Fading Scars

Chapter 20

Emmie

I grow more confused with each passing day. What is real and what is fake? I don't even know the purpose of life anymore. I'm numb but I still want to be Stefan's little shining star, I know that much. Sully walks into the room and joins me in my corner. I sit between his legs and lean my head and back on his chest and I grab one of his hands and his fingers slide through mine. His other hand wraps around me. It's more comfortable than leaning on the wall all the time, "Sully, Emmie wants to know where her brother is. He doesn't normally stay away for this long."
Sully places his chin on my head, "I don't know Emmie," he's always sad so I'm always sad. He tries to comfort me but he can't if he's sad himself. He brings his knees up and I wrap my arms around each of his knees but I don't let go of his hand.
"Does he not love Emmie anymore?" I shift my weight slightly so I can look up at his face, "Did Emmie do something wrong?"
A tear falls from his face, "No Emmie, you didn't. None of this is on you." I tilt backwards more so I can reach up and touch his face. I remember doing this after he went missing. I wanted to touch every part of his face to never forget what he looked like.
"Why are you always so sad, Sully? Emmie doesn't like it when you're sad," he grabs my hand from his face and he kisses my hand.
"I will save you from this, I promise." I don't understand what he's saying? Save me from what? He strokes my hair and I fall asleep. It's the only time I sleep is when he's here. I never know how long I sleep for because every time I wake he's gone.
The door opens and it wakes me, "Come," Damon says and I get up and follow him. What does he want from me now? I always find I do something wrong and then he hits me and then I feel bad and beg him to kiss me and then I feel worse after. He sits me on the sofa and he sits next to me. "Do you want to leave me?" I shake my head, what sort of question is that? "Are you sure? If I opened that door would you run?" I shake my head again. Is this some sort of test?
"Damon, all Emmie wants, is you. Has Emmie done something wrong?" he kisses me briefly and then he looks at me. "Emmie misses things but as long as she has you that's enough for her."
He stands up and he backhands me again. I fall onto my side on the sofa. "After everything, I'm not enough for you, am I? I want to be your everything and you still miss your old life," he grabs my hair and he lobs me through the air so I tumble onto the floor.
"You are enough for Emmie. Please, Damon, Emmie loves you." He kicks me over and over. What am I doing wrong?
"Don't ever lie to me. You have to always tell me the truth. I don't like lies and I don't like sharing you." I curl up into a ball trying to protect myself.
"Emmie isn't lying to Damon. She does truly only want you." I whimper on the ground. What changed? It reminds me of the time when I was dying and he thought I was cheating on him. He never hurt me then, so why has he started now?
"You trust Sully more than me, I've seen you. You sleep against him, you take his food. Do you know how that makes me feel?" I don't understand? He's never objected to my connection to Sully before.
"Emmie is sorry. Emmie doesn't love Sully like she loves Damon. Only Damon can touch Emmie." What reassurances can I give him? His hand grabs my wrist and he pulls me to my feet.
"I know, I'm sorry Emmie. I just love you so much. You just make me insecure." I pull him towards me and I rest my head on his shoulder. I start to sob into his shoulder and he holds me tighter. I don't want to lose Damon because I make him insecure. What am I doing wrong? Sometimes in my dreams, I see Sully romantically but that's different. In my dreams I also kill him. It doesn't mean anything right? I don't know anything anymore. "I have something for you or something I want you to do for me." I look at him and I wipe away my tears. He places an important-looking bit of paper in front of me. "Will you sign it? It's just to officiate our vows." I shrug I guess so. I take the pen and I sign my name.
I'm starting to question everything, my love for Damon, my love for Sully and Blake. Their love for me, I'm questioning my life, my feelings, everything. Memories are jumbling around in my head and merging with these new feelings and my life now. Why is my life like this now? Damon grabs my face and he kisses me but it doesn't stop my tears. He takes me to my room and he removes my clothes. This used to fix me, but now I don't know. Tears silently fall down my face whilst I let him have his fill of me again. I feel like a zombie, I feel dead. Nothing feels real anymore, I know I'm not on my meds so maybe that's it.
I return to my corner once I've dressed myself. This is a vicious cycle that I can't stop. I rest my head whilst Damon sleeps in the bed. I think about every little detail trying to piece this confusing puzzle in my head but the more I think about it the more bewildered I get. Damon leaves the room a while later. I'm left alone with my own thoughts.
I don't feel like Emmie anymore does that mean I'm not her anymore? I don't know, I wish I could see Stefan he could help me. The door slams open and I clutch my head and start to rock, what does he want now? "Fuck, Emmie..." Damon says. His smell, I close my eyes. Am I in heaven? I look at him and he is holding a gun.
