Fading Scars

Chapter 19

Emmie

Sentenced to five years in prison. They all gave me hope when I didn't deserve it. I was hopeful that I could win this but now I wish that I didn't have hope because it's crushed me. My whole life is now public knowledge and I hate it. "Emmie, Baby. We will fight this. Stay strong." Damon talks to me softly. I wish he could hug me right now, instead, I'm going to have to spend five years without touching him and without him touching me. "Baby, please get up. We love you." I continue to sob on the floor. I'm pulled to my feet and I cry out in pain. I don't look at my family I just get dragged out of the box and out of the courtroom. I didn't even look at what guard it was and I can only see the back of his head. He holds the chain of my cuffs and pulls me forwards with him always looking forward. What happens now? Do I go straight back to the prison? Am I allowed to see my family? I'm practically running to keep up with this guard what is his hurry?
We exit the building and he pulls me towards a car. What is happening? Where is the prison transport? Within seconds the guard pulls me from behind and covers my mouth with a cloth. I try to push him off but my side hurts too much to make any resistance. I start to feel woozy and I get thrown in the back of the car. My eyes grow heavy and I try to keep my eyes open. The guard gets in the front seat and drives away and I close my eyes. What just happened? Was I kidnapped again? Surely not, something doesn't quite add up. I lose consciousness and everything goes black.
When I wake I'm in my own bed. My head is fuzzy, I'm not sure what happened. I look around the room and it's dark but it seems exactly like my bedroom. The windows are boarded so no one can look in or out. In the far corner is a surveillance camera. What is going on exactly? I sit up holding my side, my cuffs are gone. I pull myself out of bed and walk to the door, I pull on it but it seems to be locked from the outside. "Damon?" I call out. I don't understand, what is happening? I remember being sentenced to five years in prison and being taken out of the court by a guard. Why didn't I see who the guard was?
I retreat into the corner underneath the camera. I sit on the floor with the wall supporting me and I watch the door. How did someone manage to take me from that place with the prison guards around? Unless someone had help from a guard, maybe a corrupt one like Bulldog. I bring my knees up to my chest protecting myself. I will not lose myself this time, I don't want to be weak. I want to be how Stefan described, shining bright like a star. I want to stay fixed like he said I was. I can do this.
The door unlocks and Blake comes through the door, I get up with the protest of my side and I run towards him. "Blake, you saved me," I say and I run into his arms. He doesn't smell like Blake or feels like Blake. Nothing feels familiar, I pull away and look at this person. He has shaggy hair like Blake, blue eyes like Blake, he's the same build as Blake. He's just not my Blake, why does he look like Blake but he's not?
"Why the long face, Fatty?" I take a few steps back from this guy. He even talks like Blake, this is mindblowing. Am I dreaming? I punch him in the face and he clutches his face. "What the hell was that for?" I hold my hand because that hurt. It still hurts where I punched the wall in prison.
"Only Blake gets to call me that. What the hell is going on?" I hold my head am I losing my mind because it definitely feels that way.
"Oh chill out grumps, I am Blake, Emmie." He's like Blake in all ways he's just not my Blake. He's not my Blake the one that I love.
"I admit, you're good." I shrug, he's really good at pretending to be Blake but nothing can make me change my mind. He's not Blake.
"Of course I am. I'm the best." He winks at me. He's even vain like my Blake. I hope that I am dreaming but this is fucked up.
"Seriously you are creeping me out get out." I retreat to my corner, he doesn't follow he just laughs it off, like my Blake would.
"I will be back to train you." I hurt too much to train and I only want to train with my Blake. This makes me appreciate my pain in the ass Blake. I will never take him for granted ever again. I love everything he does even though it annoys me. Fake Blake heads out the door and I hear it locked behind him. I hold my head with my hands in my corner. I just don't understand I'm losing it. I hear the door go again but I don't lookup.
"Emmie, are you okay?" Hands are placed on my knees and I look up in horror. I push them off my knees and it's a fake Sully. What are they trying to do to me? He doesn't smell like Sully, I wouldn't be so horrified at his touch because I would have smelled him around me.
"Who are you?" I beg. He's not my Sully. He doesn't even look like Sully he's got pink hair but that's it. It's not even the right shade of pink. He doesn't have his kind eyes, his soft lips or his warm heart.
"I'm Sully." Am I really sick that I don't recognise my own family? I wish someone would explain this to me because I'm freaking out.
