need a drink to help me. I won't get as drunk as last time. I promise," his family gather around the bar getting their drinks. Damon looks at me and he frowns. Once he grabs his whisky he comes to sit with me. Sully gets up and leaves us to it.
"Emmie, please be sensible. I'm already panicking about bringing you out to see my parents." I shrug. "I love you so much, baby." I smile at him. "You look breathtaking right now." I grab his hand I slide it under dress between my legs so he can feel what I'm wearing.
I reach up to his ear and whisper, "I thought you might like to play later, I want you to peel my dress off," he grins.
He moves his lips to my ear, he's so close. "I want to play now, you've got to be quiet though baby." What does he mean play now? He slides a finger inside me and I gasp and grab his leg. "Shh, baby. Don't give the game away." I look at the rest of the family and they are all busy chatting at the bar.
"Damon," I say breathlessly. Why here, why now? My kids are here, well not technically here. He continues the sweet punishing rhythm, I grip his leg tighter knowing I'm close to the edge.
"Let go baby, quietly," my breathing is heavy and rapid. He grabs my face and kisses me, I surrender to him and I groan into his mouth and he grins. He continues to kiss me until I finish and he slides his fingers out of me and I miss his touch already. "Feeling better baby? Because I am." I love playful Damon.
"What was that?" I still grip his leg because I'm not fully with it yet. I don't know what got into him.
"You are the one that teased me, baby. I'm just showing you that you are mine whatever happens today. Also, look how calm you are right now." I do feel calmer so I guess he did something right. Not sure how long it will last but for now I feel better. I down my vodka and I take a deep breath.
"Tables ready everyone. Shall we go in?" I stand up and straighten my dress. Damon grabs my hand and we walk into the private area where the large table awaits us. Mr Rider sits at the head of the table and Mrs Rider sits on my right of him.
"Damon, sit next to me would you?" his Mom says. I roll my eyes, here we go. They never let me sit next to Damon. "Ellie you sit next to Damon I want to hear more about you." I snatch my hand out of Damon's.
"Emmie, calm down. Sit there so I can keep an eye on you." I glare at him and he leaves me to take his seat. Blake sits next to his Dad on the left. Sully pushes me forward so I sit next to Blake. I sit down and glare at Damon sitting in front of me. Sully sits on my right and the kids find their seats at the other end of the table.
This is going to be such fun, not. Hero sits between me and Sully and he rests his chin on my lap. Sully puts his hand on my leg to help settle me but it's not working. My body is shaking and I can't hide this anxiety. "Can I get you some drinks?"
"Yes, large red wine please." I raise my hand and Damon shoots a glare at me. Well, I could have asked for a bottle. People put in their order too, why is everyone only concerned about me. The waiter leaves and I stroke Hero's head, I wish I was in Spain right now.
"So dear, how is it working for my son? I hope he treats you right." I put my hands on my head controlling my breathing in and out. I feel like a ticking time bomb and I don't like it.
"It's brilliant, he's been so patient with me. When I managed to take him down for the first time he bought me this." I look at her wrist and I see a bracelet. You have got to be freaking joking me? He bought her a bracelet. "He took me on this trip and he's made me feel at home," I swear she's trying to antagonise me, I really do.
"Can I cry thong yet?" I whisper to Sully and he shakes his head. Why? I feel out of control. The waiter returns with our drinks and I take a huge sip of wine.
"You remind me so much of Izzy darling. She was so sweet too, such a good fit for my son." I look at Blake and he is watching me. I grab his hand and he holds mine in his lap.
"They really hate me Blake, I'm scared." I hate to be put in this position. She's trying to suggest that Izzy and Ellie are good fit for my husband. I'm just a castaway that can be thrown away in the trash.
"Ahh, I think something is in my eye." Mousey holds her eye blinking, "Can you have a look Boss?" Urgh, she's good I give her that. I go to get up but Sully pushes me back down. Damon holds her face and tries to look in her eye. I take another picture quickly and Sully pushes my phone away. He knows I'm gathering evidence. He hasn't even washed his hands since those fingers were inside me and he's touching her face with them. That's dirty and all kinds of level wrong.