"Is Damon here to kill Emmie? What did she do wrong this time?" I close my eyes again and his hand's place over my face and I gasp. I haven't felt that feeling in a long time, that current.
"No, Emmie. I'm not going to hurt you, I've come to take you home." Is this another trick? I continue to rock with my eyes closed.
"Emmie is home, please Damon. You are enough for Emmie." I don't understand, what is this? I try to reassure him. I really do.
New hands find themselves on my knees. Another smell I haven't smelt in a long time, I look up and they are both looking at me with pain in their eyes, Damon and Sully. "What's wrong with her. Why is there a camera in here?" Sully says. I continue to look at their perfect faces, taking in every little detail.
"Damon watches Emmie. The room behind the bookcase," I mutter to myself. Both of their smells are intoxicating me. I shut my eyes again and I feel safe, I must be in heaven.
"What bookcase, Emmie?" Damon says. Why is he asking me where his room is? What is happening?
"The bookcase that doesn't belong in the living room." I reach up and I touch Damon's face and I gasp and withdraw. He grabs my left hand again and he places it back on his face. This touch is too intense, it's different. Sully grabs my right hand he puts it on his face and I gasp again. I try to withdraw my hands and but they don't let me. I feel at home now for the time in a long time. I'm confused. They release me and they stand.
"Dyno! Come watch Emmie whilst we check out this room. Go easy with her, she's not herself." Damon and Sully move out of the way and Dyno walks into the room.
"Fuck, she looks like shit," Dyno says but not his usual grumpy self genuinely concerned. Damon and Sully leave the room and I get up quickly and shut the door. The door always has to be shut, why didn't they shut the door? I retreat back to my corner. "Emmie?" Dyno says. He makes his way to me.
"Emmie hasn't seen a different face in a while." I reach up and touch his face, I must be dreaming. He lets me touch his face and I smile. This feels real but I'm still confused. "Are you real? Or am I dead?"
"Erm, Emmie you're alive and I am real," I continue to trace his face with my fingertips. "You're pretty," I mutter. The door clicks open and I look around Dyno to see the door and Damon and Sully walks back through.
"That was fucked up. I want the evidence and footage taken to the safe house." Damon heads towards me and he picks me up. That same smell again lingers in my nose and makes me sleepy. He takes me downstairs and everyone follows. "Time to get out of here baby." I shake my head, this must be a trick. I roll out of his hold and I fall to the floor. Ow, I run back up the stairs and I shut the bedroom door and I return to my corner. He's tricking me, this is a test of loyalty. The door opens moments later and I curl up into a ball. "Baby, what are you doing?"
"It's a trick, Damon's trying to trick Emmie to prove her loyalty. If Emmie gets tricked she will be punished." He picks me up again and I try to struggle.
"It's not a trick Emmie, I am Damon and I want to get you out of here. I'm not going to hurt you I promise." I shake my head but if he wants this then I'll roll with it.
"You always say you don't mean to hurt Emmie and then she does something wrong," he heads out of the bedroom and down the stairs.
"I hate what he's done to you. I won't hurt you, I promise." Can I believe him? He sounds like this is what he wants. I curl up to his chest, he opens the door and the light hurts my eyes.
"Stop. Please, it hurts Emmie's eyes." Damon shuts the door and he shifts his weight and he puts his hoodie over my head so I can't see. I'm masked completely by Damon's scent.
I hear the door clicking open, "Is that better baby?" I don't reopen my eyes just in case. I nod into his chest. "I'm taking you to see Lucas okay?"
"Emmie hasn't seen Lucas in a long time. Is Emmie allowed?" I don't want him getting annoyed with me.
"Of course baby, he's going to make you better." Damon slides into the car with me on his lap and Sully sits next to us with my feet on his lap. I seem to be able to tell it's Sully without looking. I don't understand why things are changing again.
"Is she going to be okay?" Sully says and he holds my legs with his hands. I feel safe for the first time in I don't know how long.
"I don't know mate, the fucking creep impersonated us. She doesn't know the difference between us. It's obvious he's beaten her pretending to be me." I put my hand under Damon's shirt and he gasps. "Shit Emmie," he puts his hand over mine but he keeps it there. His abs have miraculously come back.
"Did you start working out again? Last time Emmie touch Damon it was flat." I don't understand what is happening.
"Emmie? Did you have sex with me over these six months?" What is he trying to say? Why doesn't he know?
"Emmie is confused, do you not remember? Emmie thought she made Damon happy. Was it as bad for Damon as it was for Emmie? Emmie didn't feel right, are you mad? Emmie is confused so many mixed feelings."