"No, you're not. What is going on here? Come on I can give you anything. I'm rich, anything you want it's yours just help me get out of this nightmare. I'm supposed to be in prison, I'll probably get a longer sentence for this. Please, help me."
"I can't help you, I'm sorry." Why? Is someone blackmailing him? I push my head back so it's resting on the wall this is too much.
"So you admit, you aren't Sully." My Sully would always protect me. Even if he didn't agree with it my desires came first. I remember when I was helping Damon and his gang to seduce Gab. Damon would have grabbed me before I went in that lift but Sully didn't know what to do and in the end, he granted my wishes.
"I didn't say that. I am, Sully. Why don't you have free rein of your house." My house? What the hell. Is this really my house? It looks the same but where are my real family? I nod maybe I can find a way out of here. He stands up and he holds his hand out to me. I ignore it and I slide myself up the wall wincing at the pain. He lets his hand fall and he walks out the door. I take a minute before I walk out. What will be waiting for me on the other side of this door? I force my body to move and I put one foot in front of the other. The hallway looks the same too. Everywhere is dark though because all windows are boarded up.
I head downstairs and I go to each window, in turn, to try and escape but they are all boarded well. Without tools, I'm never getting these open. I head for the front door and it's locked with a key I believe. Why? What does this gain? "Baby? What are you doing?" The hairs on my back stand up and I shiver. Is this supposed to be Damon?
I turn around and he has the same hairstyle shaggy and sandy copper coloured. This guy has blue eyes but not his blue eyes. He has bruising on and around his nose, it's old bruising but it's Damon's nose. Did this guy have a nose job to be like Damon? That is disturbing but nothing else is the same. "Who are you?"
"I'm your husband Emmie." I shake my head, no he's not my Damon. This guy is an imposter. I would know if it was Damon. I look at my left hand and my ring is still missing. I feel bare and disconnected from Damon. My Damon.
He comes towards me and I start punching his chest, "No you aren't." I continue to fight him and he grabs my wrists. He uses the back of his right hand and he uses his weight to backhand my face. I fall to the floor and he lets my wrist go. "Damon would never hit me," I whisper but he heard me. He grabs my wrist and pulls me to my feet.
He traps me with his body against the door, he strokes my face and I shut my eyes, "I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to but you did deserve it. Be good and I won't have to." Don't touch me, how does he know so much about my life?
"Please let me go," I beg. I need the real Damon to comfort me. I clench my fists trying to push the pain of him touching my face.
"What do you mean, let you go? You're home, baby. I'm just waiting for the missing piece of our family." I push my body against the door willing my body to evaporate through the door away from his touch. "Our daughter Emmie. That's the missing piece, I'm just waiting for Lils." Only Damon calls her that. I shove against his chest. He will not get his hands on Lilly. I won't allow it.
"If you touch my daughter I will kill you." I continue to hit his chest but he doesn't move and he grabs my hands.
"We both know you are capable." How does he know so much about my life? Who is he? What does he want from me?
"So you've been warned then," I snap. He grabs my hair and drags me up the stairs. I try to elbow him in the side but it doesn't do anything.
"Don't fucking threaten me, Emmie. You don't have the control here, I do." He drags me to the bedroom. He tosses me into the room and I fall to the floor. I cry out from the pain of my side. I hear the door slam and the door locks. This is torture, why don't I know this person? If he knows so much about my life then why don't I know him? Saying that he's had a nose job and change his appearance to look like Damon. I just need to look behind the hair and the nose and then I'll have my kidnapper. I pull myself to my hands and knees and I crawl over to my corner. I only hope that whoever is watching me can't see me under the camera in this corner. It must be some sort of night vision camera as it's dark in here.
Days pass whilst I'm stuck in this room on my own or at least I think it does. Fake Sully comes and goes offering me water and food but I always decline the food. Damon walks into the room for the first time since he put me in here. "Baby, I want you to shower and put something nice on. I've cooked you a meal," he seems very pleased with himself. "I'll see you downstairs," he leaves the bedroom door open once he leaves. I get up from my corner and I make my way to the bathroom. I haven't slept since I've been here. My brain is all mushed because I don't understand what's going on.
I undress and head into the shower. I didn't really care if I smelt but I guess he does whoever this fake Damon is. I'm not wanting food but I will do as I'm told for now. I get out the shower and I place a towel around me. I wish I was in prison at least I would know what was happening and what to expect. I head back into my bedroom and find some clothes. I open the wardrobe and some of these clothes look familiar. I grab a top and some jeans I inspect the top and it's mine. It has the same mark on it on the front, I'd accidentally spilt some wine on it and I was never able to get it out. I put on the top and black jeans, someone's been really invested in my life.