"Can't see anything, Ellie," he removes his hands and he resumes his earlier position. The waiter comes back to take our order, he starts with Mr Rider and then works in a clockwise direction when he gets to me I sigh.
"Does another glass of wine qualify as a meal?" Damon's leg knocks me under the table and he's glaring at me again. "No, okay but I'll grab another wine with my salad though, thanks."
"No she won't she will have a vegetarian pasta or something similar. Whatever you have." Damon growls. Urgh seriously?
"What about the wine sir?" he looks at Damon and not at me. Is this not my choice, you know freedom of speech and all that.
"Make it a small, thanks." I put my hands on my head I can't take this anymore. I see Ellie get up and she excuses herself. I can't sit and not do anything anymore it's in my hands now. I tell Sully I need a wee so he lets me get up and I walk to the toilet. By the time I get there she's coming out of the cubicles and I grab her head and I slam her into the wall and Hero starts growling.
"I'm going to give you one warning because I've already given you enough free passes. If you so much as look at my husband the wrong way I will kill you. Do you understand me?" Hero snarls at her and she holds her hands up.
"I understand, I'm sorry. Don't hurt me." I push her head closer to Hero's face. I'd love for him to bite her pretty little face but I release her. I go to pat her head but she moves away but I follow with my hand and I pat her head. She watches my every move terrified.
"Good, little dog Mousey." I walk out of the toilets and I return my seat. I smile a happy smile, I had control so that's good. Sully and Damon look at me and they frown at my happiness.
"Why are you so happy all of a sudden," Sully whispers into my ear, I shrug. Like they care, I watch Ellie return and she has a bruise showing and a cut on her face and I cross my legs in victory. Ellie keeps her eyes on me worrying about my next more.
"What the fuck happened to your face?" Damon says. Is that concern I hear in your voice Damon? Why would you care?
"I er, fell over in the bathroom." Damon looks at me and I raise my eyebrows and smile yes Damon it was me.
"Emmie, get up now. I want a word," he gets up and he walks towards me and Hero starts growling, he pulls me to my feet and he drags me away from the table. "Was that you?" I cross my arms. "Tell me, that wasn't you Emmie for fuck sake."
"So, I damaged her pretty little face? Who cares? I just warned her a bit, maybe verging on threatened but it was controlled."
"What is wrong with you Emmie? Why do you see red when she's around? I'm really fucking trying here."
"So am I Damon. If I didn't love you more than anything I wouldn't be here. I really am trying, okay?" I collapse to the floor and tears build up in my eyes. "Emmie is trying but it's never enough." Damon kneels in front of me and Hero continues to growl. "Emmie wants to run but Damon is anchoring her here."
"Stop, baby. I'm sorry okay, I know you are trying," he pulls me towards him. This is all too much for me. I do see red everywhere not just at Ellie.
"Emmie is so confused. Nothing is good enough she should get out now while she still can." he holds me tighter.
"No fucking running Emmie. Calm down, I'm here. I've got you," he picks me up off the floor and he puts me back in my chair. "Keep an eye on her Sully. I shouldn't have put her in this situation not when she's like this." Damon returns to his chair and he doesn't take his eyes off me. Sully slides his hand through mine and I look at him, pain is all I see on his face.
Damon cups Ellie's face to look at her wound and I take another photo. Come on it's not even that bad. I've had much worse in my time. "Does it hurt?" Damon says.
"Yeah, it's quite sore." I snort. Please, try being shot, see what that does to you. I reckon if she was shot like I was on my arm she'd scream saying my arms falling off. She's a bloody pansy. Our food arrives and I stare at mine.
"Dig in everyone, I'm glad to have a meal with my family," Mrs Rider says and holds her glass up. We all clink glasses and I finish my first glass. I pick up my fork and I push the pasta round and round. Everyone tucks into their food but I can't touch it. I force a couple of mouthfuls in because I feel eyes watching me. I hold my mouth trying not to be sick.
"Emmie, are you wasting perfectly good food again? Do you need me to force-feed you?" Mr Rider says. I close my eyes and I feel the pain from Damon pulling my hair. I hear Hero crying and he jumps on my lap. I blackout and I see Damon's face shoving food in my mouth. I hold my hair to try stop and I use my free arm to push him away.
