Deadly as trust

Eight: Jide

"But why?"

I looked up at her.

"What?", I just wanted to be clear on what she was saying.

"Why did you act? You could have just ignored whatever was happening like everyone else."

Because I assured you of your safety, I wanted to say before I realized she couldn't tell it was me. Now I how do I explain?

"Oh that?", I started as I puffed out some air, "First of all, I'm not everybody else and second of all I am concerned with the safety of people especially with those I'm working with. I thought you understood this Miriam."

Calling her name should remind her of our deal, let her know that it was me. She immediately turned to me and met my eyes. I didn't even know that I was looking intently at her, I saw the unmasked fear in her eyes, at least she got the hint.

"Jide? What are you doing here?", she sounded as surprised as she looked.

"It took you long enough."

Before I could say anything else, she hugged me, tightly. I was dazed, not expecting the hug but managed to hug her back.

"I'm scared.", she sobbed.

I didn't say anything, I just rubbed her back. Her sobs increased.

"Shhhh. It's okay. It's fine. Just calm down.", I kept rubbing her back, not knowing what else to do.

"Alright let's just go to a room, for privacy."

Her body tensed and I realized my words could mean something else.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to have sex with you. I just want to talk."

She pulled back and looked at my eyes. I tried to look as sincere as possible to her and used my thumb to wipe her tears.

"Is that okay?"

She sniffed and nodded.

"Okay.", I found myself whispering. Taking a frozen bottle of drink the bartender served to me, I made my way to one of the rooms with her.

~~~

She sat on the bed, silent. She had been silent. I was useless too, I found it harder trying to do what I initially came for.

"You know, this is how it happened that night. I was on this bed and...", she trailed off before looking at me.

"Jide, what if you didn't come?"

She looked at me as I leant on the door I was standing in front of. I didn't say anything, just lowered my head with efforts to avoid eye contact.

"I don't trust you.", I heard her mumble.

"Why?", I said after a while. Not trusting me at this moment did not make any sense, the earlier she realized that, the better.

"You let me come back. They could be anywhere Jide. You let me come back here. What if they kill me?", she held her head in her hands.

"They won't Miriam."

I was trying not to lose my patience. I did not want to believe she was being serious.

"How do you know that? You're not even here, I'm going to die.", her voice was raised now.

I just bent my head and massaged the bridge of my nose. Don't lose it, don't lose it, don't lose it, I tried to calm myself. Not now, not today. She was really just talking out of fear so it would be better if I'd just be patient with her. Who knew talking out of fear made you say stupid things?

"If I wanted to kill you, I'd have done that long before. I was worried about you."

She looked at me, she definitely was not expecting that and so was I. At this point I think I was almost lying.

She grew silent.

I pushed myself off the door and sat beside her.

"I haven't used the phone."

I shrugged, it was expected.

"Let's not think about all those criminals now. How are you doing?"

"Scared. I might actually go crazy before all this ends."

I held her hand in a way to reassure her. "You won't. You just have to pull through."

She looked at my hand on hers and nodded.

"Can you stay for a while? I don't want to go back out there."

I nodded. "Yeah, sure."

She leaned on my body and stayed there. I held her. We stayed like that for a while till I heard her breathing become even before I laid her properly on the bed, covering her with a blanket as well. Then I sat at the edge of the bed.

Dealing with people like her was going to be difficult. I didn't want her to be emotionally attached. There were no emotions that were supposed to come with my job. Or maybe I was the one attached. I was the one growing protective of her.

A vibration from my pocket drew me away from my thoughts. I pulled out my phone to find Jamilah's name on the caller ID. I picked up.

"Jide where have you been?"

"I'm working. Sorry I didn't call to inform you that I'll be coming in late today."

I heard a tired sigh at the other end of the phone.

"Jide you know as well as I do that you don't work on weekends, this is a Saturday. Are you still angry at me?"

Dammit. I forgot what day of the week it was.

"Jamilah, can we not talk about this over the phone. I'll be at home soon enough. I'm in the middle of something."

She didn't say anything and I realized that I had raised my voice.

"I'm sorry, I'll be at home soon."

She hung up and I looked at Miriam sleeping before standing up and leaving. I told one of the officers I had set up there to look out for any threats to guard the room she was presently in. Then I walked out of the night club and into my car.

Jamilah was pacing in the sitting room when I walked in. Immediately she saw me she walked up quickly and hugged me.

"Jide you had me worried when you left the house like that. Are you okay?"

I nodded.

"If it's anything about the quarrel we had earlier today, I'm sorry."

"No, it's not that. Things came up and I had to be somewhere."

She wouldn't understand because I hadn't told her about Miriam yet and I was determined to keep her away from my work as far as possible, for her own safety. My worry now was that Miriam was somebody I couldn't handle. I always did more than I intended doing and I didn't want that.

I didn't want to take responsibility of anybody. The less people I had contact with, the better. I didn't want people getting in trouble because they knew me. I wouldn't forgive myself.

Jamilah searched my eyes for truth and I smiled at her, returning the hug she gave me.

"Can we just go back to sleep, I'm a little tired but I'll make it up with dinner together tomorrow."

She pulled away and smiled. I think it was a yes. She always wanted family time. I'd give it to her to make her happy. That's how close we are.

"Alright, good night.", she said as I began making my way up the stairs.

I returned it and walked up to my room. I took out a bottle of tequila from the bottom of my closet and poured myself a glass. I needed to forget everything, at least for a while, I needed to get drunk.