I finish dressing and I towel dry my hair, I don't bother brushing it because I don't care. I walk out the open bedroom door and down the stairs. Fake Damon is smartly dressed now and he is busy preparing a meal. I make my way to the table and chairs that he has laid out for us. "Sit, Baby," he says without looking at me. How did he know I was here?
I sit down and wait for his cues. He places dinner in front of me and I groan. How am I expected to eat all of this? He puts his plate down and he sits down. The candles are brightening the darkroom. Why does it have to be dark? I don't understand? I don't know anything anymore, "Eat," he says. I grab the fork and I start playing with the pasta. It's vegetarian but of course, it is. This guy knows everything about my life.
How am I supposed to eat when my stomach is in knots. "Who are you?" I ask again. I need to know who this guy is for real.
"Fuck sake, Emmie. Why must you ruin this moment? I'm your husband," he starts eating his food and I know he's not. "Eat or I will make you," his deadly eyes glare at me. His threat is real but I can't force myself to eat.
"I can't," I say and he drops his fork on his plate making me jump. He moves his chair next to mine. He snatches the fork from my hand and grabs my hair. He puts food on the fork and shoves the fork in my mouth.
"You need to eat and if I have to do it then so be it," he removes the fork from my mouth and he put his hand over my mouth so I have no choice but to chew and swallow my food. He continues to force-feed me until I can't eat anymore and I shake my head. "Had enough? Maybe you will think twice about not following my commands," he moves his chair back to where it was and he sits down. "Now, I wanted to ask you something. I need to know you love me for us to move forwards."
I don't understand? I don't love him, I love my Damon. He gets down on one knee in front of me. "Emmie, will you marry me. Again?" What? No!
"No, you aren't Damon." He grabs my hair again and he pushes me on the floor and he kicks me and I cry out. My side still hurts anyway. I hold my side and he lifts me to my feet.
He strokes my face, "I'm sorry okay? You just don't listen. I'm trying to give you the world, baby and you won't let me." I remember the real Damon telling me he wanted to give me the world. "Say you'll do it. Make me happy."
"No, I won't," he grabs my hair again and pulls me up the stairs. I don't bother fighting him off this time. He throws me in the room again and lay on the floor for a while to recover. I'm still holding on, I haven't broken yet. I pull myself up and head to the bathroom and I vomit into the toilet. All that food was too much for me to handle. Once my stomach is empty I flush the chain. I hear the door open and I hear heavy angry footsteps coming towards me and I get pushed to the floor.
"This is how you appreciate me, huh?" I get another blow to my abdomen and I scream. "Get up." I try to pull myself up and I groan. "Why would you do that to me?" I don't answer him because I know it wouldn't matter. "Brush your teeth now." I walk to the sink and I do as I'm told. He controls me more than Daddy did. My food thing never truly bothered him. Once I'm finished I return the brush in its pot. He grabs my hair and pushes me against the wall. His face inches from mine. "I love you, I've tried so hard with you. Why won't you give me anything back?" his lips claim mine and I shut my eyes. He kisses me aggressively and he groans.
I make no attempt to return his kiss and I bite his bottom lip. He pulls away and I see blood on his lip. He wipes it away with his thumb, his eyes always look angry so I'm unsure of his reaction.
He grabs my hand and takes me into the bedroom. "Get into your PJs and get into bed," he goes to the door and gets the key out of the outside of the door and he closes it from the inside and locks the door. "Do as your told," he growls. I walk to my wardrobe and I find some PJ's. I keep my back to him and I take off my jeans and top. I opt for clothes that cover as much skin as I can find. I slide my PJs on trying to forget the pain from my side. I keep my bra on because I feel safer that way. When I turn back around he's already in bed and he lifts the sheets up for me to get in.
I slowly walk over to the bed and slide in. I stay as close to the edge as I can, he presses his body on my back and he holds me. I close my eyes blocking out the pain. I can't handle fake Damon touching me. I lay like this for hours, I can't sleep like this. Once I know he's asleep I make my way into my corner. I curl up in my corner and rest my head on the wall.
I jolt awake when the door is slammed shut. I open my eyes and he's gone from the bed and from the room. I guess he's not happy, how did I fall asleep anyway? I shut my eyes and think about my family. How is Lilly? Is she coping okay with her drug issue? Do they know I'm missing or do they think I'm in prison? How long have I been in this place? Has Caleb and Thomas been recruited to the gang yet? Is Damon drinking because I'm not home? Is Sully looking after him? I end up drifting into an uneasy sleep again.