"I'm going to fucking kill him." I freeze ready for the hit again but nothing comes, "I'm sorry baby, I won't hurt you. I'm not angry at you, I promise."
"Are you sure? You always hurt Emmie when you are mad and then Emmie has to make it up to Damon and then she feels dirty," he pulls me tighter towards him.
"Emmie, I'm sorry I didn't protect you. I've always had your back," Sully say I don't know what he means.
"Sully was always nice to Emmie. You gave me food and water, you held Emmie until she fell asleep. You were always so sad and it made Emmie sad. You never stopped him hitting Emmie though." I reach my free hand out to Sully and he takes it. Damon lifts me out of the car and my hand slides out of Sully's and he starts walking. "Emmie is so confused."
"I know baby, I know," Damon says. He stops walking, "page Doctor Grey, it's urgent. I'll be in her room." He carries me and then I'm placed on a bed. I get up and I walk blindly with his hoodie still on my head to a corner and I curl up against the wall. I still have Damon's hoodie over my head, it's all too bright.
"Emmie doesn't understand, this is all a trick. Damon will hurt you, Emmie. Emmie knows nothing anymore. I am Emmie, Emmie loves Damon and Emmie loves Sully. Emmie is confused."
"Damon, what is going on?" Lucas says, another different voice. It's music to my ears. I hold my hand out to him and seconds later his hand is in mine. "Emmie, what's wrong?"
"Lucas, Emmie hasn't seen you in a long time. Emmie is confused, nothing makes sense anymore."
"Well, you knew it was Ben Dudley that took her. He's been keeping her in a replica of our house. He was impersonating me and he had people impersonating Sully and Blake. She's covered in bruises, it's clear that he beat her pretending to me. She's scared of me Doc," Lucas strokes my head.
"Why has she got a hoodie over her head? Why is she in the corner?" I don't understand what they are saying they did this to me. "She's lost so much weight." I smile, that's a good thing, I still feel fat though.
"She freaked out when she saw the light, it's been dark in there. It's probably where she feels safe because that's where she's been hiding the last 6 months. She's been sitting underneath the CCTV. It's where she kept running back to."
"Lucas, is Damon tricking Emmie? Is this all a trick to test Emmie's loyalty? Emmie reassures him all the time. Emmie loves Damon that's all she knows. Nothing makes sense."
"Emmie, you are safe now. Ben Dudley did this to you, not Damon. They were just people that looked like them. It's going to take time to adjust Emmie. Have you been eating or sleeping?"
"Damon tried to get Emmie to eat, Emmie wasn't hungry so he grabbed her hair and started force-feeding her. He hurt Emmie a lot, Lucas, she never thought Damon would ever hurt her. He fed Emmie until it hurt her stomach so when she was tossed into the room, Emmie puked it up. He must have seen because he shoved her to the floor and kicked her over and over. It hurt her because her ribs were still sore. He ordered her to brush her teeth and Emmie obeyed. That was the first time Emmie didn't know what was going on. She didn't feel anything, nothing seemed right Lucas."
"I'd like you to lay on the bed so I can examine you. Will you do that?" I nod and he picks me up and puts me on the bed. "Sully, can you shut the blinds, please? Damon will you turn the main lights off?" I hear switches of lights and blinds rustling. "Emmie, I'm going to take the hoodie off your head okay? It's going to hurt but I need some light to see? I nod, I don't understand anything. He lifts the hoodie off and I grab it and hug it, the smell makes me feel safe. "I'm going to page Stefan and I will be back." I blink squinting my eyes, it really hurts. I watch him leave.
"Emmie, the kids really miss you. It's been six months." I curl up on my side facing the door, six months of what?
"Please Damon, not Lilly please don't take her. Emmie begs you," Tears form in my eyes, not my baby girl. I need to protect her.
"Emmie it was Ben Dudley, not me. Lilly is safe I promise." I place the hoodie back over my eyes, it really hurts.
"Emmie?" Stefan says. I hold my hand out and he takes it. He slides the hoodie down over my face so he can see my face, I squint my eyes trying to adjust to the light.
"Emmie doesn't understand Stefan. All Emmie knows is, I am Emmie and Emmie loves Damon and Emmie loves Sully. Emmie wants to be Stefan's shining star, is she?"
"Yes, Emmie you are still my shining star." I smile, I am still here. I stayed strong and I stayed shining for Stefan.
"What is wrong with her?" Damon says. Lucas examines me and I watch while he does it. I wince in pain now and again.
