Please Don't Go

CHAPTER 37

Lilliana's POV 

    My wounds were healed, they left scars, but they weren't as deep as the ones Lance had left on my heart. Everything I did reminded me of him. I sat on my bed, holding the button I gave Aiden.

Why didn't you keep it? It wasn't your to give back.

I couldn't shake them leaving, even after a year. It was worse than my parents or Cole dying because I knew they were still alive, somewhere out there in the world. I shut everyone out of my life. I ended up quitting my job. When I tried to go back, a young boy needed a surgery, I broke down crying in the hall because I thought of Aiden. It didn't help that the boy looked similar to him, blue eyes and black hair.

It's not like I needed the money anyways. Between my savings and the money Lance gave me for Aidens surgery, I was set.

I wonder how they are doing. Are they fine without me or do they miss me as much as I miss them? They probably don't miss me, Lance anyways.

I got up off my bed and headed to my closet. There was a small bag on the floor from when they brought my stuff here, I still hadn't opened it. When I came home from the hospital, all of my belongings were here.

I put on a pair of jeans and an overly sized t-shirt. I went downstairs and headed for the kitchen. Nothing sounded good, just the thought of eating wanted to make me vomit. I was about to sit on the couch and watch tv when the door bell rang.

"What?" I muttered. I went to the door and opened it. It was Cecil.

"Hey, um I was wondering if you wanted to do something today?"

"I-I don't know Cecil. Maybe next time?"

"You do this every single time Lily. I ask if you want to do something, you say next time, and here we are. When are you going to stop this?" I sighed and motioned for her to come in.

"Might as well talk inside than out." She walked in and I led her to the family room.

"Lily, you can't hold onto him forever. He left, he's not coming back."

"Don't you think I already know that Cecil? I can't just 'Get over him'. It doesn't work that way."

"And you can't just shut everyone out Lily. You quit your job, you hardly get out anymore, and you've lost so much weight." I tried to cover my arms. "Yeah, don't think for a second I didn't notice it. Lily, you can't keep doing this to yourself. Please, just stop." Tears streamed down my cheeks.

"I've tried Cece. I though it would be easy to let him go. I lost my parents, then Cole, then James, and him. I thought I could let go like I did them, but I can't Ce." I buried my face into my hands. She came and sat next to me.

"Then get out of the house. Let's go have a girls night out tonight. I'll invite some friends. I know you have a few friends you haven't seen in a while, why don't you invite them?" I shook my head.

"I-I don't know Cece. I'm really not up to it."

"Then do you want to talk about it? You never talk about him or what happened to you. It's not good to hold it in."

"I loved him Cece, I loved him so much. I thought he loved me too, but he just left. Right after the worst experience in my life." I sobbed. She patted my back.

"What did you love about him?" I shook my head. I couldn't right now. "Then what about the incident? What happened that night?" I had only told the police the details, I asked that it didn't go public.

"James had men kidnapped us. He put something in my food, on the way home I had to pull over and throw up. That's when they took us. When I woke up, he started hurting Aiden. I begged him to stop. He did and then stabbed me and left. I convinced Aiden to leave, I knew I wouldn't make it out with him. After he was gone, James returned and tortured the hell out of me." I brushed my hand across the scar on my arm. She looked at it.

"How many? How many scars from the incident?"

"Seven. The one on my collarbone and side weren't deep enough to leave very noticeable scars, but they're there." She was silent.

"What do I do Cece? What do I do about him?" She looked at me, I knew what she was going to say before she even said it.

     "You let him go Lily."

     "I'll try."

     But the truth is, I still want him.

    
Lances POV

I sat in my office staring out the window.

"Oi! Wanna go out and party? Maybe bang a few chicks?" Oliver came in, disrupting my peace.

"No Ollie. You know I'm not into that kind of thing." I never was, I sure as hell wasn't now.

"You used to be fun Lance. Back when Lilliana was around, you used to-

"Shut up." I clenched my fist and closed my eyes.

"You never talk about her. You refuse to let Aiden talk about her. Lance, you need to stop this. It's not good for you, Aiden either."

"How can I let him talk about her? He wants me to go back and help her 'regain her memory'. How the hell am I supposed to tell him I lied to him to make it easier to leave?"

"You shouldn't have lied in the first place. You should've just told him you were a coward and that you couldn't handle it. You shouldn't have told him-

"SHUT UP!" I stood up and slammed my fists on the table. "I'm not a coward."

"Then why did you leave?"

"To protect her-

"Don't give me that bullshit Lance. Lilliana was safe with you."

"If she was safe with me, she wouldn't have gotten hurt. She wouldn't have had to endure that pain. And I don't deny anything."

"You left because you felt guilty Lance. You left because you were scared something like this would happen again, only the next time she wouldn't make it out alive. And if you wanted to protect her so bad, leaving was the biggest mistake. You shattered her, who's gonna protect her from herself? That is, if she's still alive." I looked up at him in fear.

"She didn't- shes not?"

"No, she's still alive. I keep tabs on her, since you won't." I scoffed. But inside, I was thanking God.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore Ollie. Letme be."

"You're tearing your family apart Lance. Even I can tell Aiden is drifting away from you. You better figure your shit out, or else your going to loose the one that matters most." He walked out the door.

I sighed and flopped back into my chair. I rubbed my forehead. I thought about Ollies words.

Was I really just trying to protect her, or was it something else?

I thought about all of the happy times between us. The time when Aiden snuck into her room and I went crazy trying to find him. Then he made me stay and we all woke up together. That was awkward.

How when she recovered her memories she asked if we could all eat in her room. She had way too much wine that night and asked if I would stay. She was so warm, her hair smelled like strawberries. I missed that.

     Our first kiss. Her lips felt so right on mine. Her giggles, jokes, everything. I wanted it back. I sighed, trying to hold the tears back.

     I am so damn selfish. I only thought of what I was feeling, not what you were feeling.

     Truth is Lana, I still want you.

   
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