I stay in this room on my own for a long time. Days, weeks? With the odd company of Sully to keep me alive with water and the odd bit of food. I don't know, it's just another prison to me. The door opens and I have to squint my eyes to see who it is. "Get up fatty. Training starts." It's fake Blake again. I pull myself from the floor and walk to fake Blake. He leads me downstairs and into the games room which has now been refurbed into a gym. He throws me some boxing gloves and I put them on. He puts some on too. I haven't fought with real Blake like this. It's always been punch bag or focus mitts.
"Why is it always dark?" I ask. He punches me with the gloves on my face and I fall backwards slamming against the wall.
"Don't let your guard down fatty. Hold your hands up to your face." I do as I'm told and hold my hands to my face. Sometimes I can tell if it's daytime because light peers through the boards on the windows. He punches me in my bad ribs. They're definitely better but not fully healed. I cry out and clutch my side. He hits me again on my good side. I'm not even really doing anything, he's just doing all the hits. I take a deep breath and stand up straight and I uppercut him like my Blake taught me.
I don't want to be anyone's punchbag not anymore. I try to dodge his punches and I punch him when I have an opening. "You're learning quickly, fatty," he says whilst out of breath. No, I just remember what my Blake taught me. We carrying on for ages and I'm exhausted. "That will do for today, that was good. I'll let you stay down here if you behave." I shrug. I'm always good, I just don't like being controlled anymore. Daddy was the only one that had the right to do that. I take off my gloves and drop them on the floor. I explore each room, in turn, they are all exactly the same. How? I head into the living room and there is a bookcase that's not in my house. I examine it and it's not sitting flush against the wall.
I use my strength to try to move it and it's lighter than I thought. It swings open like a door behind are stairs that lead down. I close the bookcase behind me and I use my hands to feel where I'm going. I walk into a door and I hold my head, that hurt. I feel around for the handle and I push it open. I feel around the wall by the door. There must be a light somewhere, I find a switch and I flick it on. The light flashes on and I cover my eyes it's too bright. Once my eyes adjust somewhat I keep blinking because the light hurts my eyes.
It's a basement of some sort and I'm horrified at what my eyes are seeing. There is CCTV playing on a computer screen of this house. Mainly my room, this is creepy. I look at the walls and they are filled with photos. I start at the wall on the left examining each picture. They are all pictures of me. Some are from my earlier years when I was at school with Brody and Jessie. I carry on the wall looking at every picture. Lots of pictures of me sleeping mostly. Some of me happy, sad. Pictures of me at my wedding. If other people are in the picture their faces have been scratched out. Pictures of me holding Lilly when she was a baby. Picture of me in bed with Brody on the school camping trip.
There are hundreds of pictures here of my life and then his voice enters my head, 'Crazy for you, Emmie. I've got many photos of you, in every single picture you are beautiful. They've kept me company when I couldn't have you.' I shake my head. I thought he was going to be harmless. I know who this is. This is Mr D.
"Miss Salvatore." I snap my head towards the door and he stands in the doorway leaning against the door frame. I can't tell if he's pleased or annoyed. "So you found my big secret huh? Well, I'll give you a minute because once we head back upstairs I will be Damon again."
"You've followed me my whole life," I say in disgust. I always felt like I was being watched but that's my anxiety.
"Most of your life Emmie. Remember that you died or at least I thought you'd died." Oh yeah because that makes this any better.
"How did you do it? How did you get me here?" I always know the right questions in a crisis. Will he answer them?
"Emmie, you disappoint me. I'm everywhere, I'm part of you whether you like it or not. I was at the hearing and you never mentioned me in your testimony. That hurt, you didn't even see me in there, did you? The way it was Damon this, Damon that. Do you know how much that hurt me? Five years in prison Emmie."
"How, I don't understand? I didn't see you, I mean I didn't recognise you. You look really different."
"Emmie, I corrupted the jury. I paid them all off for them to give you a guilty verdict. That would give me a time window to take you for myself. You can't ever leave here because you'll be chucked in jail for being on the run." Does that mean I should have been free that day if he didn't do this to me? "Thanks to Doctor Romero I know everything about you. I know how your mind works and you now belong to me. I mean, of course, I'd prefer you to want me but I will settle for being Damon. Everything I've done for you, done to be here and you still don't appreciate it."