"Fuck, Dad stop picking on my wife. She's not well, I shouldn't have brought her here with you. She puts up with so much of your crap it's surprising she stays with me. Emmie, I'm here come back to me."
"What's wrong with her son?" I can't think clearly too many voices going on. I feel Damon's hands on my face.
"She suffers from severe PTSD from when she was kidnapped. Dad just triggered one of her episodes. Emmie, don't be stubborn. Come back to me, you're safe." Too many voices. I can't concentrate.
"Damon be careful the dog is going to have your hand off in a minute." I focus on Hero he's snarling and crying all in one.
"Mom, I know okay. I'll take being bitten over the alternative. I'm glad he's protecting her, no other man will touch what's mine." All these voices are drawing me away from the house of horrors. I open my eyes and I stroke Hero and he stops snarling but he carries on growling.
"Hero, good boy. Shh, it's okay," he gets off my lap and stops growling. He lays on my feet, I bow my head in embarrassment. Damon moves my chin to look at him and he rests his forehead on mine and he sighs.
"Oh baby, you okay? Do you want to go home?" I shake my head because it's not going to be any different there than it is here. It's not Spain so who cares. "You sure?" I nod and he kisses my lips and he returns to his seat. I try finish my food whilst everyone finishes theirs.
"Ellie I think you need to ask my son for a raise. Coming out for a meal with us you need a dress that shows off your figure, Damon make sure you buy her a dress next time."
"Mom, enough okay. If she wants a dress she can get a dress. She doesn't need my approval." Damon snaps.
"But wouldn't she look dashing in an elegant evening dress in blue I think." I groan this is tedious.
"Yes, okay. Can we drop this now?" Damon rolls his eyes and he looks at me. At least he's trying I guess.
"Come on Boss, your Mother is being so nice. Do you really think I'd suit such a dress?" he takes his eyes off me and looks at Ellie.
"Yeah, I suppose," breathe Emmie, in and out. Don't let them get to you. I look at Blake and I grab his hand.
"Hey, Blake, I wanted to buy a thong. Do you have a colour that you think I would suit better? I'll model it for you if you like?"
"Oh, Fatty my pleasure. I'd prefer to see you without the thong but if I had to pick the colour I'd say red you're a wild one."
I look at Damon and he's speechless, "Emmie...What are you..?" Damon trails off. Well, I'm fed up of the limelight being on Ellie. He's my husband and besides, it's my safe word. I want out of here.
"Jesus girl, you have one of my son's wrapped up around your little finger, now you want both of them? No wonder I tried to pay you off then. I wish you took the money. "Mr Rider says.
"You know what? I'm done, absolutely well and truly done. You are nothing but a spiteful bully and your kids deserve better. Sure, make me feel like utter trash I deserve it but just a word of advice, you don't need to because I already know how worthless I am. Maybe I am a charity case but Damon loves me and if I can see that then why can't you? I've given you chance after chance but no more. You want someone better for your son than me, fine I'll hand you, Ellie, on a plate but you'll find no one that would protect your son as much I would. I protected Damon from three threats, they took down his plane all those years ago when you gave up on him and Izzy forced him into marriage, he was miserable and he had no way out, I gave it to him. I was still fighting for my husband. You may think I'm a heartless murderer but I took a bullet for him, I saved him. For what? To be treated like something you trod in. Well no more, I'm done. You can have your pretty little Ellie and I'm gone."
"Emmie," Damon says and stands up. I get up and I leave the table, it's taken me years and years to speak my mind to them. I run, I run out of the hotel and I keep running. I'm so done, I don't deserve to be treated like this. I've done some bad things in my life for sure but to feel that worthless that they are secretly planning Damon and Ellie's wedding behind my back. I would have taken it before because I was nothing but now I am someone. I'm stronger than I ever was before and I won't let anyone make me feel like that.
I don't know where I'm going because I don't know this place. I just keep running with Hero by my side. I smile, I'm free and I can breathe, my lungs are burning from the running but I can finally breathe. There is no human being on this planet that should be made to feel like that and although Damon tried to stick up for me it wasn't enough. No one stuck up for me, I had to fight for myself before I lost Stefan's shining star. I'm better on my own, no one to hurt me. I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket but I keep running.
