He Was a Friend

/56/ She confessed. /

Eric took a deep breath and sighed in front of her. She can smell a bit of the alcohol they just drank, as well as feel the hot air coming from his mouth as he spoke — given how near their faces are.

"I'm not dreaming right? I didn't drink that much either to imagine this much," he asked in a very serious tone, his voice trembling a bit.

"You're not dreaming, stupid," she pouted. She looked at the confused eyes of this man, her man, and realized he deserve a much more detailed explanation.

He was caught off guard when she suddenly flung her arms around his shoulders and hugged him closer as she rested her chin on his right shoulder.

He was frozen stiff, obviously not knowing what to do or how to deal with her.

He's so cute, she chuckled.

"It seems like you won't believe me until I expound everything, so listen carefully. Because I won't be able to repeat saying these... kind of stuff. And don't move. Okay?"

She had his head locked in her arms, so she felt how he nodded twice, not saying anything – more like, speechless.

He's sooo cute.

"I've been with you for as long as I can remember. Yes, you have been so protective of me, and I did complain about it every time. But actually, deep down, I was touched. I was touched on how you always get to joke around all other things and make me happy, yet on those things which concerns my safety or well-being, you get all serious and scold me without fail," she started with a trembling voice.

Urgh. So confessing makes your heart beat crazy like this. I bet he can feel my heart thumping when I'm hugging him like this.

"I was also... culture shocked when we went to different universities. Like you were, I... didn't know that it's possible that we wouldn't see each other every day. I had a hard time adjusting. But I didn't give it any other meaning, thinking it was just because I have gotten used to your presence so much," she continued.

She felt his heart beating faster than before, too – matching hers.

"I met Art there, but honestly, from that point, until now, I... really think of him only as a good friend, that I luckily have. My feelings for him was sincerely pure, without malice. He's been such a good friend that I got shocked when he suddenly turned into a lover candidate, and him being someone I care about so much – I really didn't know what to do with him until recently."

She heard him heaved a deep sigh. It seemed like he forgot to breath and was only remembering it now. She also took a deep breath before continuing.

"But when you confessed to me," she muttered softly, while clearing her throat. "It was on a whole other level. Unlike my feelings for Art which can only be black or white, I realized that my feelings for you... has been gray all along," she added, while biting her lip. "I panicked. I wasn't ready for the burst of emotions I was hiding within me. And when I saw Martha, I remember that one time that I saw you all heart-broken. You don't know how you also made me heart-broken seeing you like that back then."

He flinched as if he wanted to say something, but she hugged him tighter as if to say, "Don't speak. Let me finish." He didn't say anything, but both his arms circled around her waist and hugged her back as a response. That action of his pushed her to continue further.

I can do this. He deserves this much, Lou.

"That time in Yurakucho," she said. "Do you remember when I said something about, almost doing something related to the Martha topic?"

She felt his head nodded twice, softly.

"What I meant to say then, was," she continued, blushing more and more as she gets to the point. "I almost told you then... to forget her and let me take care of you instead."

She felt Eric's hug tightening in her waist so tight that she almost gasped for air. His head filled the space between her right shoulders and neck, as if it found its home. Her tears flowed as she felt her neck getting wet with tears definitely not coming from her.

Oh God, Eric...

"I care so much for you. I hate it when you're hurt, I love it when you're happy. I get scared not seeing you, wondering if you're okay. I got so much used to having you in my life, that I forgot to lock your existence with mine. I looked all over everywhere I can look for, not realizing I had you by my side all along... after all these time."

She released his head from her hug, and cupped his wet face with her hands. He was staring at her with reddened eyes, with firmed jaw, as if it's taking all of him to not say anything back at this point.

"I love you so much, that I can't breath," she chuckled lovingly, with her cheeks, nose and ears so flushed that she looked like a tomato.