"I just want to go home Mr D. My real family need me." He comes towards me and slams me into the wall and his forearm pushes into my throat.
"I need you. I gave you Sully and Blake to make you happier. And I will give you Lilly, you just have to be patient."
"I don't want this. You aren't real, they aren't real. Did you hear nothing Stefan said? I only accept Damon's touch. An imposter isn't going to be the same. It took me a while for Sully to hold me. Someone impersonating him isn't going to change anything. I don't want them, I want my Damon, my Sully and my Blake. Not these strangers and I swear to god if you bring Lilly here I will kill you."
"I will wait, you will submit to me. I won't touch you until you want me to," he's deluded I will never want him to touch me.
Not ever.
He kisses me once more and I close my eyes. I would rather be beaten over and over in prison. He grabs the back of my neck and grips hard and he drags me up the stairs and all the way up into the bedroom where he throws me but this time I save myself from falling. He shuts the door and locks me in. How long will this torture last? I can't cope with much more of this. I'm still staying strong. I make my way to my corner and I shut my eyes.
I hear the door open and I'm sleepy. I must have fallen asleep. Sully sits and leans against the wall in front of me. I stay curled up, "Emmie, drink something." I take the water from him and drink the whole glass. I was thirsty.
"How long have I been in this place." I haven't been able to keep track of any time here. I get locked in here for days or weeks I never know.
"You've been out of prison in your home for two months." My heart stops, two months and Damon hasn't found me. He must have known by now that I'm not in prison. "Emmie, please eat something," he passes me a doughnut and I smile.
"You are like my Sully. I remember when he got me doughnuts," he smiles to me and I start to nibble on it.
"When you had cancer after you gave birth to the twins. You really wanted a doughnut so I got you one." No, it was my Sully. Not him.
"My Sully, not you." I continue to eat my doughnut whilst he watches me. He reaches up and strokes my cheek and for a second he feels like my Sully. His eyes have changed from before, they were cold and distant and now they are warm and loving.
"Why do you think I'm not Sully? I want to hold you but you won't let me." I shut my eyes blocking out his touch. "It's the touch thing right? You're beautiful, why can't you choose me over him?"
"You seem nice but my Sully made me feel safe. You let him hurt me, you don't protect me. My Sully would never let my Damon hurt me not that he ever would," he sighs and grabs my hand. Does he really like me behind the act?
"Nothing is as it seems Emmie. Does it not mean anything to you that I haven't hurt you?" What is he trying to tell me? I don't understand. I finish my doughnut and I move over and rest my head on his lap. I'm so tired and this wall hurts my neck. He strokes my hair and I fall asleep. When I wake he is gone. My mind is slipping, I know that. Things don't make any sense to me. I head to the bathroom and I have a shower, I'm so cold. I have no idea how long I've been in solitary for. I grab a towel once I'm done and wrap it around me and I look up and Damon is standing in front of me.
"You are so beautiful, baby." I smile, only Damon gets away with saying that to me. I know he loves me. He hugs me and I return the hug. I feel numb, I don't know what's happening. "I've got a surprise for you baby." He holds his hand out and I take it. I know Damon loves me, that's what I'm sure of right now. He leads me out into the bedroom and he releases my hand. He heads over to the wardrobe and hanging on the door is a dress bag. "I can't wait to see it on you, baby. You're going to look stunning." I don't understand, "Our wedding renewal, it's today. Isn't that great?"
I nod sure, he looks happy too. He smiles and leaves the room. Damon is happy, he wants to renew our vows. That means he still wants me and that's good right? My head is fuzzy. I don't understand anything right now. All I know is I love Damon and I need to make him happy. I head toward the bag and unzip the dress bag. I guess it's not too bad but it's not me at all. I grab my make up bag from the dresser and I apply my makeup. I need to hide these bruises because Damon won't like them. I towel dry my hair as much as I can and I brush it through. It won't take too long to dry as it's Spain.
I take the dress out of the bag and put it on the floor. I put on some underwear and the door clicks open. I'm so glad it's dark most of the time. Sully comes in and helps me into my dress. He does up the back and he turns me around and looks at me. "You really are beautiful, Emmie. Damon is a lucky guy," sadness reaches his voice and his face.
I reach up to his face and he closes his eyes. "Don't be sad Big Guy. I still love you." I hug him and he returns the hug.
"You love me?" he tests those words. Yes, I know I love Sully. I'm not sure of much else but I do know that.