"I believe she's suffering from severe PTSD which is why she's speaking in third person. I'm going to start her on her meds again but it just looks like she needs sleep. Once she sleeps she will be able to process the real and the fake." I don't understand. "Emmie, how have you been?"
"Emmie has been good." I bring the hoodie to my nose so I can smell it some more. It's the only thing that's made me feel somewhat safe.
"Is that how you really feel or that's what he wants you to say?" I shrug I don't know anything anymore.
"Emmie is so confused Stefan nothing makes sense anymore. Emmie can't piece anything together, her head is hazy. Emmie is questioning everything, her love for Damon. Damon's love for Emmie. Nothing is clear anymore. It used to be black and white and now everything is grey."
"Why are you questioning everything Emmie? You need time to figure out what was fake and what's real."
"Emmie thought she loved Damon. When she really thinks about it she does love him but the touch thing is confusing. Emmie lets him touch her because it's Damon but it doesn't feel the same. No magical touch, he always hurts Emmie so that must mean he doesn't like her anymore right? But he seemed happy when they had sex. It's too confusing Stefan, Emmie kept getting flashbacks of memories and they kept merging into one."
"Emmie, that was Ben Dudley you probably did make him happy but he didn't make you happy because it wasn't Damon. You remember those memories because it reminded you of a happier time. The touch wasn't there because it wasn't him, Damon, give me your hand." Stefan places Damon's hand under my top and it makes me gasp. "But the touch is there now right?" I turn over on my back and Stefan removes his hand from Damon's wrist. "You need to establish what's real Emmie. The here and now is real, Damon is here. He is the only one that makes you feel that way when he touches you. Damon isn't going to hurt you and he never did." Damon goes to remove his hand but I grab his hand so he can't withdraw. I like this feeling, it makes me feel alive.
"What happens now?" Damon says. He doesn't take his eyes off me and I look into his eyes and they look breathtaking and passionate. Not like the eyes I've seen for a long time.
"She needs rest, I will keep her in overnight but she needs to be at home resting." I shake my head, no. "She needs to eat, look at her."
"No, Emmie doesn't want to go back. Please don't make her. Emmie is sorry, she loves you, Damon. Please Emmie won't run, she only wants you. But she can't go back there." He strokes my hair and I close my eyes.
"Emmie it's okay. You don't have to, I won't make you. Calm down," I pull him closer to me, although I see him hurting me he's also clouding my judgement. His smell and his presence are making me feel so safe. He lays on the bed with me and he holds me.
"You may find she will never want to go back. Some victims never want to return to where they suffered their trauma."
"But it's her home." No, my home is with you. Right here, right now. I'm safe for a while until I mess up again.
"Emmie, I'm going to give you a sedative to help you sleep. Okay?" I nod, I don't want to sleep but I'm already sleepy.
"Stefan, Emmie still doesn't want to die, she stayed strong like you knew she would. Is she still shining bright?"
"Yes Emmie, I'm proud of you. Despite everything, you stayed strong and that's brave Emmie. There would have been a time when you'd have given up." I smile into Damon's chest. I bring Damon's hoodie over my eyes and I shut them. I don't understand what is going on but for the first time in a long time I feel safe and I've seen different faces and different surroundings and that is a break in my hell. I drift to sleep where I feel home.
When I wake I'm curled up on the wall in the corner of the room as per usual. Was it all a dream when I went to see Lucas? Nothing is making any sense to me. What is real and what is fake? The door opens and Damon requests me again and I push myself to my feet. I thought I broke this vicious cycle but it was all a dream. When I reach downstairs the front door is open and I panic. He grabs my hair and throws me across the room and I slide across the lino flooring. "I know you've been through that door. I know you want to leave me. I'm never enough for you, you aren't loyal to me."
I put my arm out to protect myself from him, "Damon, please. Emmie loves you, she renewed our vows for you," he kicks me again and again and I scream out in pain.
"Emmie, wake up. Follow my voice." I sit up in shock and open my eyes breathing in and out. My eyes are so sore. "I'm here baby. You were dreaming." I look at Damon and I reach up and I touch his face.
"You look different," his face is different from my nightmares different from what I've been seeing.
"Yes, baby. Now I want to show you something. Something that might help you," he grabs my hand and I grip tight that same delicious feeling. He puts his phone in front of us. "I want you to know you are safe. I am Damon your husband and this picture is a photo of Ben Dudley who's been impersonating me. I want you to really look at the difference." I look at the photo and my heart starts racing that's Damon who hurt me. "Baby, now look at me," I prize my eyes off the phone and I look at Damon. They look similar so similar the same colour hair that same nose.
