Are you gonna be my Los(v)er?/ Reddie

Trying

Eddie POV

I followed Beverly into the hospital and felt how my eyes were still burning like hell from crying.
The girl walked fast and somehow enthusiastic upstairs, pulling me after her even though I wanted nothing more than break down and scream everything out.

We arrived after a few minutes at Richie's room and I knocked softly, hearing a little 'come inside' and walked with the red headed girl into the room, directly to the boy, my boy.
''Hey Eds.'' He smiled sadly a I felt how the tears came up in my eyes again.
''You know how I hate it when you call me that.'' I smiled back with tears in my eyes because of what Richie laid his hand on my cheek and looked me into my eyes.
''Don't cry, I love you, don't forget that ever. Okay?''

I just nodded and felt how someone, Bev, pinched me on my arm and how Richie winced and put his hand on the same place but on his arm and I wasn't able to believe my eyes.
''What--?'' I asked and Beverly nodded, knowing she was comepletely right. Well that's what her face said.
''I knew it!'' She almost shouted and Richie and me looked at each other carefully.
''This can't even be possible, not at all! But somehow it is!'' The girl continued and I raised my hand to stop her.
''What are you talking about?''
''You guys are soulmates but at the same time one of you has to die and that's not gonna work-sorry for saying it like that- but it's the truth.'' She sighed and I felt how I became a bright headache.
''Can we save everything somehow?'' Richie suddenly asked and I looked back at him, new hope in his warm brown eyes.
''I don't know but we'll try, right guys?'' Bev grinned, trying to lift up the mood but I just felt numb.

What if nothing's gonna work? What if I lose him?! When I'm his soulmate, does that mean I'll die when he dies? Shit we need to find a way! I can't live without him to be honest..

''How are we supposed to save the situation?'' I sighed, not feeling the same hope like the, as it seemed, love of my life.
''I'll try my best Eddie. I promise it with my life okay? Just don't give up yet.'' Beverly looked down at the floor before she shortly nodded at Richie and left the room for giving us time alone.
''Now I can't even die for you.'' Richie groaned but winced at the same time like me when he hit his head on the edge of the bed.
''You aren't supposed to die for me Rich..'' I looked down but felt how he was looking at me.
''I tried everything for doing that, I would go through hell for you Eddie and now? Now when I die you die too.'' I finally looked up at Rich when he said those words which somehow hurt me deeper than they should have.
''What- what do you mean?'' I stuttered a bit, scared of the answer.
''It'd be easier if I could just die without pulling you with me.''
''No!''
''Yes. I stand by that.''
''You can't just say that?!''
''I think you can see how I do that.''
''I- I'm sorry.'' I felt how the tears were almost running down my cheeks and so I ran with them, out of the room, the hospital, away from my mind.

Before all of this happened, before feelings joined the chat, I'd have never thought I'd be that scared.
It was like someone would punch you every day in your face, your stomach and especially your heart. I know that wasn't physically and logically possible.
It's just like everything would stand against a chance or luck, I had once everything i ever wanted, yes Richie was all I wanted, and now some weird force tries to take that away?!
That's not fair!

I will find a way to end all of that.
I would rather break contact to everyone and get tortured than seeing Richie dying and/or suffering.

I'm sorry.
I have to find a way.