"Yes, things are jumbled in my head right now and I don't understand them. But what I do know is that I know I love Sully. So, I love you but I've told you before. You are my best friend, I'll only want Damon and if you can't handle that then you should push me away because I know it's not fair on you."
He doesn't release me only pulls me tighter, "I don't want to push you away, Emmie." I release him and he holds his arm out to me.
"Well good because I need my best friend," he leads me downstairs and it's all set up for a wedding. Damon is waiting for me and I smile. He's here and I feel... Well, I want to say happy but all I feel is confused. Sully continues to lead me down the aisle and he places my hand in Damon's. I remember Danny giving me away before, I miss him. I look at up at Damon and he looks happy but I don't know how I feel. Flash backs of when I looked up at Damon on our first wedding, everything felt so right then. . .
Blake clears his throat, "We've come here today to witness the vow renewal of Emmie and Damon Rider. Damon would you like to start with your vows." Vows? I never thought about my vows what am I going to say?
"Emmie, when I first laid eyes on you I knew you were for me. I watched you through your hard times and your happy times. I've watched you glow and when you're happy I'm happy. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you. I hope we have a wonderful life together because I feel blessed to have you in my life. I'm going to support you through life, I will make you the happiest person alive. I love you, Emmie."
"Great speech, Emmie?" I look at Sully who is sat watching us. Where are our loved ones, they should be here? Do they not want to see me anymore? Sully is my constant and he's here. "Emmie," Blake growls. Yeah yeah okay, calm down.
I look at Damon trying to search for something but I don't know what, "I know I can be hard to manage and I am thankful every day that you stick by me. I want to make you happy and I just hope I'm enough for you because I couldn't imagine a life without you. I love you, Damon." Was that enough? Damon looks chuffed with it so I guess it was.
"Okay, can we have the rings please?" Blake says and Sully comes to us and holds the box open. "Damon if you grab your chosen ring for Emmie." He picks up the ring with his fingers, "If you would like to place it on Emmie's finger." I hold my left hand out and he slides the big ring on my finger, it's nothing like my other ring. I prefered my old one, "Emmie, if you select your ring to give to Damon." I put my left hand under Sully's hands and I look into his eyes. Why does everything feel wrong Sully? I don't know what is happening? He always looks sad these days and I don't know why. I take the ring from the box and remove my hand from Sully and he goes to sit back down.
I slide the ring onto Damon's finger and he holds my hands, "You may now kiss," Blake says. Damon grabs my face and kisses me. I get flashbacks to our original wedding where he was so desperate to kiss me, every touch, every gesture had my heart beating rapidly just for him. Now all I feel is confusion. Damon releases me and he lifts me up. I giggle and hold onto his neck, the amount of times Damon playfully picked me up but the one that comes to mind was after our honeymoon and he picked me up with Lilly in my arms to carry me over the threshold.
Damon heads for the stairs and I frown at Sully over Damon's shoulder, he's watching our every move. Why is he always watching me and always being sad? Damon carries me upstairs to our room. He kisses me and I kiss him back, he undoes my wedding dress and he lets it fall to the ground. He picks me up so my legs are around his middle. Flashbacks of us in the shower enter my mind. The way every touch sent my body over the edge, the way the water ricocheting on my skin made me more sensitive to his delicate touch.
He hovers over the bed and he lets us slowly sink into the bed, "You want this?" he says breathlessly. I nod, intimacy with Damon is all I crave. He grins and starts removing his clothes, I always crave intimacy with Damon and this reminds me of the time I had cancer and I begged him to have sex with me. He peels my panties off me and he is inside me and I gasp. This doesn't feel right but I don't know why. He is really rough with me, I don't ever remember a time when he was this hard or this demanding. I'm making little effort but he doesn't seem to mind. He grabs my hand and puts it on his back. Damon's never controlled me like this during sex. "Touch me," he begs breathlessly. I do as I'm told, "Tell me you love me, Emmie," he growls into my ear.
Damon never needed this before, what am I missing? "I love you, Damon," I say, I know I do but this isn't right. My head won't function properly.
Discomfort is all I feel. No magic touch, no fire inside me. Nothing but pain.
"Good girl," he growls and he finds his release. He pulls out of me and he turns me over onto my side and he holds me from behind. I've never had sex with Damon like that before. He loves me so it doesn't matter, does it? Skin on skin is suffocating. My whole body is stiff and I'm sure I'm shaking. Damon stays clutched to me for hours and I know he's sleeping. I get out of bed and I leave Damon sleeping. I get in the shower and I really scrub myself. I don't know what that was last night but for the first time ever Damon made me feel cheap and dirty. I'm sure he didn't mean to because he loves me. There has never been a time when Damon hasn't made me orgasm until now and I didn't even feel turned on. Everything about him normally ignites the fire inside me, his voice, his touch, his words. It doesn't fade this sickening feeling. I scrub for ages until my skin is sore. My bruises have nearly gone now and my ribs feel better but they are still tender. More bruises take their place though.