The eyes are different, I reach to his face and I trace his cheek and then to his nose, "You had a nose job to look like my husband."
I remember a memory of him, his nose was bruised. "You are slowly piecing things together, Ben Dudley had a nose job to impersonate me, your husband." I push the phone away from me, I don't want to see him anymore. I turn on my side so I can look at Damon, I'm still not one hundred percent sure on everything but this Damon right here makes me feel safe and he is blinding me with his beauty. "Emmie, you said that he made you renew vows."
"Yes, you wanted to renew our vows. Sully was always sad, I didn't know why. I didn't understand anything. I didn't know what vows to say as I didn't know what was happening but you seemed happy but I didn't know how to feel."
"You are talking in first person again. That was Ben Dudley Emmie." I hold my left hand out I show him the ring.
"I miss my old ring, Damon. The one that tied me to you. I had to take it off when I was arrested and then you gave me this one. It's not me Damon, does that make you angry?" I grab Damon's hand and slide it under my top again this grounds me to the here and now.
"I will get you your ring back baby, I promise. I didn't give you the ring Emmie, it was Ben Dudley. I'm not angry with you. I'm angry at him for what he did to you. I hate that you are scared of me." I slide the ring off my finger and I throw it across the room and he smiles at me. He's happy and I feel happy that makes a change instead it always being one-sided.
"Emmie, you look better." I turn my head and I smile and Lucas. I feel better, today seems clearer than yesterday but I still remember what happened.
"I feel better Lucas, I'm still confused but I feel more myself." I move my head back so I can look at Damon. He keeps his hand on my hip and I feel safer this way.
"You definitely sound better. Here are your meds," I hold my hand out and he places the cup in my hand. I don't look at him I just continue to stare at Damon's face. Lucas hands me some water and I take my tablets. Once I'm done I hand the glass back with the pot. "Emmie, will you eat something and then you can be discharged." I shake my head. I'm not ready to go back to the house. I feel safer here.
"Emmie, breathe it's okay. I'm here, we just want you to eat something, anything." I bury my head into his chest and try to match my breathing with his.
"Where's Sully? I want Sully and I want my brother. Am I allowed to call my brother? I don't want to go back there." Damon slides his phone into my hand.
"Baby, calm down. You can call your brother. Sully didn't want to freak you out, he's at home looking after the kids."
"He doesn't want to see me? Oh, okay." If someones been impersonating my best friend then I need to process that in a way that Damon is helping me process Damon and Ben Dudley in my head.
"Emmie, it's not that he doesn't want to see you. I'll call him for you." I press call on Danny's name and I hear it ring.
"Damon, is there any news on my sister?" I smile that he still cares, my loving brother. I've missed him so much.
"Danny, I miss you so much. I need to see you, I need to see another face that didn't hurt me." I hear him gasp on the phone.
"Bloody hell Sis, where are you? I'll come right over. Are you okay?" I look at Damon's beautiful face again.
"I'm at the hospital. I am so confused all the time, the doctors tell me it's going to take me some time. Can you do me a favour, please? I need you to get me some sunglasses, the darker the better."
"Umm okay, I won't be long. I'm so glad to hear you're back. See you in a bit." The line goes dead and I pass the phone back to Damon. He slides off the bed and he leaves me in bed.
"What do you want to eat Emmie?" I shake my head, no I can't handle food right now. "Emmie, you need to eat. You're severely malnourished, you need to build up your strength to process everything," Lucas says. "You've lost a scary amount of weight."
"Only Sully could get me to eat," I mutter and I bring Damon's hoodie closer my chest and I curl up into a ball.
"And Sully is on his way. So we don't have any issues do we?" Damon says. I have lots of issues that I don't understand.
"The room behind the bookcase. Real or not real." I ask, it lingers at the back of my head and it haunts my dreams.
"Real although it doesn't belong in our house it was Ben Dudley's hideout. He's in prison Emmie, we are building a case against him."
"I want it all destroyed, he followed me my whole life. Real or not real." I am slowly starting to process things but it's hard.
"Emmie, I can't destroy any evidence right now. It's going to help prosecute him for what he did to you. Real, he did follow you, baby."
"No, I don't want any more of my life on show in a courtroom. It was too hard last time." He holds my hand he feels warm.
"Emmie, we need him away from you. He needs to pay for what he did to you," he strokes my forehead with his free hand and I shut my eyes. "I would have prefered to have killed him but you would have been thrown back in jail."
"Why is it dark in here? Emmie?" Danny says. My brother is here, I don't move though but Damon steps away from me. "I brought you some glasses like you asked. What the hell happened, you look awful," he climbs on the bed and he lays in front of me so I can see him.
