Becoming

Chapter 11

I have never been a fan of Christmas. Christmas shopping exhausts me. I arrived home lastnight and planned on sleeping the whole day, but my mother was scolding me for not wanting to go shopping with her. During my University days I loved coming home for the festive season, because I could have proper cooked food.

My parents recently became vegans and are trying to get me on the same boat, but I'm just fine with what I eat at the moment. When we arrive at the mall it is loaded, people running all around doing last minute shopping. After eternity we make it back to the house and begin to wrap gifts.

Christmas day

The house is packed with family members from both mom and dad's side. "Stella told us the good news Anna, congratulations!" My Aunt Vivian hugs me. "Thank you" I laugh as she hugs me a little too tightly.

After Christmas lunch I excuse myself to make a quick call. After three rings she  picks up. "Anna?" the woman says. "Hello Mrs Bridge" I wait for her. "What a plesent surprise I haven't heard from you in ages!" I can tell she has a smile on her face. "Is it okay if I stop by later. I don't want to intrude on-" she cuts me off "No, of course not sweety you can come by" she says. "Okay I will see you later Mrs Bridge" and with that I hang up.

I haven't seen Marks Mother since the funeral. Seeing her will be a reminder of Mark and everything I have been trying so hard to forget. I wish I can just talk bout how hurt I still am, but what help will that do. I will be causing myself more pain by opening old wounds.

As I am driving towards Mark's house I realise that not much has changed. I park by the gate and press the intercom, having the gate open a few seconds after. I sit in the car for a few minutes collecting my thoughts... You can do this Anna

Mark's mother is already waiting for me as I exit the car. She walks towards me, hands open and hugs me for what feels like eternity to which I don't mind. "You look beautiful" I tell her. "Oh stop, have you seen yourself" she chuckles. She finally let's me go and her eyes begin to water. "My son was so lucky to have you" she says while she holds both my hands. At that I burst into tears.

At this moment I just cry while she rubs my back. "I'm sor" I fail to complete my words because at this point I'm a mess. "Let it out honey, just cry" she says. I don't know how long we stood there, but it was for a long time. "Can I get you peppermint tea?" she looks at me with a sad smile. I nod unable to speak.

We get in and it pains me that she is alone on Christmas day. "Where is Mr Bridge?" I ask. "We got divorced. Before Mark died we were already going through issues in our marriage" she says and I hear the sadness in her voice. "I'm sorry to hear that" I take the tea from her. "I'm okay sweety. My son is looking over me" she smiles and I can't help but smile with her.

After I have calmed down she finally asks me how life in Cape Town has been and everything about my job. I love seeing her smile as I fill her in on everything that has been happening in my life.

"I know you don't want me to say this, but you deserve happiness and that means moving on from Mark" I can tell she is trying to find the right words.

"You are Young Anna and I know you hate that Mark had to be taken away from you before you even got the chance to really experience life together. He loved you so much and I know he would want you to be happy and find love once again" she finishes.

"I don't think I can ever find a love like his. He completed me" I tell her. "I know sweetheart, but everything happens for a reason. I hate to say it but my son has passed on, you need to let go and live. You need to move on. I am not saying forget him, I'm just saying it's unhealthy to close yourself off and not experience the joy of loving again" she squeezes my hand.

I know I have been too hard on myself, but it's not easy to move on. It's not easy to pretend that something or someone never existed. I know Mark's Mom was right when she said I needed to move on and as I close my eyes to go to sleep I make the decision to go into the New Year with one plan. To make joyful moments.