When I get out of the shower Damon is gone, I get dressed and I sit in my corner. I look up and Sully makes his way in. He sits next to me and he lifts his arm up, I curl up to his side and he sighs. "Drink Emmie." I take the glass from the floor and drink the water. He is the only one that's been able to get me to eat or drink recently. "I got you some pancakes. You like those." I grab the bag and I open them. This reminds me of two occasions one when I was in hospital with Damon and Danny in my earlier years and then the second, when I was in hospital with the guard and Lucas, he got his staff to get them for me. I clutch Sully tighter recalling that second memory. He holds me tighter too. "Did you have sex with Damon last night?"
"You've never asked me that before." I continue to eat my pancakes whilst clutching to his side. "I did because it was our wedding renewal night. He's my husband Sully, I like to make him happy."
"But did it make you happy, Emmie." I nibble on the pancake thinking about his question although it didn't sound like a question. I still don't see things clearly. I just don't understand.
"It doesn't matter how I feel. I don't understand my feelings at the moment. There are some things I know for sure and that's I love Damon and I love Sully. I get flashbacks of happier times when I was happy. Am I sick again Sully? I don't feel happy, what's wrong with me?"
"I'm here Emmie. I will look after you. I promise." I finish eating and I curl up on his lap again. When I wake he's gone again. How much time has passed? I am Emmie, that's a fact. Emmie is confused. The door opens and Damon ushers for me to join him. I follow him downstairs and into the living room. He puts the TV on and tells me to sit.
I haven't watched TV in a long time. He comes towards me and I flinch involuntary and he backhands me. "Don't do that, why must you ruin things?"
"I'm sorry Damon. Please forgive me," he sighs and pulls me with him to the couch. This reminds me of the time when Damon was furious with me about going to see Esme in prison and we watched Prison Break with Sully. My two favourite guys with me. Damon puts on a horror film and he lifts his arm so I curl up into his chest. We get about halfway into the horror movie and Damon grabs my face. He pulls my face to his and he moves my legs so my legs are either side of him. I'm sitting on his lap inches away from his face.
This reminds me of the time in his old house when I wanted to try something. Lay something to rest and he was so gentle with me but he encouraged me. His hands on my hips gave me all the confidence in the world but right here right now I feel awkward. I know I love Damon so that's not it, it's not that I've fallen out of love with him. Maybe he doesn't love me anymore, maybe that's it. He kisses my lips and grabs my hair and I gasp. He flips me onto my back on the sofa and he gets on top of me in one swift move.
"Wait," I push him off me for a second. He sits up and backhands me again, "Do you love me?" he frowns at me.
"Why would you ask that? Of course, I do, after everything I've done for you, you ask me that." I made him mad. This isn't good. I sit up so I'm inches from his face again.
"I'm sorry I ruin things. Please, kiss me," I beg. I crave Damon with every part of me but recently he hasn't touched the sides.
He doesn't hesitate and he pushes me back down and his lips claim mine once more. I let him control me once more and it's made me feel awful again. I really am broken now that I can't feel Damon's touch. I feel so trapped, I thought this feeling was history but I was wrong. When he's finished the film has finished. "Get dressed, Blake will be here soon for your training." I sigh. Blake hurts me when he trains me.
I do as I'm told and I head for the gym. I put on the gloves and I start punching the bag. I punch it over and over getting my frustration out. Things are making less and less sense. I'm Emmie and Emmie is confused. Emmie loves Damon and Emmie loves Sully. Emmie doesn't understand life right now.
Emmie wants to see Stefan.
Emmie needs to see Stefan.
When Blake arrives he puts his gloves on and he punches me and I fall to the floor. "Emmie, get up. Stop getting distracted." He seems more frustrated today like he's not in the mood. I get up and hold my hands to my face. He punches my side and I groan. He hits me again and again and I don't bother fighting back. Emmie is numb she's had enough. "Fight back, Emmie," he growls. He hits me again and I fall. He looks down at me for a moment and before I can react he gets on top of me and his face is inches from mine. "What are you doing, Fatty?"