"I can't handle bright light anymore. Damon hurt me Danny, he hurt me more than anything. I stayed strong but I wasn't enough."
"What the fuck is she talking about Damon? Did you hurt my sister again?" Damon groans, is he angry with me?
"Danny, calm down, it wasn't me. Ben Dudley has kept her locked up in a house exactly like ours. He had people impersonating Sully, Blake and I. She's confused with her memories, she can't piece them together. She's been in the dark all this time. He beat her black and blue and she thinks it was me."
"Emmie, I'm here," I sit up and I climb off the bed to see Sully. I stop in front of him and I study his face. I shake my head, "Emmie, what's wrong?"
"They didn't get you right at all. This real or fake Sully? Danny, is he real or fake?" I need to hear it from someone who wasn't there.
"Real, Emmie. He's your best friend." I reach up and I touch his face and he closes his eyes. I slide my fingers through his hair.
"Blake looked real, Damon looked real ish but didn't feel real. But you, the hair was the wrong colour. You were sad all the time. You looked nothing like my Sully. I kept telling him he wasn't my Sully but he knew things and it confused me. Can you tell me something that only my Sully knows?"
He opens his eyes and I drop my hand, he slides his hand over my face and I close my eyes. "Your Sully knows how truly lucky he is to have a best friend like you and I wish I could take another bullet to prove that to you," he removes his hand from my face and grabs my hand. He lifts his top and he places my hand over his bullet wound from when he was shot in the lung for me. Tears fall down my face and he tries to wipe them away, "I brought you some pizza you going to share it with me?"
I nod and he grabs the box from the table and I grab his hand. I pull him over to the corner and he sits down, I sit between his legs. "Real or not real," I say to Sully. I always ate with Sully like this.
"Not real Emmie," he opens the box for me and I take a slice. I lean my weight on Sully and he grabs a slice for himself.
"What is she doing?" Danny says. I bite into the pizza and look at Danny and Damon. They look as confused as I feel.
"I guess it's how she used to eat with fake Sully. Maybe she feels more comfortable like that, who knows how Emmie's mind really works apart from Stefan," Damon says. I finish my slice of pizza and I tilt my head up so I can see Sully.
"You gave me doughnuts in hospital, real or not real." I smile at him, "You're happy, real or not real?"
"Real to both Emmie, I'm glad you are safe. Have another slice." I grab some more pizza. Sully puts his hands on my sides and starts poking my sides like he is examining my body. Damon and Danny cringes and I frown. I turn my body sideways and I wrap my arm around Sully and he stops his examination.
"Damon, where is fake Sully?" I continue to eat the margarita pizza that my best friend got for me.
"He's away from you. That's all that matters, you are safe." I feel safe but I need to know more. I need to piece things together.
"How did you find me, if I was in that place for six months how did you find me? Where was this house?" I'm looking at Sully eating pizza but I'm actually talking to Damon.
"Fake Sully came to find me. He said he couldn't see you suffer anymore and I'm so sorry Emmie. You were right next door. I should have known."
"Where is he, Damon?" Is he in prison like Ben Dudley? I finish my pizza and I curl up to Sully with both arms.
"He's at my safe house," I continue to look at Sully and I smile again. He glares and me and shakes his head at me, "What?" Damon asks.
"She wants to see fake me," See, fake Sully wouldn't know what I was thinking. "Emmie, can we get up now? My back hurts."
"You are not seeing him, no way. He hurt you, he made you suffer." I continue to look at Sully, he's glaring at me. It's nice to see a different emotion from Sully instead of sadness.
"I'm comfy. Sully never hurt me, he looked after me somewhat. He was the only way I could sleep but then I'd wake and he was gone. He said he loved me but he never kissed me. Blake did and then Damon hurt me for it."
"Emmie, I don't want you seeing him. Whether he gave me a tip-off or not it's not happening." I shut my eyes and rest my head on Sully's chest.
"Whether I go with or without you it doesn't bother me," I mutter and Sully's chest bounces up and down where he is laughing.
"Fine but it won't be on your own," I don't reply because I expect nothing less. Sully lifts me up and he walks over to the bed and places me on the bed and I clutch his shirt. No, I'm not ready yet, I'm sleepy. He slides in next to me and I curl up on his chest. I use my free hand to try to find Damon's hand and he places his hand in mine. I pull him towards me and he lays behind me and he holds me close. The here and now with the real Sully and the real Damon. Damon places his hand underneath my top and I gasp. He knows me so well, I close my eyes and I drift asleep.