I run until I can't run anymore, I fall to my hands and knees and I vomit. My whole body is shaking, I don't think it ever stops anymore. I curl up on the snow and Hero lays on me, he's so warm. I finally did it, I broke free. I left Damon, I made them all happy. Ellie can have him, I'm so done fighting for something that should be mine without needing to fight. I fought for him before and I don't have the strength anymore.
I am starting to feel numb now, I feel Hero trying to pull me up by my coat but I'm not moving anywhere. I'm free like a bird, no one to make me feel anything less. I close my eyes and all I see is, Damon and Ellie, together. Now there's something new though, now I see Sully in the picture. I screw my face up to try push the memory away. I wish I never heard about it now. I see them share her in my head and I hear Hero cry.
I'm in the house of horrors again, I'm in the living room. I need to keep people out, Sully appears from upstairs and he looks at me. "Sully, I need a hammer and some wood, yes and some nails."
"Why would you need that, Emmie?" he leaves me for a while and he returns with my items. I go to the front door and I hold the wood slates to the door.
"Hold this," I ask Sully and he holds the other end whilst I nail the wood to the door to keep us in and the bad out. I pass the hammer to Sully and he hammers his side in.
"What are you doing, baby?" Damon says and I turn around. I smile and he pushes me against the door and he kisses me.
"I'm keeping us all in. This is all I need right here." Damon grabs my hair and I scream. I thought this is what he would want.
"You stupid girl. What about what I want? Huh? This isn't all about you." he tosses me across the floor. This isn't a memory but it's something worse. I push out of his hold and I run upstairs to my room. I shut the door and I retreat into my safe corner. I curl up in my corner, I'm somewhat safe here. I stay here for a long time, all I can hear is a dog crying.
I'm isolated here but I feel safe. I'll happily stay here, "Fuck, Emmie. Wake up," the crying has turned into snarling, "Hero, stop. Ow, fuck. Stop, I'm trying to help her."
It was peaceful and now it's loud, I try to shy away from the noise. I feel a warm hand on my side and I look down nothing is there. I smell Damon around me but I don't see him, "Emmie, come back to me, I'm sorry." I open my eyes and I see Damon relax, he picks me up and Hero barks.
"Hero, it's okay," I say feebly and he stops. I let my hand fall and Hero licks and nuzzles my hand.
"Fucking hell Emmie, I thought I lost you." I feel Damon walking. I don't know why he's here was I not clear enough?
"You have lost me, Damon. Did you not hear me? I'm done," he holds me tighter and it doesn't make me feel any better. Damon drops to his knees but he keeps hold of me. I look at his face and he looks broken. "Damon?"
"Emmie, you can't leave me. I was nothing before I found you, I was just an empty shell of a man. Time was moving but I wasn't living. I was fucking one woman to the next my life was meaningless. You sparked my heart, you made it beat and it only beats for you."
"It doesn't matter anymore Damon, I'm sorry. It's taken me years to figure out I don't deserve to be treated like nothing. I couldn't breathe and I had no control, I was pushed to breaking point. I have no fight left in me, I'm worth so much more than that and I had to break free to do that."
"Yes, baby. You are worth so much more. You see you always said you didn't deserve me but I don't deserve you. I always felt so damn lucky that you wanted me. I've disowned my parents for how they treated you and I should never have put you in that situation and I'm so fucking sorry."
"It's too late Damon. I can't lose myself trying to fight for you. This issue is always going to be there. I'm so terrified Damon, scared you'll choose her over me. Your parents love her, I'm not prepared to kill again for you as I did with Izzy. That was a dark time of my life and I regret it more than anything. Nothing should be that hard Damon, the hurt I felt today...I."
"We've been here before Emmie, we can't live without each other. I am drawn to you, our connection is breathtaking. I can't go back there without you. Please, Emmie, I swear to god, I can't." he sobs in front of me. I get out of his hold and I kneel in front of him. I see his tears flowing out of his eyes. I've seen him crying before but this is something else. This breaks me, he's broken like I am. I put my hands on his face and I rest my forehead on his. I hear his uncontrollable crying and it calls deep inside me.