Becoming

Chapter 9

A few weeks have passed since I went to the Women's day brunch to Kevin's Church and we have talking more and more each day. It all started when he asked me to grab coffee one afternoon and that's when he opened up about himself for the first time. He grew up right here in Cape Town and he recently opened a small Electronics business. He is 24 making him two years older than me.

Today is  Saturday and we are currently at a restaurant about 20 minutes from our Complex. "I promise you, you need to try their lamp stew" he tells me. "You know every meal on every menu" I chuckle lightly. "Not my fault that I have a life and love experimenting" he smiles while eyeing me. I hope I'm not imagining things, but he definitely was flirting with me.

"What's your Story Anna?" he stops sipping his drink and looks into my eyes.

"What do you mean?" I fight the urge to not look into his eyes, but they are really beautiful.

"I mean, whenever I ask you certain things about your life you seem to become uncomfortable. I thought we are slowly becoming comfortable with each other " he says.

I made a promise that I am not ready for any romantic relationships, because I'm working on myself and my career. Which is why I shy away when he gets deeps and personal. Kevin is a nice guy and the past couple of weeks he has shown that I can trust him and that he trusts me too. Im just fine with being friends. I need us to just be friends.

Somehow with all this going through my mind, I feel the need to be closer to him. When he talks about his life and his past I feel a strong connection.

"And you're awfully quiet, did I say something wrong?" concern is written all over his face.

"I'm sorry, I'm just... Im trying to move past something before I can fully open up " I regret my last word as soon as I say it.

"I wish you could let me in" he says so low I almost don't hear him. The rest of our Lunch is quiet and so is the ride back to our Apartments. At this point I want to scream. "I know you said you want to just be friends, but I'm failing" he says while his eyes are on the road.

I remain silent, because I know he will continue speaking and on cue he does. "we have hungout for a while and I just want to take you on a proper date. I want to know you Anna. Not just as friends, but on another level" he finally stops speaking.

"I'm sorry, I wish I could give you more than a friendship, but I am not ready for a relationship" I tell him. There is silence, long painful silence. "Alright Anna. I don't want to push you into anything you are not ready for. Please know that I have come to really care about you" he smiles. I can tell I hurt his feelings, but I would rather be honest than to lie and try working on something I'm not ready for.