I wake in the darkroom again and Damon opens the door, "Come on baby," I get to my feet and he takes my hand and he takes me down the stairs. He sits me on the sofa and I wait for him to say something. "Where is your ring?" I look at my ring hand and there is nothing there. "Did you forget we got married? Or does it mean nothing to you?"
"I'm sorry Damon. I do, love you I promise," he grabs my hair and I call out in pain. He kisses me and I don't feel anything. I remember feeling like I should, something's missing.
"Good girl," he continues to pull my hair and he kisses me again. I try to remove his hand from my hair.
"Ow, Damon you're hurting me. I'm sorry," he pushes me so I'm laying on my back on the sofa.
"Emmie, wake up." My eyes fly open, these dreams feel too real. I don't know what was real and what I'm making up in my head. Sully has disappeared but Damon is with me.
"You like to hurt me when you kiss me. Real or not real," he puts his hand under my top again and he presses his forehead against mine.
"Not real, I don't ever want to hurt you," his lips find mine and they are so soft and gentle. I want more but we are still in hospital. I haven't wanted more for a long time. "Can I take you home now?"
"No, I want to see fake Sully and then I want to go to the mall." I miss his lips on mine, in fact I miss his lips on my body.
"Fine and then home?" I shrug, I guess. He gets up and he pulls me into his arms. I look around the room and everyone has gone. I bring his hoodie with me and Damon places my sunglasses on. Damon starts walking out the room.
I place the hoodie over my face even though I don't need to. It's more of a security blanket than anything else. He places me in the car and I hear him get in his side. He starts the engine and he drives away. He touches my leg and I flinch. I'm glad I didn't see the pain on his face because I know he would be sad. He turns the radio on and I hold my ears it's too loud. I feel around the controls and I turn it down. I used to love loud music and now it hurts.
I sit listening to the radio until everything goes quiet. The car door opens and then mine opens and I jump away from the door, "It's okay baby, I got you." I let him carry me again and he walks for a while and then he stops, I hear beeping and then a door clicks open. He starts walking and I hear the door slam and I finch again. He puts his nose on my head and I try to relax a little bit.
He stops and he puts me on my feet, he puts his hands on my shoulder and a hand slides through my fingers. I take a deep breath and a door opens. I'm pushed slowly into the room, Damon removes his hoodie from my head and I squint, it's dark in here. I slide the glasses onto the top of my head. I look to my right and I see Sully who's holding my hand. I look in front of me and I see Sully too. Which one is real? I walk closer to the Sully in front of me. I kneel down in front of this Sully and the one holding my hand kneels too.
I look at the one in front and then I look to my right. I put my hand on this Sully's face on my right. "Real Sully?" I whisper and he smiles and nods at me. I look at fake Sully and he's still sad.
I let my hand slide out of my Sully's hand and I crawl towards fake Sully. I crawl between his legs and he lets me curl up in my usual position.
"Emmie..." Damon warns. Fake Sully wraps his arms around me and I let him. I don't know why, I guess he comforted me somewhat.
"What is your name?" I whisper to fake Sully. I'm glad to see Damon hasn't hurt him yet because he doesn't deserve it.
"Hugo Dudley." I shake my head, what? How is he related to Ben Dudley? "Mateo and I are Ben's brothers. I am so sorry he made me do it, I wish I saved you sooner."
"Why didn't you tell me that sooner?" Damon growls and I flinch, "Emmie, I'm sorry. I'm not going to hurt you."
"You locked me up, I deserve it but I'll tell Emmie anything." I hold my hand up and he slides his fingers through mine.
"Stop touching my wife," he shouts and I hold his tighter, "I'm never going to get used to you being scared of me. I need a minute." Damon walks out of the room. I don't understand, part of me, a strong part wants to run after him and the other part I want to run away.
"Sully," I say and they both answer automatically. "My Sully, real Sully. I don't want you to let Damon hurt him. I want him to be free."
"Emmie, it's not that easy. What if he's like his brother? He could hurt you," I shake my head, he won't hurt me.
"Promise me he won't be hurt," I look at my Sully and I give him my puppy dog eyes. I know he can't resist them.
"Fine, whatever Emmie. You are so frustrating sometimes." I smile and I get to my feet and I walk away from fake Sully. I slide my glasses over my eyes and I walk upstairs. I don't know where Damon is but I need a shower before I go to the mall. I head to the bedroom where memories come flooding back. I loved him even then. I walk into the bathroom but I don't turn the light on. I strip and take the glasses off and I head into the shower. I feel around to turn it on and I feel the hot water on my skin. It feels so good, relaxing my muscles. I was colder than I realised.
