Beneath What it Seems

Kabanata 17

Napindot

"It's over."

Lumukot ang mukha nila.

"What? What do you mean?" Zoe asked.

"We can never be friends." I said with finality.

Nasa cafeteria kami ngayon at bigla nilang naitanong kung bakit panay na ang sabay ko sa kanila kumain nitong mga nakaraang araw. Napagtanto kong ito na rin marahil ang tamang oras para malaman din naman nila.

After several nights of crying, days of spacing out, times of questioning my self worth, and many other more depressing moments, I've come to slowly realize a lot of things.

Ridge, from the very start, got some really nasty impression of me. Maybe the previous connection of his friend, Arden, with me and my friends contributed. Plus the first time they caught us at the back of PR Hall. It was obvious with the way he looked at me before. He thinks of me as someone with nothing better to do in life. So when I started making advances in hopes of having him as a friend, he thought I was playing with him.

That's how lowly he thinks of me.

It fucking hurts alright.

Especially when I realized in the middle of those sleepless nights that I like him. I knew something's odd when I started feeling giddy around him. All those messed up emotions when I'm about to see him. I definitely like him. That's how I want to look at it atleast. I'm afraid to consider it as something deeper than that.

It's my first time feeling this way and it just have to turn out like that. How disappointing.

But no, I'll never force myself to someone who clearly showed how much he despises me.

In the little time we had with each other, I know I already made him feel how he means to me. He might have had the wrong ideas but he didn't even bother giving me a chance to explain. He concluded things on his own.

And that's on him already. Not on me.

This whole 'getting over him and the moments we shared together' phase had been destructive to me, I must say. I have to get used on not waking up extra early for a jog. Avoiding protein shakes because it reminds me of him. It even hurts to look at the coffee shop we used to go to. It wasn't easy. It was far from that.

But I'm continuously hoping, that in time, I would heal.

My entire freshman year feels uneventful after that. Nothing much really excites me. The second sem is almost over and all I could think of was how thankful I am because I can finally get away from the campus.

Sure, we don't really pass by each other at this huge university but there's just so many memories in there and having a break from the sight of it all is something I look forward too.

"Where are you guys staying for vacation?" Zoe asked.

"Bahay," Ava said.

"Paris again, I guess," Quinn shrugged.

They looked at me. I sighed.

"Not sure yet. But Mom and Dad's planning of just going to a local beach this year," I said with no sense of enthusiasm.

Zoe then stated that they'll just be flying somewhere Asian for now.

Nang sumapit ang Mayo ay natuloy kami ng pamilya kong mag-beach. We went to El Nido and I must admit that the entire trip made me forget the unwanted thoughts.

"Dear, isa pa please? You look so hot in your swimwear eh, mana ka sakin!" Mom laughed while urging me to take more photos.

She actually majored in photography back then so her shots were undeniably from a pro.

I was smiling while picking the best ones and uploaded it on my instagram.

Pang-anim na araw na namin dito ngayon at parang saka pa lang rumerehistro sakin ang pagod. Bukas na rin naman ang uwi namin kaya ayos lang. Tinutuyo ko ang buhok gamit ang towel para sana makatulog na. Lumapit ako sa kama at kinuha ang cellphone para mag-check ng notifications.

Kumunot ang noo ko sa pinaka-recent na pumasok doon.

Ridge Asterio liked your photo.

My heart betrayed me and immediately raced from what I saw.

My hand was almost shaking when I clicked my photo to confirm if it is really true.

I browsed through the list of the people who reacted on my photo while trying to find his name.

But it was not there.

My forehead creased.

What was that?