Please Don't Go

CHAPTER 8

    "Lilliana?" Cole's voice was so gentle.

     "Cole... I thought you died?" He cupped my face in his hands.

     "No darling. It was all just a bad dream. Don't worry about it."

     But was it? It all felt so real? I heard someone calling my name. Almost like a whisper. It got louder and louder. I blinked open my eyes to see James standing next to me.

     "James?" Wasn't I just with Cole? Then it all started flooding back to me. The phone call, the surgery, and Coles lifeless body on the table. "He's... dead. Isn't he?" Tears started falling down my cheeks.

     "...yes. Cole is gone." Tears were forming in the corners of his eyes. I started sobbing uncontrollably.

     This is all your fault Lilliana. If you hadn't taken his bed, he wouldn't have to leave later than you. If you would've convinced that you rode together, he wouldn't be dead. If you didn't do the surgery, he would still be here.

     I blamed myself for it all.

     "I killed him." I whispered.

     "No! Lilliana you didn't. None of this is your fault." He went to hold my hand but I swatted his hands away. I didn't want to be touched.

     "YES I DID! I agreed to do the surgery even though I've never done one. I took the shard out. I wasn't good enough. I killed him." I felt like someone had ripped my heart out.

     Cole was the love of my life and I had just killed him.

     "Lilliana, you did everything you could. You-

     "SHUT UP!" I want to be alone. Please." I couldn't look him in the eyes. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

     It should've been me. I should've been the one to die. Cole has a family that needs him. I don't. 

     All the memories of Cole and I just flooded my thoughts. The time when he shoved ice cream in my face, and peanut butter too. When we went to the amusement park and he threw up on some dudes shoes.

     I time he tried to make pancakes but burnt them. How I would catch him staring at me. Cole was my world, so why was he taken from me? Why did I kill him? I'm a doctor, I'm supposed to save people, but instead I killed someone. The love of my life.

What have I done? The tears wouldn't stop. I curled my legs close to my chest, trying to make myself as small as I felt. I cried myself to sleep.

A FEW HOURS LATER

I woke up to the sound of people shouting.

"WHERE IS SHE?" It was Mr. Russo.

I heard James' voice but I couldn't figure out what he was saying. I got up and headed to the door. My legs were a little shaky, but I wanted to know what was going on.

When I opened the door, all heads turned my way. The minute Mr. Russo saw me, he glared at me. He bolted towards me and started choking me.

"YOU KILLED HIM! YOU KILLED MY SON!" I couldn't breathe. James and Mrs. Russo were trying to get him off me, but he was too strong.

He bashed my head into the door.

"YOU SHOULD BE THE ONE DEAD! NOT MY BOY! YOU FUCKING KILLED HIM!" Tears rolled down my cheeks. If he held on any longer, I would pass out.

James had gotten more people to get him off me. After having to pry him off me, he let go. I fell to the ground gasping for air. I looked up at him, my sight was blurry from the tears.

Mrs. Russo rushed to my side.

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU ANDRÉ!?" You could've killed her!" She was distraught.

"She killed my boy. She deserved it. " I never thought a man like Mr. Russo would be capable of crying like he was at this moment. He held onto James as if he was his only hope.

"André," Mrs. Russo's voice was gentle. "It's not her fault. She did everything she could. Please don't blame her. Remember what Cole told us." She looked him in the eyes as if they were talking to each other with their minds.

He sighed. He walked over to me. I tried to back up but the door was right behind me. I looked around trying to find a safe spot, but it was too late. He was standing right in front of me.

He unexpectedly held out his hand.

"Let me help you up." I hesitated

"I'm sorry Lilliana. I should've never treated you like that. You are grieving too." I could tell he meant it. I slipped my hand into his and he pulled me off the ground. He pulled me into a hug.

He smelled like Cole. I sobbed into his chest. He held me tighter.

"I'm so sorry Lilliana." Mrs. Russo came over and joined in on the hug.

"Lilliana, we will always be here for you." Mrs. Russo was so kind. We stayed like that for a few minutes until the sound of my growling stomach interrupted us. I forgot I haven't eaten since lunch.

"Let's go get some food." I may have been hungry, but I didn't even want to think about eating.

"I don't know if I can."

"Dearie, you should eat. You've had a long day and your body is drained. Please eat just a little something." I couldn't argue with her. I nodded and we started for the cafeteria.

     "If you want," James started. "I could go get you guys something? My shift is over so I can go get some fast food?" James was so kind.

     "Are you sure?" He too was grieving, I didn't want to make him do too much.

     "Yeah. And please, don't worry about paying me, it's fine."

     "Thank you James... and I'm sorry about earlier... I didn't mean to be a jerk, I was just... so distraught."

     "I know. That's why I don't hold you against it." He walked away.

     I hated having to rely on James. He was struggling too and I felt like I expected too much out of him. I was taking advantage of everyone it seemed.

     Coles parents were pitting me when they just lost their only child and James was doing favors after loosing a life long friend. I didn't deserve them. I was nothing but a burden.

    Mr and Mrs Russo and I all went back to my room. It was an awkward silence waiting for James. Even though he said he didn't mean it, I still felt like Mr. Russo blamed me for Coles death. Heck, I still blamed me.

     After what seemed like hours, James brought food. I didn't think I would be able to eat, but the minute I smelled food, I was drooling. I inhaled my food. Both Sandwiches and my fries. I almost forgot everyone in the room with me until James spoke.

     "Um, well right before Cole... passed," he was choosing his words carefully. "he asked me to relay a message to all of you. First, he wanted you all to know how much he loved you. Second, he knew his things would need to be gone through... he asked that Lilliana does it."

     What?

     "I'm sorry, but shouldn't it be his FAMILY to go through his things?" Mr. Russo was angry again.

     "I'm just saying what Cole asked. I don't know why, but he wanted Lilliana to do it." He turned towards me. "So whenever you would like, you have the key. He asked that you went through everything before anyone else stepped inside the house."

     Why me?

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