I wash quickly because I don't enjoy the showers like I used to. I'm always conscious someone is watching me. I feel around for a towel and I head into the bedroom. I find something to wear and I dress. Once I'm dressed I curl up on the bed and remember those sweet memories. I close my eyes and I remember Damon topless in bed. I touched his abs and he was awake all along. "Baby?" Damon says and I open my eyes. He's watching me and I grab his hand and pull him on top of me.
"You are really rough with me with sex real or not real," he sits up and he looks disgusted. I'm trying to piece things together.
"Not fucking real Emmie," he tries to get off me but I try to pull him towards me and he doesn't put up a fight. He kisses me and I kiss him back, I gasp and I tilt my hips up to meet him. I pull him harder against me and I start to breathe heavily and so does Damon. I pull his shirt off and he sits up for a minute I sit up too.
"What the fuck is that?" I whisper. On his chest in black writing is Emmie tattooed onto him. I shove him but he doesn't move. "What the fuck did you do?"
He takes my hand and he places it over his tattoo and I can feel his heart beating, "When you were missing I needed you close. Close to my heart Emmie."
"No, get a fucking picture or something. Not a tattoo it's too..." I can't find the words. Why would he do this?
"Too what Emmie? Permanent? How many times? I only want you." I put my forehead on his chest.
"You say that now but what if one day you think I'm not enough for you. What then?" he pushes my head away from his chest so he can see my face.
"It's never going to happen Emmie. I love you so fucking much, I hate what they did to you. Seeing you in that courtroom broke me. To hear from Stefan how you felt about everything and then you got your verdict and I couldn't hold you. I only want you, Emmie." I pull him towards me and our lips collide. I fall back into the bed and he follows my every move.
"Please," I beg. He pulls my top off over my head and he kisses my neck and I gasp. Every touch, every kiss is making me feel. This is something I know, this connection between us. This is real. He removes our clothes and he's inside me and I scream.
"Shit, are you okay?" he stops immediately and I try to gather my thoughts. Am I okay? I think I am.
"I don't know, I guess I'm sore. Please don't stop, just take it slow," he looks at me for a while trying to process and he does as I ask and tears start to fall down my face.
"Baby, don't cry. Do you want me to stop?" I shake my head, he's making me feel. How could I let Ben Dudley touch me like this? I grab Damon's hand and I put it on my side. I don't know why this helps but it does. It brings me to the here and now.
"I'm scared, Damon. Tell me it will all be okay. Please," he gets off the bed and he places my back against the wall.
"Everything is going to be just fine baby. I love you Mi Chica Bella." I gasp, I haven't heard him say that in a long time. I clutch my legs around his waist.
"I haven't heard that in a long time." Damon kisses my neck again and I tilt my head back. This feels better, I feel more protected like this.
"That's because it's my name for you," he starts a sweet delicious rhythm and I start to relax letting my husband heal me. My Damon, not the fake one that hurts me. Every thrust of his hips, every sweet touch of his lips on my body is healing me. I feel it building inside me, intimacy with Damon. The fire in my body is burning me, it's a comfort to me. To finally feel this passion.
Why didn't I see this before? He fills every inch of me, reclaiming me as his. I don't feel so dirty anymore. No amount of scrubbing in the shower helped but Damon does. I find my release and Damon does too, growling my name. "I've fucking missed you." Damon whispers into my neck.
"Thank you," I whisper into his ear clutching his head and neck. I don't feel cheap or dirty, I feel loved by my husband.
"For what?" he brings me to the floor and I lay on top of him whilst he has his back to the floor. I smile and stroke his hair back over and over.
"I didn't understand but I'm starting to. Whenever we... well after it was awful. I felt cheap and dirty. I felt nothing just waiting for it to stop but you. This is how I remember what's real and what's not. Every little touch sends me into sheer bliss. Well, it's hard to explain but you make me feel so much and sometimes it's overwhelming."
"Did he ever force you to do it?" I shake my head. Well not like some have, he technically had my consent.
"Yes and no. I remember when I found the room he said he wasn't going to touch me unless I wanted him too if I begged him. I knew what was going on then I said I never would and then things started to get confusing. My memories and my feelings were getting jumbled. I felt like I should because he's Damon. I didn't understand, if he kissed me he liked to hurt me and when we had sex he was also so rough. Memories came flooding through in those times, it gave me comfort but it also made me believe it was all real."
"Oh baby, I won't let anyone hurt you ever again. Did you want to go to the mall now?" I nod. I get off his chest and I dress. I don't feel like I need to shield away from him anymore. I find my glasses in the bathroom and I slide them on. When I return Damon is ready, he holds his hand out to me and we head to the mall.