"Emmie doesn't know anymore." I don't know my purpose in life anymore. I thought it was Damon and my kids but I haven't seen my kids in so long. To have Blake this close to me doesn't affect me. I feel numb, none of this feels like me.
He leans down and he kisses my lips I don't respond. Flashbacks come back of when Blake kissed me in the hospital. I punched him, twice, was that not enough of a rejection? He pulls away from me and pulls me to my feet. I take my gloves off and I leave the room and he doesn't follow me. I retreat to the corner in my room, this is my only safe place at the moment. More time passes, I used to wish that my life would end but I'm not that far gone yet.
Sully walks in and claims his usual place next to me and I take the water without being instructed. "How long has Emmie been here?" I say.
"Are you feeling okay Emmie?" I shrug Emmie knows nothing for sure anymore. "Since you've got out of prison it's been 5 months." I let my head fall into Sully's arm. Five months of torture, Emmie doesn't understand the meaning of life anymore. "I've got you, you can count on me," he lifts his arms so I fall into his chest. He pulls me into his chest and I put my hand underneath his shirt like I used to with Damon. I need to feel something that's real. It gives me flashbacks of when I was in the car with Sully and he sang Count on me by Bruno Mars. Every lyric was so real. He's always been there for me. I take the bag from the floor wondering what he's brought me this time. Chocolate spread sandwiches. So many memories but nothing makes sense. I drift asleep in Sully's arms and when I wake he's gone again.
Damon appears in the doorway. "Come on Baby." I get up and make my way to him. He takes my hand and he leads me downstairs. He stops in the kitchen with me, "How are you, beautiful wife?"
"Emmie is good," I say because that's what he wants to hear. He lifts me up onto the counter and he stands between my legs. This reminds me of the time in Damon's office when I begged him to have sex with me. I need to feel him, his touch made me feel everything would be okay.
"Is there anything you need to tell me, Emmie?" I shake my head. I don't understand, I've been in my room. He backhands me again and I fall off the counter. How is he so strong that he makes my fat ass fly across the room? "I saw you, Emmie."
"Emmie doesn't understand." I hold my hand out to protect myself but it's no use. He kicks me over and over. "Emmie loves Damon. Emmie's sorry." I try to reason with him but nothing works. He gets on top me and his face is deadly.
"You kissed Blake. How do you think that makes me feel? I saw you, Emmie," he holds my wrists really tight.
"No, he kissed Emmie. Emmie already punched him before to tell him she wasn't interested. Emmie only wants Damon." Tears fall from my face. It will always be Damon. Why is he doubting me? "Emmie is sorry." Damon sits up and grabs my legs and lifts me up off the floor so I have to cling to his neck. I wrap my legs around his waist. I don't like him being angry with me.
"I'm sorry Emmie, you just infuriate me," he heads up the stairs and then to the bedroom. "I want you all to myself. I don't like to share Emmie." I know and I don't want anyone other than Damon. Have I not made that clear? "You love me?" he says. I nod, he's Damon so yes a million times yes. "Take off my clothes," he places me on my feet and I squint my eyes. He's never requested this. He's encouraged when I wanted to do it but never demanded. I pull his shirt over his head and look at his abs. Well what little there are, he must have stopped working out. I remove his jeans and boxers. "Good girl. Your turn."
I stand motionless waiting for his commands, this isn't me but I don't understand. Emmie loves Damon, I am Emmie. Damon lays naked on the bed and I stand watching waiting for him. He raises his eyebrow demanding me to follow his request. This reminds me of the time with Rex. Never did I expect the day when Damon makes me remember Rex. I feel sick. I slowly with shaking hands remove my clothes watching Damon enjoy the show.
"Come here, baby," he holds his hand out I take it. He pulls me on top of him and eases me onto his erection and I gasp again.
Rex. . .
Rex when I was in his room and he wanted me to take him from on top on the chair. No this isn't me. Damon flexes his hips and I wince. "You said you loved me, Emmie. You aren't proving it." Stefan said I loved too much, I kiss Damon again and I make him happy and I'm left feeling deflated and dirty again.
The pounding the discomfort, Damon's dirty words in my ear is too much to bear. Treacherous tears escape my eyes. Why am I feeling this way about Damon? Once he's finished I curl up into a ball and try and remember why I loved Damon. Why I needed him all those times. Why I picked him over Sully, why I allow him to hurt me. Why is he the one when he causes me so much pain? Emmie hurts, she hurts really bad. Damon hurts Emmie. Emmie doesn't understand anything!